getting ready to rumble in my studio

matt's mom is here for the week to help me so i get some studio time, 

so,

 during the mornings this week

 take these two lovely kiddos out of the picture,

 and it's just me.

just (maybe) i often have unrealistic expectations for my time (insert my husband's laughter here and a sarcastic comment like "ya think?!"), and think i'm going to accomplish as much in 20 hours as someone like gwenyth paltrow does before breakfast. silly, silly me.

but hey, it's good to aspire, right?

on my list to get done between 7:30 am and 1 pm today through friday? 

ok to be completely honest i'm not going to share my whole, entire completely unrealistic list, because you would just laugh, and i get enough of that from matt. (although seriously? he's the pot calling the kettle black, since he usually carries 49 books around with him at any given time, because he expects he'll have time to read them) i also like to add a few easy things to the list to feel accomplished right off the bat, you know what i'm saying?

• unpack all my art stuff
• organize studio
• workout every morning with my bff jillian
• drink coffee (see? already done. look at me, taking names)
• blog every day (ditto)
• get girls up, dressed, fed & out the door with snacks & lunches (i'm so awesome. done, done & done.)
• finish sketches for 3 upcoming papyrus commissions: anniversary, aunt birthday & mom to daughter birthday
• finish inside card artwork & envelope liner artwork for grandpa birthday card
• come up with some brilliant & wonderful mother's day card ideas and sketches (due monday)
• make 9 pieces of art for my mail art group & mail it out
• do the dishes
• clean out art storage unit & get artwork photographed

(my real list would also include things like finish christmas & birthday thank you notes, deep clean the house, hang artwork & mirrors, hang curtains in guest room, wash windows, organize closet, clean hall closet, etc etc)

we all know i'll get like two things done from my first list and nothing done from my unabridged list, but we all have to start somewhere, right?

off to take on the world!

right now

(we all need time to sit small & rest)

Outside my window...darkness.

I am thinking...of how it is late, and how quickly the morning will come to begin another day.

I am thankful for...these moments of sitting on the couch next to matt, in the quiet of our livingroom as he reads and i write and the girls are sleeping upstairs.

From the kitchen...the low buzz of our refrigerator & one more round of dishes to wash (matt washed a few rounds already today-i take no credit)

I am wearing... a black sweatshirt, black legwarmers, cropped yoga pants, and over it all-a wooly blanket to keep me warm.

I am creating...even if i can't paint for hours every day in a studio on a huge canvas with oil paint. (oh, but i miss the smell of oil paint)

I am going...to wonder how this season of life raced by so very quickly.

(reading with my mom and little brother 

when i was m's age and johnny was ruby's age.)

I am reading...our book club book-hopefully i can knock out the last hundred pages by the time we meet this weekend!

I am hoping...that i get some fantastic baked treats on my doorstep this week (hint, hint amy nicole)

I am hearing...the sound of aimee mann's christmas album on my headphones. oh yes, my friends, i am testing out christmas music. (thank you daphne for sending me multiple festive offerings to try out. anyone else want to send me a copy of your preferred tunes? i'll gladly give you my address...)

Around the house...half finished projects in various states of undone-ness. (editorial note: what's new- that is the story of my life.)

A few of my favorite things...a blank page & the time to fill it, getting a package in the mail, homemade caramel sauce, laughing with matt, alizarin crimson, when ruby rests her little head on my shoulder, the song 'o holy night'

A few plans for the rest of the week: figure out my kids art class for next week and my crafting/eating/hanging fest i'm hosting the weekend, a parent-teacher conference at m's school, catching up with friends i haven't talked to in a bit.

what are you doing right now? 

(format taken from here...the simple woman's daybook.)

today

my friend nicole introduced me to the simple woman's daybook. i like the format because it allows me to slow down and think about my day, but it is also essentially fill-in-the-blank. perfect for a day when i am weary after a long day of traffic (hours of it today between going to and from school! so over traffic), two girls who refused to sleep at the same times, a potential ear infection, and a freelance deadline. i am so grateful for life, really, even with all of the little things that can make a day hard.

Outside my window...it is quiet, dark, cold, and the street is wet with rain.

I am thinking...about this season of life as a mom, a parent of a deaf child, and an artist, and how i can make more art while still being a good mother.

I am thankful for...every single time my daughter turns to my voice and hears me; for ruby's contagious smile and snuggliness; for matt loving his dramatic wife; for our newly instated family dinners at my mom's house; for a new day every time the sun rises.

From the kitchen...some of matt's pinto beans, fresh tortillas, roasted broccoli, and a reese's cup left over from halloween.

