dangerpudding: Just Me. (Default)
( Jul. 14th, 2015 03:44 pm)
Tomorrow at this time I'll be waiting for my flight back to Manila. This has been really lovely - in both expected and unexpected ways. I'm thrilled with how it's worked out.

El Nido is a serious tourist town (though I'm told they don't see many USians) full of resorts and such. I looked at those... and decided instead to rent a room via AirBnB with a lovely couple in the nearby village. It's in a nice (plumbing, power, etc) traditional home. My hosts, Julia (from the US) and Kaneesa (from South Africa) moved here about 4 months ago with the intention to stay and improve the community. They teach classes, are helping build a community garden, figuring out what is needed. Eventually they want to buy and run a farm nearby (with the help of their sweet puppies, Elliot and Charlie).

Through them, I've gotten to meet and talk to lots of local folks. Wandering down the path to 'home' through the village, the kids greet me by name (I try to do the same in return, but wow that's a lot of names). I also got useful information about where I could do the things I want to do and keep the money local instead of sending most of it out to the bigger corporations.

It hasn't been without challenges - the stairs in the house are closer to a ladder, there was no power at the house until last night, it's a bit of a trek into town (down a path the tricycles can't follow). It rained for days before I arrived, so lots of mud. The roosters *never shut up* and get especially noisy around sunrise. Burning trash is never my favorite. All small things, though.

And apparently I brought the sunshine with me. So, there's been swimming, and yesterday I did an island hopping boat tour - various lagoons and beaches, snorkeling, a tasty lunch. On Sunday I hung out at a cafe and finished an entire book - bliss! My favorite part was 'secret lagoon' which you crawl through a hole in the rocks to enter. I could have floated there all day, in the shaded cool water, looking up at the cliffs and formations and plants growing all around. No photos of that, because I didn't drag the dry-bag through.

I wanted to do more snorkeling, but I'm already lightly burnt and didn't want to make that worse - being see-through is rough in the tropics!

I'm sad to be leaving, but glad to be heading home. If I have the chance, I'd come back in a heartbeat. And will send my friends here - if they're not up for the village/stairs/etc, I'll still send them to meet J&K, because they're nifty people.

Tomorrow I fly to Manila. Thursday to Seoul. Friday home. Yay home.
Sitting in a hostel in Manila, listening to insane traffic outside, eating the McDonalds I got on my way here. Because it's that time in the trip where I want a meal that tastes exactly as expected, like I always do at some point.

From here on, I'm on my own - the co-workers I've been with for the last week are off on their own trips. In the morning I go get on this wacky flight I had to paypal money to a gallery/cafe in the small town where I'm going to purchase... and go spend 4 nights in paradise. Alone, which isn't optimal, but hey - paradise. Really - google image search "el nido philippines" - white sand beaches and turquoise water. Of course, typhoons keep wandering by and it's been raining more often than not, but maybe I'll get lucky?

Still a little cranky about that alone part - that nobody I invited, include my mother (who I offered to pay for) would come. Could come? No, I'm going with would in at lease some cases. Sigh. So fucking tired of traveling alone. Perhaps the universe will decide to pull a joke and in another few years I'll be wishing for it? I think I'd be ok with that outcome.

Yet another fucking adventure. I almost didn't do it. Almost scheduled my flight home for tomorrow instead of planning this part, but I need the break so badly and if I went home... I wouldn't take it. Not really. There would be chores, work e-mail, things to do, people to see. (Plus it's cheaper here, since the tickets from the US are already covered.) So I've given myself permission that if all I do in this paradise I'm going to is read and sleep - that's ok. I'll probably do more... there are amazing tours of the islands and waterfalls and beaches... but if not - it's ok.

I'm really proud of myself - I'm traveling crazy light. A backpack and my purse. ~13.5kg. Lots of sink laundry, but that's not so bad. 5-6 days of clothing, all of it professional enough for the work part of the trip. Meds, toiletries, blankie, swimsuit, laptop, chargers. Flip flops and mary janes. Managed to lose my sweatshirt somewhere on path in the first day or two, but haven't needed it. It's been nice having so little - simple.

Humbling meeting the borrowers. Pig farmers glowing about how they raised their income from $1.5k US to $2.5k US with the loans we gave and how that allowed them to educate their children. How it's improved their lives, the lives of their children. Quizzing them on these details feels awkward, but this is how we fund those loans - we convince people that it will make a real difference, $25 at a time. One of the now-adult daughters works at the partner we visited, ASKI. Has a job that pays well and has benefits and really, measurably has a better life.

