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Female-Led Relationship in Nero’s Rome!

In honor of Valentine’s Day 2026, here is another story of female dominance in ancient times, free and complete right here, hot on the “heels” (pun intended) of my previous yarn, the bawdy Helen of Troy Gets a Foot Massage. This is a bit more serious. I wrote the first drafts in another unsettling period of history, the year 2001, when I was closer in age to my patrician protagonist, Marcus Livius Proverbius. The female character was originally called Britanna and was inspired by the beautiful Britney Spears who was most beguiling to me back then when I saw her wearing a pink 1960s-style twin-set sweater and pencil skirt on a giant poster in Times Square. Tempis fugit or, as I like to say, tempis fudge it! In any language, time flies. This has never been published before. I think my holding onto it and tinkering with it has benefited the telling. In some ways, I am a different and better writer than I was in 2001. Enjoy it perhaps as femdom roleplay in Roman garb…but a sincere tale, nonetheless, of erotic and emotional love, as well as deep distress, during the tyranny of one of the maddest of the Caesars. Travel back in time with me to witness…
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Femdom fiction by Irv O. Neil 

IN WHAT WE NOW CALL THE YEAR 65 A.D., the Roman emperor Nero was conducting a reign of terror against all those close to him. There had been an assassination conspiracy, and in lunatic retaliation Nero indiscriminately ordered the suicides and executions of even those innocent of any involvement. Marcus Livius Proverbius, a patrician and poet, fell into the deepest despair of all when he learned that his dear friend Seneca, the Stoic philosopher, had been forced to take his own life.

 

The sun shone over a blue sky in Rome. But the generous afternoon light that filled the atrium of Marcus’s house seemed like a jest of the gods. More appropriate to the Eternal City would be a cloud, such as had covered Rome only a year earlier during the Great Fire, for which Nero provided mad accompaniment on the lyre. And at any moment now, Marcus felt that he too could be ordered to open his veins at Caesar’s cackling whim. Marcus was forty-nine years old, and although he supposed he had lived a long enough life, he could not accept the idea of death in the calm manner of Seneca.

 

Looking up from the wax tablet on which he was writing a new epigram, Marcus saw his slavegirl Bridgina enter the room. He wondered if the girl suspected that she had long been his supreme private goddess, his last talisman against the insanity that had enveloped the world.

 

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She was a slave in his house and yet in his mind had long been his own private deity! (Click on the picture to see it full size.)

 

“Master, the cook wishes to know if you want the pheasant this evening.” Her voice had a youthful tone that was charmingly balanced by her serious demeanor.

 

“Ah yes, the pheasant. Certainly, the pheasant.” Marcus could have done with a simple bowl of broth, but if there was pheasant, he was glad of it. It was remarkable how, when he looked upon the honey-colored tresses of this Hibernian girl of twenty-four summers, upon the openness of her face and the gentleness of her smile, that he could fool himself that all was right with the Universe. True, within a moment his whole world could collapse, with the knock of a centurion on his door, bringing orders of doom from Nero; but that moment was not yet here; instead, the warmth of this girl’s presence filled Marcus’s eyes, and was reality enough.

 

Ah, Marcus wanted to forget it all and fall to the floor and kiss Bridgina’s warm small sandaled feet, quiet in their soft tread. He wanted to worship her for the comfort she gave him in his secret mind. He wondered if she could read this in his eyes. 

 

That night he dined alone. Reclining on a couch, he ate and drank sparingly. He ordered the remains of his meal be given to those begging for alms down the road. “In the face of a beggar, we see reflected the vanity of our wealth,” he had once written, “wealth which is but a mask over our misfortune.”

 

Bridgina came into the room to serve him more wine. As usual, she seemed filled with contentment. She smiled at him as she poured. She wore a light blue tunic which came to her knees. Her arms and legs were the most exquisite ivory. She was his property. Although such was not his custom like that of so many masters, he could have summarily taken her if it were his will. But he wanted something else…he did not want to “take” her or anybody…he wanted…he wanted…!

 

“Let me ask you a question, Bridgina. Why is it when the world is going mad, you are still able to smile?”

 

“Why shouldn’t I smile, master? I refuse to give away my happiness to Nero.” Her young bosom rose with passion as she spoke.

 

“And what makes you happy? Living in this house with a gloomy bad poet for a master? Or perhaps you have a fine lover who warms your bed?”

 

All the slaves in his house were used to Marcus’s amusingly frank talk, so Bridgina merely answered casually: “Master, I await the lover who awaits me.” Her bosom rose again as she held the amphora of wine.

 

“You may go back to the kitchen now,” he said, suddenly filled with yearning and sadness. Carrying his goblet of honey-sweetened wine, he walked from the dining room to the atrium. Now reflected in the pool was the crescent moon. He sat down on the edge and looked into the clear water. What lover “awaited” Bridgina? It could not be his aged self. Rather some fierce, handsome gladiator who filled the hearts of slaves and fine ladies alike with dreams? A Thracian or a Gaul, who would scoop her up in sinewed arms for a performance worthy of Priapus? For in what manner did he, Marcus Proverbius, wish to love Bridgina? Over the course of the last two years since he had bought her in the slave market, he had built an altar to her in his mind, and he wished not to express his awe through animalistic thrusts but through kisses of adoration for her beauty, beginning at those feet, those delicate feet.

 

His house had been spared by Fortune during the Great Fire. He wondered if this too were a jest of the gods, to torment him with the thought that another kind of misfortune awaited him–the cruel caprices of Nero. But misfortune awaited all men, did it not? The misfortune which was the inevitability of death, an end to the taste of wine, the warmth of sunlight, the sound of Bridgina’s voice, and the sight of her bare legs under the blue tunics she favored.

 

He was a poor student of the Stoics. Perhaps it was not in his nature to move with imperturbable grace through this world. With all he had inherited from his family, for all the ease and luxury of his life, he was alone. Sometimes he wondered if he would be better as a slave…as a slave to the slavegirl Bridgina. Hadn’t he once written–

 

“The aristocrat who envies the servant is a curious creature,

Yet wealth has many forms that even the slave may possess.”

 

Suddenly there was a commotion in the front of the house. Moments later, Bridgina hurried into the atrium.

 

“Master, word has come that Gaius Claudius Publicus has committed suicide at the Emperor’s command!” 

 

Alas! Another friend lost to the blood cravings of a fiend! Bridgina was not smiling now. She had always enjoyed the droll Publicus, who brought a sly wit into Marcus’s house that entertained patrician and slave alike.

 

“Farewell, Gaius…” whispered Marcus. In the reflected moonlight that filled the atrium with shimmering curtains of shadow, suddenly Bridgina seemed to Marcus like the last hope in all the fearful world. He had to reach out for this hope! He gathered his toga as if to fortify his person for whatever foolishness might come of his next words.

 

“Bridgina, the lover who awaits you is–myself.”

 

“Master, did you not hear what I just said?”

 

“Yes, Gaius is dead! Once here, now departed. Oh Bridgina, ‘We are but dreams made flesh, returned to dreams forever through the poison of a purple serpent!’ The serpent is the debauched monster Nero, clothed in the raiments of a Caesar! If only I could express myself as I had hoped to in my youth, Bridgina, in my youth! That has not come to pass…but unlike Seneca or Gaius, I am at least still alive! And I live for you!” He fell onto the tiles before her, and looked up at her eyes. “And perhaps the only great poem of my life will be the lines I breathe in devotion to you, oh my goddess Bridgina!”

 

“Master…” Her blue eyes were wide under her dark, long lashes.

