It Might Be Hope...

So upon finding out about Baby #4, I changed my Facebook profile picture to this...

(Taken while we were on the Golden Gate Bridge)

Soon after I did that, I received an email from one of my sisters. She said that upon seeing this picture, she immediately thought of a Sara Groves song that she heard while at a concert awhile back. Just listening to the song made her start to cry, so she immediately sent it my way. Well...I finally got the chance to sit and listen to it yesterday...

I love it! What a beautiful song -- such great lyrics!

3 Greats With A Hint Of Chocolate...

Lately, James has been on this kick of watching the Biography channel before bed. If they happen to be covering an interesting icon that night, there's a good chance we're watching it. Just the other night, they aired a special all about the Hippies movement -- containing a large segment on the rock scene in San Fran during that time. This was right up our alley, as we're both huge classic rock fans. Not only do we love the music (60's & 70's Rock), but we also love learning the history behind the bands -- so much so that we both took a class in college titled, The History of Rock and Roll. That's right. Indiana University offered a 300-level class focused solely on rock bands! We both loved it, and continue to enjoy learning about these influential bands and the time period surrounding them. With that being said, we were totally glued to that hour of television, as it covered all aspects of the movement -- including many of the psychedelic rock bands, etc. While we watched, the commercials advertised an upcoming night focused on Jimi Hendrix. James got totally excited and had me mark it on my phone's calender so we wouldn't forget. Well, that night was tonight.

Much to our surprise, it was a night full of Rock N' Roll greats! Not only did they cover Jimi Hendrix, but they also aired the specials focusing on Janis Joplin and Led Zeppelin -- all of which are among our favorites! That's right...3 hours of great music and history. It's alright...we realize we're huge nerds!

So, this was how we spent our evening. Of course, it wouldn't be complete without some chocolate. Earlier this afternoon, I searched the internet for some new recipes and ran across one for chocolate banana bread. I love the combination of chocolate and bananas, so I had to try it! It turned out pretty well and was a nice addition to our night of rock. Yum...

Home Is Wherever I'm With You...

Well, here we are...3 more days until we drop Obadiah off at the kennel and we prepare to head out for our cruise. The poor basset doesn't know what's coming, but hopefully he'll have a decent time since he's a little social butterfly and loves being around other pups. We made sure he's staying in the "indoor suite," so he'll get to enjoy daily interaction with the daycare dogs. I guess he even gets nap time, ha. No, he's not spoiled -- nope, not at all...

So while Oba's making new friends (or singing the blues because we ditched him), we'll hopefully be enjoying a relaxing trip up north. In order to do so, I suppose we better get our parts in gear and start packing. We've gotten as far as getting the luggage down in the garage, but it has yet to make its way INTO the house. Maybe tomorrow will be more productive in that regard.

I know one thing...when the time comes that we do finally start packing, I'll be driving James nuts while humming this particular song that keeps getting stuck in my head -- "Home" by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros. Yeah, I love that song. I love everything about it -- the lyrics and the beat. It makes me think of James and all the places we've been and how no matter where we are, as long as we're together, we're home. Plus, in times of sadness, it's a little more upbeat than some songs, so it's easy to put you in a good mood. Lately, I've needed that. Maybe that's why it keeps getting stuck in my head and I find myself singing it. Oh well. I'm sure it's going to get old real quick, but until it does, sing with me!

I am a mom...

So for whatever reason, I actually woke up before James this morning. Being that he has to generally get up before 6am for PT, that's abnormally early for me. In fact, I usually don't even hear his alarm go off in the morning -- I'm so out of it. So here I lay, listening to Oba moan and groan (thinking it's time to start the day) and frustrated that I can't get "Bird is the Word" out of my head (the song James has programmed as his alarm from his cell phone -- Who can't wake up to THAT?!? "B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word. A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird"...).

Anyways, so I got on Facebook for whatever reason and read a friend's status that really hit home. She said that she hates it when people tell her, "Oh, don't worry. You'll be a mom someday." Her response is that she's already a mom and a very proud one at that. I feel for her, and I know all too well how it feels to get various comments like that. This particular friend lost her baby girl at 36 weeks like we did, and is doing a fantastic job at keeping her daughter's memory alive.

I hate when people make comments like that -- especially when they are looking in from a different perspective. I know they say it in a way that they think is comforting, but it's more like a slap in the face. With posting that as a vent, this friend on Facebook received various comments of encouragement, as well as comments relating it to similar situations -- agreeing about the frustrating types of comments like, "You're still young, you can have another." Thanks, but it's not a replacement and really, we'd much rather have our first (or third in our case) child back than to just "have another."