The places we got so see - so beautiful. Mountains and fog and rice fields - stunning. My photos are pretty but.... nothing to seeing it. I'm so glad that part of the trip happened, even though it was a surprise! two extra days in a car that I wasn't thrilled about. I just... want to share all of this?

The melancholy will pass, it will be a lovely time in paradise. Then I get a 22hr layover in Seoul on the way home to fill - still need to decide how.
Say it. Tell me something, ask me something, surprise me! I feel like there are lots of conversations out there that I'm not managing to have, good and bad.

Anon comments allowed, screening on - though unless asked not to, I may unscreen some comments to reply to them. Requests to remain screened will be honored.
This isn't actually meant as a dig at anyone. It's more a built up rant at something I see all over the place that really annoys me in all of its aspects. I hope nobody takes it personally, but if you do, feel free to contact me to talk about it.

I often see/hear people talking about "living authentically" and I can't help but think - I don't think that means what you think it means.

Because... really... how else is there to live? I'm confused.

Now - I know that what is generally meant by this is to live as the best you you are able to be, to really take a good look at yourself and make sure that you're making decisions with yourself taken into account, to really think about who you are and who you want to be. And that's important - it really is. Too many people are doormats, or live only for others and not for themselves, without thinking that through.

(Now, I think that it's possible for someone to choose to live primarily for others and for that to be just fine, and a reasonably healthy decision, but that's a discussion for another time and place.)

My issue with this is that I see it, over and over again, being taken too far. Being used as code for being selfish and rude without wanting to admit that a behavior is selfish and rude. It's been pointed out to me that culturally, we're anti-selfishness, and perhaps this is where this comes from. Ok, sure. So, maybe instead we need to embrace some amount of selfishness. I'm being SELFISH today! Yay!! But the rudeness, the stepping on others, I just can't get behind that.

Please - be who you want to be, be the best you that you can be. But don't step on my head to be that person. Don't give yourself away, or live for other people if you don't want to - but don't be an asshole, either. If you step on my toes on your path to authenticity, stop and apologize and acknowledge my pain, please.

Is the best you, the real you, an authentic jerk? Hey, maybe so... and if so, let me know so I can walk away now. But I really doubt it in most cases. I think it's often just a kid in a candy store type reaction to finally having a way to get to be selfish occasionally, and taking it too far.

Being authentic doesn't mean never taking the feelings of others into account. Or eventually you'll be authentically alone.
dangerpudding: Just Me. (Default)
( Jan. 16th, 2010 10:04 pm)
I've gotten this forwarded on (with permission) by Greenpeace, but don't know how many other folks are seeing it, so I'm posting here.

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.....we've decided to take the unprecedented step of sharing UN internal situation reports so you have the latest information from the ground. These reports provide extraordinary, first-hand detail to show you some of the work being done to save the 2 million children at risk.

I am so humbled by your overwhelming response to our early appeals. Already the U.S. Fund for UNICEF has committed over $11 MILLION in relief to Haiti.

P.S. Remind those you know that if they would like to help, the U.S. Fund has waived all administrative fees for anyone donating to Haiti relief efforts, so that 100% of every dollar donated will go directly to save the children of Haiti. http://www.unicefusa.org/haitiquake

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The following report from the Office of Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA) has been edited to remove internal contact information and to clarify abbreviations and subject headlines.

The mission of the United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA) is to mobilize and coordinate effective and principled humanitarian action in partnership with national and international actors.

Haiti – Earthquake
Situation Report #4
15 January 2010

This report was issued by the Office of Coordination for Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA), New York. The next report will be issued on or around 16 January 2010.

I. HIGHLIGHTS/KEY PRIORITIES
-- Logistics and the lack of transport remain the key constraints to the delivery of aid. Needs are still being identified as access becomes possible and as assessments begin to take place.
-- Displaced populations are currently scattered across multiple locations where there is open space. Temporary shelters urgently need to be established.
-- Fifteen sites have been identified for distribution of relief items. World Food Program reached 13,000 people today with food, jerry cans and water purification tablets (provided by International Office for Migration (IOM)).
-- 26 search-and-rescue teams are on the ground and deployed to priority sites. No additional urban search-and-rescue teams should be deployed at this stage.
-- A Flash Appeal for US$562 million was launched in New York today to cover 3 million people for six months.

II. SITUATION OVERVIEW

180 Tons Delivered
Flights carrying humanitarian aid are arriving in Port-au-Prince with medical supplies, medical teams, search-and-rescue teams, food and non-food items. A total of 180 tons of relief supplies have arrived in-country so far. Operations are heavily constrained due to the lack of fuel, transport, communications and handling capacity at the airport. Some flights are being re-routed through Santo Domingo airport, which is also becoming congested.

