adventurous eating day

above: collard greens

Yesterday some of my best friends and I went to Tucano's. It was my first time ever going there, and J-Dawg and I decided to make that day count by turning it into Adventurous Eating Day and eating all sorts of things we would normally never, ever try. Here is a complete list of all the freakish things we ate (complete with commentary and ratings!)

• Farofa 

Sort of like stuffing, like little tiny spiced bread crumbs-possibly meant to be a topping.
Actually, really good. I'd put it on mashed potatoes and meat and basically everything.

• Quail Egg

Roughly the size and shape of an eyeball, white with black flecks.
It just tasted like a boiled egg. Not bad. 

• Sushi

This doesn't sound crazy, but for the girl who never eats fish, let alone RAW fish, it was a big step.
It tasted pretty good. I'm still naturally revolted by fishy tastes, but once I got over that, it was okay.

• Collard Greens

Possibly spinach with bacon and some other mystery ingredients.
No bien. Do not go for it.

• Chicken Heart

I'm not really sure what it tasted like, because the very idea was so utterly disgusting that I sort of just shoved it in my mouth, chewed as quickly as possible, and swallowed. It was warm, and I freaked myself out by imagining it beating. While it was inside my mouth.
Possibly the grossest thing we ate. There are no upsides.

• Mango Cod

Again, this was a big step for me because I hate fish. 
Aside from the fishy taste, I loved it.

• Heart of Palm

No one is exactly sure what "heart of palm" is, but we think its the center of the stem of a palm leaf?
Tastes like asparagus marinated in...something. Not terribly delicious, but not bad.

After eating all of this in one meal, plus much, much, more, I woke up the next morning violently ill. But it was worth it. I'd do it again.

Love,

Lizzy ;-)

an important announcement

I would just like to note publicly an interesting phenomenon: every single Cuppa Noodles flavor looks and tastes exactly the same except for the color of the broth. The fact that Cuppa Noodles are made from cardboard, salt, and food coloring is no excuse. 

Remarkably, they still taste sort of good. I'm pretty sure this is some sort of freak medical marvel. In fact, I fully intend to go to a school where you can design your own major, and I can major in Cuppa Noodles Research. I think not only would it be lucrative, it would be thrilling and dangerous, because the Cuppa Noodles team of cardboard-shape-cutters and food-coloring adders and salters would be after me all the while, trying to kill me before I can unveil their mystic secret. The more I think about it the better this sounds. I might even sell the movie rights.

Excitedly,

Lizzy 

eighteen-year-old mother of four: lessons learned

I would like to share the wisdom I gained from being the unwitting eighteen-year-old mother of four small children for the past 3 days. Here are some of the life lessons I learned:

• If you are trying to get a three year old boy to put on his pants, and are also exhausted beyond all comprehension, I think a good way to kill two birds with one stone is to lie down on the floor and refuse to get up until he puts on his pants. Every time he attempts to 'wake' you, simply say, "Are your pants on yet?". Make no other response. If this occurs more than fifteen times, stop 'waking up' if you know the pants aren't on. He may conclude that "you dead" and call in the reinforcements (siblings), but the point is that you get to lie on the ground with your eyes closed for more than ten minutes at a time, and even feel like you're accomplishing something. Of course, when he and his sisters start taking off your clothes, that's a good time to give up and let him run around nude, because at that point its either him or you.
• If you want a small child to do something that he/she does not want to do (i.e. shower, sleep, stop biting you, stop throwing rocks at his/her siblings, etc), you can coerce them into obedience without using violence or even anger. The key is to be really, really annoying. Trap them in a corner and loudly shout one word that states what you would like them to do (pants, pants, pants) over and over again. You will probably even annoy the siblings, whom you can then enlist in being really, really annoying until the child succumbs to your evil plot. Or showers. Either way, really, the point is that it works.
• To be continued...

deep thoughts by jack handey

Thank you, Chelsie, for introducing me to the wonderful Jack Handy. Here are a few favorites.

• "I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching."
• "As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable-until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!"
• "Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door."
• "To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks."
• "The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, 'Hey, I'm Vine Man'."
• "One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but decided to go home instead."
• "If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat).
• "What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling in the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down and go to sleep."
• "If you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody, like a lot of people do. Instead, try to get some weeding done, because you'd really be surprised."

brigham young university, here I come!

Firstly, I have an announcement to make! I have, *ahem*, been admitted and committed to attend Brigham Young University in Provo this fall. I am very excited. I also received a half-tuition scholarship, and that, combined with my Horatio Alger $20,000, means that I am set. 

I was relieved, and really feel that BYU is the best choice of colleges for me. I think it will be the place that I will learn everything that matters most to me. I will also have the opportunity to remain near my wonderful family, and be with some of the most amazing friends on this earth. I will be living on-campus, probably at Wyview, and am excited to officially start making my own way in the world.

Speaking of my family, I am currently at my amazing aunt and uncle's house, babysitting their four small children, while they are away for three days for their anniversary. Playing single, 18-year-old mother of eight-year-old twins, a six year old, and a three year old is a very interesting experience. I love my cousins dearly, but feel oddly as though I am living someone else's life. In many ways I am, and while it is certainly demanding and exhausting, I am loving it. I am so excited to be a mother someday (although not for at least 5 years!). I would consider myself incredibly lucky if I ended up with kids anywhere near as great as these.

My only complaint is that they miss their parents, and I feel like a bad substitute. I want them to be happy! Fortunately, they only miss their parents at select moments. And they still love me, although I could never be Mommy and Daddy. 

Also, I would just like to share that my dearest friend is still bringing me more happiness than I have ever dreamed possible. I am lucky enough to probably get to have him here for a little while after the kids go to bed on Valentine's Day. For my single friends out there who are hating Single Awareness Day, do not despair. True love is worth every moment of the waiting, and although I have done admittedly none of it, I am certain I would willingly give up anything for that incredible boy who is, more than anything else, my very best friend. Honey, if you're reading this, I love you.

I think that's it for newness in my life. Happy V-Day!

Love,

Lizzy ;-)