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F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
120.4K posts
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F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
@FScottFitzJesse
I'm just here to make fun of myself.
In my mind and in my car
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Joined December 2016
5,781
Following
7,538
Followers
  • Pinned
    user avatar
    F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
    @FScottFitzJesse
    Feb 21, 2017
    I have my whole life ahead of me. Except for that huge chunk that is behind me and that I can never get back no matter what.
  • user avatar
    F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
    @FScottFitzJesse
    Apr 10, 2024
    Allegedleigh would be a great girls’ name.
    215K
  • user avatar
    F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
    @FScottFitzJesse
    Jun 25, 2024
    Replying to @manfreakbeast
    I talk plenty throughout the day.
    123K
  • user avatar
    F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
    @FScottFitzJesse
    Apr 16, 2024
    She was beautiful, silent, and mysterious…like the d in Bundt cake.
    106K
  • user avatar
    F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
    @FScottFitzJesse
    Apr 11, 2024
    What’s that song that goes: ᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃ ᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃ aaaaaa AAAAAA aaaaa ᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃ AAAAAAAAAAAAA ᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃ AAAAAAA aaaaaaa ᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃ
    2.9M
  • user avatar
    F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
    @FScottFitzJesse
    Jul 1, 2022
    Replying to @rachsyme
    Guidance counselors were strangely silent about this path.
  • user avatar
    F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
    @FScottFitzJesse
    Aug 21, 2024
    I refuse to patronize Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse or Fifth Third Bank until they are prosecuted for their crimes against syntax.
    54K
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    F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
    @FScottFitzJesse
    Dec 24, 2023
    Maybe pretending to uphold a value system WAS the tradition.
    99K
  • user avatar
    F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
    @FScottFitzJesse
    Sep 11, 2021
    We are gathered here today, to join these 4 types of cheeses in holy macaroni.
  • user avatar
    F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
    @FScottFitzJesse
    Jun 17, 2024
    Am I brave if I go back to college at age 40? I don’t want to further my career. I just want to kind of hang out.
    43K
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    F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
    @FScottFitzJesse
    Mar 4, 2024
    Sorry you died on such a stupid hill. rip
    63K
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    F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
    @FScottFitzJesse
    Nov 29, 2019
    Found a door I never noticed in the basement of this house I moved in to last month...opened it...pulled the light cord...
    Image
  • user avatar
    F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
    @FScottFitzJesse
    Dec 23, 2023
    When did science get a monopoly on donated corpses? What if I want to donate my body to literature? Theater? Philosophy?
    53K
  • user avatar
    F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)
    @FScottFitzJesse
    Feb 23, 2021
    Her breasts were amazing—soft and comforting, like the bun that comes with a Filet-o-Fish Sandwich®️ now two for five dollars at McDonald’s.

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