Focus: Search and Rescue
Response efforts are focused on search and rescue, medical assistance, the disposal of dead bodies and providing temporary shelter. There is also a need for food and water purification tablets. Fifteen distribution centres have been identified in Port-au-Prince for the distribution of relief aid, including high-energy biscuits and ready-to-eat meals.

Field Hospitals Coming Online
Twenty-six search-and-rescue teams are on the ground and deployed to priority sites. No further teams are required. It was also announced there are sufficient offers of field hospitals. Two field hospitals arrived in-country yesterday. Three more were expected to arrive today from Colombia, Jordan and Brazil. Two US field hospitals will arrive in the coming days one on Saturday that will be deployed next to the Coast Guard clinic at Killick and the other will arrive on 19 January with a 25 bed, two operating room unit with surgical teams.

Identification of bodies remains a problem, in conjunction with assigning responsibility for the recovery of bodies. The Government is identifying various grave sites. No reliable figures are available on the extent of fatalities.

Lack of Clean Water and Sanitation
World Health Organization considers water and sanitation a priority, given that only 50 percent of Haiti's population normally has access to clean water. There are 13 trucks of bottled water, courtesy of a Brazilian private company, arriving from the Dominican Republic today. Hospitals have been badly affected by water shortages, according to ICRC.

An unidentified number of hospitals are still functioning, but structural damage assessments need to be conducted to establish if the constructions are safe. ICRC workers in Port-au-Prince distributed medical assistance to five major hospitals and clinics, and to smaller facilities set up by local doctors in areas with a high concentration of earthquake survivors.

Makeshift camps for Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs) are scattered throughout the affected areas. UNICEF is collaborating with World Food Programme to share cargo space on a flight that will leave on 16 January from Dubai,

All Schools In Port-au-Prince Have Collapsed
The Government reported that all schools in Port-au-Prince have collapsed, so a 15-day school closure has been announced. Re-establishing radio transmission capacity is a priority to reach approximately 80 percent of the Port-au-Prince population.

Tracing Family Members in Haiti through ICRC Website
ICRC has activated a website http://www.familylinks.icrc.org/familylinks for tracing family members within Haiti. The aim is to accelerate the process of restoring contact between separated family members. It is managed by ICRC, in cooperation with the tracing services of the Haitian Red Cross Society and of National Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies throughout the world.

Haiti is currently at UN Security Phase 3. This will implicate ongoing operations in terms of limiting the ability to move around the city and work at night (which is also hindered by the lack of electricity). Patrols reported that the situation is calm in general, but there are reports of stone throwing at passing vehicles, looting and acts of vandalism. ICRC has inspected several prisons. The central prison was completely destroyed, meaning up to 4,000 prisoners have escaped.

International Office for Migration (IOM) staff at Haiti's border with the Dominican Republic report that although the situation is calm, traffic is increasing. International Office for Migration (IOM) reports a 10 percent increase in the number of Haitians trying to cross the border at the Jimaní border. A similar influx of people has been witnessed in the northern Haitian cities of St Marc, Gonaives and Cap Haitien, which were less affected by the earthquake.

A Flash Appeal was launched today in New York for $562 million to assist an estimated 3 million severely affected people over the next six months. It presents a rapidly developed initial response plan and funding requests, based on available information, estimates and inference. Twelve NGOs, 16 UN organizations and the International Organization for Migration are included in the appeal.

Acting Special Representative Edmond Mulet has arrived in-country and has assumed full control over MINUSTAH. Assistant Secretary General Tony Banbury will serve as the deputy SRSG. MINUSTAH and the humanitarian community will begin joint daily media briefings at the logistics base starting on 16 January.

II. HUMANITARIAN NEEDS AND RESPONSE
The country team in Haiti has already mobilized five clusters: Logistics (Lead: World Food Program); Camp Coordination and Camp Management (Lead: International Office for Migration (IOM)); WASH (Lead: UNICEF); Health (Lead: World Health Organization); Food (Lead: World Food Program). In addition, it is planned to mobilize the following clusters: Agriculture (Lead: Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO)) [it is expected that Food and Agriculture will merge in-country to form the 'Food Security Cluster']; Protection (Lead: OHCHR); Nutrition (Lead: UNICEF); Education (Lead: UNICEF); Emergency Telecoms: (Lead: World Food Program); Early Recovery (Lead: UNDP).

Global clusters are in the process of deploying dedicated coordination capacity to Haiti. All clusters have been requested to coordinate the movement of goods through the Logistics Cluster to avoid a backlog of goods at the airport. It is also critical to ensure harmonization of needs assessment, within and between clusters.

