Jum (@JesterJum) / X

Jum

45.3K posts

Jum

@JesterJum

Daily unhinged humor from an Army vet who doesn't give a fuck 🔥 God, guns, family & zero filter. Follow or stay soft.

The South

rinoremovalproject.org

Joined February 2024

Pinned
Jum
@JesterJum
Jun 4
Just called a pest control company and got their prices: $129/month for Gold, $89/month for Silver, and $59/month for Bronze (package level was how often they sprayed) Asked them what chemical they used cause I had kids and pets. While on the call, I looked up the exact chemical
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Jum
@JesterJum
Aug 10, 2025
If you can afford beer, drugs, cigarettes, manicures, and tattoos, you don't need food stamps or welfare.
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Jum
@JesterJum
Nov 16, 2025
If you're naked on your front porch and the neighbors can't see you, its rural. If you're naked on the front porch and the neighbors call the cops, it's suburban. If you're naked on the front porch and the neighbors ignore you, its urban. If you're naked on the front porch and
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Jum
@JesterJum
Aug 21, 2025
I've watched this 12 times and am still laughing 😂😂
00:00
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Jum
@JesterJum
Jul 12, 2025
If you ever used LimeWire, your knees probably make a sound when you stand up.
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Jum
@JesterJum
Jul 13, 2025
I grew up going to church (Southern Baptist) but as I got older, I have realized two things: 1) Some of the most judgemental people on this planet are avid church goers 2) I feel closer to God when I am out in nature and am able to actually have conversations with him Anyone
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Jum
@JesterJum
Dec 7, 2024
After almost 2 years of being single after my divorce (fck cheaters), I finally went on a date this morning. Simple coffee date with a beautiful trauma nurse. And it went really well. Second date confirmed 😁 Just wanted to tell my X friends.
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Jum
@JesterJum
Oct 9, 2025
Just found out my kids Grandfather has been hospitalized by a brutal unprovoked attack by a disgruntled neighbor. Broken orbital bones, brain bleed, broken nose, the whole works. He is in the ICU. Outlook uncertain. Prayers would be appreciated. *Side note, this is why you
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Jum
@JesterJum
Jul 1, 2025
Why are "hemorrhoids" not called "assteroids"?
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Jum
@JesterJum
Jul 15, 2025
I know of three types of people who aren't scared of anything anymore: -the combat veteran -the addict who beat their addiction -the cancer survivor To me, those people have been to the darkest of the dark and somehow made it out the other side. Y'all got any more?
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Jum
@JesterJum
Dec 15, 2024
Years ago, I visited a gun shop in Indiana and had to use the bathroom. Inside the bathroom was a portrait of a naked man with a literal piece of wood covering his private parts. Curiosity got the best of me but when I lifted the board, an air horn went off in the entire store.
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Jum
@JesterJum
Jul 2, 2025
Today is my youngest son's birthday (he is 8) 🎂🎈🎂🎈 At the end of the day, I'm gonna show him this post and all the people who wished him happy birthday! Y'all wanna help out?
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Jum
@JesterJum
Jul 10, 2025
My wifi name is "It Burns When IP" Let me hear some other funny ones 😂
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Jum
@JesterJum
Jul 10, 2025
I haven't paid for Netflix in years. How you may ask? Right before I divorced my ex, I created a Netflix profile called "Add Profile" on her Netflix. She is so dumb 🤣
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