Make believe

"pancakes are ready" ... it was years before we realized why a bite of our mom or dad's pancakes tasted so good, a bit different than ours; they kept the real butter for theirs, and we got margarine! ;-)

It's OK though, once we finished breakfast we got back to "make-believe" with the sweet memory of that bit of real butter on a pancake.

Actors, in that case ... the ones that get to go back ... to "make-believe"?

loyalty is part of real love and real honor .
individual spiritual responsibility and awareness requires someone going into their own inner place where their spirit resides and coming to know the all loving creator inside themselves and outside also. living the golden rule and not being part of group think is essential to every individual responsible person growing and rising up the spiritual ladder. groups are out to control people no matter what that group is. those lost in the illusion of control over others fear the critical thinking individual who is not buyable and has a conscience. you can have temporary beliefs serve you and you can have ancient time tested ones serve you also providing you are accurately taught the principles of them and have the moral fiber to adhere to them . adopt goodness for its purposes. creator is pure love and loves every creature. peace2u

I read "Make Believe" and know that it is wisdom needed for this whole world made up of a million tribes and factions and ideologies and religions and philosophies and faculties and governments and (even) kids convinced of their infallible view.

For each of us personally, our inner conflicts often revolve around competing factions.

But what if the kids fall down and get really hurt as they jump from couch to couch? What if a real monster gets them in some way? What if the floor catches
fire?

Then the kids will want an expert orthopedic, a very trained psychotherapist or very tried, tested and true firemen. In the land of reality, we often want and need a realness that is so real that it feels even better than make believe. This is why often only suffering people catch the truth of the transcendent in (yes) the varied forms it takes.

This one plus the one about your recent post on beliefs => feelings => actions seem connected.

Seems like you're focusing on the beliefs => feelings part.

I agree that this feelings => actions is quite solid and complete.

This beliefs => feelings on the other hand makes me think is more "necessary but not sufficient"

Still, I look forward to what you have to say on this topic :)

Absolutely love this! The fact is, everything we see and hear is an 'interpretation' of events based on our physical seeing and hearing apparatus and is only a fraction of "reality".

The brain "fills in" a huge amount of missing information and we "guess" a lot more than we actually "perceive".

Based on that fact, EVERYTHING is almost completely make-believe. Love your perspective and your work Derek!

* keys on a piano *

hitting the keys makes noise (undesirably unharmonious)
stop hitting the keys (stop the undesirablly unharmonious)
absence of hitting the keys stops the noise
absence is absence
absence is not music (desirably harmonious)
music is hitting the keys
hitting the keys in a certain order
music is harmony (subjective)

* thoughts / beliefs on our mind *

having beliefs makes noise (undesirably unharmonious)
stop having beliefs (stop the undesirablly unharmonious)
absence of having beliefs stops the noise
absence is absence
absence is not music (desirably harmonious)
music is having beliefs
having beliefs in a certain order
music is harmony (subjective)

there are no "wrong" keys, "untrue" beliefs
we need to compose the timing of the keys/beliefs
we need to become the composer
use the key/belief that works here at this moment to create that harmony

beliefs ARE TRUE and USEFUL at the MOMENT ... haha sorry to respectfully disagree :-)
.

Derek...an exciting theme that I can't wait to see you expand upon it.

Here's my random takes on some potential connected ideas:

* Since being diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2005 I've learned a lot about tha brain's neuroplasticity.

* Deepak Chopra said I think, "For each thought a new brain cell (& neural connection) is born." or some such.

* From the recovery community: "Fake it 'til you make it. "

* The power of self affirmations.

* Muhammad Ali said, "I said I was the greatest before I knew I was!"

Thanks,
Edwin

...

Nice. I can see how this is a very useful concept (like you say) for changing attitudes, feelings and behaviors. But I'm having difficulty taking it to the extreme and declaring there's no absolute truth. I suppose it's always in a frame of reference. Physics are true here on earth, but maybe in a back hole in space our rules of physics don't apply. But still, within defined boundaries there is truth and falsehood. The earth is a sphere, not flat. And math!
I guess I'll need to wait for your book. Thanks for thinking deeply.

I cannot agree it more. Thank you for sharing it.

At this moment I am rereading《心经》：“无受想行识，无眼耳鼻舌身意，无色声香味触法，无眼界，乃至无意识界”。

I now need a beliefs toolbox to set me up for success on any new challenge. How can I build such a toolbox?

Many thanks,
Marc,

While I choose to believe in the positive side of “belief”, sometimes it goes too far. Elizabeth Holmes? Give your future self some boundaries. Surround yourself with trusted people who know how to pull you out of dangerous beliefs.

This was the explanation I was looking for in your last two posts—they make much more sense to me now.

Concur Derek. Everything is made up, religions, philosophies, ideologies, you name. The trouble starts when we are attached to what we made up or someone else did.

Absolutely. I am not religious and I see all the baloney religions try to sell. That being said, I see the purposes -both good and bad- they serve. Having a common story or set of beliefs let's people unite towards a common goal. This is nicely articulated in Yuval Noah Harari's book, Sapiens.

Love it!
Reminds me of Bret Weinstein's concept of "Metaphorical truth" - it’s a belief that may not be factually/scientifically true, but believing it in practice turns out to be beneficial due to the behaviours it results in.

medium.com/@pratikstephen/metaphorical-truths-cf194ba57a50

I'm not sure 'make believe' has much to do with believing or beliefs - it's about pretending.

By definition, beliefs are considered true by the people holding them. Can you believe in something you know to be untrue? You probably can as people find all sorts of way to reduce this cognitive dissonance. Beliefs have a lot to answer for.

Do we lose the ability to 'pretend' as we get older and replace 'make believe' with beliefs? Inherently, both are equally untrue (they'd be conclusions otherwise) and yet beliefs are much more influential (faith issues are different imo). We stop pretending when the game is over and yet we continue believing even when the game is up.