 

They were before him now, her feet, in the thin straps of the leather sandals, and he moved his face downwards to kiss. There was wailing in other rooms from the slaves, as Gaius Publicus had been well-loved by all and the news struck deep. But as the other servants came into the atrium, they found their master prostrate on the floor, his face pressed against Bridgina’s arches.

She stood motionless, looking down at him, then turned her face to the other slaves. With a quick movement of her head, she indicated they should leave the room. Then she looked down at Marcus.

 

“Master…”

 

He held her ankles in his fingers and kissed her insteps and toes. “Goddess Bridgina, do not forsake me!”

 

“Master, I am not a goddess.”

 

“But you are,” he said, whispering against her heels. “You have been sent here to protect me. You are greater than Diana herself! You need no arrows or hound to stride the world of men, but only your sweetness, your quiet beauty!” And he kissed her feet with abandon now, his lips moving from toe to toe.

 

He would make her his queen. Enough of his poetic career! He would become solely her acolyte!

 

Suddenly he got up on his knees. “May I, Bridgina,” he said, looking into her face, “may I see you in your elegant nakedness?” Then he watched her contemplate him and wondered what thoughts spun through her head.

 

“Here, master? Now?”

 

“Yes! You are beyond modesty, oh great nymph!”

 

She bit her lower lip, then began to nod as her eyes filled with what he knew was understanding. Indeed, he had purchased her as much for her quick wit and native intelligence as for her beauty! “Yes,” she finally said. “You may see me naked.”

 

Marcus noted that for the first time, ever, she had just left off the salutation “master” in addressing him.

 

She undid the belt around the waist of her tunic and then gracefully shrugged her shoulders out. As the garment slid towards the floor, Marcus caught it in his hands and gently helped her step out. Then he pressed the blue fabric to his face to inhale the aroma of her body, before he raised his eyes to behold her nudity. His gaze moved with awe over the suppleness of her form, from her high ivory breasts with the coin-like nipples to the sleek tautness of her belly to the small patch of abundant blonde curls that concealed the divine treasure at the juncture of her thighs.

 

“You are the Sweet Young Mother of the Universe,” he whispered. “Greater than Juno, Venus, Astarte, Hecate, or all the rest! And do not think me mad!” He took her right hand and kissed it, then began to suck on her thumb. She stared at him in disbelief, then began to softly laugh. He didn’t stop sucking, however. If she laughed, so be it! She was a goddess and could do as she willed. She’d know if he deserved laughter! But as the seriousness of his passion became clear to her, she turned quiet again. He reached beneath his toga to grasp his member.

 

He did not speak more, because he was still on his knees sucking her thumb. At the same time, he silently stroked his shaft. He felt content for the first time in many months…nay, years! She watched him, running her free hand through her hair and down across her breasts, and her nipples were stiffening into dart-like points.

 

He stared at her breasts as he sucked her thumb, and as if she could see into his thoughts she led him over to the edge of the pool, where she sat down so that her bosom was level with his face. Taking her hand from his mouth, she said, “Remove your garment, Marcus Livius…Lost Son of the Universe!” Still on his knees, he undid the toga until it massed on the floor in a heap. His body was pudgy, but looked like that of a forest satyr’s bathed in the moonlight that descended upon them. His erect phallus leaked its fulsome elixir.

 

“Come to me,” Bridgina said, and edged him closer so that he could take her right nipple in his mouth. 

 

Marcus latched onto her hungrily, feeling the texture and strength of the motherly nub, one hand stroking her breasts while his other grasped his shaft. He sucked hard and long, moaning and sighing in the deep of his throat.

 

Bridgina caressed his gray, thinning hair, letting her fingers move down to his chin to feel the rough stubble that sprang to his face in the night hours. He knew he was acting like a mere babe with her, throwing his patrician dignity at her feet, but it didn’t matter, did it, when they were living in the last days of the world? Or of his world, his life? For when indeed would Nero send the order of suicide to Marcus Livius Proverbius, devoted friend of the recently purged “traitors” Seneca and Gaius Publicus?

 

Greedy, desperate, without asking, Marcus moved his lips to her other breast. But startlingly, Bridgina pushed him back.

 

“If I am the Sweet Young Mother of the Universe, Marcus Livius, you must take only when I give to you.” All spoken in her girlish voice with serious eyes. 

 

“Yes, Bridgina.”

 

“Yes, Sweet Young Mother Bridgina,” she corrected.

 

“Yes, Sweet Young Mother Bridgina.”

 

“Then if you understand, you may suck. But gently.” And she gave him her other nipple.

 

Marcus fell upon the exquisite nugget, all the while stroking himself. It was as if Time ceased to exist and the whole Universe had collapsed into their two bodies under the moon. There was an aroma of the kitchen about her body and on her hands, of spices and honey and wine, and it mingled with her girlish sweat and produced what he knew was the unique perfume of a singular deity. He looked down for a moment, her left nipple still in his mouth, and then saw her feet cross in a most lovely feminine ease at the ankles. The goddess at her leisure, nursing her charge, crossing her slender smooth ankles and wiggling her plump, delicate toes! An image worthy of a new poem! But would he ever write again? Enraptured by her warmth, almost crying in his happiness, he began to spurt instead. White and thick, the potion sprayed from the head of his shaft.

 

“Gentle Lost Son of the Universe,” she whispered, holding his face to her breasts as he moaned and twitched uncontrollably, “you are eager like a lad, not a man.”

 

His hand was drenched in his spendings. She reached down and brought his sticky palm to his face and said, “You must eat it, Marcus Livius. Put it back inside so that you will have the strength to please your Sweet Young Mother Bridgina further.”

 

He had never before heard words like this from a woman. He began to lap at his palm while she stared and smiled at him. The courtesans of his youth and manhood were unimaginative compared to her! He suddenly felt proud and hoped that it was he who had set off this spark of Dionysian genius within Bridgina, this slavegirl whom he had revealed to herself as a goddess! But then he realized too that he knew so little about her. Had never asked enough questions. What had her life been like before she came to his house? What travails, or ecstasies, had she experienced? What gambols or graspings? Was she as innocent as he liked to think? As pure, as divine? No, no, it was too much to contemplate…maybe, simply, she’d had inklings herself, before knowing Marcus, that she was a goddess…

 

“How shall I please you then, Sweet Young Mother?”

 

Bridgina looked down at him for a moment with an expression he had never seen from her before: pity, as if she were surprised that he did not already know what would please her most. And her pity excited him. She spread open her thighs to reveal the core of her beauteous body, petals moistened by the dampness of excitement. She took him by the head. “To your task now, my eager lost lad.”

 

There was no sound but the intense licking and sucking of his mouth as he absorbed the vibrant heat of her sacred opening, which gushed with delectable wetness. As he lapped, he looked at her face, calm in the moonlight, bemused at his readiness, and then finally aroused at his skill. Indeed, more than one courtesan had complimented him on his tongue. But it had never found such a worthy destination as Bridgina!

 

He found the shiny pink pearl of her womanhood, and polished it to a heated alertness that made her finally clutch his head between her thighs. “Marcus…MARCUS LIVIUS!!” She groaned out her passion. Consorting thus with a celestial nymph, Marcus had become fully hard again too. It did not escape her attention. When she calmed down from her quaking, she smiled and then stood up. Her inner thighs dripping with moisture, she turned and pressed her bare buttocks to his face for the first time. “These too are worthy of your adoration, Lost Son of the Universe. Kiss them!”

 

His whole spirit rushed to her backside, not just his face. Soon he was savoring the firm smooth surface, feeling the celestial curves leading to the drenched crevice. Reaching behind, she pulled her cheeks apart to reveal the last unseen place.

 

“Lick it!” she cried.

