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Pete Holmes
11.9K posts
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Pete Holmes
@peteholmes
Comedian. HBO's Crashing. The Pete Holmes Show. You Made It Weird podcast. Badman. He/him.
Los Angeles
peteholmes.com
Joined February 2009
998
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353.4K
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    Pete Holmes
    @peteholmes
    Apr 2, 2021
    just caught myself rehearsing for a casual conversation
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    Pete Holmes
    @peteholmes
    Mar 8, 2019
    Hey everyone, I just wanted to let you know that Crashing has not been picked up for a fourth season. I feel so grateful and so much joy that I got to make this wonderful show with my comedy hero @JuddApatow and the amazing cast, crew and writers. Gratitude and love. Heart emoji!
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    Pete Holmes
    @peteholmes
    Apr 25, 2018
    when you’re binging a show and for the last episode you watch the intro out of respect
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    Pete Holmes
    @peteholmes
    Apr 26, 2018
    did you ever just eat something because your mouth was closer than the garbage?
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    Pete Holmes
    @peteholmes
    Sep 29, 2019
    i catch myself regularly feeling happy for lizzo
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    Pete Holmes
    @peteholmes
    Feb 19, 2021
    a rock band that only plays corporate gigs: Linkedin Park
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    Pete Holmes
    @peteholmes
    Jan 1, 2020
    is the soundtrack to Cats called a meow mix thank you welcome to 2020
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    Pete Holmes
    @peteholmes
    May 19, 2020
    okay, i’ll bite. who’s michael jordan?
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    Pete Holmes
    @peteholmes
    Dec 17, 2018
    WAIT DOES “PEARL JAM” MEAN SEMEN????!?
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    Pete Holmes
    @peteholmes
    Jul 22, 2018
    cable news: here, let us read these tweets for you
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    Pete Holmes
    @peteholmes
    Jan 31, 2019
    it's always been a dream of mine to host Saturday And Live
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    Pete Holmes
    @peteholmes
    Nov 16, 2015
    "if you'll be my bodyguard, i will be your long lost pal." "that's not a fair trade." "hear me out it gets weirder."
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    Pete Holmes
    @peteholmes
    May 1, 2020
    just gonna go ahead and delete the calendar app
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    Pete Holmes
    @peteholmes
    Mar 16, 2017
    i capitalize Quesadilla out of respect

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