LOGISTICS
The US military is dispatching a Navy aircraft carrier and large-deck amphibious ship, as well as military transport aircraft and assessment teams to Haiti. The ship is expected to arrive today carrying, among other items, 12 helicopters. It will assume control of air traffic.

The Logistics Cluster recommends that Santo Domingo is used as the primary entry point for humanitarian relief destined for Haiti due to Port-au-Prince airport operating at diminished capacity. Some flights have been diverted to the Dominican Republic and Turks and Caicos Islands. There is no fuel available. Aircraft should plan at least one hour of holding fuel and enough extra fuel to get to a secondary airport after departing.

1) Health (World Health Organization), Logistics (World Food Program) and Telecomms (World Food Program) have already deployed large teams which are scheduled to arrive with equipment in Port-au-Prince in the next 24-48 hours, access permitted; WASH (UNICEF) and Emergency Shelter (International Office for Migration (IOM)/Red Cross Red Crescent (IFRC)) are deploying smaller teams and have stand-by teams ready; Protection (OHCHR) will send a cluster-coordinator, while Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHRC) is dispatching a three-person team to support protection activities; Camp Coordination and Camp Management (International Office for Migration (IOM)) has deployed a specialist to look into Camp Coordination and Camp Management issues given the likelihood of this sector to be established.

The mission of the United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA) is to mobilize and coordinate effective and principled humanitarian action in partnership with national and international actors.

2) Three hangers of warehouse space have been identified at the Port-au-Prince airport for storage and inventory of relief items.

The port remains non operational. The seaport in the Dominican Republic is being assessed for its suitability for receiving relief supplies. Panama is also likely to be used as a logistics hub.

Main urban roads in Port-au-Prince (including the airport road) are being cleared by MINUSTAH and the Brazilian battalion. Major axes are open. The road from Jacmel to Port-au-Prince is passable for "all terrain" vehicles (i.e. 4WD). The road from Santo Domingo to Port-au-Prince is becoming congested with the movement of personnel and cargo.

The World Food Program, United Nations Humanitarian Air Service (UNHAS) is launching a project to provide air support to the humanitarian community (proposal for 2 helicopters, 2 passenger fixed-wing aircraft and 1 cargo aircraft).

At the request of the Resident Coordinator/Humanitarian Coordinator, World Food Program has submitted a formal request to MSB (former SRSA) for base-camp modules to support UN humanitarian workers due to the destruction of the UN compound. MSB is arranging for the equipment and support staff to run a 200-person camp. It is scheduled to arrive in Port-au-Prince on 16 and 17 January.

The Logistics Cluster will co-locate a liaison officer within the MINUSTAH EJOC for the duration of the emergency to facilitate coordination.

FOOD
World Food Program distributions today included high-energy biscuits, jerry cans and water purification tablets (provided by International Office for Migration (IOM)) to 13,000 people in the following areas: Place Boyer, Champs de mars, Delmas 33 and Hospital de la Paix. There remains an urgent need for ready-to-eat foods (Meals-Ready-to-Eat and High-Energy Biscuits). World Food Program aims to assist 1 million people in the next 15 days.

World Food Program national staff have done assessments in the areas where they live, providing reliable information on people in need and distribution locations.

HEALTH
World Health Organization has deployed specialists to establish supply chains, and water and sanitation engineers to help restore shattered water and sanitation networks, communicable disease specialists, experts in trauma care, and public-health officers World Health Organization can advise on the management of dead bodies. At least 13 countries in the Americas have confirmed the deployment of medical teams.

Pan American Health Organization (PAHO)/World Health Organization is establishing a field office in Jimaní (Dominican Republic) to serve as a permanent bridge between this border city and to Port-au-Prince (approximately a 90-minute journey). The office will be a staging/transfer point for emergency humanitarian supplies and personnel needed in the Haiti response operation.

Warehouses in the Dominican Republic lack space for supplies, and new donations are coming in rapidly. Pan American Health Organization (PAHO)/World Health Organization has been collaborating with USAID and Management Sciences for Health (MSH) to exchange logistics information regarding medicines and medical supplies. The LSS/SUMA humanitarian supply management system will be installed in Jimaní to handle the management and distribution of resources.

United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) participated in a joint UN mission to hospitals along the border on 13 and 14 January. Patients are crossing the border to get treatment, but services are insufficient. United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) is concerned with the lack of supplies, especially for pregnant and delivering women. United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) is working to strengthen the capacity of these overstretched facilities with health kits and support staff, including midwives, nurses and doctors.

