just a reminder that if your fellow self quarantining neighbors are being too loud you might be able to connect to their Bluetooth speaker
Matt O'Brien
26.8K posts
Matt O'Brien
@matt_obrien
Canadian 🇨🇦| Comedian | @SiriusXM Top Comic Winner | @TimeoutLA Comic To Watch| seen on @justforlaughs | follow me on THREADS INSTEAD
- marriage is sneezing 3 times in a row and then hearing someone in the next room yell “JESUS CHRIST”
- GOVERNMENT: stay home ME: ok I’m staying home GOVERNMENT: ....you wanna go out and get a burrito or something? ME: can I? GOVERNMENT: ya maybe I dunno ME: can I goto the park? GOVERNMENT: haha buddy I dunno what am I the park police
- I’ll never regret my purchase of a tiny projector and two hammocks
- why is 55° in LA colder than anything I've ever experienced in the dead of winter in Canada
- just when I thought life couldn’t get any sweeter FREE CHOCOLATE MILK
00:00 - Tom Hardy always looks like he's charging his phone across the room and he just saw someone almost touch it
- chips are basically like “do you want to eat a potato one page at a time”
- Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Papa Roach is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Papa Roach.”
- some guy commented on one of my STAND UP COMEDY clips "it appears he's exaggerating or embellishing in order to get more laughs"
- this is me doing a corporate zoom stand up gig at the height of the pandemic
Mental-health crisis from pandemic was minimal, study suggests bbc.in/3ZA0EHd - excuse me @netflix how much money will you give me for my comedy special I shot entirely on a door bell cam
- HAWK TUAHS SILENCE RIGHT NOW IS DEAFENING