In some ways, beliefs perform similar roles to skills - both develop and deepen through experience, become effortless (subconscious) and make behaviour more efficient. Skill has relative utility - I might prevail over a novice but lose to an expert - whereas belief has absolute utility (groupthink).

Just a few suggestions to think about Derek - please don't just believe them!

Thank you Derek! This email takes me back to Santa Claus when I was 4 and Santa came to give out the presents, as I was sitting in Santa’s lap and looking into the mask of Santa I recognized our upstairs neighbor Rolfs eyes that changed my life for ever…

Kent

Thanks for this Derek. The idea of acting out one's "internal scripts" is very useful for behavioral changes (change your beliefs -> change your actions). Excited to see the rest when the book comes out.

We all tell and believe in stories to navigate the world. Stories are neat and clean. Reality is messy and unpredictable.

After a while, though, we think that these fictions are factual. We believe that countries’ borders were always there. We believe that the universe cares about morality. We think there is a reason or purpose to our existence outside what we believe it to be.

We even sacrifice and kill in the name of religion—the biggest myth of all.

Our ability to create, tell and act upon stories separates us from all other life forms. It is our greatest gift and our insidious curse.

We can only see things for what they are if we are willing to let go of our stories.

The key idea of your next book sounds extremely powerful and I'm excited to read it! 😍

Are some beliefs a contradiction to other ones?
In that case, should you just pick and choose whatever suits you best at any moment?
Also, is there any meta-believe one should grasp to as a foundation for your identity?
Or are we expected to change those foundations once in a while, as a sort of “maintenance” for one’s identity?

Anyhow, I can’t wait to see read more about this topic from you Derek! The new book will surely be awesome as always

I am not sure that the word 'true' to describe morality is an accurate choice. other than that, thanks for the thought-provoking post :)

Years past my mom and I were together but kind of alone in California. She had driven from Florida to California. Took a wrong turn but ended in the right place. We created our make believe but we called it “let’s pretend”. There we created a wonderful alternate world with more family. We went on far flung adventures but caught up in a Mexican restaurant in Palmdale California. I remember how we drove and flew and even slipped through time and space. Other worlds and avenues and feelings. Still just my mom and I. Wrapped in fantasy and heroics. Lost in our own make believe. Stopped by burritos and salsa and a coke for me and a draft beer for her. Our world was so rich yet so vague. So wonderfully fantastic. Even when we went to Disneyland I remember imagining that whole family going. Let’s pretend. Make believe. Touched in some reality but made fantastic. Even now living and retired in Asia I remember. I think my mom would nod her head. She would say perhaps one pretend became real. But this reality in Siem Reap so different than any but yet it feels so similar.

Reminds me of Atomic Habits where James Clear says it is easiest to change / start a new good habit / drop an undesired habit when your identity changes. I think this new book is going to be massive.

Nice note Derek.. I think that with an adult& rationale in mind, its difficult to believe things that cant be true. Its not a problem. Thats part of growing through our experience in this world.

Games, stories and acting them out, has been core to humanity's training and education since prehistory. This gave us the ability to imagine, to abstract and find common meaning in higher cognitive layers. We created societies on make believe social contracts, and we created money on shared useful illusions.

The risk on the path, is forgetting (by virtue of inertia or manipulation) that they're tools towards our collective betterment, and not an end in themselves.

Looking forward to your future work, my friend.

http://ascensionwhispers.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/thinkcreate.jpg

"If you can "think it" then it exists because "you" created it!

"What are you creating?" - a quote, Ascension Whispers, Marie Love

Thanks for this Derek.
A lot of us forgot that we can “make believe” when we’re in a situation where we’re limiting ourselves through our negative belief systems. When I use my “inner child” 🙄😬 (I know it’s a cringe-worthy expression), and make believe to feel more confident or bluster my way though a tricky situation…. It usually works ! 🙋🏻‍♀️

I think there is the dark side to this too. In my own experience, there is a chemical reaction that comes with placing myself in the worst situation or outcome, or assuming the worst of any situation and running scenarios. Likewise it is not necessarily true, but the feelings that result are real. And perversely, the chemical exchange kind of feels addictive. You know that kind of exercise is energy intensive, and generally not good for you. Yet there is another unspeaking part of you that craves the chemistry of it.....and so you do it more often than not....

And obviously the negative generates way more chemistry than the positive. So it's a hard one to break.

Look forward to the book.

"But when people grow up, they won’t believe anything unless they’re convinced that it’s true."

Unless that person is a World Builder - author, game designer, movie maker, artist, etc who makes their living by remembering the magic of their childhood imagination and use it every day to create imaginary worlds - or an Inventor who creates things that don't yet exist by using their imagination and willing something to be true, to some degree or another.

We sold our TV when our first child was born because we felt that the screen was not conducive to them developing a strong imagination. We read them stories out loud, made up stories on the fly (letting them pick the characters and setting) to model using your imagination to create worlds, and so on.

Our belief was that when you read to your children instead of parking them in front of a video they will use their imagination to visualize - and hear, and smell, etc - the world and events being described in the story rather than having all that fed to them from the screen (video). This exercises their imaginations and better equips them to be an imaginative creator when they grow up.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Seemed to work for this kid at least :)
They're currently working on a PhD in theoretical Quantum Physics / Quantum Information Theory, being a DM for various Role Playing Games where they create a world and scenario that players play in, and so on.

Anyway, just wanted to point out that there are many people who use this creative imaginary believing something that they know isn't true well beyond childhood - and some professions require one to be able to do this.

Very interesting.
Adopt them for their purpose, while knowing they are make believe.
The benefits are greater even though they are not absolutely true.
Thanks.

Derek, Thanks for asking for my feedback.
I used to play this game with my daughter and then started to include her friends when she was 4-7yrs old or so.
It started on our large "aircraft carrier" California King bed.
I used to have them attack me on the bed and tell them that anything other than the bed, essentiially the floor was the hot lava.
Of course we were just having fun and pretending and after reading this now I might understand what might have been going on in their minds and of course I took the imaginary lava seriously as well.
Thanks again for askin, hope this helps
Ed Gutentag

Been thinking about this ever since the “running” post Can’t wait for the book.