I am wearing...black jeans, cozy sweater and a tank top.

I am creating...new potential card designs for papyrus and in my mind- very large, beautiful oil paintings (soon & very soon)

I am going...to soak up as much as possible of this season. as much as i struggle to wake up so much in the middle of the night to feed ruby, or to be patient when my girls are being difficult, i remember that time passes so quickly- and someday i will long for a baby to hold, or a toddler to chase.

I am reading...a gardening book on planting succulents. exciting, i know. i put our book club book down fro a while because it was depressing me.

I am hoping...that the fluid in m's ears disappears so she doesn't get yet another ear infection; for time to think about art tomorrow.

I am hearing...silence from upstairs (finally!) as my girls are both asleep after a long day of needing mommy. and...listening to mumford  & sons. deep down in my bones good for me to listen to their music.

Around the house...so much to do, but it will still be there for me to do later, and so i am sitting and resting.

One of my favorite things (actually a few of my favorite things)...the sound of my husband's voice calling for me when he gets home; getting love in the mail; all white bedding; diet coke; when my daughter wants to hold my hand; nursing ruby.

A few plans for the rest of the week: get more than 4 consecutive hours of sleep; write long overdue thank you notes; organize my girls' clothes and swap them out for larger sizes; celebrate my niece sadie's birthday with treats and a party in the park; kick out a bunch of amazing artwork

a picture of one of these moments: 

(matt putting up with a dramatic moment on my part)

today

life tumbles along, and i feel a bit discombobulated. yesterday at little m's summer school, my friend told me she felt like life hadn't stopped for the last three years and all of a sudden it had caught up and was overwhelming. it's like that sometimes when we finally have chance to catch our breath. i'm sitting in the midst of busyness at a peet's coffee, headphones on to push out the rest of the world. i have two hours to work on freelance this morning and again this afternoon and so i am stealing a few of those minutes this morning to pause in this space that i write.

i spotted this link to the simple woman's daybook at deliajude, and loved the format. (lists are the best. if only i could writes lists like this more often- it would be a good way to glance back at my days and weeks and months. then again, i blog...!)

FOR TODAY
Outside my window...cars, buses, passersby, sunshine, hectic life is rushing by.
I am thinking....that i miss making big oil paintings + sitting in my studio.
I am thankful for....sharing good food with new friends on a warm summer evening.
From the kitchen...barley salad, onion tart, grapefruit granita, iced coffee.
I am wearing...black long sleeve shirt (with reminders of art making on the sleeves), cozy cropped pants, flip flops.
I am creating... memories with my daughters, potential cards for papyrus, space for art.
I am going...to remind myself that my expectations for "accomplishing" each day are unrealistically high.
I am reading..."The Vagrants" (a bit behind schedule for my book club that met last week)
I am hoping...to live with grace, patience & wisdom today.
I am hearing...Mumford & Sons (thanks Jair)-music that swallows me up & heals me somehow.
Around the house...ants invading in little black lines, little m building "towers" from blocks, my empty water glasses.
One of my favorite things...getting packages or notes in the mail.
A few plans for the rest of the week: taking the girls to summer school, visiting with my aunt & cousin from far away, picking plums, baking brownies, dance parties with little m, many hours of nursing.

Here is picture for a thought I am sharing...

{towers, by m}

list smackdown

so, my daughter is asleep.

list #1
here is my while-she-is-napping list, in order of priority
(keep in mind she is already halfway through her nap):
1. freelance emails
2. put away dishes
3. wash dirty dishes
4. make bed
5. clean up livingroom
6. clean bathroom
7. design & print my too-late-for-christmas so now a happy-2010 cards
8. take a nap because this baby sucks the life out of me! (and it's only just the beginning)
9. finish filing insurance reimbursements
10. drink tea

list #2
this is what i am going to accomplish:
1. freelance emails (done)
2. blog (doing)
3. drink tea
4. think about how i didn't get any of the other things done

why is it that list #2 always wins the smackdown over list #1?

best of 2009...surprise!