Angel moms like us hear this junk all the time, and I feel for others when they have to endure it. We want to remember our babies and we want them to be recognized. Just because they are not here with us now, they were at one point. We gave birth to them just like you would a healthy, happy child. Why must so many ignore that fact and try and act like they don't count. We will forever hold these babies in our hearts, and to us, they will always be thought of as our first born. If/when we have a healthy child, they will know that they had an older brother and sister, etc.

I will say, I think it's incredibly sweet when I hear family of friends, who have lost babies, refer to them as their niece, nephew, grandchild, etc. The recognition goes a long way to the parents of angels. For years, it didn't seem like there was much said in reference to Jake, but it seems like after Livy, some eyes were opened, and I have heard the reference of her being their niece, for instance, and it's comforting to hear that.

I am a mom. She is a niece, a granddaughter, a cousin, etc. Thank to those who recognize that, for both Livy and other angels out there...

Your Hands...

I love this song. If it weren't for my sister, Rachelle, and brother-in-law, Nathan, I probably would have never heard it. They brought it to my attention soon after we lost Liv. While hearing it the first time made me mad, as I just couldn't believe we were having to deal with all of this, it is very comforting now. In fact, we liked it so much that we ended up having Nathan sing it at Liv's funeral service. Such great lyrics that say exactly how we're feeling...

Random song selection...

So as I sit here listening to "No Woman, No Cry" by Bob Marley, I randomly thought of a funny story my sister, Deb, told me about her and my brother-in-law, Grant. One night he came home wanting her to download a particular song off of iTunes and it threw her off, as it was a gospel style song. It made her laugh so hard as he acted as if he was singing it, etc. I still smile thinking about him doing that. The song isn't exactly my style, but the lyrics sure are fitting with what's going on...(minus the part where everyone has walked away, etc.)

"I Trust You" by James Fortune

One of the most difficult things to do is

find yourself in a storm and

while in that storm it seems like everyone who you

thought you could count on has

well walked away; and

Sometimes it seems like even God Himself has

forgotten about you.

But in spite of it all you should still be able

to lift your hands and say

"Lord, I trust You

(verse)

Even though I can’t see and I can’t feel your touch

I will trust you Lord how I love you so much

though my nights may seem long and I feel so alone

Lord my trust is in you I surrender to you

Bridge

So many painful thoughts travel through my mind

and I wonder how I will make it through this time

Chorus

But I trust you, Lord it’s not easy

Sometimes the pain in my life, makes you seem far away

But I’ll trust you, I need to know you’re here

Through the tears and the pain

Through the heartache and rain

I’ll trust you

Verse 2

Everything that I see tells me not to believe

But I’ll trust you Lord you have never failed me

My past still controls me will this hurt ever leave?

I can only trust you, no one loves like you do

Bridge

So many painful thoughts travel through my mind

and I wonder how I will make it through this time

Chorus

But I trust you, Lord it’s not easy

Sometimes the pain in my life, makes you seem far away

But I’ll trust you, I need to know you’re here

Through the tears and the pain

Through the heartache and rain

Through the tears and the pain

Through the heartache and rain

2x's

Vamp

I can, I will, I must

Trust you

2x's

Vamp (repeat as directed)

I, will, trust, you

8 or 9 xs

I’ll trust you

I will

(I’ll trust you repeats 3 times, then I will is sung)

God will make a way

4x's

Livy's Funeral...

Well, we're home. We decided to bury Liv in our hometown, so we flew in literally long enough for her funeral and that's it. Being that it was around Christmas, we just weren't in the mood to be celebrating the holidays. We wanted to be alone and spend that time together, so we didn't spend any time there beyond the day of the funeral. I think we were in town for a max of 27 hours. It was kind of a crazy trip, but I'm glad we did it that way.

Hints of her personality...

So as we get further into the pregnancy, I'm noticing more and more little aspects of her personality shining through. Apparently, Liv loves rock music. When it's on, my stomach goes nuts. It's like popcorn going off in there. In fact, during one of those worship sessions at church -- no sermon, just the rock band singing for an hour -- she hosted her own dance party. She, of course, stopped when they stopped for prayer, then once they started up again, she started jamming to the music again. Guess we've got a rocker on our hands...

Another thing I've noticed is her stubborn side. On those nights when she's going crazy and I can see it externally, I always try to get video of it so James can get a glimpse of what's going on. Well, once I hit the record button, this child freezes in her tracks. I mean, seriously, how can you be defiant before you're even born?! It continually happens too. It's as if she knows I am trying to get her on camera and she wants nothing to do with it. Yet, once I give up on that attempt, she continues on with her little party. I can't help but laugh though. I guess we already know what we're in for with this kid...

Lastly, it's cute that whenever James calls, she gets excited and starts kicking a lot. It's sweet. That never happens with other phone calls, but it does when he calls. A friend of mine said she experienced the same thing, as her husband was away while she was pregnant, too -- thanks to the Army. I guess she's just as excited as I am that we get to hear from him!