One of the realizations I've been having as I grow older is that a lot of the things we knew as kids are even more important now, even though we neglect them.

Like this post or the simple aphorisms like 'Early to bed and Early to rise, makes you healthy, wealthy and wise'.

As an actor, I was intrigued by this post. Playing "make-believe" is what we do for a living. Actors are gifted and privileged with the opportunity to investigate human behaviour and then to step into - play out - what we might do if we were the character of the role we are playing. We call it the "magic if" and it can be wonderfully liberating as well as enlightening. We are always aware, however, that we are playing a role - and that's part of the joy of creation as artists.

Humans love stories and when "making believe," we put that wonderful facility, our imagination to work and couple it with play, our species' "ludic impulse." Again, we always know when we are at play.

Another angle of this... A person has an entheogenic experience and visits a new world they had never seen before. The sky was neon red with neon yellow rings and they met entities there which taught them musical ideas.

The authority human would say it was an hallucination, not real. But the person experienced it, it felt "real" while they where enjoying it. So it *was* real. What's the difference?

You can be the driver of your reality, in the bounds of physics. Eli Lilly talked a great deal about the infinite power of imagination.

Within different dimensions people are unleashing this power in ways to improve their life experience. You have the ability to not be bounded by mental traps which culture, yourself and others etc inflict on you. You can remove them, easier than you think.

This here, seems like a variant of those positive possibilities.

Great posting loved it all until I got to the Religion part.

I think that could be a turn-off to some of your readers. I know what you are saying, and I agree with it - it is just that religion is one of those areas where some might take offence.

Just offering my opinion - it doesn't change the outcome of the story IMO.

Loved how you brought me back to my childhood memories of play and imagination! Something we need to do more of as adults.

Hope you do not mind my candid comments.

Can't wait to read your next book!

It's the classic discussion, does the ends justify the means... Pragmatism vs ideology. An interesting perspective to add would be which of these approaches is better, when, and why

There's a survival purpose behind this as well. "Make believe" is a form of play. And play creates a simulated experience that allows us to test our abilities and develop skills that might be useful in the future. And of course with little downside if we fail. We see it in the natural world when young animals play fight. Later, they use those skills for hunting.

My 2.5 year old daughter has recently started playing make believe with "the monster in the hall". I'm guessing that she is doing this to create an imaginary dangerous situation so she can figure out how to overcome it.

There are other reasons why children engage in make believe--for developing social skills, for exploring who they are and trying on different roles to see which ones suit them, for taking on different personas for a change just to see what it's like, and simply for fun.

As adults, we do play make believe quite a bit--just not nearly as much publicly. We do it in our minds when we fantasize and daydream. Over time we learn that there can be negative social repercussions for adopting new types of thinking or personas. So it's much safer for us to run imaginary simulations between our ears rather than in the real world with our family members or colleagues at work. In the case of work, we can run thought experiments to save time and money.

There's a difference between playing make believe and adopting beliefs. People adopt a belief to provide a way for them to process information based on insight, experience, or tradition. And it's not always something they do to enable them to feel good. Someone might adopt a belief that they are unattractive or incapable of being loved. They still might fantasize about an ideal person who enters their life and loves them.

Unfortunately most people don´t realize that what they believe is not true... and that´s where it gets crazy and dangerous. Like whats going on on Twitter. I mean some of the highest ranking individuals in society seem to believe their own bullshit... or what is their game?!

Disidentifying from the stories is a life's work. Or perhaps that is another story. Damn.

In Italy a commedian has been able to make believe quite a lot to millions of people , founding a party and , make believe or not, they had the majority and prime minister of gov. just with the use of news with their own network, free money for most of all who did not wanted to work (some between 700 and 1000 € per month).
The made believe to be the new era, saints and pure. Still lots are believing they are.

Our reality, ie perceptions, beliefs, thoughts, feelings are not true, but they are useful. We can choose to step into and step out of the shoes of multiple characters playing out on the movie.

This talk I’ve found to be very useful, life changing in fact: youtu.be/eGKFTUuJppU

Where does truth come into this then?

Its a question of metaphysics to an extent. If the kids experience feels true then perhaps it is. It might be an uncomfortable way of looking at the world. But the fact that humans are irrational actors supports the notion that our decisions are made on internal realities that don’t necessarily follow the facts arounds us. I.e our decisions are not always based on logic. Subsequently we further shape the world around through irrational decision making. Furthering an unfolding future that is impossible to predict. Isn't that then enough evidence to conclude that what is or isn't true becomes at the least a grey area in the context of the lived experience?

We want the world to be certain. I think a lot of collective human failings ignore the way the world really is. Instead we develop plans and polices on how we think it ought to be. This is why they often fail, or we end up repeating attempts to fix things.

Good post, got me thinking more than usual over my morning coffee :)

Hi Derek , “make believe ‘“ is a beautiful write up,I look forward to reading more from you ,keep it up.

Nice - I like this angle even better than the "run in the forest" analogy! :)

Hey Derek,

First off, thank you for writing this piece.

It instills nostalgia and is wonderful to think of all the times I played make believe games on a summer afternoon.

I think about childhood often and try to find ways to live that way if possible and would like to suggest something to you.

The next time you take a trip with friends or family try to create a make believe situation and get creative with building defences, and attacking each other.

I sincerely hope it will make all of us feel like little children and do wonders for our mental health.

Let me know if you try it and I’ll do the same.

Can’t wait for your next book.

Wish you the best,
Santhosh Sankaran

So true! Often we can’t see the believe systems that we create. They are like gases that you can’t see or smell, but when you step out of the room you realize and can choose

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
George Bernard Shaw

It's a struggle.

Homo sapiens is a world builder it seems. That's why we don't run after our food in the savannah any more: we built another world. And the way children intuitively play it out shows that this lives somewhere deep inside our fabric.