It is estimated that one quarter of the impacted population are women of child-bearing age, with thousands of pregnant women among them. Haiti has the highest rate of maternal death in the region: 670 deaths per 100,000 live births. With limited or no access to health facilities, pregnant women are at an even greater risk for complications and death related to pregnancy and childbirth.

The mission of the United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA) is to mobilize and coordinate effective and principled humanitarian action in partnership with national and international actors.

WATER, SANITATION AND HYGIENE (WASH)
WASH coordination has been established in Port-au-Prince. Meetings are taking place every day at 3 p.m. local time at the DINEPA (Direction Nationale de l'Eau Potable et Assainissement) office in Port-au-Prince. One WASH Cluster response team member has arrived in Port-au-Prince. One WASH specialist from UNICEF is in the Dominican Republic. No further information about WASH activities is available at this time due to communications constraints.

SHELTER
International Organization for Migration (International Office for Migration (IOM)) reports that the urgent needs for shelter are tents, jerry cans, aquatabs, kitchen and hygiene kits, mosquito nets, plastic sheeting, water bladders and tools, which should allow for the quick establishment of temporary settlements for the displaced.

EMERGENCY TELECOMMUNICATIONS
Phone communication remains difficult in most of the capital. However, text messages are getting through. Internet connections are possible in some areas, but constant access remains difficult.

Ericsson Response is planning to repair the mobile network system, with the support of DFS/DPKO and World Food Program. Ericsson Response volunteers will deploy shortly to ensure proper installation and service delivery for approximately 1,000 subscribers to be connected. OCHA will take the coordination role for service allocation for the humanitarian community.

PROTECTION
At the global Protection Cluster meeting, Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHRC)) was asked to support the OHCHR in its role as leader of the Protection Cluster in Haiti. The OHCHR is planning to send a protection team of three to four Human Rights Officers. Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHRC) will contribute with three additional protection staff. Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHRC)'s role will focus on protection, including border monitoring.

United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) says that it is crucial to put mechanisms in place to prevent and address gender-based violence. In Haiti, 27 percent of women are reported to be victims of some type of physical violence. Sexual and gender-based violence are often exacerbated in these extreme situations, posing a serious concern for women and young girls affected by the earthquake.

AGRICULTURE
The Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) office remains intact. Ten cars are available in Les Cayes, Fort Liberté, Gonaïves, Hinches and Jimani. Two experienced staff will arrive in Port-au-Prince on 18 January to begin Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO)'s agriculture sector assessment activities and contribute to coordination activities. In the coming week, more emergency personnel will arrive in Haiti to support the current Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) team.

IV. COORIDINATION
The Humanitarian Country Team, under the United Nations Deputy Special Representative of the Secretary General /Humanitarian Coordinator, holds primary responsibility for the coordination and provision of humanitarian assistance by the UN and partners. In the context of the integrated mission, MINUSTAH's operational capacity may be drawn upon in order to support the UN's operational response to natural disasters and other major humanitarian emergencies. The level of casualties sustained by Government civil servants and the damage to public buildings has significantly reduced the capacity of national authorities to lead and coordinate the response.

Concerns are raised that a large incidence of unsolicited and uncoordinated influx of humanitarian personnel and supplies entering into the country could stretch limited, critical logistical resources and impact the delivery of assistance. NGO consortia have been asked to play a role in monitoring and assessing the capabilities of voluntary organizations wishing to help.

The United Nations Disaster Assessment & Coordination (UNDAC) team continues to coordinate the On-Site Operations and Coordination Center (OSOCC) that has been established near the MINUSTAH logbase. A Senior OCHA Civil-Military Coordination Officer has been dispatched to Washington to discuss coordination efforts with USAID and the U.S. military.

The mission of the United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA) is to mobilize and coordinate effective and principled humanitarian action in partnership with national and international actors.

V. FUNDING
The Haiti Flash Appeal for US$562 million was launched today in New York. The appeal was prepared in coordination with Haitian authorities. It represents 12 NGOs, 16 UN organizations and the International Organization for Migration, and is based on their need to assist an estimated 3 million severely affected people over an initial period of six months
It's been a week (month?) of posts in various places about the fact that - SHOCK - sexism really truly still exists!!

This is starting to make me really tired, sad and cranky. Not because sexism still exists, but because the primary reaction I'm seeing is shock - shock that it's happening, shock that it's that obvious, shock that it's that bad, whatever.

Just in case anyone reading this isn't aware, yes, sexism still exists. I have dealt with it damn near every day of my career. I've had to prove myself to (nearly) every single person I've ever worked with in a way I never would have to if I had a penis (that wasn't sparkly).

