Head to Heart - A Dialogue

Head:
"Life is full of competition , we need to work hard to stay in competition , upgrade your skills , work hard"
Heart:
"But where is the time , I need to spend time with Aryan and Anupam. I need time to relax
Head:
"You need to find time somehow , don’t give excuses"
Heart:
"But my family is my responsibility. I got married and have a baby and seeing him happy is a priority"
Head:
"Yeah , and that’s why I say work hard to give him a good life , then only he can be happy"
Heart:
"You mean he is not happy now"
Head:
"No I mean , you can make him happier by giving him a better life. And for that you need to work hard and keep your other interests to side."
Heart:
"Okay , you mean my time with myself , the little time and with husband."
Head:
"You need to strike a balance and you decide how you do it. Work hard , otherwise you will lag behind your peers"
Heart:
"Balance , I thought I was doing so :( Happiness is a state of mind is what everyone says , I think I am happy."
Head:
"But will you stay happy forever , as of now you are successful but you will not always be called successful if you stay here."
Heart:
"True , I need to move on and evolve , But I do not know how. I cannot cut my time with family." Head:
"Then cut your time with yourself , your sleep , your fun"
Heart:
"Fun , what fun ? I don't go out except with family , I don't watch TV , No music , only alive hobby is my blog. Sleep , I think I need that, to feel fresh."
Head:
"If you don't want to change I cannot do much for you , don't complain that I never warned you. Look at your friends , they have been working harder"
Heart:
"I don't really know at what cost but... Well , I understand all what you just said , but you know me , I cannot change so easily , please be my side."

P.S : Why does it happen with me always. My parents are coming on friday and office will get busier from tomorrow , busier means BUSIER ..and I will have daily calls as well :( I may not be able to pick them up from station. I may not be able to take 1/2 day for Aryan's Birthday also :(
Why do I always struggle so much for small pleasures , tiny-winy kinds ???? Please let me know , if you know :(

Am I a materialistic person ?

Today I donated Aryan's old clothes to an organization called Goonj. So while I was going to do that , I was feeling sad and happy , all at the same time. Happy , ofcourse you know , for being able to do little for the society but why sad ?

I was feeling sad looking at those old clothes. I did not want to part with them. Each of his T-shirt reminded me of days when he wore them for the first time. How he looked cutie in them. I felt like parting away with those memories. I felt like hugging those clothes.

Am I a materialistic person ?

I am an Advocating Realist

They said I am an Advocating Realist. NOW , Whats that ???

Here is where they tell that in detail.

Preserved this just for my own reference :-)

I am NOT Impatient

I get impatient when :

-> I am too sleepy to be awake.

-> I have to read too long posts from my favourite bloggers (I don't want to skip and I don't want to read :P)

-> Someone lies on the face. I cannot tolerate that.

-> Auto rickshaw meters are faster than their speed.

-> Aryan gets unreasonable.

-> When one person (G) in office , opens his mouth. He is too irritating to tolerate.

-> When people show off.

-> When TV is too loud.

-> When I read/hear about injustice and find myself incapable.

-> When I am talking and Anupam does not reply.

See, its just 10 and I thought I am impatient. I am sure you can count a lot more than I can ...right ?

Experimenting with Comfort Zone

Disclaimer : This is again a long(=boring) introspectory post. You can read it at your own discretion. Your views and advice are always welcome.

In 5 years of my career , I have worked in 2 well known and reputed companies.

I never wanted to switch from my previous company inspite of the fact that the culture in the company was not too great and there was too much of politics.I was not even paid too well. The reason I would give to myself was I was a respected employee , who was considered to be bright and was given quality work. I did switch since I had to shift to another city after marriage.

I have been in this company for past 3 years. This again is a BIG Brand. I have no issues with my manager. Life is cool and work is not too hectic. But then , there is hardly any growth. And yes, there is politics , which I understand well , but not good when it comes to applying it to use. But I still do not want to switch.

