Persia Hayley is co-author of The Easy Way to Overcome Anxiety: Build Emotional Resilience and Boost Your Mental Health with Allen Carr and Robin Hayley, out on the 1st June, published by Arcturus, priced £9.99 (paperback and audiobook) and £6.99 (ebook)
Tech should reward innovative thinking, challenging questions and new ideas.
But many women in tech know that speaking up can come with an extra layer of scrutiny. You make a point and watch it be ignored until someone else repeats it. You question a viewpoint and suddenly the conversation becomes about your tone. You worry that if you ask a question, it will be taken as proof that you do not understand.
This is not just a matter of perception. Web Summit’s 2024 Women in Tech survey found that 50.8% of women had experienced workplace sexism, while more than 75% felt they had to work harder than male counterparts to prove themselves. In the UK, a 2025 government report found that women make up only 21% of tech teams. And outside the workplace, Gamergate, the online harassment campaign that targeted women in the video game industry, remains a stark reminder that visibility in digital spaces can carry a cost.
Much has already been written about imposter syndrome, confidence and resilience in relation to women in tech. But there is another, equally insidious pattern that deserves attention: anxious self-censorship. It is not just editing what you say. It is holding back before you say anything at all. It occurs in the moments before you ask the question, challenge the assumption, share your work or put yourself forward. It is the invisible pause when anxiety says: don’t say anything.
Against that backdrop, the usual advice to “be more assertive”, “speak up more” or “don’t let the negativity get to you” misses something important. It treats the problem as a personal confidence issue, rather than acknowledging the environment women are being required to navigate.
None of this means that tech is a hostile place for every woman, or that every difficult interaction is evidence of bias. Many women build brilliant, rewarding careers in tech, and many teams are thoughtful, collaborative and supportive. But repeated experiences of being underestimated, scrutinised or challenged unfairly can teach the mind to anticipate danger before it has arrived.
This is where anxiety enters the picture. Anxiety is not the same as noticing a real problem. It is what happens when your mind fears uncertainty and focuses on worst possible outcomes. It turns “this might be difficult” into “this will be disastrous, better protect yourself.” In your career, anxiety whispers things like: “If you ask this question, they’ll think you’re stupid or incompetent.” “If you challenge this decision, you’ll be labelled difficult.” “If you share your work, people will tear it apart.” And before you know it, the fear of criticism attaches itself to every opportunity to share your work.
Once anxiety has been triggered, it then offers what feels like a solution: stay quiet. Don’t ask your question. Don’t challenge the decision. Don’t share your work. Don’t make yourself a target. The logic feels persuasive: if you say nothing, you cannot be dismissed or belittled. If you do not challenge anything, you cannot be labelled difficult. If you do not share your work, no one can criticise it. Silence gives immediate relief, which is why the pattern is so easy to repeat. Not because you have nothing to say, and not because the pressure is imaginary, but because anxiety has convinced you that staying quiet is the only way to stay safe.
So, what’s the solution? It is not to speak at every opportunity, regardless of context, just for the sake of it. That would be an oversimplification. It is to make sure anxiety is not making the decision for you. So, the next time you’re tempted not to share your idea or not put your question, ask yourself: “Am I choosing silence because it is useful, or because it gives me relief from fear?” Useful silence has a purpose. It helps you listen, gather information and choose your timing. Anxious silence is different. You may feel temporary and partial relief, but also frustration, resentment and the sense that you have sold yourself short.
If it is anxious silence, the answer is not to force yourself into the most exposed version of visibility. Start smaller. Ask one clarifying question. Make one point in a meeting. Share your draft with one trusted colleague. Write down the objection you want to raise before you raise it. The aim is not to prove that nothing bad will ever happen. It is to teach your brain that you can tolerate the discomfort of being seen and the uncertainty of other people’s reactions.
Managing anxiety as a woman in tech does not mean pretending the industry is always fair, or that backlash, bias and dismissiveness do not exist. It means refusing to let anxiety turn these possibilities into self-imposed rules that shrink your career. The aim is not to wait until speaking feels safe, but to stop letting anxiety choose silence for you.
Anxiety traps us by offering false solutions. Silence and avoidance feel safe in the moment, but they keep you stuck. The strongest position in your career is not knowing exactly what will happen. It is being willing to speak and act without certainty of others’ reactions or outcome, and trusting that whatever happens, you will be able to handle it.