It exists not just between members of different sexes, but even among the same sex. I've known female geeks who told female non-geeks that DUH of course they were going to be treated as if they weren't as smart as men, but that female geeks shouldn't have to tolerate that.

It's there. I deal with it every fucking day. I'm absolutely sure that I'm not alone in this.

If you think this sucks? Bring that into your real everyday life. The thing that is most upsetting is that these experiences only seem to be validated if they're written out on the internet. This is real shit. This is daily stress and tears. This is illegal but often not worth doing anything about because it's part of every bit of some of our lives. Don't keep your mouth shut when people make jokes. Don't make sexist jokes. Don't pass along stereotypes.
dangerpudding: Just Me. (earthheart)
( Nov. 6th, 2009 12:12 pm)
I've been seeing two words used in a way that is a lot closer to interchangeable than they actually are. I think this is a pretty huge problem, because it's leading to a wide-spread disagreement among people who are essentially on the same side of a problem.

The words? Hate and Anger. These words are not, lemme repeat - NOT synonymous! Here, I'll share what dictionary.com has to say:

hate
  /heɪt/ hat⋅ed, hat⋅ing,
–verb (used with object)
1. to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest: to hate the enemy; to hate bigotry.
2. to be unwilling; dislike: I hate to do it.
–verb (used without object)
3. to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility.
–noun
4. intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.
5. the object of extreme aversion or hostility.
Synonyms:
1. loathe, execrate; despise. Hate, abhor, detest, abominate imply feeling intense dislike or aversion toward something. Hate, the simple and general word, suggests passionate dislike and a feeling of enmity: to hate autocracy. Abhor expresses a deep-rooted horror and a sense of repugnance or complete rejection: to abhor cruelty; Nature abhors a vacuum. Detest implies intense, even vehement, dislike and antipathy, besides a sense of disdain: to detest a combination of ignorance and arrogance. Abominate expresses a strong feeling of disgust and repulsion toward something thought of as unworthy, unlucky, or the like: to abominate treachery.
Antonyms:
1. love.

an⋅ger
  /ˈæŋgər/
–noun
1. a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.
2. Chiefly British Dialect. pain or smart, as of a sore.
3. Obsolete. grief; trouble.
–verb (used with object)
4. to arouse anger or wrath in.
5. Chiefly British Dialect. to cause to smart; inflame.
–verb (used without object)
6. to become angry: He angers with little provocation.
Synonyms:
1. resentment, exasperation; choler, bile, spleen. Anger, fury, indignation, rage imply deep and strong feelings aroused by injury, injustice, wrong, etc. Anger is the general term for a sudden violent displeasure: a burst of anger. Indignation implies deep and justified anger: indignation at cruelty or against corruption. Rage is vehement anger: rage at being frustrated. Fury is rage so great that it resembles insanity: the fury of an outraged lover. 4. displease, vex, irritate, exasperate, infuriate, enrage, incense, madden.

What does this mean? This means that I can be angry at someone, or some action - without hating the person, or even necessarily the action. This means that while I understand that to some people, speech made in anger leads to hate or seems to stem from hate - it isn't, necessarily.

To quote something [livejournal.com profile] klwalton said on the subject:

I think this is the crux of the matter. There's this... *thing* I have run up against in pretty much every sphere in which I've become an activist: that my anger is unseemly and unhealthy and hateful.

Um, no. My anger is justified and righteous and is directed at the behavior of people who have hurt me and/or my own and I get to be even more angry when they attempt to or succeed in codifying their behavior into law.


This is true. In activism in a lot of areas, anger is seen as the enemy, because the goal is non-violent action, however direct or indirect it is.

The problem with that? I know a lot of activists. If you get them talking about the subjects they are passionate about, they *will* express anger. This doesn't mean that they hate the people doing the damage, cutting down the trees or killing the whales - in fact, I'd postulate that it means something far more positive.

I don't get angry at people I hate. Not really. People I hate aren't worth my energy or time, much less my anger. I get angry at people I love, care about, want to empathize with - when they aren't making sense to me, or are doing things that hurt me. Especially when they don't seem to care that these things hurt me.

I think that our anger hits its hottest, most righteous state when it stems from confusion, rather than hate. It's the anger that your parent won't let you run after the cute new pupppy (beside the deep river with fast currents). It's the anger that someone you respected and looked up to just made a comment showing that - without knowing they're talking about you - they don't think you're a person like they are, due equal protections under law or morals.