 

And to her nether hole he plunged with his tongue, his nose catching the pungent fragrances which would have put all the perfumes of Messalina and Cleopatra to shame. This was the door to the darkest chamber of her body, and it was overwhelming to be so close to it! Here he was now, a slave to a slavegirl, a patrician undone! The world itself was undone! Such was the madness in the days of Nero! Yet he would be rescued–by his love for Bridgina!

 

“Sweet Young Mother Bridgina,” he gasped, “I love you beyond all love!” His face slid from her buttocks to her thighs to her calves to her feet, leaving a trail of saliva all the way down. And with his mouth pressed again to her toes, he spurted once more, this time over the tiles of the moonlit atrium.

 

“What darkness finally departs for he who voices

His urgent yearning for a safe place to sleep!” 

 

This epigram, a recent one, went through his mind as he came back to his senses, or what he deemed was left of them. He was on the floor at Bridgina’s feet. Yes, at last he had found a safe place to sleep…at her feet, even on these tiles. She sat herself down once again on the edge of the pool, then said, “And what shall we do now, Marcus Livius Proverbius?”

 

“You are the Sweet Young Mother of the Universe,” he whispered against her toes. “You must decide.”

 

And so it came to pass that Marcus Livius, in the year now known as 65 A.D., became a servant to a slavegirl in his own household, a most unsettling spectacle to the court of Nero. She was still formally his slave–to free her legally would have brought too much controversy and dangerous scrutiny–but in all other respects she was now his master, and master of the household too. The situation was viewed both with tolerant amusement and conservative alarm by the other patricians as an eccentric expression of the mind and sensibility of Marcus Livius Proverbius, whose writings had never been held in too much esteem with all their imitative aspirations to high literary quality. 

 

Marcus encouraged the slaves to serve Bridgina as he now would. Bridgina became supreme mistress of his estate and finances, and of his very mind and body, and when she wasn’t working hard supervising things, or reading and writing poetry of her own–she had never before revealed to him such interests!–she was most enchantingly seen sitting contemplatively in the atrium, playing with a favorite kitten.

 

Nero branded all this, of course, in his typically dramatic manner, as a tragedy worthy of Homer, and decided that the gods themselves had punished Marcus with this bizarre obsessive folly more thoroughly than Nero himself ever could, in the event of whatever treason might be uncovered by his functionaries…

 

And thus did the patrician and poet Marcus Livius Proverbius survive the reign of Rome’s maddest emperor, living as a happy and obedient acolyte to the Goddess Bridgina, the Sweet Young Mother of His Universe, until his natural death twenty years later at the age of sixty-nine.

 

THE END 

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ADORATION OF THE SLAVEGIRL ©2026 Irv O. Neil

The illustration was created using the A.I. program on my stock photography account at depositphotos.com.

If you enjoyed this tale, visit my Amazon page for more of my femdom fiction in my Erotic Library, and “slice of life” psychological stories in my Specialty Library. Especially if you like historical erotica, check out the exciting novella Spoilt Princess Grace Meets Blackbeard the Pirate, inspired by a real life modern Irish dominatrix! All are available as Kindle ebooks which can be read on phones, tablets, computers, and of course e-readers. Just click here. And do peruse this blog for lots more information about all these stories.

Thanks as always for browsing and reading Erotica Is My Trade!

 

And P.S.! Please feel free to leave comments after you read this or any of my posts. You can easily leave them anonymously if you wish. Thanks in advance!~~Irv 

 

 

 

 
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Posted by on February 13, 2026 in Amazon.com, ebooks, erotic poetry, Erotica, Kindle

 

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HELEN OF TROY GETS A FOOT MASSAGE

HELEN OF TROY GETS A FOOT MASSAGE

To take a break from the seriousness of my new “slice of life” novel, The Man Who Reclaimed His Virginity (just scroll down to see all the recent posts about it) I want to share a more light-hearted tale, complete and free right here on this blog for you to enjoy!

HELEN OF TROY GETS A FOOT MASSAGE

I actually wrote this story in 2005, near the time the Brat Pitt movie Troy came out. I’ve long loved sword-and-sandal cinema…

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This excellent book is readily found online, and in an updated edition too. But I love this earlier cover.

 

…and I have been fiddling around for years with a few other erotic tales along these lines. This is the first I’m publishing of that batch. The story was essentially finished 20 years ago, but it took me 21 years to come up with a title I liked! As well as the perfect name for my hero…

DOOFINOCLES, Troy’s Wizard of Feet!

This story is dedicated to three people:

My friend Spoilt Princess Grace, mischievous, playful, inventive, a videomaker and professional dominatrix who does some of the best roleplay in femdom clips today…and this story is definitely in the femdom roleplay mode! She inspired my 2023 novella Spoilt Princess Grace Meets Blackbeard the Pirate, which you can read about here

My good buddy DK, from whom I commissioned, as an editor, a short story for CHEEKS magazine a quarter century ago entitled Assmasters of the Acropolis, in which he spun a comic-erotic yarn of matchless humor about one sly fellow named Baxocles who helped supervise the butt beauty contests of ancient Greece with his pal Neilogus…

And finally, this is dedicated to the memory of Shemp Howard of The Three Stooges. It was during the pandemic years 2020-2022, long after I had actually written this story, that I became a big Shemp fan, laying low in those lockdown days but brightening my mood by watching his antics every Saturday night on Me-TV, and ultimately realizing that despite the fact I loved Curly, Shemp had become my favorite stooge with his incomparable way with a quip, comical cowardice (not to mention his boxing footwork), and his inimitable chemistry with the great Christine McIntyre in all those short comedies. “You’re not Cousin Basil???” SLAP! (Stooge fans will know what I’m referring to.) Ah, Shemp, my lad, you would have been the perfect person to play Doofinocles in a film version of his adventures! 😉

I understand there is a recent bio of Shemp too, which I want to read. 

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A very funny man, and a fine actor.

 

And so now, without further ado… (cue the flourish of trumpets!)

 

HELEN OF TROY GETS A FOOT MASSAGE

Co-STARRING DOOFINOCLES, THE WIZARD OF FEET!

Erotic fiction by Irv O. Neil

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Helen in her chambers, attended to by Doofinocles while the mighty warrior Hector observes. Click on the photo to see it in the full spectacular size worthy of its subject!

 

 

Return with us to a scene over three thousand years ago…

 

Helen, the Queen of Sparta in ancient Greece, had run off with Paris, the handsome prince of the faraway city of Troy. The warriors of all Greece had united to cross the Aegean Sea and attack until Helen was returned to her husband. But by the time the siege had been going on for five years, Helen’s love for Paris had ended. No longer dazzled by his good looks, she saw him for what he was: vain, and a coward in battle. In fact, Helen now had eyes for Hector, the valiant warrior brother of Paris, but Hector was happily married.

 

Thus conflicted, Helen, late of Sparta, now of Troy, fell into a whirlpool of gloom. She did not want to return to her husband, King Menelaus, because she guessed that the Greeks would still destroy Troy anyway–and she had come to love and respect the Trojans insofar as she was capable of such emotions. For Helen was rather vain herself; plain old Menelaus hadn’t been good enough for her, and she’d felt compelled to run off with Paris and savor his bronzed body and huge spurting phallus. After all, she’d always told herself, didn’t somebody of her great beauty deserve an equally beautiful man?

 

One day Hector suggested that Helen seek the counsel of Doofinocles, a wizard of Troy. “It is said he has great powers to heal the wounded heart, the tormented soul. Shall I bring him to your chambers?”

 

“What can he do for me, Hector? Alas, I have been the cause of a terrible war that has gone beyond all our control. Furthermore my loins are dry since I will no longer allow your brother entrance to my portals. He shames me, standing apart from the fray of battle, shooting his arrows from afar but never swinging a sword man-to-man! What did I ever see in him, Hector?”

