nadia

how do you know if someone is safe? how do you know if someone is trustworthy? how do you know if someone is a person you can depend upon? how to you know if someone is a true friend?
 

when i became real i was charged with protecting our heart and the answer was simple. no one can be trusted. love isn't real.

but that seemed like an oversimplification. becoming human seemed to mean learning to trust, or at least allowing lo (@frogfriend) to do this. we trust our partner. to a degree. but. she is not allowed to know my name. she is not allowed to know me. she is very protective of the concept of humanity and personhood and it comes from a love of people. but it is not flexible enough for me to exist as more than imaginary or a construct and that is mostly fine we don't operate in a way where i need a lot of acknowledgement but she doesn't know me. but she loves lo, or us as a collective, and we live together, help each other, and she won't abandon us.

i was perhaps too quick to trust a partner who did seem to want to know me. but they were preoccupied protecting their own heart. we loved them and might have loved them forever but i could learn to trust and they would not. as a result, a friendship we held dear, had invested in, and had learned to depend on, is up in smoke.
 

mocks self for having the feelings it posted about earlier
#i can be cruel #but mostly to my self
 

foolish of me to make a friend. foolish of me to trust. this won't happen again.
 

sorry for throwing a fit. i don't mean that.