{ideally every day from now until december 31st, but more like every 4 or 5 days, i will be including a "best of 2009" post, with lists & thoughts galore about my favorites and best ofs the past year. check back in and feel free to share your related best of 2009 in the comments, or suggest a best of topic!}

today's topic: best surprise of 2009

(another bundle of delight to keep our hands full, coming our way in may 2010)

best of 2009...kitchen sink category

{ideally every day from now until december 31st, but more like every 4 or 5 days, i will be including a "best of 2009" post, with lists & thoughts galore about my favorites and best ofs the past year. check back in and feel free to share your related best of 2009 in the comments, or suggest a best of topic!}

i'm trying to catch up...

todays topic: random best of's from this year

best future blaçkmail shot

best vacation stop off...ostrich land!
by the way, feeding emus and ostriches is more stressful than you'd imagine

best old-school, cheaper, closer & cooler than disneyland, no product placement, little person friendly oakland location: fairyland

best pretend big sister: elodie.
sad for us (& little m) that she moved to france.

best christmas gift from 2008 that we used all of 2009 (besides my hobo wallet):
matt's pasta maker from my sister rebecca.
mmm. yummy homemade pasta abounded at our house.

best 2009 hangout spot at our house: the firepit.
somehow it always attacks me with smoke (i swear, it is like i have a bullseye on me), but nonetheless, we spent many an evening with many a friend having good long conversations around this cozy firepit.

best artsy & simulateously yummy cafe: blue bottle, on the top floor of sfmoma

best go-to recipe: alice waters' carmelized onion tart.
i've said it before: easy, addictive, and beautiful. yum.

best contortionist/future cirque du soleil member: little m while sleeping in her crib.
she moves just as much while she sleeps as she does when she's awake.
(and that's a lot in case you were wondering.)

best accessory purchase: these cute grey suede heels i bought for my sister-in-laws wedding.
love them.

lies, all lies

so, whatever happened to a blog post a day these last few weeks of december? sigh.

i was on a roll, and then christmas happened and all my glorious plans went out the window.

add to that a series of very sleepless nights, and ...out goes my blogging time...and in goes a few more minutes of more morning sleep. then one sick 20 month old, her sleep deprived and sicky feeling mama, and we go into survival mode. survival mode does not include blogging time, in case you were wondering.

so, i promise, lots of best of 2009 in the next couple days.

if anyone is still reading this blog, that is.

p.s. also, i should note that in a furious attempt to amend the fact that i saw zero movies in 2009, my husband has made it his mission for me to see a few in these final days of december. so i've seen 3 in the last 4 days.

p.p.s thanks for all of the good movie recommendations so far. i think january will be renamed movie-uary in our household.

best of 2009...athletic feats

{every day from now until december 31st i will be including a "best of 2009" post, with lists & thoughts galore about my favorites and best ofs the past year. check back in and feel free to share your related best of 2009 in the comments, or suggest a best of topic!}

today's topic: athletic feats

unaware that she is already a yoga expert,
little m masters the plank pose at the tender age of 8 months.
well done, little one!

(impressive, since i can't even rock a plank pose that nice.)
technically this was a few days before the calender turned to 2009,
but it was in the last year (and i can bend the rules, right?)

note, this list is comprised of one, and only one feat.
as in, i have personally accomplished zilch when it comes to athletic endeavors this year.

best of 2009..chip off the block moments

{every day from now until december 31st i will be including a "best of 2009" post, with lists & thoughts galore about my favorites and best ofs the past year. check back in and feel free to share your related best of 2009 in the comments, or suggest a best of topic!}

today's topic: chip off the block moments

the older little m gets, the more i see little glimpses of matt and i in her. she is, and has been from birth, fiercely independent. but at the same time, my heart wells up with pride here and there as i see her mimicking her mom and dad. here are 9 of them:1. social as she can be, she needs healthy doses of alone time, just like matt.

2. at the same time, our little one gravitates to other human beings- strangers or friends. (just like her mommy...) she can't help but interact with people if they are close by. i'd say i don't know where she gets it from, but then i'd be a liar. usually she hates the cart at the store & melts down (as in, strangers come up to me and ask me if my screaming child is ok); when she got to sit with micah in the cart, she was happy as could be.

3. mmm. our mini foodie. here she devours a salted chocolate cookie at cafe fanny in berkeley. (smart girl)

4. picking wine with her daddy
(she looks like an expert, right?)