You may say there is no reason , but I feel that a stagnant career is enough reason for so many people. I know people , who shift jobs every once in an year. I don't believe in shifting jobs too often , but yes you should shift when you think there is a need. And yes, just to clarify , money is not a prime motivator for me for any of my decisions.

Then why I do not want to switch. Because though I like change , I am not always ready to come out of my comfort zone easily. I may readily accept a new challenging task in the same company , under the same manager but when it comes to a job shift , I feel uncomfortable to take the risk.

And this is not only with job. It goes with so many other things.Like my pair of sandals. I have more than half a dozen of footwear. But most of them are as new as they were at the showroom. Why , coz I am very comfortable with my simple flat sandals. I can walk easily with them , run if needed. So all the seven days of week , I wear them when I go out. Even on weekends , when I go in car , coz I fear that I will not be able to walk in my new slippers from parking to the shop or on the stairs :-P (Don't laugh ..I am not sick !!!) So till the sandals decide to abandon me I will stick to them. And this was the case with my previous pair of favourite footwear too.

And my handbag , which decided to abandon me last friday. I was using it for over an year now. For it was quite comfortable. Nice , easy yet safe pockets. When I need to travel in a local bus ,I need a backpocket to keep the change. Now I have not travelled in bus after I came to Bangalore with 1-2 exceptions , but you see I should always be ready for exceptions :-) So now the bag's zip stopped working and the handle is broken , I have no choice but to find another comfortable choice from my collection or from the market. Remember I told you once that I have a bag full of hand bags and I love them.

I dislike changing my shampoo and my mosturiser and even my comb. And I am quite loyal to the brands I use.

Comfort zone , as per Wikepedia, "denotes that limited set of behaviors that a person will engage without becoming anxious." So now that you know that I am quite an old fashioned, boring female, let me tell you that its not that I have never stepped out of my comfort zones. I do and I did when I felt that there is a desperate need.

But why this post today , coz I think its time for change , for a makeover. In so many things, from personal to professional. From footwear to job. From mobile to umbrealla. From IE to Firefox :-P I should change unless it becomes too monotonous. And no , this post is not even 1% inspired by husband or anyone else. Its truly an introspection. I think I should learn to experiment and come out of my comfort zone more often. I should do it for me and myself. As whenever I come out of my shell and do something different , I find myself evolving into a more confident person. I should also do it for Aryan , coz if I am not open to a change , I may mess up Aryan's life. Like Usha said , that we like change when its not too close to home. Aryan is a different generation and I need to open my mind and heart to accept the changes that come with another generation.

What do you have to say ?

How would you feel ?

There is a little thing that pinched me twice during the Goa trip. You may find it funny too, here is what happened.

We ate at a shack and the dish had a typical odour. Anupam told the guy and he replies , "No Sir, it cannot be. We have foriegners coming here , how can we serve them if its bad."

Does that mean that its okay to serve bad to Indians ?

At another place , there was a 10 feet broad pathway and I was standing on one side. The host of the place comes with a foriegner and tells me to give the way.

I was also a guest in that place and I bet, I am not THAT FAT.


How would you feel , if you were me ?

20 on 20

Pixie tagged me again..and she pampered me again ..by saying she would choose to read me , if she has to choose just 5 among all.
The 20 questions Tag:
1. Name Three Things you Enjoy?
- Watching the sky and the birds and the stars and the sea and the flowers...basically I enjoy nature
- Soft Music
- Sensible Movies
(This was the replaced question)
2. If you have the chance, what would you probably say to your beloved one?- Love you ALWAYS
3. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you?*only 3?* Okay .. you mean 3 in each category :-P
Baby Blogs
~nm for Anirudh's world
- Kodi Meow
- Aryan's Mom
General
- MytakeonEverything (mutual admiration society)
- ki jana main kaun
- Agelessbonding
Creative
-Creative OutBursts
-Pritika Sketches
-Safron Tree
Can I write two more categories ???
4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Moon
5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
Have a NICE house ..tailor made to our smallest need
6. Till now, what is the moment that you regret the most?
Ummmm...nothing really...
7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
My family and their love
8. What would you do if you found a briefcase full of money?
Buy my dream house
9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
I have already confessed !!
10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you...
Pixie..my intution says
- She is straightforward
- sensitive
- and intelligent
11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
You mean I can ask for MORE?
12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
I give it you Pixie - hypocrites
13. What is your ambition?
Raise Aryan to be a good human being
14. What is the thing that will make you think someone is a bad person?
No respect for others
15. What is the one thing you would change about yourself?
Can say three please ...okay ..I need to be more patient , systematic , cool-minded.
16. Are you a shopaholic or no?
NO!
17. What is your stress buster?
Sleeping it off comes first and then comes blogging
18. What should be done to people who make such long tags..
Will tell you ..once I see them
19. Do you think God actually exists?
Yes for sure.
20. What is your one great weakness?
I am a sleepaholic :-P

