Dear readers,
I've removed the O'Reilly widget from the right hand side of the page. My reason for doing so is that I don't want to bombard you with advertising every time you visit my blog. I want you to feel safe to come here to gather whatever information I make available.
The influence of advertising is subtle. It works even better when it takes a background role in your subconscious. I deliberately choose not to watch cable television in large part because of this effect. I don't want to be craving a taco salad or a chicken sandwich late in the evening and not know where that craving came from! I want it to be my choice (as much as possible) if I want such things.
So read on, and soak in what you like (or don't like). I'll keep writing, and this place will be ad-free. If for whatever reason, this blogging platform begins to introduce advertisements, then I'll host this blog myself.
Of course, I'll continue to review books, both by the grace of blogger review programs and by my own love of books. Ah, on that note - expect a review of Real World Haskell soon. I just finished the book up for the second time, and now feel ready to write about it.
Enjoy!
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Monday, January 13, 2014
Saturday, January 11, 2014
On Being Me
Hello world,
I'm writing about me today. It's a topic I don't often write about, because it's scary. That's the main reason why I'm writing about me - because I don't want it to be scary. I want to be me, wherever I go, whatever I am doing, and whoever I am with.
First, a story.
For over 10 years of my life, I've confined myself to two or three interests. This limitation felt safe. I felt confident in these areas, and that confidence helped shield me from the fear of being open.
Computer science
Video games
So really, two. I could go on and on about the right programming languages and methodologies to use, comparing alternatives. I loved speaking about and learning about new data structures, their various asymptotics, and where they were appropriate to use. I collected bits and pieces of information about advanced research in innumerable areas of computer science, because it helped protect me from feeling like I wasn't good enough. Maybe this is that impostor syndrome I've read about. It was a constant battle against fear of inadequacy.
And video games. They were a retreat. A place I could go and level up, and improve, and play, without the fear of being seen as less. I could talk about them, too, and compare them, and celebrate the little victories. Still, I couldn't use video games to play with others. It was scary to think that I might invite someone into a place of retreat.
So that was the me that I let myself be for years. I defined myself so strictly that when I finally started looking at who I was, I wasn't even really sure. I often said programmer. I sometimes said gamer. I've used student, as well. I was okay as long as I didn't have to step outside of those boxes.
Then, over the past few years, I've painfully realized that I wanted to be more. This is in no small part due to the patience, diligence, and understanding of my wife, Jessica Cabrera.
So here I am today, trying to figure out what it means to be me. How do I do it? By breaking out of the boxes I've made for myself, I think. By that, I mean, being open and honest wherever I can be. Here, too, in this blog that I started originally because the idea of being able to read books in exchange for reviews sounded awesome. Reader review programs - I'm still pretty fond of them.
All of my blogging efforts in the past have failed, and I think part of the cause was that I tried to narrow myself too much. I wrote only from the filter of my boxes, only one of which I felt safe speaking about in the open.
So here I am, encouraged by the discussions I see being held in the open. Questions of gender, of shaming, blaming, of connectivity, of sexuality, positivity, of empowerment, of the woes of meritocracies, of the individual, of collaboration and education, faltering political systems, and of living the life that only I can live. I want to participate in these discussions, because I don't want to stand by and silently allow for things to continue as they are.
So here I am. This is me, and some of the many things I care about. Nice to meet you, and I'll be writing again in the future.
Hello, world.
I'm writing about me today. It's a topic I don't often write about, because it's scary. That's the main reason why I'm writing about me - because I don't want it to be scary. I want to be me, wherever I go, whatever I am doing, and whoever I am with.
First, a story.
For over 10 years of my life, I've confined myself to two or three interests. This limitation felt safe. I felt confident in these areas, and that confidence helped shield me from the fear of being open.
Computer science
Video games
So really, two. I could go on and on about the right programming languages and methodologies to use, comparing alternatives. I loved speaking about and learning about new data structures, their various asymptotics, and where they were appropriate to use. I collected bits and pieces of information about advanced research in innumerable areas of computer science, because it helped protect me from feeling like I wasn't good enough. Maybe this is that impostor syndrome I've read about. It was a constant battle against fear of inadequacy.
And video games. They were a retreat. A place I could go and level up, and improve, and play, without the fear of being seen as less. I could talk about them, too, and compare them, and celebrate the little victories. Still, I couldn't use video games to play with others. It was scary to think that I might invite someone into a place of retreat.
So that was the me that I let myself be for years. I defined myself so strictly that when I finally started looking at who I was, I wasn't even really sure. I often said programmer. I sometimes said gamer. I've used student, as well. I was okay as long as I didn't have to step outside of those boxes.
