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My goals in life are to become a published author, finish my master's degree, and burn down the giant Swedish Yule Goat.
Janel Comeau π
24K posts
Janel Comeau π
@VeryBadLlama
Writer, comedian, illustrator, and international woman of mystery. Co-host of @fatfrenchfab. Sworn enemy of the Swedish Yule Goat. Words: @cracked @TheBeaverton
- [my French boyfriend, watching American news]: I donβt understand??? Things are so bad??? And they set nothing on fire??? How do they expect to fix???
- learning French has really encouraged me to live in the moment because I currently cannot conjugate any other verb tense
- landlord: the cost of rent has gone up businesses: thatβs a natural part of doing business suppliers: the cost of materials has gone up businesses: thatβs a natural part of doing business worker: the cost of my labor has gone up businesses: listen here you little shit
- I donβt know what local weather channel needs to hear this, but we donβt actually need to see the weather guy swept out to sea on live television to understand that thereβs a hurricane outside
- "young people can't buy homes because they'd rather buy big fancy TVs" I am begging older generations to understand that televisions have gone from "a thing that costs 4 months' salary" to "a thing you get for free when your roommate moves and can't be bothered to take it"
- sort of miss the days when youβd tweet βI like pancakesβ and a human would reply βoh, so you hate wafflesβ instead of twelve AI bots responding with βpancakes are an enjoyable foodβ
- the guy who played Spider in School of Rock is now the district attorney of Tyler County, Texas, and now weβre all just going to have to live with this information forever
- honestly human history makes a lot more sense when you remember how many of the major decisions were made by 19-year-olds who drank wine for breakfast
- every news cycle for the next four years is just going to be Monday: Trump has fired all the people who were responsible for keeping poo out of the drinking water Tuesday: okay for some reason there is now a lot of poo in the drinking water
- imagine you wake up every day in room-sized bed. you are gently lifted from the covers and dressed in warmest sweaters each morning. your favourite foods are brought to you. you have no bills, no job, no responsibilities. but you are a chihuahua, so you are blind with rage.
- as opposed to professional investors, who are famously propelled by a mix of generosity and love for all mankind
- instagram: look at my new boyfriend twitter: I can't get a boyfriend reddit: my [21F] boyfriend [53M] boyfriend forbids me from going into the basement and has a sock drawer full of missing women's driver's licenses, AITA for being uncomfortable? the wedding is in three hours