Then there is reality. Our job. Boss. Wife. Husband. The neighbor with that loud lawnmower. They often don't care that much about the world we want.

And of course there are people who don't want anything.

But the dangerous ones are those who want to use other people as building bricks for their world. Who not only don't care about them, but use them. Feed them ideology as truth.

Peace.

Ancestor Worship We all do this. We revere ancestors from the past. Confuses, Buddha, Jesus, Plato, and many others. The best thing about the ancestors is that they are either dead or inaccessible(as in movie stars or public figures). We can make up anything we want and no one can contradict us. Any information that may be out there is very old and has been repeated many times(as in the game telephone). This allows us to make up anything we wish and credit it to one of these ancestors. It is hard to challenge us or our vision of life because no one has definitive proof that we are wrong. They cannot be called up or written to for corrections.

Made me think of the rather brilliant ACT therapy idea (book: The Happiness Trap):

“The theory of ACT believes that rather than changing what we think, it is more natural and more effective to change the way we feel about what we believe“

I was talking about Santa Claus with my gf this morning.
Why do we let kids believe in this figure? An elaborate scheme run by "adults" for what end?
A useful "make believe" to lead good behavior?

This might seem like a tangent but I think you'll be interested in this vid. A friend sent me this video/podcast of Rugby player Jonny Wilkinson. It blew my mind. In conversations about success, goals, happiness, it is fascinating to hear the perspective of someone who, to onlookers at least, nailed that dream. And then found it empty. They talk a bit about the joy and exploration without expectation - and how that is a childlike state - as well as many other fascinating things. Definitely worth a watch. he's on another level. www.youtube.com/watch?v=O80qs9OEadw&app=desktop

Three books I suggest about these topics.
Homo Ludens by Huizinga.
The 7 laws of magical thinking by Matthew Hudson
Food, sex and strangers by Graham Harvey

Homo Ludens argues that animals predate humans and animals play. Therefore, play predates culture. Play is the basis of all things, and comes in many forms. 'make belief' is part of this.
Magical thinking talks about the 'beliefs' we create for ourselves.
Food, sex and strangers argue that for too long religion has been defined as 'belief in god' but it is far more about what people actually do in their daily lives. Religion is not about belief per se.

I have been working on a PhD in the study of religion in these topics, and Derek comes along and expressed these complex ideas in such a succinct way!

The make believe world is the one to live in, ain't that the bitter truth...😊

Make believe is reading a novel or watching a film. It’s pretending you are the star of your own movie while doing the mundane jobs - just trust in your ability to dream.

Great to hear the podcast again, Derek. Your spoken delivery really adds something to the pieces and makes me think more about them.

“My evil ex dumped me even though I was perfect so that’s why I can never love again.” This one hit home and I need to change this belief!

I do have some beliefs that I have consciously chosen, such as ‘Everything will work out for the best’ and ‘I am a healthy person’ and which I believe. I of course then back these up with the actions which would follow my own belief.

I think people do tend to get into the realm of ‘magical thinking’ where they think ‘bad things won’t happen to me’ and then they are shocked when something bad does happen. One question, Derek. Have you had something that you chose to believe and then it was completely proven wrong? How did you reassess your existing belief(s) after that?

Thanks for those early-morning thoughts. Maybe we should all just stay a bit more childish while growing up? :)

Hey Derek, thanks for sharing this. Here's what I think:

Motivation is an appetite, i.e. we pursue things that we believe will help us meet physical and emotional needs.

Children's motivations are - by and large - pure and simple. One of these is to explore and experience their imaginations. This process formulates much of what it is 'to know'.

The assumptions underlying adult motivations - having come into extensive contact with the wider world - are often more complex.

For instance, “I would be creatively prolific and super-productive if I could quit my job.”

Adults get invested in beliefs like this because there's an intrinsic (although not very satisfying) payoff e.g. not facing the fear of rejection, or the effort inherent in putting ourselves out there.

Our 'truths' are wrought with fears, doubts and underlying assumptions that misdirect us from what we really want, and wish to experience.

There's much to say. Thanks, Dom

Make believe and play are amazing. More (all) people should take time for it. Some people think too much about the reasoning behind it, and then it feels forced.

Even my 14 year old told me the other day that he wishes he could feel like a younger child again, because he now feels embarrassed about things he said, and when he was younger, he did not. I told him that first of all, his awareness of that is amazing, and secondly, for him to just meditate on that and try his best to apply it. We chatted more about it at that point.

It is interesting about when and how people grow out of that child-like imaginative freedom. Everyone is so different with that and the way they were raised. In school you start having real deadlines for assignments and that carries over to jobs and the rat race of "keeping up with the Jones'". Even if you claim you aren't you are to some degree.

Derek, I will say that while I'm not a 'true fan', I do respect your work, and I am eager to see what you do with this. Also, every now and again, you mention your child, and with your mindset regarding life that you write about, I'm eager to see how he develops as a person, if you are indeed willing to share that. I am always intrigued with the way people are raised who lead successful lives. There have been books about what successful people all have in common, but I wonder if there is a particular way in which all of them were raised. What kinds of parents did they have? I want to see their progress from the beginning.

Thank you for your time.

Love, love, love this piece, Derek. It’s beautifully succinct and impactful. And yes, A whole book that dives into this theme would be most welcome. Our world certainly needs some reminding that we’re all just making it up as we go along. Cheers!

Hey Dee - again, on the button as usual. The entire world is make-believe as is life. We are our own actor on centre stage, due to our outrageous egos. If were a bottle with a label, the label would be our ego, loud and proud, explaining to everyone who we are and how good we are. Whereas, the Real You (self) hides within the bottle, very seldom exposed because we don't want 'others' to see who we really are - and so we play this enchanting game called, 'Life'...

