Vanitas: The Warhol Death Kit

Don’t leave your eulogy to unreliable sources likely to trot out the same old grief cliches they heard at the last funeral they went to. Craft your own mythology here. Use the prompts to help inspire you.

Step 1/10: Name of the deceased:

Step 2/10: Nicknames during lifetime:

Step 3/10: Nicknames you never had but would have liked to. Did you ever wish you were cool enough for people to just call you by your last name? Or an abbreviated version of your name hyphenated with a “-inator” tagged onto the end of it? Or maybe a nickname calling out an epic thing you did, like “the big, bad burger boy” or an animal you resemble, “Carp”.

Step 4/10: List five adjectives to describe yourself. To help get you started, here are a list of glorifying adjectives: Dynamic, Flouncy, Charming, Courageous, Mesmerizing, Bombastic, Adventurous, Bubbly, Dazzling, Jaunty, Roguish, Vivacious (until now), Jocund, Mysterious, Effervescent, Saucy, Plucky, Winsome, Debonair, Lissome, Snappy, Fetching, Personable

Step 5/10: List three niche-traits you’re proud of. Get specific! Things like: Excellent parallel parker, unafraid of spiders, good at finding a lid to the Tupperware on the very first try, outstanding chili chef, made really good Halloween costumes, loved watching power-wash simulations

Step 6/10: List three favorite things to cook:

Step 7/10: List five favorite swear words:

Step 8/10: Places you’ll haunt:

Step 9/10: People you’ll haunt in a menacing way:

Step 10/10: People you’ll haunt in a loving way:

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What to do with your hands in your final rest

The "Still Sexy"

The "Thumbs Heaven"

The "Surprised by Demise"

The "Jazz Hands to Hell"

The "Rest in Peace"

The "Chillin' into the Afterlife"

The "Peek A Boo"

The "Thumbs Hell"

The "Eternal Pontificator"

The "Always Schmoozing"

The "Finally Time to Twiddle"

The "Ssh, I'm Sleeping"

The "Rest in Party"

You are more than just a collection of nouns, like “wife” or “farmer”. Consider this your eternal social media bio.

Step 1/3: Name of the deceased:

Step 2/3: What year were you born?

Step 3/3: One line to describe your person (max length 100 characters). The more specific the better! Think outside the (wooden) box. Things like: “Always ordered the trout”, “Hated it when Pickleball got popular”, “Sent really good gifs”.

Disclaimer:

This “Tombstone Generator” (the site) is for entertainment purposes only.

Under no circumstance shall The Andy Warhol Museum have any liability to you for any loss or damage of any kind incurred as a result of the use of the site. Your use of the site or your reliance on any information on the site is solely at your own risk.

By agreeing to these Terms and Conditions, you warrant that you are creating a tombstone for no other person than yourself.