One of "Those Days"

I believe that as mothers, God gives us "those days".

They don't come as often as we'd like, but they do come.

Today has been one of those days.

Here's the back story:

The week before we moved was the time change. This threw my baby for a loop.

Bedtime was way off, though it did make waking up at 7:30 instead of 6:30. Nice.

Add to that the fact that mom and dad were out at our new house trying to get it ready to move in. So grandma was watching him at night and putting him down. Totally not his usual routine. I figured we'd fix it when we moved.

Then we moved (!) He got put in his own room, with a crib for the first time. He quickly learned how to pull himself up and shake said crib. And he couldn't get down. So again, naps all messed up, and bedtime taking much longer than usual.

After a few days he adjusted, but then he turned one (!) This meant the start of loads of sugar. And whole milk, which took his little body a few days to adjust to.

Mix in there a few nights of just not being home at bedtime, which means falling asleep in the car and then wanting to play when we get home instead of going back to bed, and short nap times all over the place.

This all leads to mommy having a break down on Saturday because baby is not sleeping and I'm too tired to deal with it and finally daddy forces mommy to take a nap too.

We finally resolved to spend this whole week just trying to get his bed time back to a normal time and hope that this would fix his naps and make our days go a little bit smoother.

Today my baby has gone done for both naps, without a peep. Not one sound. It has been almost a month since that happened. And he's slept for a good long time. It's just the break that I needed.

I know I was given this day so I would have the energy and belief to go on being a mom. Even when I don't think I do a very good job. At least for today, he slept.

Mission Miracles

Today at church it was Testimony meeting. Evan was doing pretty good for the most part, though Brian did have to take him out at the end. But that meant I got to listen to a few testimonies without distraction. One brother got up to share his testimony, and he and his wife are leaving for Singapore tomorrow. He talked about how serving a mission brings miracles into your life and the lives of your loved ones. Some people may call these things coincidences, but he chooses to call them miracles.

It got me thinking about my brother serving in Madagascar. He comes home in 25 days! When he left he gave all of the siblings "challenges": Me & Nat - Have babies. Phil - Get married. Dani - Be funny. (I guess that last one is subjective.)

We all laughed at these, knowing that he was just getting into missionary mode and we sent him off. I don't know if Brad knew or not, but Brian and I had been trying to start a family for almost a year. It was a long hard year. After my miscarriage I dreaded every month. So when he gave me that challenge, I laughed, but inside I was banking on some kind of blessing from his mission.

Luckily, it worked! I know everything happens in the Lord's time, but I also know that my baby was a blessing from my brother serving a mission. I have wanted to be a mom for a very long time. And even though I sometimes wonder if I'm doing a very good job, I'm still so happy for the opportunity.

So thank you Brad. When you get home I'll not only have a big hug for you, but my son will give you a high five, too.

Maternity Pictures

When I was 8 months pregnant I had my really good friend Marci take some maternity pictures for me. We had fun taking them and I think they turned out really well. Marci Preece Photography



Last Day of "Work"

I know that being a stay-at-home mom is a lot of work, so it's not like I'll be getting to relax and be lazy from now on, but today was my last day of work outside the home.

I've been training my replacement for about 2 1/2 months. I know she's really nervous because there's tons to learn and even though I've done my best to teach her everything, it's still going to be rough.

My boss bought lunch for all his assistants and his wife even came up to eat with us. I've technically only met her twice, but I've talked to her on the phone a bunch and I thought it was so nice of her to come to wish me good luck with the baby.

At the end of the day, I packed up my stuff, and my boss gave me a card and a hug and I left. It was a weird feeling, knowing I wasn't going to be going back. I was happy but a little.... I don't know. Sad? Disappointed? Scared? I don't know.

When I got home I read the card from my boss. He thanked me for all my years helping him and said how much he appreciated me. It was really nice. I cried a little. It's weird to think I won't ever be going back there. As much as it frustrated me sometimes, I was really good at my job. I knew how to do everything backwards and forwards. I guess it's a little intimidating to start this new "job" because I have no idea what I'm doing.

(Side note: On Wednesday (3/14/12) I went in for my appointment and the doctor walked into the room and said, "You haven't had the baby yet?" Really encouraging. I was 3 cm and 75% effaced. So the doctor had me make an appointment for next Wednesday but he doesn't think I'll make it until then. Cross your fingers.)

A Few Last Pregnancy Pics

I don't know what sick need is causing me to post these pictures, but I do want to have it recorded.

2/4/12

Making fun of Aunt Dani's hat - 2/8/12

Posing cuz Brian made me - 2/19/12 - 8 Months!

Reading my Kindle and holding the baby - 8 Months

Relaxing while Brian packed the hospital bag - 3/2/12

Sadly, this was the last picture I got before we had the baby. I was a little too frazzled to remember to take a picture before we left for the hospital. :)

22 Weeks

22 Weeks

Well, there you go. I hope my sister Nat appreciates these pictures, because they're mostly for her because she's not around to see me get all big and round. And as I get bigger I get less inclined to want to post these. But I love you Nat.

In other news, I have failed at NaNoWriMo. I had a good couple days, but then I needed a night of Brian just rubbing my belly and then there was a wedding and then I just gave up. Maybe next year I'll try again.

Also, a couple weeks ago, Brian started feeling the baby move! Last night we were laying in bed and he was just talking about architecture stuff and the baby started kicking. He thinks it's a sign, but I think it's mostly that the baby likes Brian's voice. I can't argue with that. I often fall asleep to Brian talking (in a good way.)