What a refreshing idea! I never have thought about it in this way.
I've experienced that if you carry a believe close to the hearth that helped you survive. It can get hard to get rid of. -- I wrote a song about this last year : www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2D8gXiDq7I

Using this in a light hearted, playful way this can actually be a very strong tool!
I will be playing with this.
"what can I believe, right now that helps me to ...
make me less stressful while giving this presentation, work more focussed on this job. etc etc

"Adopt them for their purpose, while knowing they are make believe."

Beautiful conclusion. And a thought provoking post, as always!

Everything the human consciousness has created was at one point "make believe". Especially the intangibles - value systems, societal norms, justice. We collectively believe it, so it becomes "real".

Also, this post spoke of freedom. Freedom to choose any belief you find useful in the moment. Though the mind doesn't work that way. Some beliefs are sticky and some are deeply entrenched and try to protect themselves.

This is really excellent. A great example of how our beliefs shape our days. I'm not sure it would convince anyone thought. :) But I've struggled to find words for this way of looking at the world, and you nailed it for me.

Hi Derek -

There are things that are true and not make believe at all. There is such a thing as absolute reality. With all due respect, I don't agree at all with the idea that religions, philosophies and norms are not absolutely true. There are absolute truths in each of these areas that are not make believe at all.

With regard to kids - below a certain age children are unable to distinguish make believe from the real world. Santa IS real to them. So is the tooth fairy.

After they reach a certain age, make believe is one of the activities that qualify as play. This particular aspect of play is extremely useful for creative types like me. When I am creating something, I ask questions like "What if the melody went up here, instead of down?" "What if this happened in the story?" My process has nothing to do with making up beliefs, and has nothing to do with what I think real is. What I am doing is playing with the material. I hope I never lose the ability to do that.

Best regards,

Richard

Yes and.

Very powerful.

I hugely recommend "The Sultan's Seven Secrets" on this theme.

www.amazon.com/Sultans-Seven-Secrets-Jeff-Buehner-ebook/dp/B0BGVKTCYQ

A prime example of make-believe is money. It only works if everybody holds the belief. Also, you might be interested in Donald Hoffman - The Case Against Reality. One idea there is that what we perceive is not what is real but what proved to be useful for our survival.

Beliefs loosely held could be called convenient lies.
Let’s make believe our statistics.
Let’s make believe Britain can regain its old colonial empire ways.
Let’s make believe the other side of the political spectrum are mad and will destroy our country.

Make believe is the root of the problems we have at a societal level.

What you are talking about I think is ‘pretending’. That is different, because it is taking on a persona with full knowledge that you are not thing. It can go the other way and become ‘imposter syndrome’ where we don’t believe the reality because we don’t identify with that new reality. Where we may have been pretending and now it seems to have become reality.

Language is everything. Make believe is the dark side of pretending in adult life, because the more people involved in the belief, the more they think it must be reality because so many believe.

If we are clear that we are pretending, there does not need to be the risk of that slippery slope.

I hadn’t thought about ‘Make Believe’ in that context before, but now you mention it, I realise that it is trying things on for size. And sometimes that can lead to a really dark place.

I think imposter syndrome is a health place for a mind to be, because it acknowledges that we pretended to get there.

And most important, that it’s all just different narratives, and the one that wins out ends up being reality.

The in between ground is just that - acknowledging that it’s a narrative and that believing that narrative does not mean that the narrative is real. If we put that in the realm of pretending rather than believing, we’re in a much more playful and potentially collaborative place.

so true ! That's why I love Dr Viktor Frbakl´s logotherapy so much = meaning centered psychotherapy . We do what is meaningful for us ::))

Make believe what is not real is a product of imagnation.Truth is the property of being in accord with fact or reality, and ascribed to things that aim to represent reality or otherwise correspond to it, such as beliefs, propositions, and factual outcomes. Truth is usually held to be the opposite of falsehood in one's experience and mind.
One point you convey here is: "Same with philosophies, nationalities, norms, and concepts like loyalty, destiny, and identity. None of these are true. But they are useful." A debatable point of view, based on personal observation or whatever. One side of the coin, so is all these things imagined? What then is truth or is that make believe. Trying to understand where all this is going.

Good observation, unfortunately grown ups seem to be able to go a lot too far under the influence of delusions…we can all provide our own examples I’m sure..

Thought provoking as usual Derek. This concept onion has many skins to peel back, but a great exploration toward understanding of belief. We are a funny species, eh? We’re still at the intersection of sentient beings and unconscious slaves to our Limbic Systems. Limbic Zombies would be a great band name! While I embrace the benefit of truly understanding all parts of having a belief, I just don’t trust the believer, myself included. Thanks to the lizard within, we are still very much at the mercy of life’s “pancakes of life are ready” distractions no matter how well entrenched we are in a particular belief. Theres no question that believes work, or that awareness of them is useful. Realistically, we still are obliged to battle when our beliefs collide with the lizard instincts or the beliefs of others.

Sooo ... what if all of those ancient "religious" teachers were trying to remind us of our ability to create realities with our beliefs? Hmmm ... of course, no one would believe that these days.

Derek, it's interesting that you called it "make believe." It brings back the subtle humor about the feelings on commitment and life in general. How good it is to have a grownup humor and the leadership of a child! People tend to lose a lot of humor when they are too serious in life.

A believe *can* be make-believe...but that belief *could* be real and true.

Instead of saying "none of these are true", perhaps saying that "not all of these are true" might better allow for things true, that you personally do not yet know/understand.

Just a thought...thanks for all you humbly share, it is appreciated!

Looks like It’s an extrapolation of living in a Simulation theory. We understand based on what we learn and once we understand what learnt is not enough. So the pursuit continues…

Rather cynical to deny truth. Do you believe that the universe is ever-expanding? Do you believe there is an "edge" to the universe or do you believe that it has no boundaries? I'll bet you have an opinion on that topic but you can't empirically prove either of those conditions. The problem in modern politics is that every argument has become binary. How absurd to think that issues like abortion, climate change, human sexuality, crime, governance, economics, etc. etc. can be summed up by yes/no or right/wrong. Every thinking individual has a broad range of beliefs about everything, based on education, life-experiences (direct observation), conscience, family tradition. A person can believe that abortion is a poor choice for birth control but also believe that it shouldn't be eliminated by legislation. That's not yes/no. That's not pro-life vs. pro-abortion (or however you choose to characterize it in the popular binary fashion). Having beliefs about complex issues that differ from the people who deliver the "news" is not "make believe". It is critical thinking. Let's get back to understanding that there are many layers to many issues and ditch the easy path of binary thinking. That's the crucial step to toning down the national insanity.

