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Yesterday i could just feel all the stress from the week, the worry about travel, draining away. Some distress over not starting the generator, but it was cold, and cold gas engines are PITA. We have the propane heater and could heat the garage, and then could probably get the generator going, if that was needed. Or let the engine sit near the jeep exhaust for a while. We've done that to the wood chipper. At some point we need an electrician to come help us sort out the power: the previous owner had some way to plug the generator into the house, but it couldn't manage all the circuits. Then the solar panels and the interconnection to the grid was set up. What i would love to knoe is how we could power the pump or HVAC or fridge with the generator. The fridge at least i could theoretically get to the plug, and then plug that into an extension cord (for some hurricane driven outage when the heat and humidity is punishing). But there's a pretty big fridge outside right now.

Today i have been still and dull.

Gas engines frustrate me so. Once upon a time, i resolved i would learn how to maintain and manage them, then our car was stolen and we used the insurance to buy our first computer. I feel so careless of the engines i am responsible for. But the meta-care is more bandwidth than i manage. I want the tools to use to care for the property; why do the tools need so much care.

So i watch an interactive weather map: wind, temperature, radar -- watch the warm, wet air from the gulf be pulled up in a thin wedge, the temp gradient at the front so dramatic.

Then there was the news out of Minneapolis of the shooting, execution of Alex Pretti, and - there is no justification.  There was no justification for shooting Renee Good. And there are others who have been shot, and people suffering in custody, and it is all so wrong.

I have nothing eloquent to say, just to recognize how the harm Trump causes is to the whole world, people and the environment, to systems of law and commerce and science. There's been no reported ICE activity in my county (other than someone being picked up at their parole office visit). I wonder if the conservative politics of the western part of that county shielded the Hispanic community there when the Triangle was targeted.

Here, https://bionicandthewires.com/ . Listen to mushrooms play synthesizers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbP2DgDp890

So weather is forecast this weekend, and by weather i mean DOOM SNOW for North Carolina. Because 3 inches is end of world, what is 12 inches? And then an inch of winter mix on top?

So i'm looking at the weather and my Sunday evening flight out of RDU through Charlotte and i'm just certain, that ain't gonna work.  And i'm just dreading the chaos. (And then i begin thinking of Christine and her surgery recovery and snow and....) So, as i churn, i asked my colleague if he could change the schedule so Monday isn't so important for my presence.  It turns out there's something called a weather waiver where airlines give you a chance to reschedule your travel instead of waiting for your flight to be delayed. I figured i would have to wait until Thursday before there would be a chance to change.

But no. I got the email this afternoon that my flight would be impacted. I've rescheduled for a midday Monday departure, a long layover in Chicago O'Hare/Orchard Field, then on to Columbus landing at 7 pm. That is far more relaxed.

So, tomorrow is grocery day, and i think we need a dump run so i can do that lifting, and then i need to wrap the well with heating tape (the next days are sub freezing and i just want to make sure things are prepared for Christine on the off chance the pump freezes). Oh, we need to keep the  water filtration system from freezing too. And i guess moving the generator and trying to start it..... And check the weight of the salt to make sure it's in a range she can lift.

--== ∞ ==--

I'm a little drained from therapy. I'm realizing i didn't have any reassurance, "Don't worry, it will be OK" growing up and i need to hear that from my inner mother more. I lean a lot on my faith: believing  that i only see a small part of all the things and i might not ever see t that i am helping the world be better place. But there's something different about the "Am i doing it right?" i constantly feel with respect to ... everything. And maybe giving myself reassurance more will help.

And this snow event and travel: 100% waves of am i doing it right, how do i make sure it's going to be OK, ....

--== ∞ ==--

Waffles with yarden blueberries for dinner! Maybe not weight wise, but yum.

( all the airports American Airlines is worried about weather )

Bleep Marlowe. She attacked my ankle --  just a few stinging claw punctures -- as i went over to the cat barrier where she'd confronted Bruno. I hope he learned that the barrier protects him. Ugh.

I am so easily distracted.

I feel a little guilty having today off work and nothing more than "try and get myself moving" as the order of the day. Plus tomorrows walk out protest and my conflict in attending (because work, which is whole point, i get it). Plus [deleting incomplete list and replacing with] all the other distressing issues with the slide to fascist government in the US.

Time passes

I have attended the Pendle Hill hybrid worship. There was a moment of clarity for me: a sense that released the guilt, a wave of grace, a sense that it is right to engage in zest in living. Not much more clarity than to turn my attention to my usual forward.

And then looking at the temps for Ohio as my travel dates begin to show up in the ten-day forecast: yikes. So far a high of 21°F and a low of 8°F. More concerning is the snow event on the day i need to get to the airport. I know better than to trust the call for 7" of .. snow? But....