my dad met my mom for a second, lost her number, remembered she was a nurse, and then called every hospital in the state to ask her out and I can’t even get a text back
carolyn
6,079 posts
carolyn
@ballerguy
comedy account (legally I have to say this) she/her :)
- The other day I invited a guy over to have sex and he was like “I can’t I’m eating cheesecake” and I was like “what about after” and he was like “I’m going to be full from eating all my cheesecake”
- I will never forget when my mom tried to use her cancer to get my sisters boyfriend of 7 years to propose by saying “don’t make me go to my oldest daughters wedding bald Steve” and he looked this woman dead in the eyes and responded “they make really good wigs now, Joan” ruthless
- I just matched with my old Spanish tutor on hinge and messaged him “hola” and he responded “u were always terrible at Spanish” 😭😭😭
- I was telling my friend about a thing I was crocheting and when we hung up she immediately posted on her story “I love when my neurodivergent friends tell me about their interests” girl WHAT
- I hung out with a guy the other night and he said “all my friends know you as the girl I tease constantly” and I responded “oh shit that’s crazy my friends don’t know about you at all”
- We got the pictures back from my sisters wedding and i look like a grieving pioneer woman
- Yeah avengers endgame was good but I found out my boyfriend is a movie clapper so at what cost
- Me and my sister hanging out like normal adults after beating the shit out of each other daily throughout our entire childhood x.com/Mr__Tweeets/st…
- Ted Bundy honors National Women’s day
- I hate when I blow a guy and he won’t kiss me after... a true chef does not fear his own cooking
- There was once a girl in my high school who filled a Dunkin’ Donuts cup with a Loko and got so drunk DURING SCHOOL HOURS she pissed herself in Spanish class u may think people forget the story Jackie but I can assure you they!!! do!!!! not!!!