5. my mini me artist. her new word is "co!" i finally realized she is saying she wants to color! on paper, on the floor, on her clothes, on the bills, on her hands. i have a difficult time coming down too hard on her, since, well, that is exactly what i used to do.
6. little m has definitely been around some dinner parties...at school last week she pulled chairs up to the table, and then proceeded to plop a baby into the highchair. (note the position of the poor baby in the highchair) she then gathered and set the table with cups, plates, silverware, a pitcher, and bottles for her guests. so serious. so focused.
7. so. my daughter is a flirt. this may be many years in my past, but at one point, maybe, a little bit, here and there, i was known to be a teensy bit flirtacious. it must have just been passed on in the gene pool somehow.
8. my poor mom- she always wanted to read me stories, but i wanted to "read" them to myself, and now i am reaping that with little m. she likes to snuggle up on my lap too, but she prefers to read stories to herself, to turn the pages by herself, and to pick the books by herself. (the "by herself" theme being one that is replicated in many areas of her daily routine.)
9. apparently we talk on our phones.

how about you? does your kidlet mimic you? or as you get older are you realizing that you do things exactly the way your mom or dad did?

best of 2009...movies

{every day from now until december 31st i will be including a "best of 2009" post, with lists & thoughts galore about my favorites and best ofs the past year. check back in and feel free to share your related best of 2009 in the comments, or suggest a best of topic!}

today's topic: movies

this is going to be a short one...and this is why: i just didn't watch movies in 2009. i've wracked my brain and the only movies i saw in the theater this last year were the following: ghost of girlfriends past, bride wars, funny people and julie & julia.

(please don't cringe at the first two. so just maybe it is a tradition that my two former roommates and i take turns treating each other to the latest girlie movie. the key is to have low expectations for the actual film quality)

i really liked funny people. (it was a little on the long side, but a good movie)
i really like julie & julia. (i'd read as far as i could in the book the film is based on, but the author (who is played by amy adams in the movie) was super annoying & abrasive, so i put it down about 150 pages in. amy adams, although not as good as meryl streep, definitely redeemed julia, transforming her into a much more likable character.)

so.
tell me.
my list is too short
(i do love movies. it's just for some reason or another we haven't had space for movies this year. maybe it has something to do with watching the entire 5 seasons of the wire on dvd.)
and i need some tips!
what movies from 2009 should i watch?

best of 2009...road trip

{every day from now until december 31st i will be including a "best of 2009" post, with lists & thoughts galore about my favorites and best ofs the past year. check back in and feel free to share your related best of 2009 in the comments, or suggest a best of topic!}

today's topic: road trip!

i remember the very first grown-up road trip i ever took- it was with my two best friends in high school, karin and sirena. our senior year, in december of 1991, we drove from the bay area to palm springs, in southern california. i didn't have my license yet so i lucked out and got to just go along for the ride. at the time the drive seemed so long, and like such freedom! no parents (well, we were meeting karin's dad in palm springs, but no parents in the car as we drove!)! for me, that was a first. i had grown up going on family road trips for vacation, but this was different.

i still remember that first road trip almost every single time i drive down the long, boring, monotonous stretch of freeway that cuts through california from north to south: the 5. i was just 16, a few weeks shy of 17 years old, and despite the boredom of the route it was a monumenta weekend in my life. i remember singing at the top of my lungs to love and rockets, that one hit wonder, creating random jokes about the aquaducts we passed over, and having conversations that just didn't happen outside of a long car ride.

i've gone on countless road trips since- with family, friends, college roommates, post college roommates, with matt. sometimes they aren't so magical, but each drive that contains rest stops, gas stations, fast food, long conversations, new or old routes, favorite songs has the capacity for something different outside of the daily grind.

this year, two favorite road trips.
#1: my mini road trip in august to big sur with matt.

he planned it all, and just like in high school, i was just along for the ride. (i didn't have to drive at all! you may notice- i don't really so much enjoy driving. i prefer the passenger role.) it is the same route we took the day he proposed, and we drove right by the spot he asked me to be his best friend forever. we left little m at home with my mom, so the drive itself was incredibly mellow, and beautiful as we wound down the california coast. the best part is that the whole point of our trip was essentially to eat at big sur bakery and restaurant. it was worth every dollar we spent on gas. beautiful drive, peaceful time with my beloved, yummy food, hotel room overlooking the coast. yeah- pretty great road trip (and destination.)

the fabulous
you should really go there
i am not kidding
big sur bakery
so maybe we ate lunch, the next day's breakfast and lunch there.
just maybe.
ok, we did.

road trip #2:
me, passenger (shocking)
brothers jonathan and aaron, my companions...
to the u2 concert in arizona!
we drove straight through the night, and if you need the details you can read the post here

um, this was the first time i'd been at carl's jr in a looooooong time.
but i think on road trip fast food is kind of, well, obligatory. this is also at hour...oh, maybe two. so we look bright and cheerful. we had a long freaking way to go still. sometimes the road trip is as much about the destination as the drive itself. our ride had its relational ups and downs- how could it not when we were driving on very little sleep, siblings stuck in a car for almost 26 or so hours there and back? but it's been a while since i've spent that much time with my brothers and it was good. good to push through the tough moments to better conversations, which we usually can gloss over in other less claustrophobic situations. and last but not least, it was so good to listen to old & new u2 songs and belt our hearts out. good stuff, my friends. it was a family sing along, and when i say family, i of course include bono in that.