We're still struggling to find a name. It's really hard. I want to find something that none of our cousins have, or have used for their kids. That's a lot of names. And then there's the problem of finding something that doesn't make our parents go, "eh". I've decided to stop telling our parents any of the names until we know what we want, and then they have to like it. :)

And I know it shouldn't matter, but I don't want people to think our name is weird, or that we're going for some theme (because we already know what we want to name a girl someday). I guess I'll just have to get some thicker skin.

It's Thanksgiving next week! So excited. And then I get to decorate for Christmas! Yay!

Again: Any suggestions for names are welcome. :)

A few things to note

* Today marks halfway thru this pregnancy!
I'm feeling pretty good. I can't believe it has flown by so fast. I feel this little guy move All The Time. And he's already a strong kicker. We will see if he doesn't just kick right thru my belly by the end.

20 Weeks

* Happy Halloween!
I thought of a few good costumes but then lacked the energy to actually make them.
Let's just say my costume is Half-Baked. Cuz I'm 20 weeks.

* NaNoWriMo begins tomorrow.
Some of you may remember when I wrote 50,000 words in 30 days. I'm attempting to do it again in November. I will be joining a large group of people already involved in this project.
So if I'm MIA that is why.

* I wrote this whole post from my phone. Including the picture. I'm so proud of myself. It also means I have one less excuse to not blog.

My Baby Brought My Laugh Back

In high school, back when life was easier & I had less to worry about, I was known for my laugh.

It was loud & happy & maybe a even a little annoying. But it was mine. Unique. Resonating. Contagious.

I was proud of my laugh. I knew you could hear it from way down the hall. But I figured it was a good thing, because maybe it put a smile on someones face.

But life doesn't stay easy like high school. Life can get hard, real fast.

At 21, I lost that laugh. I even lost my smile.

I could still fake it & make people think I was fine. But the smile never reached my eyes and the laugh never came from my gut. Only those closest were able to see that.

Then Brian came back into my life. And he brought my real smile that lit up my face and reached all the way to my eyes. And he even brought back my laugh. But it didn't come as easily as in high school. And it wasn't as common.

I figured this is just the way life goes. You grow up & stop being loud & obnoxious. And I was so happy. So I didn't miss that old laugh.

Then I lost my first baby. And my laugh and smile faded a little bit. Even though I found the healing I needed, I never found a way to bring my laugh back to what it once was.

And then this baby came. And I screamed and cried for joy. And I could hardly keep it in because I wanted to shout to the world.

And I started to notice my laugh again.

I noticed that it not only reaches my eyes, but it comes from all the way down in my gut.

Like my baby is laughing with me & wants me to be as happy as I can possibly be.

So this is for you Baby Boy.

This is to all the laughs I plan to have with you for the rest of my life.

Thank you for choosing to come to our family.

Thank you for bringing my laugh back.

~~

In case you didn't catch that:

IT'S A BOY!!!

St. George 2011

This year for Fall Break.... oh wait. We don't have Fall Break anymore because.... we're not in school!!! Wahoo!

Actually, we did end up going down to St. George over Fall Break anyway. We were hoping that Brian's cousin and his wife (who is also pregnant, & due 5 days before me) could come with us. Sadly, they could not. Brian & I still had fun without them.

Brian got in a few bike rides, which always makes him happy.

I just got to relax and do absolutely nothing, which makes me happy too.

And we did some shopping, which usually makes us both happy. This year was a little different.

I am about 17 1/2 weeks along. Not showing a ton to those who don't see me without clothes on. (Meaning: Everyone besides myself and Brian.)

But to me, I am starting to show. I'm at that in between point where if you don't know me you think I normally look like this, but if you know me (and look really hard) you can tell something's different. But I just want to show enough that people know I'm pregnant.

Maybe it's only a first time mom thing. So here's my advice to first time moms:
If you don't feel like you look pregnant enough, go shopping.

I was just looking for some longer shirts, and yes, some maternity pants for work. This shopping trip didn't last very long (and not just because I was too tired to keep going.)

Nothing fits like it used to! (Obviously) I'm wearing sizes I don't usually wear! (Obviously)

I was not prepared. But it definitely helped me feel pregnant.

We ended the shopping trip by getting an "Apple Pie" caramel apple from the chocolate store. Totally made me feel better.

The other thing that makes it totally worth it to almost start crying in Target because you're wearing maternity pants:

At 17 weeks, I started to feel my baby move.

Kicking, all the time.

This is definitely Brian's child. They never hold still for long.

Reassurance

Today I had another doctor appointment.

I am 14 1/2 weeks.

Just a little further along than the last time when I lost the baby.

I have been a little bit of a wreck.

I met with a different doctor because mine was out of town.

He was the nicest, friendliest, funniest old man.

He came in and got right to it trying to find the heartbeat.

And there it was. Strong and perfect.

He admitted that he was a little nervous for me because he'd seen that "darn miscarriage" in my file.

But now he said I could tell the whole world if I hadn't already, because everything looked great.

It was the best reassurance I could've asked for.

(pic coming soon)

I found out later from my mom that he was the same doctor who delivered me.

I wish I could've known so I could've said something.

Thank you Dr. Rasmussen.

For Natalie

12 1/2 Weeks

 I know it doesn't look like much yet, but I'm starting to feel like I'm growing a little.



Brian's Photoshop attempt at what I'll look like in a few months



Baby Glad

That's right.

A baby!

Due March 19th, 2012.

We're so excited!