Then, over the past few years, I've painfully realized that I wanted to be more. This is in no small part due to the patience, diligence, and understanding of my wife, Jessica Cabrera.
So here I am today, trying to figure out what it means to be me. How do I do it? By breaking out of the boxes I've made for myself, I think. By that, I mean, being open and honest wherever I can be. Here, too, in this blog that I started originally because the idea of being able to read books in exchange for reviews sounded awesome. Reader review programs - I'm still pretty fond of them.
All of my blogging efforts in the past have failed, and I think part of the cause was that I tried to narrow myself too much. I wrote only from the filter of my boxes, only one of which I felt safe speaking about in the open.
So here I am, encouraged by the discussions I see being held in the open. Questions of gender, of shaming, blaming, of connectivity, of sexuality, positivity, of empowerment, of the woes of meritocracies, of the individual, of collaboration and education, faltering political systems, and of living the life that only I can live. I want to participate in these discussions, because I don't want to stand by and silently allow for things to continue as they are.
So here I am. This is me, and some of the many things I care about. Nice to meet you, and I'll be writing again in the future.
Hello, world.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
To Be Honest...
I had forgotten that I ramped up this blog. It's been so long since I've looked at it, and I only came across it again since I've been actively considering writing. I was surprised to see that people were still periodically coming here over the past few months, even though it's been nearly six months since I last posted (thanks!).
I've been spending more time publishing mini-blogs over at https://thoughtstreams.io/. I have three categories so far: "Marconi Updates", "Haskell", and "Philosophy Behind Software, Love, and Life".
Thoughtstreams is a very interesting platform. More than any other blogging engine I've ever used, it tries not to get in the way. I just write, as little or as much as I like, and post. It even supports Markdown syntax, with basic support for code blocks! I've felt more compelled to write a little every day using that. It helps!
Marconi Updates is my micro-blog (shared with flaper87 and kgriffs). Herein, I write about our efforts on the Openstack Marconi project, a distributed queuing system written entirely in Python. Most of my updates are storage-centric, since that's one of the more interesting aspects of the project to me.
Haskell is all about Haskell! I've developed a sort of infatuation with the language over the past three years, even though I've yet to use it develop personal or professional projects. The appeal of a functional (double-meaning there), statically-typed language with elegant, terse syntax really gets the language geek in me going. I'll found this channel to be a great place to gush about the language, tidbits I find interesting, and what I hope to do with it.
Philosophy Behind Software, Love, and Life is a new experiment, shared with flaper87. In this microblog, I want to share more personal thoughts and beliefs. Thus far, I've written about mindfulness and about some of the personal struggles I've encountered in working with technology. I hope to share more of my personal story therein, and how they guide my beliefs on my journey through this world.
So that's the story. I think I isolated this blog to be too much about reviewing books in the past, and that really damaged my morale about posting here. In the future, I may discontinue this blog entirely and move over to a service like ThoughtStreams, or I may even spin up my own blog! For the time being, though, books need reviewing, I love writing, and I haven't made the time to designate any other place as my primary review blog spot.
I've been spending more time publishing mini-blogs over at https://thoughtstreams.io/. I have three categories so far: "Marconi Updates", "Haskell", and "Philosophy Behind Software, Love, and Life".
Thoughtstreams is a very interesting platform. More than any other blogging engine I've ever used, it tries not to get in the way. I just write, as little or as much as I like, and post. It even supports Markdown syntax, with basic support for code blocks! I've felt more compelled to write a little every day using that. It helps!
Marconi Updates is my micro-blog (shared with flaper87 and kgriffs). Herein, I write about our efforts on the Openstack Marconi project, a distributed queuing system written entirely in Python. Most of my updates are storage-centric, since that's one of the more interesting aspects of the project to me.
Haskell is all about Haskell! I've developed a sort of infatuation with the language over the past three years, even though I've yet to use it develop personal or professional projects. The appeal of a functional (double-meaning there), statically-typed language with elegant, terse syntax really gets the language geek in me going. I'll found this channel to be a great place to gush about the language, tidbits I find interesting, and what I hope to do with it.
Philosophy Behind Software, Love, and Life is a new experiment, shared with flaper87. In this microblog, I want to share more personal thoughts and beliefs. Thus far, I've written about mindfulness and about some of the personal struggles I've encountered in working with technology. I hope to share more of my personal story therein, and how they guide my beliefs on my journey through this world.
So that's the story. I think I isolated this blog to be too much about reviewing books in the past, and that really damaged my morale about posting here. In the future, I may discontinue this blog entirely and move over to a service like ThoughtStreams, or I may even spin up my own blog! For the time being, though, books need reviewing, I love writing, and I haven't made the time to designate any other place as my primary review blog spot.
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