What is more true than what we believe?

"Make Believe" is a misnomer. "Pretend" is a better name for it. And pretense is something adults are just as good or better at than children.

“I am still every age that I have been. Because I was once a child, I am always a child. Because I was once a searching adolescent, given to moods and ecstasies, these are still part of me, and always will be..." L'Engle

Every thing you are saying is pretty close, depending on the
life you are going through. Now that my age is up there pretty high
things are a bit scrambled. I didn't used to dream a lot because I was very tired.
Now I'm constantly dreaming asleep or awake.
It's all very interesting!

Frank

I hold only one belief: I believe I could be wrong. :)

I’ve found at least 2 productive uses of make believe.

The first one I use when I get an MRI. I am a bit claustrophobic, so when they slide my body into the machine, I close my eyes and make believe that I’m somewhere else. I’ve imagined that I’m on the beach with friends or out surfing with them.

The second way that I use it is to lie down, eyes closed, and visualize myself hitting my tennis strokes the way that I want to…which is not always the way that I do.

Thanks for reminding me of the power of make believe.

Everything perceived or believed fulfills a human need. Connection. Love. Safety. Even knowingly imagining or building a story can be used for the same or to run away metaphorically from abuse. These are mental mechanisms built over time within us for our personal happiness and or survival. You are correct that the truth is often mostly unimportant to the believer. It is the belief that leads to inertia of action that leads to the persons outcome.

Not too many years ago I would have rejected the idea of believing something because it serves you, not because it is true. Today I realize how very little I know for sure, and feel it's OK to believe. Also I would totally be prolifically creative and super-productive if I quit my job. :)

A fun read and a great simple explanation of how the real world works. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Just because one individual thinks that something is true or isn't true doesn't make it true or untrue.

Fabulous topic!. I’m a fan of “pretend” too. It keeps both true and non truth intact as we play with it. And we set it free quicker than beliefs.

Hi Derek,
Perhaps another way of expressing this is to ‘suspend disbelief’. In order to read/watch/agree with I need to momentarily suspend disbelief.
Wayne

>>Same with philosophies, nationalities, norms, and concepts like loyalty, destiny, and identity. None of these are true. But they are useful.<<

Agreed, I remember attending a talk by Seamus Heaney in which he quoted Benedict Anderson's "Imagined Communities" and he used two examples e.g. Catholics had been in Ireland before Protestants, and the economic problems of Eire were due to British colonialism). The point was not these statemenents (and millions like them) were *true*, but that one could use them instrumentally to move forward. Truth was secondary to instrumentality. Good luck with the book.
m.

@Marc #11.

Start by believing in yourself, which Derek just covered in the post.

I'm reading the book "438 Days: An Extraordinary True Story of Survival at Sea" and Jose Salvador Alvarenga used "make-believe" to take himself from a horrific situation of being trapped on a 23-foot topless skiff with no sail, oars, lights, & only a handful of basic supplies to being transformed to various places to escape the nightmare of where he was at.
Needless to say this technique, trick, or whatever a person wants to call it, was influential to Mr. Alvarengas survival.

I'm looking forward to your next book Derek, and thanks for reminding me of the power of the mind.

Great post. Triggered two other concepts for me:

1. The drama triangle from the 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership. Grown-ups naturally want to be a victim or a villain or a hero.

2. Telling and believing in stories that we tell ourselves and eachother are some of the main differentiators that have made us humans for 300,000 years.

Your point - "Adopt them for their purpose, while knowing they are make believe" is a super-power. We have it; we can cultivate it; we can use it. I wish more people did.

Thanks again for the reminder!

A few thoughts came to mind reading this:

* "Pull the wool over your own eyes."
* "All models are false, some are useful." The trick is knowing the former and exercising the latter.
* "Regard all dharmas as dreams", from Lojong. One way to read this is that all realities that we can directly know are in part fantasies. But these are the tools we have.

Your recent posts hit so close to home right now. Difficult for me right now are the beliefs that started as make-believe but I now accept as true.

Yeah, I like this as a book idea. This makes me uncomfortable in how I feel about my beliefs, because I only adopt beliefs I feel are 100% true. Which makes me feel I’m bullshitting myself and don’t realize it.

Interesting to see you write "None of it is true". How do you know that? How do you know that even the three (somewhat contrived) examples really aren't true? How did do you find this amazing place of objectivity - and omniscience maybe - that can know and declare that even if they are useful that all philosophies are false, that all religion is make believe?

I used to make myself believe I was an alcoholic, and thus, I had issues with drinking alcohol, even when I was sober. Abstinence was a b@#$. I took it upon myself to change how I perceived myself. I made myself believe I am actually someone who values what he puts in his bodies, mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. It has been over 6 years now, and I still make myself believe the latter rather than the former and I feel great.

Law of attraction.

In the pretend future of the book Citizen of the Galaxy, an anthropologist tells a young learning-about-the-world hero that every society has customs, and it is better to have illogical customs than no customs at all.

For "customs" I substitute culture or, today, beliefs.

A person with more than one passport might not embrace society's beliefs about duty and serving one's country. Then the person could heed Lao Tzu's words: "Those who tell don't know; those who know don't tell."

To put it another way, regarding social beliefs and personal make believe: A cheater merely tarnishes the game, a spoilsport ruins it for everybody.

Joke: Reality is for those who can't handle drugs; drugs are for those who can't handle science fiction.

