Log inSign up
Brandon Scott Wolf
2,103 posts
Image
user avatar
Brandon Scott Wolf
@BrandonEsWolf
Writer, Producer, Coworker 🍄 Co-Founder of Twin Fungus Productions 🍄‍🟫
BrandonScottWolf.com
tiktok.com/@dumbbellsshow…
Born June 9
Joined April 2009
4,006
Following
12.9K
Followers
  • Pinned
    user avatar
    Brandon Scott Wolf
    @BrandonEsWolf
    Apr 21, 2025
    Want more protected green spaces in New York? For more info: maketheroofapark.org
    Image
    4.7K
  • user avatar
    Brandon Scott Wolf
    @BrandonEsWolf
    Sep 7, 2023
    This is what it looks like when a bottle of Advil sits in the sun for too long.
    Image
    10M
  • user avatar
    Brandon Scott Wolf
    @BrandonEsWolf
    Dec 17, 2023
    Shampoo, conditioner, and body wash are the condiments of showering and we are the hot dogs and hamburgers.
    356K
  • user avatar
    Brandon Scott Wolf
    @BrandonEsWolf
    Dec 16, 2023
    You’re doing a great job looking at your phone.
    184K
  • user avatar
    Brandon Scott Wolf
    @BrandonEsWolf
    Dec 27, 2023
    We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.
    74K
  • user avatar
    Brandon Scott Wolf
    @BrandonEsWolf
    Sep 8, 2023
    Not to be weird but long grapes
    Image
    73K
  • user avatar
    Brandon Scott Wolf
    @BrandonEsWolf
    Jul 4, 2023
    This is the biggest day of the year for people who own that Old Navy T-shirt with the American flag on it.
    47K
  • user avatar
    Brandon Scott Wolf
    @BrandonEsWolf
    Jul 16, 2023
    They need to sell tiny “3-sip” seltzer cans for when you’re opening a seltzer because you’re bored and not because you actually want seltzer.
    37K
  • user avatar
    Brandon Scott Wolf
    @BrandonEsWolf
    Oct 28, 2023
    I have once again eaten a plate of French fries when my intention was to exercise.
    26K
  • user avatar
    Brandon Scott Wolf
    @BrandonEsWolf
    Jun 22, 2023
    I dare you to name a more horrific-sounding food than Baby Back Ribs.
    48K
  • user avatar
    Brandon Scott Wolf
    @BrandonEsWolf
    Jun 3, 2023
    “More like crapitalism,” I say casually while at a party. No one laughs. I’m in Hell. It’s over for me. I try to save myself by doubling down “I said ‘More like crapitalism.’”
    18K
  • user avatar
    Brandon Scott Wolf
    @BrandonEsWolf
    Sep 7, 2023
    Replying to @BrandonEsWolf
    I’m going to wrap this in cheese.
    30K
  • user avatar
    Brandon Scott Wolf
    @BrandonEsWolf
    Nov 26, 2023
    I love the LinkedIn Easy Apply feature. It only takes a few short clicks for you to submit your resume directly into the trash.
    15K
  • user avatar
    Brandon Scott Wolf
    @BrandonEsWolf
    Sep 7, 2023
    Replying to @BrandonEsWolf
    Does this count as one pill?
    36K

New to X?

Sign up now to get your own personalized timeline!

Create account

By signing up, you agree to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, including Cookie Use.

Terms·Privacy·Cookies·Accessibility·Ads Info·© 2026 X Corp.
Don't miss what's happening
People on X are the first to know.
Log inSign up
Advertisement
Advertisement