But I will also say: I'm DONE tamping down my anger. I'm done not showing it for fear of offending. I'm angry - I'm angry that my fellow Americans don't think I'm an equal citizen. I'm angry that they don't think my Mom and her partner should have the same rights my Mom and my Dad had. I'm fucking pissed off, and I'm not going to sit quietly any more, trying to gloss over things and make people happy.

And if you think that means that I hate you, or anyone, who I didn't hate yesterday - you're wrong. I don't hate many people - it's non-zero but close - and this sort of thing isn't what causes it. In this case I'm angry because I LOVE my country, my fellow citizens, my friends. I'm angry because despite that love, a significant number of them don't seem to love or respect me and those like me.
dangerpudding: Just Me. (Default)
( Apr. 30th, 2009 10:45 pm)
Here I am! And I have no idea what to say. Kinda reminds me of my first post to livejournal oh-so-many years ago.

Not sure what I want to do with this account, but it's worth playing with. What are you doing with your account?
So we have a number of prop 8 cases coming before the California Supreme Court in the near future. I don't think I'm alone in wanting to do something through all of this to show support. In discussion this evening, we came up with an idea -

From the sunset before the oral arguments begin until the decision comes down, we hold an ongoing single candle vigil. This starts with a rally, speeches, something, and ends the same ways - celebratory or silent unhappiness.

There's a lot of organization required to do this - setting up a schedule, getting commitment from people to stay there with the lit candle until someone comes to relieve them, training people to handle the opposition, planning rallies, getting permits, etc. This will require money, will require people with media skills, etc.

But honestly, the first thing it needs is support. So, I ask -

Is there support for this?

Feel free to re-post, pass on, etc.
dangerpudding: Just Me. (Default)
( Aug. 8th, 2008 01:10 pm)
[livejournal.com profile] brian1789 helped me figure out the best path to specific points along the trails we used last year. Sadly, it didn't go as well as hoped - this was the day I lost a boot to a mud puddle.
dangerpudding: Just Me. (demons)
( Mar. 10th, 2008 11:34 am)
"March is Question & Answer month. Ask a question, and I may or may not answer it. Questions are screened, and if I choose to answer, I'll answer in a separate post."
dangerpudding: Just Me. (Default)
( Dec. 31st, 2007 01:53 pm)
Image
Sarah and Kathleen in hats
Originally uploaded by marymactavish.
Too cute to not post. Yay! Thanks, [livejournal.com profile] mactavish.
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Heading for the water
Originally uploaded by sarahz00m.
I've written about the Andamans, and getting my scuba certification - now I've posted the few photos I have. Just beautiful..
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Nilgiri Mountain Railway
Originally uploaded by sarahz00m.
My first weekend in India, we went to the Nilgiri Mountains. I've posted some pictures from that already - from the first day spent wandering the lovely town of Coonoor. This set is photos from our ride on the Nilgiri Mountain Railway, a narrow-gauge steam train that runs up the mountains between Mettupalayam and Ooty, using rack and pinion to get up the very steep grades.

We got second class tickets, because we reserved them late. I'm glad we did. We shared our car with lots of people and spent lots of time talking to the family next to us and playing with their kids.
dangerpudding: Just Me. (earthheart)
( Oct. 11th, 2007 08:02 pm)
Today is National Coming Out Day. At NASA/Ames there was a celebration of this for the first time. Honestly, I didn't know that Ames *had* an LGBT group, much less that something like this could be put together there. The celebration had me laughing and in tears repeatedly through it.

First, Ardel Thomas, the chair of the LGBT Studies Department at CCSF, spoke. She talked about marching in Washington DC 20 years ago. About how powerful that was, for all involved. About how they were treated, about those who didn't come home from that - the ~200 people in the last stages of AIDS who went there, marched, and some of whom didn't survive. She spoke of the first time she saw the AIDS Memorial Quilt, the last time it was all on display in one place, across from the Vietnam Memorial. I've come to the conclusion that I would love to take a class from Professor Thomas.

Then, George Takei took the stage. He started by commenting that he was honored to be speaking at NASA. That he finds it really strange when NASA folks, scientists actually working on getting us to the next frontier, seem to find him and the other Trek stars to be heros. He talked about diversity within Star Trek. IDIC - Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations. Gender, race, sexual identity - both onscreen and off - were all widely ranging.

Then he spoke of what being an American means to him. He told of his childhood, the time he spent in internment first at Tanforan, then in a camp, thanks to Executive Order 9066. Of the view of the barbed wire fence and the guard tower - guns facing in - he could see through the window when he said the pledge of allegiance every morning in school. He told the story of the 442nd Regimental Combat Team - the Japanese-American men who chose to leave the internment camps and join the Army (women also made that choice, joining the WAC's). Amazing fighters, amazing feats. People who chose this, leaving their families in these camps, in custody of their own government. People who believed in America. He talked of asking one of these men why he did it - why he made that choice. The man responded that he said the pledge of allegiance every day while in school - and he believed and meant ever word of it.