have you had any good road trips in 2009?
(any bad ones?)

best of 2009...worth every penny

{every day from now until december 31st i will be including a "best of 2009" post, with lists & thoughts galore about my favorites and best ofs the past year. check back in and feel free to share your related best of 2009 in the comments, or suggest a best of topic!}

today's best of 2009 topic-worth every penny:

there are certain things in life that i feel should be free (or close to it). i'm not saying this list is logical or exhaustive, but there are a couple of things that i really, really wish i didn't have to shell money out for, and i wish would just be included in the all over, general cost of existing. (i repeat- this list is not logical. it is entirely based on my emotional response to paying money for the following services.)

a few examples of things that in susannah-world would be free: car upkeep/repairs, gas and electric (oh, how i hate to pay that bill), parking (this covers meters, parking garages & parking tickets), bridge tolls (similar to, but different from parking), iced coffee costing more than hot coffee (really? ice costs ten cents more? don't try to convince me. it won't work.), sunglasses (hello, i lose them as soon as i buy them), and gas for my car. (i see a trend- most of these are car related. maybe that's why my car is 14 years old and has 260,000 miles on it.)

on the other hand, there are some things that are worth every penny that you pay for them, and these are the ones that stand out to me this year:

• my black hobo wallet which matt got me for christmas 2008. i use it every day. i love it. it works as a wallet or small purse. it has compartments for every single item, and i can now always find my credit card, license, assorted receipts, and on and on. it was pricey, but it is one of my very favorite things. i. love. love. it.
• my neighborhood peets coffee. i know- i can make coffee and tea at home too. (and i do.) but i love coming to this neighborhood spot and running into friends and family. it's one of my very favorite things. plus, when i am working on freelance i can camp out here for 9 hours and no one cares. i use lots of gift cards here, but it's true- i've spent more than a few pennies at this cafe in 2009. it is my local watering hole, a place to blog, a spot where i can work in peace that is close to home, & a place i can meet friends to laugh, cry and catch up.
• really good bread. fresh, good bread, made locally is so so worth the time and money of a trip to the bakery. lucky for me, this french bakery, la farine, is right next door to the peets. not so lucky for me, they also have really good treats which are not of the bread variety but of the sugar and butter variety. yum.
  
• the new york times. i love carving out a bit of time every weekend to read the ny times- starting with sunday styles, the magazine, travel, and slowly making my way to the front section. plus i can pop online and read any article throughout the week even though we only get the paper version on the weekend. sometimes i think we should unsubscribe because, well, it isn't free (or cheap), and because some weeks i hardly make it through half the paper. but it is worth the extra cost because the photography is amazing (& visually inspiring) as are the articles. i often tear sections out to bring to my studio or to stick on the fridge. so, pricey but valuable.

• counseling. this year matt and i have dropped quite a chunk of change on meeting with a therapist every week. it's kind of like a mortgage payment on my personal well-being. i won't lie- we get a discount, but it is still really pricey to go on a regular basis. initially we went to sort through the difficulties of 2008 with little m's deafness and things with my dad. but very quickly our conversations expanded into all sorts of things - relationships, little m, our marriage, healthy family patterns, etc. every week i kind of drag my feet at going, and then i am so so happy that we've gone and talked, listened, and done the hard work of working through live and being intentional as parents, friends, family members, and spouses. so, thousands of dollars later, happy as can be that we've made an investment in the future.

runner-up (& in the shallow, beauty category):

• hair care products. i hesitate to mention this because, well, my hair is a hot mess these days. but that's because of my lack of haircut since february 2009. meanwhile, i have in between curly and straight hair, so cheap hair products don't work so well. it takes me a year to get through my massive bottles of aveda shampoo/conditioner and my bumble & bumble hair product, so when i buy them my heart does a little crunch. but then when they last for over 52 weeks and i am not tossing half used bottles of cheap shampoo that doesn't work, i feel frugal and wise. (may be justification, who knows...)

how about you? what was worth every penny to you in 2009?

things i do not like

things i do not like, by me

1. earthquakes. no, we didn't have one, but i swear there is going to be the big one any time, and i am so not down with the earth quaking! maybe it doesn't help that i basically live smack dab on top of a freaking faultline.