This is similar to the teachings on the great mahamudra, in Buddhism. All beliefs and teachings are thought to be ultimately skillful means, aimed at transforming daily life and experience into something better. E.g. none of it needs to be objectively true, proof is in the pudding so to speak, and the pragmatic outcomes.

'Love thy neighbour' leads to objectively better outcomes than 'crush the infidels!'

Believing in the six realms of the buddha, ranging from hell realms of anger to the realms of hungry ghosts, through the animal and human realms, up into the asura realms of jealousness and god realms of pleasure - or understanding these as being a bit of a psychological spectrum which we can migrate through from breath to breath - helps us conceptualize a more fluid understanding of ourselves, and how we can show up moment to moment - teaches us that there is a moment of control where we can aim to assert how we would like to be (idealize our action in principle, and then come as close as we can to executing upon that idealization) - vs having a static and stagnant understanding of one's self - 'I'm always X'

Understanding the role of 'make believe' in all this is a form of metacognition. Because how quickly 'making belief' turns into 'making truth.' To make something happen, it helps to be able to imagine it first - not just in the sense of visualization or positive affirmations or whatever, but, the very act of conceptualization, moving through planning and then into execution.

And from the other side of the coin, the concept of play, in general, is very important to actualizing our best lives. People who are able to layer in a sense of play, another form of 'make believe' into the actions of their daily life fair better psychologically than those who trudge through. Play and aspiration are very closely related, and no coincidence that the Hindu concept of divine play, lila, is so close to godhood - what else could gods want for? Nothing, so they spend their time in play. Remember to take time to play with your children!

Thank you. Good examples to land the ideas explored on a “daily run, part two”.

I think these are good observations but our world is reeling in treating these assumptions as truth because it feels good and comforting. We have swung too much in this direction and our questioning and empirical proof needs to be fostered so we can sort out what is really real. It requires effort and going against popular opinion and is critical to instill in our young adults who are dying from a feeling of hopelessness that is often fiction.

It seems that you're about to riff on the "Perception is reality" motif, but from the stand point of "this is good thing". I'm very interested to see where you go with this.

I've been obsessed with this concept for awhile. Somebody referred to them as"useful fictions" and I've been calling them that ever since. What I'm trying to figure out is a heuristic for managing the truth part. In conversations, some people say that the second you downplay the importance of truth it's a pandora's box. It opens a door for liars, propagandists, cult-like evangelists, snake oil salesmen, etc. And that these people shouldn't be given leeway and a leg to stand on. So I'm curious if you'll reconcile that notion.

Apologies if this isn't clear, I'm still in sensemaking mode on this.

Love your stuff you charming mfer,

Cam

Reminds me of how I spend my life outside of the office--I attend and run furry conventions, where many of us dress up as what amount to make believe animals.

At first glance it might sound silly, but these events bring lots of joy to both ourselves as participants as well as the general public at some of the larger conventions.

Derek, this is fantastic - Profundity packed nicely in a few bite-sized paragraphs. It's incredible how true a belief can feel. Why do you think humans make such an effort to "know" things? Are we so uncomfortable with "not knowing" that we grab ahold of myths like they're absolute truths?

Briefly: pragmatism is useful (this is a tautology) but it is true.

Pragmatism doesn't address conflict regarding edge effects- so long as we all live inside certain confines then pragmatism is amazing. It doesn't help us to know why something is wrong, or to set up why another thing is okay.

So if you want to keep your world simple, avoid people who hold different fundamental beliefs and generally just get on with it, I think you are on to a winner.

My worry is that what happens when the majority turns against the minority because it is pragmatic , we 'remove useless eaters' because it is just a belief we can use for now to help improve our current situation - climate change or over population. Pragmatism is good day to day, but falls short in my opinion of a complete way to live.

Thanks, Derek. I like the direction of your thinking and am excited about a new book exploring the practical application of belief. It’s not a new idea in personal development literature, but a fresh, new take on it feels timely — and especially coming from your perspective. I’m reminded of Napoleon Hill and all the branches of self-help and personal development that sprang from his work. But a less esoteric and more “normal” exploration would feel healthier, and having it be less self-deterministic or self-centered - more balanced and focused on using it to ultimately be helpful to others, like your approach in Anything You Want - would be inviting as a topic to study and spend some time with. There is evidently something to the idea of choosing what to believe, and having your thoughtful perspective on this will make a valuable addition to my library. Keep up the great work!

Curious to read more. No suggestions atm.

Now I want to be a child again.

Adulthood covers up so much to discover.

Adult hinders freedom.

Children are ignorant and have much freedom.

Hard to believe a lot when grown up.

Repeated make believe would lead to a distorted view of reality. Brainwashing works just like that...

Make believe -- good title. Glad I Believe! Grateful.

So would you suggest that each of us should be concurrently building two separate belief systems, one of true beliefs and one of pragmatic beliefs?

Make believe can be useful in raising kids. Act don’t react was a phrase I used often.. often friends share their qualms about using public transportation. My go-to is Pretend tou are in Paris.

Wonderful concept. In the book, I'd like to hear about specific actions we can take to remind ourselves when we're just making believe (since we often forget!).

Serendipitous that this post land in my inbox today. Last night I had a dream where a man was yelling at me (in a loving, encouraging way) to stop buying into the bullsh*t of my excuses, limiting beliefs, and how I believe the world works.

Because my excuses, beliefs, and worldview are all just make believe. Stories I've told myself about myself and others.

Kid, that's not killer lava, it's a berber in a lovely shade of mauve. Time for pancakes.

I'm excited to hear more of your thoughts on Make Believe and especially how adults can implement more of it in their daily lives.

Thanks for all your great work!

Money is one of the biggest "make believe" stories out there. When those stories last for more than one generation, they become fixed realities.

I've always been a controlling person and controlling the situation was a must. That's why I studied a lot of psychology and human behavior... so I could control the situation, or at least have a better understanding of the situation and, hence, control it.