Rules: Remove 1 question from the tag and add your personal question. Make it a total of 20 questions, then tag people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them that he/she has been tagged.
I tag: ~nm, Sodium, Usha and MummyJaan

Number Four!

Here I am completing another home work given by Madam Naina :) ..Tag of Four ..

Four Ladies I admire

My GrandMother
My Director in Office
Kiran Bedi
My Mother

Four Favourite Foods

Rajma Chawal
Chole Bhature
Golgappas
Masala Dosa.... well, I can write more here..;-)

Four Favourite Drinks

Strawberry milkshake
Sprite
Lassi
Jal jeera

Four Fondest memories

Of Summer Vacations at my Grandparents place
Of Planning and construction of our house
Of my hostel life in delhi
Of my Honeymoon at Manali

Four Unforgettable Days

First day to PG College
My First date with Anupam
My Wedding Day
The day Aryan was born

And now time for confession ...Four things I should work on

My Weight
My Time Management
My Professional Growth
My Temper

Secret Desires

Few things I would like to do once(atleast) in my life

• Go to a lonely hilltop/island/forest for 3 days , stay in a hut , with all greens round.Ofcourse the hut should have all basics and I will take Anupam along.)


• Fly high in a hot air baloon and click pictures.


• Paragliding.


• See a snowfall except in movies.


• Get drenched in water on a beach.


• Go Rafting with Husband (Done rafting once, but want to go again with Anupam.)


• Travel in a Cruise.


• Ride a Water Scooter.


• Visit Goa, Kerala, Kashmir and Leh (Ofcourse do photography)


• Take Aryan to Disneyland.


• See a Cricket Match in Stadium. I am not a Cricket crazy ..but just want to feel the excitement.


• Wear a beautiful black evening gown and look gorgeous. (I did mention this before I guess, and I know this will never come true ..coz I need a figure for that :P)

That is it I guess , but wait ..I won't even mind a trip around the world :-P

Dreams Untold

Yesterday night Aryan was scared. I guess he was having some scary dreams and every time he woke up and clinged to me. So I thought what could those dreams be and that reminded me of my dreams.So, inspired by NM's recent post , here I go with a few of my most weird and funny dreams ever. These have no relations to pregancy though.

In my school , in my college and sometimes even now , this one (with some variations) have made me wake up a several times.

I have an exam today and I am already running late. My Rickshaw puller did not turn up. Its raining and I cannot get any transport. Finally I manged to reach school. Our school is strict on dress code and timings and so I got a good scolding on being late. But when they were just letting me in , they realized that I am without any shoes. *Phew*...They told me that I cannot come in without shoes...BARE FOOT :O And I stand crying , for I missed my exam.

Next one wakes me up with a jolt , more often than anything else.

Its a dream where I see myself fall down. Sometimes from bed while sleeping and sometimes from stairs and sometimes from buildings.

Last but not the least. A recent one and the most weird one.

About a month ago I saw that we have a baby monkey in house.The monkey stays like my kid. He sits in my lap. He eats and sleeps next to us. He talks like us. He is my FIL favourite and my FIL gets angry when someone scolded the monkey for something.