 

“We all make mistakes, dear lady! Some would say even the gods do; were it not so, my brother Paris would have been blessed with wisdom and prudence as well as good looks. But let me fetch this wizard, as he may prescribe a potion to lift your spirits.”

 

“Bring him then forthwith, noble Hector.”

 

One hour later, Hector returned with Doofinocles, a round-shoulder old man with thinning gray hair, whose paunch could not be hidden by his ragged robe. It was said that he was too absorbed in his magic to attend to his attire. One look at Helen, and Doofinocles’ gaze lit up with the vigor and magnificent expectations of the youthfulness he had long left behind.

 

The proper introductions were made.

 

“I have only glimpsed you from a distance as you stood on the promenade of the palace, great Helen,” said Doofinocles. “The reports of your beauty were inadequately phrased, but then, how many among us are true poets? But, gracious lady, I was looking into the future just the other day, and rest assured that only a few generations from now a poet shall be born who shall capture the essence of your loveliness in words that shall sing unto eternity! His name shall be Maeonides, also known as Homer. Furthermore,” he paused, catching his breath, “according to other visions I have been blessed with, one day you shall be the subject of a dramatic pageant that shall gross, on its opening weekend, 40-plus millions of what shall be called American dollars.”

 

Helen looked worriedly at Hector. “What in the name of Athena is this poor man raving about?”

 

“He sees into the future,” said Hector, “and of nations to come.”

 

“One land shall be called Hollywood,” murmured Doofinocles.

 

“Enough, you old bachelor!” laughed Hector. “Helen is lost in melancholy thanks to this endless war and the foolishness of her choices in love. Have you a libation which can brighten her brow?” As Hector spoke, he stood with noble bearing at Helen’s side, his hand on the hilt of his sword. Glancing up at him, Helen wished again she could steal Hector from his wife. She thought that this, and only this, would really make her feel better. But no, she reminded herself, she knew she’d already caused enough trouble with Paris. Still, would she ever know ecstasy again?

 

Doofinocles looked down for a moment at Helen’s feet, which peeked out of the hem of her royal gown. Yes, as he had hoped, she had gloriously beautiful feet worthy of her reputation! Doofinocles was drawn to the more unusual forms of female appreciation. He found satisfaction through the manipulation of his organ during visions of foot and leg admiration, or in the actual practice of such admiration during encounters with some of the looser women of Troy. But now here before him were the feet of Helen, beauty of beauties, feet that were as exquisite as her face and overall form!

 

Although dedicated to his craft as a wizard and part-time prophet, and mindful that he had better come up with something to help this unhappy lady’s mood (and Hector looked a bit testy himself), Doofinocles also wanted to savor those toes. And, if possible, the ankles and calves above them. With the intelligence that had enabled him to make a modest but acceptable livelihood as a wizard and counselor to various Trojan citizens, both high and low, he quickly conceived of a plan that would help Helen but at the same time give himself a pleasure the gods themselves might envy.

 

“My lady Helen,” he began, “had I a libation to cure your vexation, I would pour it dutifully without hesitation! But no such draught exists in this primitive age of human wizardry. Yes, I say, primitive! I have no illusions. I have looked into the future and seen–Valium, Lithium, Prozac and Xanax!”

 

“You speak of warriors?” said Hector.

 

“Nay, but rather magical substances to quell the shudders of the soul! I have no way to obtain their formulas, mighty Hector, and I suffer the futility of a man who knows the great wonders of the future but cannot obtain or share them with his people. But there is another art, refined in this our own time, to which I am privy, and this shall soothe the turbulent pitch of Helen’s blood!”

 

“Then get on with it, man,” said Hector, clenching the hilt of his sword more tightly.

 

“With dispatch, my lord!” Kneeling in front of Helen, Doofinocles asked, “Would the lady extend her right foot onto my lap?”

 

“What knavery is this?” snapped Hector, and now his sword was drawn. 

 

“Sheath your weapon, and let him continue,” said Helen, placing her foot onto Doofinocles’ lap. The sole of her golden-laced sandal made contact with his sturdy maleness which, since he had kneeled, had grown to full length under the inadequate concealment of his robe.

 

“Allow me to disburse you of these sandals, my lady. It is through the naked foot that I will do battle with the despondency that courses through your flesh.” When she nodded, he removed her sandals.

 

“You came highly recommended, bachelor,” said Hector, “but I am having my doubts now.”

 

“I must have peace, great Hector, in order to perform these healing rituals.”

 

“Peace, wizard? There has been no peace in Troy for five years!”

 

“Hector, please!” said Helen. “Perhaps it would be better if you waited outside my chambers.”

 

“You want to be alone with this knave?””

 

Doofinocles stood up. “I have no weapon.”

 

Hector looked below the waist of Doofinocles’ robe, where there was a tenting. “No weapon, hah! Sly stale bachelor, you sport the oldest weapon of all!”

 

“Oh, this? Mine is not like those of other men. This is my Rod of Cleansing.”

 

Hector unsheathed his blade again and brought the tip to Doofinocles’ throat. “What riddle spews from your lips, magician? Would you attempt to defile a princess of Troy with your word-tricks?”

 

“I thought she was Queen of Sparta,” said Doofinocles.

 

“Impudent dog!”

 

“No, wizard, they have made me a princess here,” said Helen. “This is now my home.” Tears gleamed in her eyes. “All is woe for Helen of Troy! The princess who now loathes her prince!”

 

“Then the rumors are true?” asked Doofinocles. “You are finished with Paris?”

 

“He is a fool! I despise him!”

 

Doofinocles dropped to his knees again. “Then extend your foot now, my lady! This is the perfect time to commence my ministrations, when the blood is boiling with congealed hate! I shall make it flow out, irrigating the clogged channels of your being!”

 

Hector stared with ill-natured puzzlement, as Helen lifted her naked foot towards the wizard again. This time Doofinocles brought it close to his lips, inhaling the clean fragrance which was only lightly mixed with a fruit-scented perfume. Her toes were wonderfully well-formed, and adorned with a light pink paint on the nails that perfectly complemented her blondeness. “Now I must proceed without delay,” Doofinocles said. “Through my kisses I shall absorb into my mouth and body the awfulness that assails your heart!”

 

Hector stood by slack-jawed, sword at his side, as Doofinocles kissed every last inch of Helen’s right foot, lingering on each smaller toe and then sucking for a prolonged moment on the big one. Then he did likewise to the flawlessness of her left foot, caressing her bare sole with his fingertips as it flexed with the curling and pointing of her toes under his salivating worship.

 

“You drool like a hound on me, magician!” snapped Helen, haughtiness overcoming her melancholy. “How can this cure me?”

 

Doofinocles lifted his face from her left foot. Indeed, strings of slobber shimmered on his beard, and his eyes had a glazed happiness that looked more like that of a village dolt than a scholar of the refined spiritual healing arts. Nonetheless, he said, “It is not my spit, dear lady, but the clear, extracted fluid that carries your despair through every province of your lovely body! It weeps through your pores into my lips, and I suck it out to cleanse your soul, much as one would draw out the venom from a snake-bite!” And with that, he lifted both of her feet, pressed their soles against each other, and jammed his mouth with as many of her toes he could get past his scraggly teeth and gray whiskers.

 

Helen stared, appalled, almost as if this were happening to somebody else’s feet. Yet, her gloom over Paris and the war was so great that she did not extract her feet from the hands and lips of this curious philosopher; for who knew? Perhaps a difficult cure could only be accomplished by unusual means.