2. tuesday and thursday mornings, as in, the days little m goes to school. somehow she just knows we need to hurry to get out the door, and she goes into super slow motion. my normally super active eater starts day dreaming, looking at the ceiling, playing with her food... meantime, i am looking anxiously at the clock thinking of how we will be late once again to morning music. 

3. eggs (as in sunny side up or poached or hardboiled...unless they are a vehicle for something else, like an omelette, or cookies, no eggs for me), fish & all creatures of the sea, mayo, bananas, random pressed meat products that you eat cold (like pate, etc). matt says i am high maintenance.

4. bad drivers. i think there has been an epidemic of poor driving lately around here, and i swear i am becoming a much less patient occupier of the road. 

5. dirty dishes. especially silverware. someday we will have a dishwasher, and my heart will leap for joy. for reals. (lucky for me, i should say that matt usually washes the dishes! he's good to me like that...)

things i do like:

1. today i get to work in the studio.

(the end)

smartypants potentially=me

hmm. new years resolutions? not so much for me. i mean, since my birthday is january 14th, i usually wait until then and i come up with goals for the year. usually i do one goal for every year, but it is getting more daunting as i age... today i was thinking though about all of the things i want to learn about, all the classes i'd like to take this year. 

here's my list so far:

• sewing
• american sign language
• photography
• photoshop
• yoga (i kind of fell off the wagon with this one post little m)
• cooking
• silkscreening
• letterpress printmaking
• bookbinding

i know it's not going to happen, but hey, it's good to dream, right? any of you want to tutor me in any or all of the above?

5 words or phrases i use too much on my blog and in real life

1. pretty much: i pretty much say pretty much all the time.

2. literally: so easy to toss in a sentence. literally. so. easy.

3. amazing: i'm sure you've noticed if you've read more than 2 posts..i think a lot is amazing.

4. cute or the variations supercute + cuteness: ok, so this one i use a little more in real life, but the blog is not exempt from cute.

5. apparently: as in, apparently i pretty much think everything is supercute. or apparently i have a very limited vocabulary. this one is all in the tone of voice that you say it. this is a new one in my vocabulary roster this year. 

{addendum- i forgot a word:}

5 1/2. seriously: this one is friends with literally, but i use this one liberally in all sorts of conversations.

5 things i'm over- 2008 version

1. our nice neighbor feeding the squirrels and local feral cats. as a result of her constant snack allotment, they are basically overrunning our garden in tag-team fashion and stealing all of the seeds or leaving behind stinky reminders of their presence.

2. wasteful parkers. when you park on the street, just keep in mind that maybe the three feet in front of your car and the four feet behind your car could be consolidated into one seven foot stretch where someone else could park. i know this is more of an urban issue, but, people, please. think of others trying to find a parking spot! oh, and if you are parking on your street and you actually have a driveway- here's a crazy idea: use it. i promised matt in january that i would no longer rant about wasteful parkers, but it's the end of december and i've done pretty well so far, so i gave myself permission. 

3. the fact that every time i leave a message on a cell phone, that the automated voice explains to me to leave a message after the beep for 5-10 seconds. it is 2008, not 1984, and we live in the united states of america, not in the rural part of a developing country where voicemail or answering machines are a novel thing; i think 99% of the population understands that a beep preceded by voicemail message is the prompt to leave your own message in return. i know that it is a dumb way for cell phone companies to bump up the length of your call in order to make more money but obviously, i can't let go.

4. hearing loss. i know it's not going anywhere; it's pretty much here to stay in our family. and i never ever ever want a different daughter than the one i have, but i'm kind of over what comes with little m being deaf: hearing aids, hearing aid feedback, speech therapy, the dumb things people say about her deafness, the fact that people's pets can hear and my child can't and the random waves of fill-in-the-blank emotion (depends on the day: sad, angry, weary, etc) that hit me out of nowhere. let me repeat, i love my daughter just the way she is, i'm just over all the aforementioned. some days it's just hard.

5. lying + manipulating. ok, so i know this list went from mindless to serious fast right around #4, but wow- when you are in relationship with someone who lies and manipulates it's pretty hard to heal, move on, and hope for something new. i think matt and i both (as well as a few other people i could list) are ready for a big dose of healthy in 2009. the problem is, when you're wounded by someone who lies it takes a really long time to get to a place where you can evolve into wholeness and trust. 