Just then Anupam woke me up and I was like ..Ohh I wanted to see the full dream :-We laughed long about the dream , since my FIL hates pets. I wondered if it was Aryan dressed as monkey :D

Now , what do you think about this being a tag. Come on , share your dreams with us. I tag Naina, Moppet's Mom, Manasi, Rdbans and timepass

Excited or Mad ?

REQUEST :Please please don't call me "CRAZY" or "MAD" after you read this.

I came to Bangalore after my wedding and we hardly have any friends (apart from all of you in Bangalore) and relatives in this city.Though I like this city , for the weather , for my job , for the birth place of my baby and so many other things , I just can't stop missing Delhi.The first and foremost reason is it takes just 2 and 5 hours journey to my native and to hubby's respectively from Delhi (and its cost much lesser). There are a few more reasons though , like I feel a natural affinity to the city , where I learnt to be independent and earned my first penny.

So , the post is not about my love for Delhi or Bangalore , but its about me getting so so so excited about going for my yearly 2 weeks vacation to Delhi and our hometowns.NOW..you must be thinking I am going tomorrow or a week after. Nope ..I am going after 2.5 months :-OAnd why am excited today..coz we booked our tickets yesterday.Hehehehheh...remember the request I made before you started reading.

Well , thats me , I myself think I am crazy..but can't help it.I am going for Diwali ,and I actually started planning about what I will be doing there.Who all I will meet.What all will Aryan do.How will Aryan's cousins react to see Aryan.What would we all wear for Diwali and what not. Uff..what a stupid crazy female I am.

This habit of mine has disappointed me so many times.I get too excited and think too much into details and then I am seriously disappointed when I find others are not equally excited or when things don't turn up as I want. I keep telling myself that I should not think too much , should not plan too much and in the end should not get disappointed too much ..but no use :-( I cannot change my basic nature :-(

What do I do to help myself ? Do you really think I am crazy ..OK ..forget about the request on the top..and say it loud please.

On a second thought , is life not about the joy in these little excitements.May be I am crazy , but then I do find some smiles in little things.I get disappointed when things don't turn my way and I cry over small things (coz I ALWAYS feel they are important ..unlike others) , but then I get over them very soon and see at the brighter side.
But still, may be I would want to change a little..*scratching my head*

Judging Strangers based on Intutions ?

I have mentioned in some of my previous posts that I am an intutive person.I decide things based on my intutions or 6th sense so many times.Till date my 6th sense has hardly driven me wrong and so I trust my intutions.

When I meet someone, I guess about the traits of the person by looking at him/her.Things like he/she is a geniuine person, he/she is intelligent, he/she is just like me, I can trust this person, I can make friends with him/her,he is a politician,he can stab at the back, he is a flirt and so many of these kinds and I can say I am hardly wrong till date.There have been times when people have portaied themselves to be different then their actual self and over the course of time I have felt that I was wrong, but some day their actual selves have come to picture.Similarly, when I read/listen about a person or talk to someone over the phone, I imagine about their personality. Relatives cannot always be chosen but I do choose friends based on my inner voice. I also stay away from some relatives and colleagues as directed by my inner voice though they hardly did any harm till date.

I really wonder, if others do the same.My husband says that I am a great observer.I observe things closely.May be he is true and may be thats the reason my guesses are always /mostly right. In reply I usually laugh and say that the sixth sense is inbuilt for girls.But then I have some friends who can hardly judge people and they often face fallback of their wrong judgement.So then may be its not inbuilt for all the girls.

Someone once wrote on my blog that "Intuition is a reflection of our past experiences coupled with our level of comfort.Likes and dislikes are manifestations of our comfort level with respect to the person/thing for which a like or dislike is being formed." But I still feel, I should not be judging people based on my past experiences and sometimes just plain intutions.Forming an opinion or like /dislike for someone based on just your apprehensions is not justified.You may be right and you may be wrong. Everyone should be given a chance to prove/express.But then, I am always a looser when I don't trust myself, so I am not too sure.

BTW..I have survived till my 50th post ..Yippee!