 

Doofinocles abandoned his crouch and simply slumped his backside down onto the floor of Helen’s chamber. As he sucked her toes, he let his fingers drift upwards. He hoped he could conceal his ecstasy, because from her delicious toes to her slender ankles to the shapely lines of her calves and thighs, this was indeed a woman who could launch a thousand licks! Helen! Helen! He, Doofinocles, was sucking the feet of the Spartan queen whose beauty was so overwhelming that she had actually been forgiven by the Trojans for provoking this endless war!

 

Hector was still skeptical. He nudged Helen as he pointed at Doofinocles’ crotch. “Look at his so-called ‘Rod of Cleansing’ now,” he grunted. “Wetting the front of his robe with what he would no doubt call his ‘Elixir of Truth.’ Right, bachelor?”

 

“Mmmffffhhhhmmm,” said Doofinocles, sucking Helen’s feet as hard as he could, putting on a good show of magical healing as well as enjoying the greatest moment of his sensual life. He kept repeating to himself, in his mind, because it made his shaft harder: Helen’s feet, in Doofinocles’ mouth! In Doofinocles’ mouth, Helen’s feet! 

 

“Now, my lady!” he finally said, when he removed her toes from his lips, but not without giving each of her soles a few last long licks. “The moment of truth has arrived! I shall absorb all your sadness into my Rod of Cleansing! In my Rod, no secrets are concealed, and all your pain shall be congealed! I shall receive your despair, and disperse it through the spray of my shaft!”

 

And with those words, he pulled up the hem of his ragged robe to reveal his throbbing, leaking phallus, which he placed between Helen’s feet, enclosing his veiny length with her soles, and moving them up and down and up and down rapidly until–until–

 

He was almost there, and then he got a prize beyond all expectations. He wondered if Hector saw it too. A strange glitter awoke in Helen’s eyes as her skepticism vanished–it was a light she could not control–a gleaming that surprised her–as she clearly felt an urge rapidly flowering in her body, an urge that exploded like a volcano at the same time his did!

 

Doofinocles came!

 

And so did Helen!!

 

“By all the gods!” cried Hector, staring at these two as they suddenly shook and twitched, connected only by Helen’s feet wrapped around Doofinocles’ rod.

 

The wizard looked down, to see his cream shimmering and sliding down the slopes and valleys of Helen’s toes and insteps and heels. Some of it had even shot up high to her calves, and leaked all over her ankles. And there was a huge wet spot in the center of Helen’s gown, too, right over her womanly portals. She had poured out her own juices in uncontrolled ecstasy!!

 

Helen, how do you feel?” said Hector, leaning over her chair.

 

“I feel…” She shook her blonde tresses, as if to put the pieces of her brain back in their proper places. “I feel…better.”

 

“By the gods!” exulted Doofinocles, although he did not much believe in them anymore, but only addressed them from the force of childhood habit. “I have triumphed!”

 

“Triumphed, wizard?” shouted Hector, drawing his sword again. “Crafty bachelor! What do you mean by ‘triumphed’?”

 

“Triumphed against the forces of melancholy that plagued our exquisite lady!” said Doofinocles, standing up and letting his robe fall down as far as it could go on his legs. He saw that he’d leaked some of his spendings on the hem; oh well, he’d ask one of the tarts he was friendly with in the brothel quarter to launder it in exchange for telling her fortune.

 

“Hector, do not chide this scholar,” said Helen. “I…I feel much relieved. Indeed, perhaps I should have a weekly treatment from wise Doofinocles.”

 

“You are jesting, Spartan wench!”

 

“You call me ‘wench’?? And I thought you liked me, Hector!”

 

“Nay, it is but wearisome pretense! You have brought nothing but ruin upon Troy!”

 

“Well, if that’s the way you really feel, hypocrite, then I’m going to need as much help as I can get! Wizard, talk to my handmaiden and tell her when you can next appear to soothe my aching heart! She shall inscribe the date for my remembrance, and I shall receive you at the appointed hour!”

 

“Done, my lady!” said Doofinocles, even as his shaft began to stir again in happy anticipation. “So it shall be written, so it shall be done!” But he didn’t tell her that he’d gotten that last snappy phrase from his prophetic vision of a future Hollywood pageant called The Ten Commandments!

 

THE END!

 


HELEN OF TROY GETS A FOOT MASSAGE ©2026 Irv O. Neil

The illustration was created using the A.I. program on my stock photography account at depositphotos.com. 

 
 

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It’s one challenge to write a novel, and another to reach its audience

It’s one challenge to write a novel, and another to reach its audience

An unusual novel like The Man Who Reclaimed His Virginity is not easy to promote. It’s what I call a “slice of life” story, or psychological fiction; it’s not a genre story or erotica (although Amazon listed it as erotica as well as “contemporary romance” on the site). I dislike the term “literary fiction” because it’s always sounded pretentious to me. A story is a story is a story! 

Basically what I try to do in any of my tales is to give the reader a vivid experience, something that seems real. That’s my basic goal. “Slice of life” seems closest to that. Even my femdom erotica ebooks are written in such a way that they’re realistic enough to qualify as slices of life, too. 

For the new book, I’ve tried a couple of video promos on Twitter/X in a low-key, slightly humorous style, but they don’t seem to have made much of an impression. If you’re on that platform, you can find them at my timeline here and here

Meantime, I got the first review of the book on Amazon recently, a nice one.

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I guess I’ll figure out how to promote this as time goes on. For the moment I just want to express my fervent wish that people will read it. I know a novel (even a short one of 142 pages) represents an investment of at least a couple of hours of time (not to mention $4.99 for the Kindle copy) so I don’t pester people in person to “read it, read it!” I’m simply saying it here on my blog.

I just want people to come to the novel when something about it grabs them. So give it an opportunity to grab you. One of its themes is “maybe you have to be a little mad to stay sane these days,” something my protagonist, Julius Caesar Klein, says at one point to rationalize his weird frame of mind about sex, love, his kinky fantasies about the mysterious actress Margaret Emilia Bortwell, and more. I think a lot of people can relate to this theme. Maybe I had to be a little mad to write a book with this title, hmm? 

Read the book and learn what the unique phrase “contemplating the obvious” means. 

Learn what life is like when you go through it with an unusual name like Julius Caesar Klein!

See what buttons twentysomething Margaret pushes to get seventysomething Julius to comply with her wishes in their unusual May-December relationship; see her get him to sell his prized vintage paperback book collection, so he can help out with her pressing need for cash as an aspiring performer in the cutthroat world of New York City’s Off-Off-Broadway theater scene.

See how she uses his revelation of his “I’m a virgin again” fantasy to her cruel advantage!

So check out the free sample at the Amazon store here (or at the store in your country) and feel The Man Who Reclaimed His Virginity capture your imagination!

And start out the new year of 2026 with something decidedly different and definitely entertaining.  

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A dramatic title for a passionate novel!

A dramatic title for a passionate novel!

Nobody names a novel The Man Who Reclaimed His Virginity and then hopes to hide its dramatic light under a bushel! Yes, it is a pulp-style title, in the old “sensationalist” manner, and yet it is  accurate. It is both bravura yet totally descriptive.

In his review of my “slice of life” story Mugged by Love, the superb novelist Jay Cameron Parker said: “His writing is sharp and engaging. Sometimes subtle and sometimes raw.” (See that review here.) Well, despite its aura of theatricality, my new novel The Man Who Reclaimed His Virginity has both subtlety and rawness in both title and tale.

It is, among various things, a story of how too much solitude can shape a person’s thoughts and affect his actions.

It is difficult, especially to a generally self-effacing person like I am, to trumpet one’s own work. I sometimes feel I might sound like a purveyor of patent medicines in an old western or something, but these days “getting the word out” is a necessary task in the life of a self-publisher–otherwise his or her work will vanish in the ocean of digital ink.