here's to 2009: the year of fewer scavenging garden critters-bad parallel parkers-voice mail instructions-hearing loss dramas-and-plain ole' lies. (seems a little too long to be a slogan, but here's hoping anyway)

favorite restaurants this year

yesterday i spent a good ten minutes talking up oakland to someone who thought that it was pretty much one big homicide scene. yes, there are LOTS of problems in oakland- i know. i literally heard someone get shot and killed on the block behind me this year, so i get it. but, even so, oakland is an amazing place to live and i'm glad i live here. maybe i'll do a list about that now that i think about it...i digress. one of the great things about oakland, and one of my talking points in yesterday's pro-oaktown convo, are the many delicious and diverse restaurants. this entry is kind of oakland centric, so apologies to my out of town friends. (although perhaps the list will entice you to come visit me)

so, matt and i hit some new spots and stuck to some old favs this year...we disagree on some, but i'll throw them all in there in no particular order:

• bakesale betty- the best fried chicken sandwich you have ever had. glorious. there seemed to be a dip in quality control a few months back; i think they were trying to make too many every day and the sandwiches took a bit of a hit, but lately they seem to be back and just as good as they ever were. one of the highlights of waiting in line? you always get free treats: cookies, fresh lemon or strawberry icees, or strawberry shortcake. they hand them out constantly so you can pretty much bet on getting lots of extra sugary goodness to top off your already calorie-laden meal.
• vientian- this lao thai cambodian restaurant is a couple of blocks away from our house and is cheap and really good. somehow i always forget about it, and then i go there and it's fabulous, and i get out of there with leftovers and change from a ten dollar bill.
• camino-matt loves this spot on grand avenue. we've gone twice, once just the two of us and once with our friends geoff and francesca. here's why matt likes it: not many options. they make seasonal, fresh, local stuff, and they make it well. here's why i don't like it quite as much: not many options. since i am not that into the taste of creatures that dwell in the sea, and the menu seems seafood heavy, i am limited to maybe one or two things. also, the drinks are in glasses the size of a thimble and cost $10 and up. hello, i am not one of the littles. and when we went with francesca, the waiters were constantly bugging her to see if she was done with her labor-intensive crab salad. attentive servers are nice, but it was a little overkill. i do love the vibe and decor-old church pews with hymnal holders still intact and huge simple chandeliers that look like they're out of an old monastary. and the food i've had there is delicious. (the mint ice milk with pomegranate seeds that a waiter recommended sounded random but was a revelation.) but there's no way you can get much of anything with a ten dollar bill there, so keep that in mind...
• pizzaiolo- hands down matt's favorite. consistently great food. plus they have a great breakfast option of toast, jam, and coffee or tea. it's a great place to spend the morning if you have work to do. grab a big table, drink up, and don't feel an ounce of guilt as you linger for hours.
• barneys- ok, so this spot is soooo not on matt's list, but i love their steak fries. love. also gregoire's potato puffs of goodness are worth a trip in and of themselves. and rouge's burger and fries are sensational.
• chez panisse cafe: our friends christie and nick treated us to lunch here when little m was just an itty bitty thing, and it was so good. we've never gone to the actual downstairs superfancypants restaurant, but our very generous and thoughtful friends got us a gift certificate as a christmas gift so i can't wait!!!!!!! foodie mecca, here we come. i'm sure it will make next year's list.
• mi pueblo- the mexican supermarket down the street has, in my opinion but not matt's, the BEST carne asada burritos and chips in oakland. hello, for a couple of bucks you are well satiated for the next two days. i'm guessing, but matt would probably pick the taco truck on the corner of foothill and 38th for tacos, and taquieria san jose for burritos. and we are no strangers to the taco bell on the corner of 35th and macarthur. hey, late at night with a newborn? crunchy taco supreme or bean burrito anyone? sometimes you've gotta make a run for the border, that's all i'm saying.
• incanto- we went here - the only non-oakland restaurant on the list so far- with our friends steve and renetta. there were a few mis-steps, but i had bay leaf panna cotta for dessert and it rocked my world like nobody's business. um, wow. i only got it because ren raved about it (bay leaf??? sounded weird), but after eating it, i think i would go eat dinner and have only that as my entree. 

i know matt will remind me of a few more, so perhaps there will be a part deux. we'll see. but all i know is i did a lot of eating in 2008; here's to fewer calories in 2009?

the best tv shows i watched this year even though we don't have a tv

so, i love me some internets. 

matt and i have never had a tv since we've been married, but thanks to shows being online (a la hulu.com, youtube and the network websites) as well as watching shows long after they're off the air, you don't really need a tv. in 2008, i had some time on my hands...

first, when i was pregnant with little m i couldn't sleep for more than a couple hours a night, so i needed to kill some time somehow. enter, tv online. then, when little m needed some marathon breastfeeding for the first few months of her life and i logged about 12 to 14 hours a day feeding her, again, i got into a few shows...

in no particular order...good* tv from 2008!

