Pinned
a wedding band playing killing in the name of at a wedding but instead of saying killing in the name of they say Wayne and Linda in love
brent
26.2K posts
brent
@murrman5
Canada
Joined October 2012
- love the vet. love to hear the staff keep saying “the patient” and it’s a lizard.
- [holding newborn as the nurses stitch my wife back up, change her sheets, inject her with pain meds, explain she needs a transfusion bc she lost a lot of blood during the 37 hour labour] we should name him after me
- [me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy [friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?
- Losing an hour on international women’s day weekend. Naw that don’t sit right with me
- [while being tackled by police dog] what's his name?
- "no rapping tonight" why? "you rap about patrick swayze everytime, it's embarrassing" ok [after one beer] uh oh y'all it's gettin kinda hazy
- doctor: have you been tested for adhd before? me thinking about what my entrance song would be if I was a wrestler: you have a nice office
- getting pulled to the side on iron chef and being told im using too many paper towels while I cook
- yogurts should come in a five pack not four pack or make the work week four days
- wife hoping for a normal day: good morning me: im gonna try to become left handed
- [trying to insult a british person even though I know nothing about england] heard your mom is from Leeds
- wife: ugh here comes brad from my work me: which one is he again? wife: the guy that says things and you can never tell if it’s a compliment or insult brad: well well well someone smells like muffin mix
- nothing quite as dangerous as “getting in a groove” when you’re eating chips