I especially hope my noir fiction and crime literature friends online will take a look at this short novel (142 pages) on Kindle, as well as peruse my various flash fiction pieces here. I’m following my own path in noir storytelling, more in the manner of the “noir without crime” template of the novels of Alfred Hayes such as My Face for the World to See, In Love, and The End of Me. These are dark stories about the realm of intimate emotions rather than acts of dangerous criminality. Image

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These are the New York Review Books editions of Hayes’ memorable short novels.

Georges Simenon himself, in one of his standalone “romans dur” or “hard novels” did a noir tale without, as I recall, an actual crime in it: The Nightclub. (He also did a memorable nightclub-set mystery with Inspector Maigret known in the U.S. as Maigret and the Strangled Stripper and in Europe as Maigret at Picratt’s (the name of the nightclub).

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This is the 1979 Harcourt Brace Jovanovich edition.

A friend of mine, a cardiologist by trade, said that my “slice of life” psychological stories are all about rejection, which on reflection I thought was an interesting and valid diagnosis of which I was not completely aware, except already in knowing that “rejection” was certainly one of many different themes I tackle. Well, doesn’t rejection often feel like Fitzgerald’s “3 a.m. of the soul”? As F. Scott put it: “In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o’clock in the morning, day after day.” Isn’t that a frequent emotion in classic noir fiction and film?

Although I’ve made my living in erotica/porn/smut business (pick your fave term for it), and sometimes my psychological stories touch on erotic situations, pieces such as When A Woman Scowls, The Night I Got Off Easy, When She Became Real and Do You Remember Me, Lily? are not porn tales. In fact, with the publication of The Man Who Reclaimed His Virginity, available on Kindle, I have basically completed a 250-300 page volume of these “slice of life” stories. I may assemble them as a collection, to have them all together.

Here is an interesting angle on the novel. Originally I wrote its storyline as a flash fiction piece, which I did not publish because I decided it might make the basis for a good longer tale. But here it is now, in the original flash fiction form. Klein is called “Jenkins” in this early version; Margaret’s name is the same though, but originally envisioned as a warm-hearted blonde instead of the auburn-tressed manipulative amazon, Margaret Emilia Bortwell, that she becomes in the novel…

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I developed the blonde for the novel as the sweet-natured antithesis of Margaret and called her Venus Marie, but her character was not part of the original story.

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So here is the form in which the novel began:

______________________________________________

ON HER TERMS

Flash fiction by Irv O. Neil 

Jenkins felt like a speck on the busy road map of Margaret’s life, but her occasional friendliness to him sometimes made him feel like more; and this both elated and confused him. He was much older than she was and it wasn’t a question of him wanting, hoping, or expecting any kind of romantic relationship; but he wanted to know her better as a friend, if possible. She had been in a play in a small theater in lower Manhattan and he’d written a good review in one of the free local papers, and this led to an interview where he tried to give a boost to her as-yet fledgling career. He couldn’t deny to himself that he had sexual fantasies about her but he kept them to himself; the old goat mode did not appeal to him, however the yearning might persist. So, friendship was the aim. The irony was that if he had met someone like her when he was much younger, she probably wouldn’t have given him much of a tumble; a talented beauty like Margaret had many better options; but as an old man, a good knowledgeable writer and a spry enough seventy–someone recently at the website where he freelanced had said his gait was “youthful,” which pleased him–Jenkins offered her a few attractions that were palatable. 

How long would it take before her talent found the proper role, the astute producer, the best playwright? He’d known her for two years mostly from a distance, even though they lived in the same neighborhood; and he posted helpful things on social media about her and wrote online and print reviews of her latest appearances. He could see over those two years the progression of her skills and beauty and confidence, and could not help but wonder when his friendship would become superfluous to her, like a once-favorite song that now seemed tiresome.

It made him sad, and frightened, to think of this young woman who preoccupied his thoughts so much, but whose life was so rich with possibilities and events, unlike his own. How much attention could she possibly and realistically bestow upon him heading into the future? Not very much, he feared. He had that speck-like feeling again.

How many years on earth could he have left to know her? Oh how he wished he could live another forty years, just to see what she would be like then! But would her interest in him wane before his life did? He was startled by how much the couple of times they’d met for coffee, and the three shows and two films he had seen her in, and the one time he had interviewed her for a site, had so filled his consciousness with her image, voice, beauty, and especially her rich and distinctive laugh, which he imagined perfectly suited to any number of wonderful roles. Time was capricious, he knew, and he hoped his happiness wouldn’t be cut short too soon. He didn’t know Margaret well, really, but he imagined the getting-to-know-her-more, bit by bit, on whatever terms made her satisfied, was a lovely project he hoped to pursue for the rest of his life.  

The End


The story evolved considerably from this brief piece into a 142-page tale of insomnia, claustrophobic New York City living, a weird relationship involving rejection (of course), a subplot of flea market sales of vintage paperback books under the auspices of a booted Margaret in latex dominatrix gear, and the various games she and her admirer play (he now fully re-named Julius Caesar Klein): a rather complex drama which you will learn all about when I hope you will download a copy of The Man Who Reclaimed His Virginity right here

Thanks for reading!  


Holiday postscript! I want to wish everyone a very Happy New Year of 2026!  And thank you for perusing this blog, chatting with me on X aka Twitter, and reading my Kindle ebooks.

This past 2025 marked happy literary milestones as I got two pieces accepted at the terrific web magazine Punk Noir, which demonstrate that while I consider my new novel “noir without crime” I did indeed have some of my characters elsewhere do criminal things in these two brief flash pieces. First is “The Clown Inside Her” for the “clown” theme and following that is the untitled single-sentence piece in the “One Shot Kill” theme that followed. Here are the links.

The Clown Inside Her

One Shot Kill (scroll down to the middle and you’ll find my piece)

Thanks to editors Stephen J. Golds and B F Jones for selecting them and putting me in the company of so many fine writers!

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I created the picture of Venus Marie with the A.I. program at my stock photography account at depositphotos.com.

“On Her Terms” © 2025 Irv O. Neil

 

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Suspense in Ordinary Life

Julius Caesar Klein, alternately known to people as Julius, Jules, Caesar, Ceez, and Mr. Maven, is the protagonist of the new novel I have just published this month of December 2025 on Kindle. But over the weekend, not unlike my obsessive hero, a freelance writer in Manhattan who has a hard time letting go of things–any resemblance to myself is highly coincidental–I wrote this short story to introduce him to readers who will then, I hope, be curious to read further about his antics in The Man Who Reclaimed His Virginity, a “slice of life” story in my Specialty Library of psychological fiction.

SUSPENSE IN ORDINARY LIFE:

THE CURMUDGEON WALKS AMONG US!

Flash fiction by Irv O. Neil 

Julius Caesar Klein’s increasing capacity, and willingness, to do much of nothing startled him.  He began to wonder if he should make daily inventories of exactly what it was that he did on his days off, because they seemed to pass without much of usefulness or accomplishment and this was not the way he’d long been accustomed to live as a workaholic freelance writer in midtown Manhattan.

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The statue of the poet Dante at Lincoln Center, New York City, Christmas 2025.

For example, take the long Christmas weekend of 2025. The holiday fell on a Thursday so he took four days off from his freelance work writing descriptions on social media about erotic movies. Christmas was quiet and he spent it by himself, though sharing greetings with friends in other states by phone; but on Friday morning he found himself obsessing about whether he should or should not order some more vintage paperback books online; after a long binge through the summer and fall of the last miserable, stress-inducing year of unpredictable national and world politics, he had succumbed to his book-buying habit in a big way, as a comforting escape from tension. He’d bought enough to keep himself reading, he knew, until the end of his life, even if he lived into his nineties, so now in the winter he tried to swear off more purchases. But then he sneaked a superfluous look at Ebay and the next thing he knew he was wrestling with the prospect of a potential purchase he told himself he did not need and maybe did not even really want.

