son: *counts to ten*
wife: good job
me: (smugly) eleven
big boy online
5,170 posts
big boy online
@idonotbleed
web page for reading my posts and being my.friend
- worm gf: would you still love me if i was a beautiful woman
- my highschool gf used to go to parties and say she never smoked weed before and guys would smoke us out for free every time. she did this like 50 times
- (having sex with the eye doctor) is this better or worse? better? or worse?
- “joe biden is killing jobs and legalizing drugs” you’re not gonna believe this but i love drugs and i hate my job
- not sure why i have to explain this but if you’re not wearing a long pointed sleeping cap with a little poofball on the end, your ass better not go honk shoo honk shoo or mimimimimi
- “They’re taking our jobs and bringing drugs into our country” well that’s convenient because I love drugs and I hate my job
- dumping a cooler of gatorade on my grandma when she says bingo
- My latest invention: Double Lunch. I prepare myself a lunch and before I eat it, I prepare myself a whole separate lunch. Then I eat both of them. Double Lunch
- (first day as a couples counselor) is this guy bothering you
- haven’t noticed any new banksy paintings since the queen died…
- for sale: baby shoes. heavily worn. my infant son is a fucking beast on the court. he dunked on me so im selling his shoes.
- Don’t buy a giant skeleton from home depot. Adopt one from your local cemetery