My Worst Nightmare and My Secret Wish!

Do you think you are scared of something ? What is your worst nightmare ? I don't know when how and why but I have a fear of blindness.Not like , I feel that I will be blind some day but just that I feel that nothing can be worse than being blind. I simply cannot tolerate darkness.I am not scared of darkness like many of us and I can go in a dark forest alone but I don't like it.I love the light and the colours.And I feel that their can be no serious punishment than making someone blind.It not only makes you handicap physically but also restrain you to see the beauty around.I feel the world is so beautiful and each one of us have a right to see and feel it.

I believe that our eyes are the most precious ,delicate and beautiful gift that God has given us.So ,probably thats the reason I wish to donate my eyes.Thats a secret wish and I have promised myself to definitely do so.Probably thats the best I can do with the little I have.I need to work on this.And this post is a reminder to myself.

Editted to Add : Reading NM's comment ,I feel I could not express what I wanted to.Blindness is a nightmare for me.Ofcourse the blind have the courage to face that and be happy with what God has decided for them.God gives us a strength to overcome our handicaps.Handicap people are stronger than us in so many different ways.Everyday I see one blind female crossing the busy Airport Road with great ease.Just a matter of her practice.Happiness is just our perception. But then still I cannot imagine darkness forever.The thought is killing for me and I wish to bring light to someone.May be someone can utilize this gift from God, after I die.

Judgemental ..oh yes !

Tagged. Am I judgemental ? Ohh yes I judge people over a lot of things and I am quite an intutive person.So I decide so many things based on my intutions and my judgement.

1. I judge people from their Eyes and Smiles ..I feel eyes and smiles can hardly lie. AND I have a good success record on this one.I get negatively judgemental about people who wear an artificial smile all the time.
2. I judge people by the tone of their voice and sometimes by the choice of their words too.
3. I am judgemental about the females who crib about their familes(Husbands/MIL/DIL or whoever) to anyone and everyone.
4. I am judgemental about people who are always praising everyone around and that too after drinking some syrupy sugar.Ahh..no one can be soo shweet 24/7. And one of them is my BOSS :)
5. I am judgemental about the guys who envy their female colleagues for they finish their work in time and are hardly seen in office after working hours.
6. I am judgemental about colleagues who always say that they are too busy for a coffee / lunch.
7. I am judgemental about people who can never reach anywhere in time. Ohh, you need not be punchual always , but once in a while please ..:)
8. I was judgemental about my friends in college who would study day and night and yet would complain about no prepartion.
9. I get judgemental about people who are always complaining about something or the other.
10.I get judgemental about people who talk too much and more about those who talk about only them and theirs.

Well , thats my list and I don't think I am unreasonale ..do you think so ? So lets have a list from a few more , I tag Sunita, utbt , Asha and Trishna.

Of Blogging and Confessions

I was giving a thought to it.Its been 3.5 months since I have been blogging.It started of , with penning down my thoughts anonymous.I was hardly bothered if anyone reads it or not.

But quite soon , I shared it with a few, whose opinion mattered to me.Then some strangers peeped in. People started writing their views about my thoughts.And I realized its good to give a second thought in light of what others have to say.I noticed that I mostly write about Aryan and his day care and things related to parenting.In fact quite soon , I started another blog , dedicated to Aryan's activities and pictures.

But then, I have also done a whole lot of introspection on this blog.Confessions made to strangers , from my own posts and also by commenting on others (sometimes anon).I realized thats its easy to confess to strangers , who do not know you personally.Since you are hardly bothered , of what they will think of you.No matter what , we always want our friends and relatives to think good about us.Well , we do want the same from strangers , but then that hardly matters.

There is another 'feel good' factor about blogging.We mostly write , coz we want to talk or to be heard.So finding a comment in your post makes you feel heard. Though we all have family/partner to talk, but then with a life of today, do we actually spend some time hearing each other.When we talk, we talk about family , parents , relatives , kids, boss , job and everything else.But rarely about how do you feel today ? (except for when we are in real bad mood) or whats on your mind today ?Blogging gives me a chance to say it loud and clear , all my woes , my worries , my dreams , my joys ,my thoughts ..everything said loud to strangers and yes ! to my husband and a few close friends and relatives (since I do not write anon).