He talked about the work, the time, the steps it's taken to make this country more and more diverse, more accepting, more inclusive. How each population has had to fight for their rights, their beliefs. How the front-runners of each population are critical.

He thanked all of us for fighting. For being open, for being there, for proving that we aren't abnormal, that the laws keeping us from having the same rights are abnormal. Marriage, military service, adoption. That this is the next fight and that by fighting it, we are joining the ranks of so many who came before us.

He took questions after this, chatting with us. One of the more interesting was someone asking about his decision to come out. He pointed out that while it's widely said that he came out in 2005, that is inaccurate. He has been with his partner for 20 years now, they have been out the entire time and have each been out for decades. In 2005 he publicly spoke out when Ahnold veto'd the first same sex marriage law that had come via the legislative process rather than the judicial, thus the media decided he was coming out for the first time.

By the by, I'm bisexual. In case anyone hadn't noticed. And today I feel honestly proud to be an American, for the first time in a while
dangerpudding: Just Me. (meeting the challenge)
( Aug. 7th, 2007 05:35 am)
Written while out taking notes for the final '10k walkback' geology test

Sitting, taking notes while a geologist wanders around gathering rocks and metabolic data. Realizing that I'm sitting on coral reef. Here, this place, it's home. In my normal polyhomed way, but also.. I could be in a canyon in Arizona writing this. I think that's why the comments I get about how desolate it is here don't resonate. I see so much here - place, history, people, features, wildlife. Some of that is being here, some my history and some deep in who I am.

I leave here tomorrow. As always, I don't know when or if I'll be back. This place joins so many others that have challenged me, that have caused me to step up and pull through. Physical, mental, emotional, intellectual, professional. It has all become a part of who I am. I will move on from here not different, but more. Tools (powertools) added to my bag-o-tricks.

I pick big challenges. Not the biggest, perhaps, but far from small. Weeks and months of foreign territory, over and over again. Either I love it or I don't learn my lesson. Or, perhaps, I still have lessons to learn.
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Memorials of all sorts
Originally uploaded by sarahz00m.
This evening I placed one of the [livejournal.com profile] motogrrl Memorial Geocoins, at [livejournal.com profile] karenbynight's request. I picked here and now for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that it's approaching the end of the world up here, nearing the bounds of where there is to go (if you're going north).

Another reason (the when) is that today would be her birthday. I held on to the coin until now, rather than placing it earlier, because it felt special to me. I have no idea if it was special to her or not but if it was, I hope she was watching.

The bigger 'here' related reason is that the coin reads "We shall not cease from exploring". If there is anything we do here it is to push ahead in exploration. Of this planet, of the next, and on into the everything. Due to that, there are also memorials here for each of the Columbia Astronauts. The cache holding the memorial coin is overlooked (as is camp) by the Inukshuk memorializing Rick Husband.

Explorers, adventurers, lovers of doing and thinking, learning and discovering. They gather here, in body or in spirit. I hope that I have added another piece to that energy.

I'm not going to lock this, feel free to link, I know I don't know anything approaching the number of people who loved Leigh Ann.
dangerpudding: Just Me. (swashbuckle)
( Jul. 1st, 2007 05:21 pm)
[livejournal.com profile] princeofwands and I just spent an hour driving around to find the 7-eleven turned Kwik-e-mart in Mountain View. Success! It's the new one over on Shoreline by the Googleplex.

Pink donut with sprinkles and a squishee. Radioactive Man thrown in for good measure.

Whee!!!
dangerpudding: Just Me. (doors)
( May. 20th, 2007 06:16 pm)
I've got a loveseat I want rid of - entirely a matter of not wanting to deal with it, so it's free.

My Craigslist Ad

If you want it and know where we are, c'mon and get it. If you can, call or IM me to let me know it's gone.
dangerpudding: Just Me. (Default)
( Jun. 26th, 2006 09:22 am)
So, we can't find our Firefly DVD's, and have a feeling that we've lent them out to someone. No memory of who. However, I want to take them up north with me.

Can anyone help me out? If you have our set - fantastic. If you have another set you'd be willing to be without, we'll happy hand over ours when they return (assuming it's before I return) or a new set later if necessary.

If not, I'll probably go buy another set today, I'd just like to avoid it if possible (I've got more then enough on my last-minute to-do list).
.