(keep in mind that it wasn't necessarily made in 2008, that's just when i happened to watch it)

*good=kept me entertained. this does not mean in every single case it is actually high in quality...especially the shows i watched when i was up in the middle of the night preggers. don't judge until you have an almost 9 pound baby doing gymnastics in your belly at 2 am. 3 am. and 4.

• arrested development: oh.my.goodness. how did this show get cancelled after 3 seasons? it is hilarious and witty and amazing.
• the hills + kitchen nightmares: ok these are my examples of not-quality-but-got-me-through-some-tough-nights-tv. i've since moved on, but they hit the spot when i was tossing and turning all night. i'll be the first to say that the hills is complete trash. oh, and another entry in the hall of shame: greys anatomy. it's really quite awful at this point, but then i watch it in order to confirm that it continues to be awful??? what is my problem? and i will admit to watching a couple of episodes of lipstick jungle. but the confessions stop there.
• the wire: matt and i are watching it right now and are just starting season two. it is genius. messy characters, ghetto neighborhoods and a jacked up city. sounds very familiar...
• gilmore girls: my poor sister. my poor friend nancy. they both tried to tell me how great this show was for years...and i scoffed at them. but they were so right. the entirety of this show got me through the beginning months of feeding little m. i think i was a little obsessed, but it's hard not to keep watching when you have every single episode on dvd. quick dialogue, great characters, and jess. oh, i have a special place in my heart for jess.
• project runway + top chef: love them both. i know, it's reality tv, but it is reality tv in which something creative and interesting is being produced. it actually really makes me think about whether i could be imaginative and resourceful with a limited amount of time. i figure it stimulates my mind kind of like a crossword puzzle or suduko would, so perhaps watching these shows staves of alzheimer's and keeps me mentally sharp. (how's that for justification?) 
• the office: i've never even worked in an office (well, one summer, but that doesn't really count; i was 18 years old. but if you must know, i was the equivalent of pam, except jim, the cute prankster did not inhabit my office. just a creepy feed ex guy that always hit on me) and i think this show is hilarious. i'm not a purist- i don't watch the british version. but as you can see from my list, i have no problem with low brow things, so the american version suits me just fine.
• six feet under: another one of those shows that was on years ago, but we are just getting around to watching it in this house. (box sets=the best!) it had some low points, but somehow we soldiered on and made it to the final season- which was incredible and touching.

runners up: for a brief, desperate bit i watched project catwalk, the uk's version of runway on youtube. season 1 was actually pretty good. and once in a while i've watched samantha who? on abc.com. christina applegate is pretty hilarious and has great comedic timing; that show was fabulous for when i had greeting cards to work on and needed something mindless on in the background as i stayed up all hours. 

ok, now that i sound like a complete couch potato, off to accomplish lots of important things!

lists 2008, continued

well, it's that time again...end of the year lists. i usually send out christmas cards with some sort of venn diagram, chart, list, or letter encapsulating our year around these parts: reading material, meals, activities, and so on. this year i went more on the simple side (well, not so much, because i printed all of our cards and so it ended up being a very long-and-not-yet-completed process), and refrained from including anything in our card. that said, it's kind of nice to think back over the year and commemorate what has captured our imagination, time, and energy. as i've mentioned, i'll continue this lists up until the end of the month.

today's list...our favorite cookbooks of the year:

matt: 

• the art of simple food, alice waters             
  

his vote for best recipes- poached egg with curly endive salad, roast chicken, polenta, carrot soup, almond tart

when i asked matt which his favorite recipe was out of this cookbook, he said," there are just so many, wifey, i just can't handle it, you know what i'm sayin'?")

• the central cuisines of mexico, diana kennedy

susannah:

• tartine, elizabeth pruiett + chad robertson

my vote for best recipes- shortbread, lemon bars, fresh fruit galette

• the art of simple food, alice waters

best recipes- onion panade, risotto bianco, eggplant caviar, italian meatballs

• jamie at home + jamie's italy, jamie oliver

these two cookbooks also get my gold star for best food photography and most entertaining read

• staffmeals from chantrelle, david waltuck + melecia phillips

this hand me down we got randomly last year is still one of my favorites; the recipes are easy and homey, and originated from the staff meals before the evening meal service at the new york restaurant chantrelle. this is a great cookbook to have on hand, especially when cooking for a group of people or when you need to throw good food together fast!

my other favorite recipe locations: epicurious.com, cooking light + cook's illustrated magazines

happy eating!