Struggles like this took up his energy in a wasteful way, he lectured himself in a stern, watchful tone.

On Friday night he had gone to the store for a bottle of Sambuca and suspected, though he didn’t know how to prove it, that he had received what he thought might be a counterfeit five dollar bill in his change. Thinking about this obsessed him for a couple of hours; in the blustery, wintry air he had walked out of his way to go to the cheaper store on Tenth Avenue for the bottle (the closer shop on Eighth charged several bucks more), so the idea that he had ended up spending more money because the largest bill in his change was, possibly, counterfeit, depressed him. He imagined what the protagonist in an old Hitchcock tv suspense show might have done with such a bill, in order to negate his loss; but it frightened him to think of trying now to “pass” it himself and ending up in some kind of trouble. He wasn’t a criminal but he wanted to get rid of that damn bill! He knew he would probably end up just putting it away as a souvenir, an “object lesson” as if he needed it like some seventy-four year old schoolboy; but for the moment he kept it in a small roll of bills in his pocket.

In the afternoon on Friday he had picked up a penny from the pavement on 46th Street near Fifth Avenue, a habit he had gotten rid of sixty years ago in high school when finding a “lucky penny” had preceded his unexpectedly failing a biology test freshman year in high school. He’d only picked up the penny now in the wake of the government discontinuing the production of pennies in 2025, and because it looked rather old from his cursory glance; it was on the concrete next to some food cart; but the coin turned out to be only weathered and from 1966 and probably worthless. But then on Saturday morning he discovered he seemed to have lost one of his winter gloves, the left one of a rather nice pair, and was convinced that the penny, which he’d kept, had brought him bad luck; so later Saturday he tossed the penny away on Broadway. He bought himself a new pair of cheap gloves from a street vendor for five dollars, and deposited the remaining old right hand glove on top of a garbage can stuffed full with holiday detritus; maybe some homeless person who needed a glove would pick it up. But then he wondered why he hadn’t used that shady fiver from the liquor store to pay for the new gloves, to kill two birds with one stone! He still wanted to get rid of that perhaps-counterfeit bill. Would the street vendor have noticed? Maybe he would have, those vendors were pretty sharp fellows, and it might have been a bad move. So Klein kept that crumpled Lincoln in his pocket and instead broke a ten. Ah well, he decided he would take that suspicious five out of his small wad and consign it to the loss column of his existence.

On Friday too he went to the drugstore to get some dark chocolate truffles he knew he shouldn’t eat because of his pre-diabetic blood sugar rating, but the Christmas holiday weekend also had him gloomy because a gift he’d sent to a friend, in another state, seemed to have gotten lost in transit, and he needed some chocolate therapy to assuage the disappointment; since the chocolate was on sale, he told himself he would discipline his intake so as to not further aggravate the situation and elevate his glucose. But when he got home he noticed that the pack of truffles had been punctured somehow; he had forgotten to squeeze it in the store to make sure that it was tight with air inside, his usual procedure with plastic bag purchases. So he started to wonder if someone had tampered with the pack; now he found a tiny hole in the front, and imagined someone in the store might have done it. Theoretically it could be anyone, the store had quite a few employees, but he wondered if the miscreant was a rather savage Gothic looking chick with red-green hair who stocked shelves and worked the register; she had a tattooed anti-capitalist look about her, and maybe she’d stabbed a hole in some random bag, the one that he had unfortunately picked up, and perhaps with some kind of syringe she had injected one of the chocolate truffles with who knew what substance. Klein didn’t particularly care whether somebody was for or against capitalism, because as a freelance writer he was certainly a capitalist himself; and fortunately, he also realized these thoughts were completely screwy, and so instead of obsessing on them more, he sat down on his couch and contemplated for awhile the obvious fact (a “true fact” as the current idiotic lingo went in this “disinformation” age) about how attractive that Gothic girl was, with terrific legs in pink tights under the short black-green skirts the drugstore let her wear; and Julius thought about how her bitch-goddess attitude as she rang up purchases turned him on a lot even in his seventysomething state, but also left him grumpy that he was old enough to be her grandfather and couldn’t try to make a date with her.

So these were the things he concentrated on over the long Christmas weekend. Wasn’t there a better use of his time? With all the books he had to read, or just to organize! And the movies and DVDs to catch up with. Then, as if the “universe” (again the popular current lingo) wanted to “teach” him yet another “object lesson,” on Sunday morning he discovered he hadn’t lost the old left glove after all, and it had simply slipped down into the lining of his overcoat through a tear in the pocket he didn’t know was there. And damn, he’d impulsively tossed away the old right glove on that overflowing garbage bin! Goddamn it! Yes, it seemed as if fate was instructing him not to act so impulsively. Object lesson, Klein! Listen and learn! He mused once more on the perhaps unlucky penny and the disreputable looking fiver; but was all this overthinking a constructive use of his time? What was an old curmudgeon to do? The clock of life was ticking and eternity, like a mischievous stone gargoyle on an old building, was sticking its tongue out at him for wasting time. 

In the end, overwhelmed on Sunday night, Julius Caesar Klein decided to just put a classic Karloff-Lugosi horror flick on the DVD player, and block everything else out of mind. Sometimes that seemed like the only way to proceed! Maybe if he was absorbed in Boris and Bela, he wouldn’t be tempted back to that hot find on Ebay!

The End 

For more of the adventures of Julius Caesar Klein, go to your local Amazon Kindle store, like here!

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Photo of Dante Park © 2025 Irv O. Neil.

“Suspense in Ordinary Life: The Curmudgeon Walks Among Us!” © 2025 Irv O. Neil

 

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Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

…and Happy Holidays to all!

What are your favorite gifts? I love to give books, anytime of the year actually.

Christmas Eve in Iceland, it’s said, the celebrants exchange gifts of books and read them while enjoying hot chocolate? That’s most days in my abode (although the beverages vary). 😉

Books and literature, of many kinds, are the truest expressions of my heart.

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I created the A.I. imagery at my stock photography account at depositphotos.com .

 
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Posted by on December 25, 2025 in books, gifts

 

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A beautiful Christmas gift!

I got a lovely early Christmas gift from a very good friend this week, a highly entertaining, amusing, and occasionally poignant new book published in London, England, written and illustrated by Thomas Finch Esq. It contrasts the Victorian way of writing and speaking to our modern, more blunt, equivalents. Image

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The format throughout is that one page presents the “Victorian Writers” way of expressing a  sentiment; and the following page, labeled “Normal People,” shows society’s current way of saying the same thing. Here is an example: 

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To express my own feelings in the Victorian style about the gift, and my friend who sent it, I felt inspired to write this: 

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I leave the modern translation of the above to you loyal readers of my blog and, of course, to my sweet friend.

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For more info about the author and his work, visit EnglishEnjoyed.com

All covers, pages, and the drawing shown from the book are copyright 2025 by English Enjoyed.

 
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Posted by on December 17, 2025 in Erotica

 

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Interrogator of Unworthy Men!

“Margaret Emilia Bortwell,” born and raised in Hindenburg, Ohio and now living in New York City, is one of the most intriguing dominant female characters I’ve ever written, and she puts my new novel’s protagonist, interviewer “Julius Caesar Klein” aka “Mr. Maven” on his guard as she probes into his psyche in ways he did not expect, and is not sure that he wants.

