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Morgan Murphy
17.5K posts
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Morgan Murphy
@morgan_murphy
I do comedy. I like sports.
los angeles
google.com
Joined February 2009
2,496
Following
157K
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  • Pinned
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    Morgan Murphy
    @morgan_murphy
    Sep 5, 2021
    It’s been cool of deepfake technology to provide us with so many laughs before dissolving what’s left of trust in the truth. I hope I at least die in a COOL subjective reality cuz if I get stuck with a bunch of dorks I’ll be pretty sad.
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  • user avatar
    Morgan Murphy
    @morgan_murphy
    Apr 5, 2020
    Hi this is my joke &my dog. His name is Jack. May I have a car please? 🙏
    user avatar
    Elon Musk
    X
    @elonmusk
    Apr 5, 2020
    So proud
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    Morgan Murphy
    @morgan_murphy
    May 9, 2022
    happy mothers day ?
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    Morgan Murphy
    @morgan_murphy
    Aug 18, 2020
    At this point, “I can’t vote for Biden” is the left’s version of “I will not wear a mask.” It’s a personal choice that could disproportionately hurt the most marginalized people among us, but at least yer doing your thaaang!
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    Morgan Murphy
    @morgan_murphy
    Jul 12, 2022
    people are anxious & rude, there’s a lot of coughing, and sandwiches cost $15. we are living in airport times.
  • user avatar
    Morgan Murphy
    @morgan_murphy
    May 9, 2019
    🇺🇸 🇺🇸 it’s easier to get measles than it is to get an abortion 🇺🇸🇺🇸
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    Morgan Murphy
    @morgan_murphy
    Apr 5, 2020
    Replying to @elonmusk
    I made that. That’s my dog & joke.🤷‍♀️
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    Morgan Murphy
    @morgan_murphy
    Feb 4, 2022
    okay maybe I DO wanna get married.
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    Morgan Murphy
    @morgan_murphy
    Aug 28, 2020
    we don’t usually get to see this much footage of a cult until the documentary comes out.
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    Morgan Murphy
    @morgan_murphy
    Aug 28, 2020
    angry Gaffigan fans might want to look inward and consider the likely possibility that they’re wrong, and the man whose job it is to describe life out loud, and whose accurate observations about reality they’ve repeatedly paid to hear, is correct.
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    Morgan Murphy
    @morgan_murphy
    Aug 21, 2019
    trump is such a piece of shit we should change the number for pooping from 2 to 45.
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    Morgan Murphy
    @morgan_murphy
    Oct 20, 2019
    Trump is the closest thing I have to a baby. I check to see if he’s up first thing in the morning then I spend the rest of the day telling people at work what he said.
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    Morgan Murphy
    @morgan_murphy
    Jun 28, 2020
    Twitter is kind of like college if all the professors only taught you stuff they learned 3 minutes ago.
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    Morgan Murphy
    @morgan_murphy
    Aug 13, 2021
    so if somebody offered me millions of dollars for my dog I would say no. and you know what? that’s insane.

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