Dear Red Bull,
I'm really sorry I cheated on you with Monster. And then again with NeuroSonic. I know you have more caffeine and fewer calories than both of them put together. It's just that you're so disgusting. If you could be less disgusting, I would not have to cheat on you. Wait, in all fairness, Monster is equally disgusting. But I'm seriously considering running off with NeuroSonic, even though he's way more high-maintenance and also makes me feel like I'm on speed. Still, I'll never forget how fun you made statistics class. And the fact that I'm writing a blog post at 1:20 am. That is thanks to you also.
Love,
Lizzy.
Dear Honors 300R Professor,
Did you know that I have 10 'polished' pages of a 20-30 page research paper due in exactly one week? I do. Guess how many pages of that have been completed? Is your guess zero? You are correct.
I hate you.
Love,
Lizzy.
Dear Grad Student to whom I have been Enslaved,
I know technically I signed myself up for this. But really, I was planning to break the news to you many moons ago. You are a good person somewhere very, very deep down inside, but really I do not have time to go on making Excel sheets until I die. Even if I liked making Excel sheets. Which I do not. Also, I have read the names Wisner, Gregoire, Dalton K, and O'Hara MW so many times that they don't look like words any more. I have also typed them, put them into APA format, checked their comparisons, and made you a coding manual. And that was just what I did today.
Also, do you HAVE to color code EVERYTHING?
In conclusion, I love you, but please die.
Love,
Lizzy.
Dear Roommate,
You snore like a bear. Sometimes it wakes me up. From my bear dreams. That your snoring prompted.
Love,
Lizzy.
Dear Other Roommate,
You giggle and talk about Voldemort, your boyfriend, and iTunes in your sleep. Sometimes you also make up songs involving teeth, and hum loudly. If you could sleep a little bit quieter, that would be awesome. But if not, that's cool too, because you make me laugh.
Love,
Lizzy.
Dear Blog Readers,
Are you seriously still reading this? Don't you have lives or something better to do?
No really, though. You ought to stop procrastinating and do something useful instead of reading letters to energy drinks all day long. You'll rot your brain, you know.
Love,
Lizzy ;)
