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welcome to alpacaville
here's your giant bag of candy
don't eat it all at once, you'll need some for later
oneeyedalpaca
99.6K posts
oneeyedalpaca
@OneEyedAlpaca
°forklift certified°
°thinks you're pretty neat°
°father of four girls with E names°
pnw
Joined June 2011
- do women know how immensely powerful this single strand of hair can be?
- Replying to @facts_deniereither 1) find a way to tilt the cabinet on it's 'back' or 2) remove a pane of glass right above the mess
- Replying to @justalexoki and @zeta_globinsociety if women were good at sex
- Replying to @justalexokiit's only funny business if she laughs
- my sister is 4'10" and one year for her birthday, i gave her a shirt that said "i'm not short, i'm travel size!" she unwrapped the package, read the shirt, then immediately threw it in the garbage
- ftl you mean
- dating tip: be genuinely nice and kind to your gf's ugliest/fattest/dumbest friend
- why does my barbecue sauce have more potassium than a *dedicated potassium supplement*
- you may not like it, but this is peak masculinityThis is the archetype that holds civilization together
- marriage is a neverending sleepover with your favorite weirdo
- [wife]: sobbing in the corner [me, barely containg my rage, as i rip through her go bag]: "a thousand dollars?? that'll barely get you and the kids out of the state!" *opens wallet and adds another thousand* "looks like your passport is about to expire, get it renewed asap!"