Next, is the thought about writing anon..Poppin and many others have done post on why do they write anon.They said that they can say anything and everything if they write anon and not otherwise. Some of them have shared it with their husbands and some of them with no one. They have a point and I do agree. I cannot be writing about a few things coz the blog is not anon.But I found I have been writing about many things inspite of the fact , for one, no one really bothers to read except the regular bloggers and second I can seek opinions from people who matter to me and I do not get time to speak one to one(sometimes I pester them to read some of my post..:D).But yes , I do yearn to blabber certain things sometimes and I know I cannot , on this blog.I have blabbered about some by commenting anon , somewhere to strangers again.

So, I wonder that may be I am here for long and may be I will start another one some fine day , which will only be for strangers..:)

Its High Time Swati !!!!

A few adjectives about today's Swati..short-tempered, irritated,lazy,tired,worn out. Yeah ..thats me. I do not know why I am getting increasingly short tempered and I am always irritated.

I have got the most loving family in the world.My husband is a sweet heart and he loves me more than I can expect.He cares for me and helps me with daily chores.He respects me as a person and is concerned about my health and career. Can I wife ask more ?

My son , one year old , cutest baby in the world (you know ..mum's will be mum's).Can a Mum ask for more ?

My parents , love me so much and my mom calls me daily to ask my well being.Can a daughter ask for more ?

I have got a decent job and they pay me well for what I do and I have hardly worked late or on weekends. Can an Employee ask for more ?

So why the hell I am so irritated and short tempered. If only, I knew the answer.But after reading SM sometime back I felt may be I am not the only one. Probably I felt she could read and write my mind out.

Now , my little Aryan is growing up and next week , he will be One ! Though I never liked myself for my behaviour , but last week I realized that its high time , I should something about it.I was as usual irritated and shouted at my dear husband ,when Betu was in my lap.Aryan looks at my angry face and asks me .."uuh ?"(All his questions are "uuh ?", in a typical questioning tone)I smiled at him , forcefully (coz ,I was still fuming) and he gave me a kiss after a kiss.His eyes were so concerned and he wanted to pacify me.Mad Momma wrote about this few days back , that we should watch our behaviour now and I realized it that day.

I know there are so many people who hate me for my behaviour ( like my maid) and so many who love me inspite of all (my parents and Anupam) and whom I have been taking for granted (I know I should not , hope its not yet late) but Aryan..will he grow up to hate his Mumma ? No, I will not be able to bear that.I should do something about myself.

Gifts : Are they all about money ?

Saturday is my boss's Birthday. We are about 10 of us reporting to him.We have a culture of taking the birthday boy/girl out for lunch. But since he is our boss , everyone wants to do an extra bit.Though I don't completely buy in of doing that just because he is boss , but I am ok with it , since he has shown his affection for the team enough number of times(which is although a part of his managerial role).

Okay , so we decided to do an extra bit , but for a lunch.Now what should this extra bit be. Some one suggested cake and we all were on for that , but they said thats not enough. Another extra bit...:P.Okay , I said a huge card , with everyones signatures and some nice words , which he can put on his desk.No , they said , a card is a waste and no one treasure that.Its only for a day and later , it lies dumped in or torn. May be his kids would tear it off.So what else? Now comes the real point.A crystal piece or a sandal piece ...ohh now I get the point. The extra bit is not to add an extra feeling , but some extra money. Boss should realize that the team has spent some good amount for his birthday.So its all amount money, you see though nobody says so.

Well , I never thought gifts in terms of money.I am too bad at that.For me gifts are more of an expression of feelings than money.I treasure a gift for the amount of thought thats put in that and not the money.That I know , will be misinterpreted in today's world.People would think I don't want to spend on giving something to someone.On a lighter note though,I can always go with this theory with my husband , who would be more than happy , if I spend less... ;-)

Similarily,I can wear a dress which I may not like at all , if thats gifted to me by some close relative.For the matter of fact that I know , It would have been bought with love and thoughtfullness and I should respect the feelings of the person.And I would never let the person know that I donot like it , coz I know that it hurts.

