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Jennifer Slopez
118.7K posts
Jennifer Slopez
@JennSlowpez
Joined September 2013
- When people say that children shouldn’t be able to eat at school because their parents can’t pay for it, I take it personally. I grew up poor and that’s embarrassing enough. No one needs any added embarrassment at school. Fuck all of you that want to argue with me.
- I am blocking anyone who doesn’t bring me joy. Bring me some fucking joy!
- When I was 13 my dad told me he was taking me to Red Lobster. We didn’t have one here then. You had to drive 45 mins. It was a huge deal to me. Hillbilly children are simple. I wore an evening gown. Dad was embarrassed but I looked fabulous.
- I ordered tires off of amazon and it brought me so much joy making my mailman deliver them. I hate that motherfucker.
- I haven’t had coffee and my kid keeps talking to me. Easter is the perfect time for a psychotic break, right?
- When I was in high school, I had to have my wisdom teeth removed and a girl told everyone I had an abortion. A decade later she shows up at my daughter’s Girl Scout meeting. She walked over and sat down next to me. I asked her if she was here to get an abortion too.
- I haven’t been twittery lately. I have been busy. We haven’t named him yet. My kids want to name him pancake. Yeah. No.
- Me: Hello? Them: Your car's warranty expires tomorrow. M: WHAT?!?!?! NOT MY CAR WARRANTY!!! NO!!! HOW CAN WE FIX THIS? T: What model of car do you drive? M: Are you talking about the 1986 Bonneville or the 93 Tempo? T: click
- I finally have time to trap a raccoon and force it into friendship.
- I didn’t realize how much I love Canadians until twitter. Canadians are my fucking favorite.
- I just blocked someone I have followed a really long time for attacking another woman about losing a newborn baby. What the fuck? Her kid died. I can’t even fathom that kind of pain. Sometimes you don’t know a piece of shit is a piece of shit until catch a whiff.
- Someone followed me and then immediately unfollowed me and I have never respected someone more.
- I hate everyone and also feel bad for everyone. I can not pick a lane.
