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david cross✍
@davidcrosss
Stream my latest special THE END OF THE BEGINNING OF THE END at officialdavidcross.com.
What used to be America
linktr.ee/davidcrossoffi…
Joined December 2015
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  • user avatar
    david cross✍
    @davidcrosss
    Jun 26, 2022
    We're a little over 5 months away from drowning witches
  • user avatar
    david cross✍
    @davidcrosss
    Mar 10, 2022
    No, I have the best advice, be born into a rich family, get a shit ton of plastic surgery, film and then release an orchestrated sex tape, parlay that planned noteriety into a "reality" show exploiting younger sisters and...viola! Easy peasy
    user avatar
    Variety
    @Variety
    Mar 9, 2022
    “I have the best advice for women in business,” Kim Kardashian says. “Get your f--king ass up and work. It seems like nobody wants to work these days.” wp.me/pc8uak-1lALFx
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    david cross✍
    @davidcrosss
    May 31, 2020
    Huh. Turns out I'm a terrorist.
  • user avatar
    david cross✍
    @davidcrosss
    Dec 17, 2021
    Did the same on the last Chipmunk movie
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    IndieWire
    @IndieWire
    Dec 15, 2021
    Lady Gaga Had Psychiatric Nurse on #HouseOfGucci Set: No ‘Actor Should Push Themselves to That Limit’ bit.ly/3s9hxun
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    david cross✍
    @davidcrosss
    Jul 30, 2021
    Just got off the phone with Bob and he's doing great! Joking and japing and joshing. Both he and his family are overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and concern everyone has shown. You will be hearing from him soon. But he's doing really well!!!
  • user avatar
    david cross✍
    @davidcrosss
    May 11, 2022
    Still too much
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    david cross✍
    @davidcrosss
    Jan 15, 2022
    I would rather be cleaning up a drunk aunt's diarrhea at a brand new girlfriends family thanksgiving where I accidentally killed the dog than spend one minute here
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  • user avatar
    david cross✍
    @davidcrosss
    Sep 8, 2020
    Will tomorrow work?
    user avatar
    Duty To Warn 🔉
    @duty2warn
    Sep 8, 2020
    Trump says he wants to be buried in Arlington Cemetery. How would you respond to him on that?
  • user avatar
    david cross✍
    @davidcrosss
    Jul 29, 2021
    Bob won
  • user avatar
    david cross✍
    @davidcrosss
    Jul 5, 2020
    When the injected bleach hits
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    david cross✍
    @davidcrosss
    Jul 28, 2021
    I will share what I know when I can but Bob is one of the strongest people I know both physically and spiritually. He WILL get through this.
  • user avatar
    david cross✍
    @davidcrosss
    Dec 13, 2022
    Freinds, big news! @elonmusk has agreed to come and mock you during my show! He is going to belittle you poors for only being, "rich in spirit and life," while lighting piles of money in front of the homeless. It's an amazing closing bit. You gotta check it out.
  • user avatar
    david cross✍
    @davidcrosss
    Oct 8, 2019
    It was neither, "shut down", nor was it "powerful". It was weak, self-serving, dissmive and eye-opening
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    HuffPost
    @HuffPost
    Oct 8, 2019
    Ellen DeGeneres shut down the negativity in a powerful way following controversy about sitting with George W. Bush at an NFL game. huffp.st/mkKmMm6
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    david cross✍
    @davidcrosss
    Jul 2, 2022
    Hey guys, here's a sketch I wrote last month. Thanks to the cast who absolutely nailed it. Take a look. More to come soon.
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