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(((Nicole Aimée Schreiber)))
@nicoleaimee
None of this matters.
Nicole Aimée Schreiber
linktr.ee/Nicoleaimee
Joined March 2008
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    (((Nicole Aimée Schreiber)))
    @nicoleaimee
    Mar 8, 2020
    I was supposed to go to a sex party tonight, but I cancelled because of the #coronavirus. I never thought the flu was going to be the worst thing I could catch in an orgy.
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    (((Nicole Aimée Schreiber)))
    @nicoleaimee
    Oct 10, 2018
    A gentle reminder that it’s okay to not be okay, so don’t wait till the darkness consumes you. Please talk to someone. You aren’t annoying. You aren’t a burden. You aren’t depressing. You aren’t weak. You are in pain and that’s as real as any other disease. #MentalHealthDay2018
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    (((Nicole Aimée Schreiber)))
    @nicoleaimee
    Oct 18, 2020
    My amazing father has died. I flew in on the red eye and I made it just in time to say goodbye. He waited for me and now he’s finally free. Send my mom and brother some love if you know them. Send me some too.
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    (((Nicole Aimée Schreiber)))
    @nicoleaimee
    May 1, 2021
    I need to stop calling my period "egg drop soup."
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    (((Nicole Aimée Schreiber)))
    @nicoleaimee
    Jan 29, 2019
    Not sure why guys are so into eating ass these days when most of them can barely eat pussy.
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    (((Nicole Aimée Schreiber)))
    @nicoleaimee
    Nov 3, 2019
    If you haven’t accidentally shit your pants while trying to fart, then I can’t date you. How can I trust you to take a chance on me when you haven’t even taken a chance on yourself?
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    (((Nicole Aimée Schreiber)))
    @nicoleaimee
    Aug 31, 2019
    Replying to @katiehannigan
    As someone who almost majored in archaeology I may never stop laughing.
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    (((Nicole Aimée Schreiber)))
    @nicoleaimee
    Feb 18, 2021
    Not sure how Gen Z will feel about this, but I like to wear my labia side parted in skinny jeans.
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    (((Nicole Aimée Schreiber)))
    @nicoleaimee
    Mar 21, 2019
    Holy. Fuck.
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    (((Nicole Aimée Schreiber)))
    @nicoleaimee
    Nov 23, 2017
    My mom just carved the turkey using only the tension in the room.
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    (((Nicole Aimée Schreiber)))
    @nicoleaimee
    Nov 21, 2020
    I know 7 people in Los Angeles with Covid. All of them were playing it very safe by limiting their exposure to people and always wearing a mask. So, NO, I do not want to come to your backyard Thanksgiving.
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    (((Nicole Aimée Schreiber)))
    @nicoleaimee
    Dec 31, 2018
    2018 was the year I had diarrhea on the side of the road in a Tahoe snowstorm and then made eye contact with my friend while baby wiping my asshole. Then the next day I did standup comedy for 1,500 people. Then the next day I worked at Costco.
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    (((Nicole Aimée Schreiber)))
    @nicoleaimee
    Apr 12, 2021
    Not every joke I write will be a winner and I’m lucky to have so many men on Twitter to let me know when that happens.
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    (((Nicole Aimée Schreiber)))
    @nicoleaimee
    Apr 21, 2022
    I love when men on dating apps say they aren’t looking for a pen pal. Oh I’m sorry sir, I just wanted to get a better idea of how awful you are before committing to sitting across from you for an extended period of time.