She is an actress, star of such Off-Off-Off Broadway plays as Fateful Confession and Relentless Ruth,  and Julius comes to profile her for his blog…yet she draws him out far more. “Actress and Interrogator of Unworthy Men!” he nervously characterizes her on p. 46 of the ebook of this new story, The Man Who Reclaimed His Virginity, available now on Kindle here. Although Amazon partly lists it as “erotica” (as well as “contemporary romance”), it is not designed to get readers off, although there are femdom elements in the tale; instead, it is more of a dramatic, psychological story, which is why I put it in my Specialty Library of “slice of life” fiction rather than my “Erotic Library” of mostly femdom adventures.

 

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I found this cover shot after working on the book for five months and it was so perfectly matched to the character of Margaret aka “Maggie.” Even more, her eyelashes in this photo supplied a beautiful element into the climax of the story which I hadn’t thought of before, and which I blended into the narrative after seeing it and selecting the image for the cover. (The photo is ©TanyaPrykhodko/Depositphotos.com and posed by a professional model.)

 

The initial impetus to write this book came in June 2025 from seeing, in the 1958 Italian film Aphrodite, Goddess of Love,  the late great Irene Tunc, once Miss France and later a star of European movies. She plays the enigmatic but determined courtesan Diala in an unforgettable performance. The film is also known by the title Slave Women of Corinth (see here), but Diala is anything but a slave in this compelling historical drama. Mademoiselle Tunc inspired me to create, in my latest story, a character of similar beauty and vibrancy and ambition

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You can readily find this entertaining film online and I think you will be as enchanted by the character of Diala as I was, especially if you are attracted to the beauty and presence of powerful women. See the movie, and you’ll understand why I was so inspired to write a character with the alluring forcefulness and seductiveness captured by Irene Tunc! And I hope you’ll let me know, in comments here, or at X here  , or in Amazon reviews, if I succeeded. 

 
 

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“The Man Who Reclaimed His Virginity”

Published today, December 11, a new short novel…the longest piece of fiction I’ve published since Fate of a Stripper in 2014. It’s a psychological story, not erotica, despite its sexual themes; so it’s part of my “slice of life” Specialty Library. 

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Went back to basics: wrote it by hand in three spiral notebooks, sitting at home and in cafes; then transcribed, edited, revised, and polished on the Chromebook. Started 6/29/25, published 12/11/25. 

As I’ve been saying in recent posts, I’ve been doing a lot of reading and writing, especially of noir fiction, and this book was my main focus since the beginning of the summer, along with the other short pieces I’ve put up on this blog and this dark flash fiction published at the Punk Noir Magazine site here. I was really happy to be able to place it at Punk Noir, as it runs lots of excellent stories by many fine writers. BREAKING NEWS: My second appearance, a one-sentence crime story, just popped up in the new posting on Punk Noir a few minutes ago tonight, along with several other potent “one-shot kills,” right here

I’ll have more to say here about this new novel in coming days, but for now, check out the links on Amazon and let it speak for itself! How can someone “reclaim” their virginity? Take a peek at the free sample on Amazon to see what my latest hero’s mind is like. The U.S. Kindle store is here.  And of course it’s available at Amazon stores worldwide. 

 

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Reading intense fiction

A good friend said to me over the weekend, ruefully noting he can’t read as much as I do, “I really admire the way you get through so many books.” But I replied, “Thanks, but remember it’s because reading and writing are basically my life. You have other things to occupy your time–you’re married, you compose and record music, you have children and family.” Whereas books have become in recent months the most intense focus of my more solitary sort of existence.

Since the spring I have been reading fiction more constantly than ever. I’ve always read novels and short stories, so that’s nothing new, but not as many as lately. And it pays off in deepening my own writing: during a conversation with another friend last night about my most recent story, The Delusion He Could Hug, I realized from his comments that I had achieved my goal with that story: to depict a sensual situation between a man and a woman–“slice of life” style, not erotica–a situation which may be a kind of supernatural or science-fictional one (it’s revealed at the end) but also a tale which is entertaining yet complex and, importantly, successfully shaded with the ambiguity of real life.

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I published this on Amazon Kindle right after Thanksgiving.

The two most recent novels I’ve read are both heavily dramatic but ambiguous too. (The descriptions below will contain spoilers.) 

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The Night Is So Dark by Robert M. Coates was heartbreaking. It takes place in NYC in the ’50s, about an older Hungarian-American man who works as a piano tuner in a factory, a highly skilled trade, and a younger waitress with two children, who date and eventually move in together. From the outside it seems like an average relationship with the ups and downs and quirks and eccentricities of any two people trying to make a go of it (with the additional difficulty of their age difference, which is not specified in exact years); but there is a disconnect between them that, despite their efforts, leads to mental illness and stark tragedy. The author writes from an omniscient viewpoint from the start and we are aware it will end badly. The story is told in a very detailed way, evoking the world of Manhattan rooming houses and neighborhood bars and boozy parties in the home of the couple’s friends; but humble events like a family picnic take on a sad resonance that foreshadows trouble to come. The book painstakingly showed the growth of madness in the man because he was too rigid and could not accept the unpredictability and free-spiritedness of the woman; her qualities played into his specific personal obsessions and set him off to violence. Ironically too, it is clear throughout that they do indeed both love each other in their flawed ways.

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After reading that, I thought the next book would be more of a conventional suspense experience, but The Eleventh Hour by Robert B. Sinclair turned out to be haunting in its own way. Basically it’s about a writer in the early 1950s whose pulp magazine career isn’t going well, and how his hyper-critical wife keeps riding him about it. One day, instead of writing a murder plot as a story, he decides to do it in real life on his wife. What is especially interesting about this book (published in 1951, it was nominated for an Edgar as Best First Novel) is how the guy is so convinced he is a kind of “artist” committing the perfect crime that he is willing to risk the gas chamber rather than get a good lawyer at the end and face the fact that his crime is not foolproof after all. Additionally, before he is apprehended, he meets his late wife’s sister and discovers she is more his soul mate than his spouse ever was–but it’s too late for them both; his ego does him in. His bullheadedness seems ambiguous, however, not just a function of inflated self-regard; in fact, on reflection after reading it seemed to me just the opposite, as if he’s trying to compensate for feeling small to his badgering spouse, as if he’s trying to prove to his wife, even after he’s murdered her, that he is NOT a failure, and has triumphed in crime if not in fiction writing. It’s a weird, unusual story. 

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Additionally, in an old mystery anthology given to me by a friend, I read No Motive, a long story by Daphne du Maurier, author of Rebecca, the famous novel (and Hitchcock film source). No Motive is about a titled woman in England who, despite seeming to have a happy life and  expecting a baby, abruptly commits suicide.  A detective tracks down the intricate backstory of what in her past life could possibly have caused this tragedy; and his investigation vividly shows the fragility of the human mind when it shuts down for years from emotional trauma, blanking it out; and how dangerous the emotional flood can be when the brain suddenly remembers what it has so long suppressed. I don’t want to say more; it’s a terrific novella, and again, it had the thrust of entertainment but was full of provocative and subtle ambiguity. 

Here is my point: to create such ambiguity in fiction has always seemed to me one of the highest goals, as a work achieves a sense of real life happening in front of the reader. I’ve even tried for it in my erotica writing, which is why I’ve called my style “Erotic Realism.” But for my “slice of life” stories in my “Specialty Library” (as opposed to my “Erotic Library” in which I publish my femdom stories) I’m able to focus primarily on the psychology of things, rather than primarily stimulating the reader through sexual scenarios in the porn/smut/erotica (call it what you wish).

The Delusion He Could Hug, available here in the U.S. and at Amazon stores worldwide with my other stories,  may be stimulating too in its way (especially a sensual shower scene), but its primary objective is to show how its main character tries to get past his lonely longing on Thanksgiving weekend, and how he seems to find a woman who can help him get past that isolation and yearning. The key word is seems

 

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