Now I remember my baby shower last year. My director is a female and she knows what a baby means to a female.She does a baby shower ceremony for those who leave for maternity and same was done for me.It was organized as a surprise.They decorated the conference room and I was called for a meeting.The room was full of people and balloons all over. Cake was cut and we had snacks. They gave some good money as gift, for Aryan, contributed by all.I felt TOP OF THE WORLD.I was really touched by their thoughtfullness , the effort to plan the surprise , to decorate the room , get the snacks and plan some games.I respect the money they gave as gift but that was too secondary for me.What mattered to me was how they made me feel.

They could have given me the envelope just at my desk and I could have forgotten all by today.Or they could have not given the envelope and I would have still treasured the feeling.

So , may be you know what I wanted to say , but may be not every one thinks the same way. May be I am one of the stupid emotional kind of persons, but you know I cannot really help it.

8 things about me...

Hmm.. SM has Tagged me ..So I need to say 8 things about me thats not known to you..
Fun Game !!

1. I wanted to be doctor since childhood and I still want too.. :D Though I know this will always remain a dream.
2. I am too too short tempered , which is the reason of all my problems in life.
3. I love soft music , Jagit singh is my favourite.
4. Sometimes I like movies which turn out to be real flops.. like in my early teens I liked movies called "Dil Ka Kya Kasoor" and "Deewana"..:D
5. I would love to dress up like Cindrella once in my life.
6. I always wanted to sing and dance well , but I never could.
7. I was soooooo punchual till college that my friends used to hate me for that. I would yell at them if they were late by 5 mins and they would always be.. :) Once I made them all wait for 45 mins in a restaurant to give them a lession. Now I can not manage to be that that punchual though I still want to.
8. I believe that my intution never drives me wrong , and I sometimes develop strong likes and dislikes based on that , but I guess thats not justified behaviour.

Hey ...I did it ..in just 5 mins !! And I really enjoyed doing this.
Now I tag.. Do I write, Agelessbonding and Karmickids.
Go check them out !

Managing time for ME ..Just ME !!

Yesterday I read a post on someone's blog titled "Do Clothes Make the Mom? By Stacy Canzonieri". Though I lost the link to the post , it made me wonder so many different things.

I am a mom of a 10 months baby and if I look at myself ,yes I have not been to parlour for last 3 months , mind it not even for eyebrows. But should I blame that to my baby ..I guess no. If you dress up nicely or not , depends on your interest and also how well you can manage time.Before being a mom too , sometimes I was lazy to go to parlour and visited only when I could no longer look at my own face :D

I guess the problem with me is something else.When life becomes monotonous , I loose interest in everything. Everything as in everything..be it getting ready or whatever.Faced the smiliar situation in pregnancy too.So what do I do ..sometimes I did nothing and waited for things to change. But perhaps now I cannot do the same.As I know life is not going to change in near future. My job is monotonous , but I have decided to stick here for its easy going and I dont have to spend weekends and evenings at work and I can get ample time for my little one. At home , ofcourse things will be same , getting ready , coming to office , back home , play with my son ,take care of him and then off to bed.Ofcourse I enjoy spending time with my family in evenings and thats the best part of my day.So how should I cope up with my monotonous schedule and find something that can make me happier.

One, I think, I will have to learn to manage my time better so that I can find time to do something more than the routine work and keep myself alive.

Two, When I was pregnant I discovered that I love interacting with strangers with similiar interest. So I found so many pregnant friends and they are still with me.Reading mails from them is an important and refreshing part of my day.

Three, I started writing this blog.I realized that blogging (reading and writing) is a great way to find people of same interest , to align one's thought,to scratch the rusting brain and to excrete negative energy. So here I am ..finding time out of such a busy schedule for doing something I like. Perhaps I can develop this hobby for better. Or perhaps one day I will find this also monotonous. Thats the reason I decided not to write everyday , but only when I feel a need. But I do spend some time reading blogs , almost everyday.

