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not your lawyer
35.4K posts
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not your lawyer
@schizesq
litigator | mom to a wild toddler | bourbon drinker | nothing here is endorsed by my employer
Annapolis, MD
Joined September 2011
839
Following
7,436
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  • user avatar
    not your lawyer
    @schizesq
    Oct 3, 2024
    In San Fran for the 1st time. Tour guide said to come here & not even look at a menu, just ask “what are you making today?” We did that & the very old waitress said “yes I make you food” and took our menus and walked away. This is about to be the best meal of my life.
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    7.6M
  • user avatar
    not your lawyer
    @schizesq
    Dec 24, 2024
    the most on brand gift I ever could have received
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    3M
  • user avatar
    not your lawyer
    @schizesq
    Mar 7, 2024
    Bullshit. This man has seen it all. This man will file the most scathing motion you’ve ever read & follow up with a “sent from my iPhone” email. This man sees the judges daily & won’t be fooled by your BigLaw ~fear me~ attitude. I’d trust this man with my life.
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    7.3M
  • user avatar
    not your lawyer
    @schizesq
    Oct 3, 2024
    Replying to @schizesq
    Appetizer round consisted of lightly spicy garlic pickles, fried chicken & apple with a mustard sauce, & braised short ribs ??????? am I dreaming ?????
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    730K
  • user avatar
    not your lawyer
    @schizesq
    Oct 3, 2024
    Replying to @schizesq
    && entree round was chicken fried rice made at our table & shrimp beef cauliflower mushroom peanut sauce something amazing 12/10
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    730K
  • user avatar
    not your lawyer
    @schizesq
    Oct 4, 2024
    Replying to @schizesq
    Guys I understand, y’all hate “San Fran”, pls forgive me I am a mere tourist from Maryland & have never been to California at all!!! Will remember for next time ♥️💯🫡
    557K
  • user avatar
    not your lawyer
    @schizesq
    Nov 25, 2020
    Y’ALL THEY’RE ACTUALLY GONNA LET ME BE A LAWYER I PASSED THE FREAKING BAR EXAM
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  • user avatar
    not your lawyer
    @schizesq
    May 4, 2024
    omg I forgot to tell y’all: in court Thursday there was an attorney there for a hearing wearing THESE SHOES with a full pantsuit I stg I almost had to leave the room
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    259K
  • user avatar
    not your lawyer
    @schizesq
    Oct 4, 2024
    Replying to @PatriotMomUSA1
    Oh don’t worry, we got them 😂😂 (photo taken with consent)
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    410K
  • user avatar
    not your lawyer
    @schizesq
    Aug 22, 2023
    I’m a whole ass attorney and I was today years old when I learned that the show “Suits” did not actually get its name from the characters wearing suits all the time
    653K
  • user avatar
    not your lawyer
    @schizesq
    Oct 4, 2024
    Replying to @DeuceChurros415
    I wanted to type it all out but ran out of characters!!! I refuse to get verified so this is my penance
    293K
  • user avatar
    not your lawyer
    @schizesq
    Jul 3, 2021
    ADHD is not having the energy to wash a single dish throughout the whole week and then waking up at 8am on a Saturday and deep cleaning your home for 4 hours straight
  • user avatar
    not your lawyer
    @schizesq
    Jul 29, 2021
    Do... do non-lawyers know that lawyers do not practice every type of law? I'm stunned today. Would you hire an eye doctor to give you foot surgery???
  • user avatar
    not your lawyer
    @schizesq
    Apr 6, 2021
    Being a lawyer is just answering emails and trying not to cry in front of judges every day until you die

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