Four , I found that retail therapy works for me. Going out on weekends ,even if thats for buying veggies from super market makes me feel good. So I guess , next I should refresh my driving skills so that I am not dependent on anyone for some retail therapy .. :D Just me and my little one will roam around the town.

What more , I have thought of making a scrapbook for my baby's first year and gift it to him sometime later, when he is grown up enough, to understand it. Don't really know , if I will live upto it.

And yes , I plan to go to parlour this weekend ! But lets see .."If I find Time" .. :-P

Every Mom's battle..

Career or kids..Every Mom's battle..A lot and lot has been debated over the topic and a lot can still be debated and still I am not sure if we can come to a conclusion.The topic is neither new nor is it related to current generation.But its much of a debate for me because here the question is not only "if I should work or I should not" ..but more that "if I should" then how ?

The traditional "if I should or if I should not" debate was always there and I decided that I will try and work as long as I can, for many reasons.

First, I feel working gives me a sense of satisfaction.Being a home maker 24/7 is probably not my cup of tea. I believe that working ladies can also be home maker.Though ofcourse they may not be able to dust the carpets every day , they will still be able to pack lunch for their kids and serve dinner to their husbands.I feel I need some satisfaction at the end of the day which comes when I am working.I feel loving and taking care of your family comes so naturally to any woman that it hardly matters if she works or she does not.

Second, definitely I can bring a better living to my kids. Though their future is secure otherwise also , my little effort will definitely give it an extra push.

Another reason is I have realized that after few years our kid will not need us as much as they need us today. As soon as they go to school they will be busy. In their early teens they will have studies , friends and loads of other activities to keep them busy.They will need their own privacy. So they will no longer want you around 24/7 and you will start feeling empty and lonely with everyone busy in their own worlds.All you will end up will be watching 6-8 daily soaps a day.Plus you will be surprised , shocked and hurt when your 10 year old will come and tell you ,"Mom ..my teacher asked me what does your mom do ? And I said "nothing". Why don't you go to office like Prateek's and Ritesh's moms ?" I have observed that even kids feel a sense of pride in telling that their moms are working.

Though I have decided to work , I still have my set of dilemmas and questions ..like how will I cope up with work pressures and daily chores? How will I manage to be happy and fresh in front of my kids even after a day's work? How will I make them understand that I may need to go to office on coming saturday and we have to postpone a picnic? How will I compete with my male counterparts in office and do justice to my job when I will have a different priority? There are a hundred such questions and I know only time will find answer to these.

Today I need to find answer to another question ..How do I work ?
If your parents are around you , you need not worry about taking care of your kids when you are at work.You can just hire a domestic help and parents can take care the rest. But the problem comes, when you stay in a different city away from parents. In an alien metro, you don't feel comfortable leaving your new born with an unknown maid.Will she sleep when he needs milk or when he is crying ..will she run away locking your kid behind..will your kid learn abusive language from her..are few of the many reasons that prevent me from thinking about leaving my kid with a maid.

The other and only option I am left with is a Day Care/Creche for babies.But to my own surprise I am not able to find any satisfactory kinds even in a place like Bangalore ..where we suppose we have a good percentage of working women compared to other cities in India.Though our parents are most welcome at our place ,I cannot expect them to sacrifice their work and their lives forever for letting me work.I feel guilty about this.If I quit work today and decide to work after 3-5 years when my kids are school going and they can go to an after school day care (where I suppose we have some better options) , then will I be able to find a job. Being in knowledge industry ..I dont think it will be possible. Even if I can (which is next to impossible)..I will be far far behind my couter parts.

With so many women in IT ..I can find many of my friends are struggling with the same BIG question and many of them have chosen to giveup inspite of a strong desire for work.
I am still not sure where will I end up ..probably in a different profession is what comes to my mind ..but then, I will have another set of questions there.