Time passed, and I was at a party in December 2021 that I was hating. Everyone there was dressed completely like I wouldn't be, the music was definitely not what I would listen to and I was feeling like an outsider there. After all, as a Dj and someone who works with Electronic Music, I was in a situation that I had no control and understanding, and that was driving me crazy

Since I would have to stay for at least 4 hours more over there due to a friend, I decided, at the party, to play 'make-believe' and started to assume that
1. Everyone was dressed amazingly
2. The music was amazing
3. Lack of control and understanding was the way to live

That 'make believe' game turned my mind completely and nowadays these are the kind of parties that I go to. The absence of control was so rewarding and so liberating that my constant need for control suppressed this possibility, but one that I was really missing out on. I consider this party one of the biggest turning points of my life and it completely changed me... not the party itself, but how good it was to be without control in a world where I liked having control.

Nowadays, I'm a lot freer and less controlling, all because of a make-believe game that I played with myself.


3. I didn't care

What are the differences and commonalities among:
* "know"
* "believe"
* "pretend"
* "act as if"

And how do those differences and commonalities bear on the point you're making?

What's the difference between a belief that guides a behavior, and a belief that is a post hoc rationalization of that behavior? And is it possible to tease those two apart?

As a performer, one of the best parts of the job is that, when its good, we get to live in another's shoes for a brief moment. Making believe,working out character,seeing with fresh eyes - hopefully a tiny insight into how others see the world and experience this planet. Grateful to be able to play. Love your thoughts on this.

Totally agree! To live a playfull life and explore the limits of my own beliefs, try out new ones, act in life like I'm writing a novel. That's a fun existance!

You hit the nail on the head! I was just talking with a friend about this yesterday. I've started to plan my life as if I'm going to be dead by 40 (with contingencies in the event that I turn out to be wrong). He can't conceive of a world where he doesn't live to be at least 80 or 90, and would love to be immortal.

Neither of us needs to win the other one over-my life is just better when I think I don't have much time left. It's energizing. I work, love and live with more presence. If I reach 40, I'll make a new plan where my life ends at 50. There are few to no rational reasons for me to assume my premature demise except that it's such a useful narrative for me in navigating life.

For my friend, that prospect would be debilitating. He's more productive and present when he feels he has a long time horizon. Our behaviours are ultimately similar, but the beliefs that support them are opposite... and yet, we can have fun discussing them because we know these are just stories we made up to help us live. As a bonus, we'll get to have a good laugh about my story together if we both reach our old age.

As someone has done a bunch of deep work - this resonates deeply.

when the world takes over, and you lose your inner child - make believe also disappears.

Ive been intentionally working on getting back to that place, where I can be my best and authentic self. So I can make believe more and more. It's where I am my best.

"Make believe has a purpose."

I "believe" this to be quite an empowering way to live life. I've used the term "framing" to describe it because I feel like choosing beliefs based on their utility to you in the moment is similar to basically looking at the same exact situation from a different frame of reference that presents it in a more inspiring or manageable light. I'm looking forward to hearing your extended take on this topic in your next book!

Believing that "none of them are true" is a bit of adult make believe. To build on this by "knowing" that the stuff you use as a guiding light is "make believe" sounds depressing to me. Imagine your personal philosophy to be that choices made are based upon caring for others because people are the only things that matter. Do you give yourself a knowing wink that, yes, this philosophy is "useful" but isn't "true" ?

I'd agree with the sentiment of a few other commenters: beliefs aren't Truth, but in the moment, under the guise of what appears very real in our so-called present, our remarkable, powerful imaginations make it true. Our bodies physically and chemically make it tangible and seemingly indisputable, our hearts and minds may be entirely captured and enveloped within the illusory construct.

The danger, as I believe you inherently posit, is unconsciously maintaining these momentary constructs in perpetuity -- even when evidence to the contrary is right before us. Our bodies then respond in kind; they break down, age prematurely, we divide within ourselves and without, and concrete falsehoods that keep "them" over there because what's "here" is "mine" and "true".

Maybe it's "safe", and familiar, but it's pain, guaranteed.

Then we model and teach our children the same...

Hi Derek,

Two thoughts on this topic:

1. I think most people don't realize they've adopted some belief because it's useful and not because it's true. I wonder if, once they realize this, they'll let go of the belief. Have you let go of any beliefs after realizing they are 'make-believe'?

2. I think, as you write your next book, you should explore the role of imagination on why we "like the way [the statements] feel to believe". This reminds me of the concept of pre-feeling from Stumbling on Happiness. From your notes (sive.rs/book/StumblingOnHappiness), "if imagining the future made them feel good, choosing that choice would make them feel good, and they were right"

This is a great idea to make beliefs that works for me at the moment. I'm not sure though, how to apply this in life as beliefs we usually absorb in childhood and is difficult to change it in adulthood even with a therapist help.

Hi Derek,

Couldn’t agree more. I used to make believe I was playing in the major leagues or the NFL as a kid. Still carry that into adulthood by “competing” against a goal I’ve set for a round of golf or whatever task is at hand. I guess it’s the idea of gamification. Making a game of something just makes it more interesting and more fun.

Looking forward to your new book. Keep up the good and insightful work.

Thank you, Dave

Making believing the pile of blankets and pillows is a mountain and my three-year-old needs to climb it to be saved is easy and fun for me. But making believing that my nine-year-old’s video game is interesting is more challenging for me to do convincingly (because it’s not fun for me).

Meguey Baker had something lovely to say about this earlier today, so I’m going to quote her:

“The need to practice responses to new situations & grapple with the confusing rules & realities of (grown-up) life doesn't stop at 18, or 21, or 51, as far as I can tell. Seriously? I hope it never does, & I put forth that to stop doing so means one is either stagnant or dead. ”

(Meg is one of the creators of Apocalypse World, which means very little in many contexts, but is very much a big deal in the world of folks who still play pretend with our friends on a regular basis.)

Make believe is a great way to keep certain mental muscles flexible. The ability to play with an idea exposes us to a broader world, builds better resistance to toxic ideas, and arms is to better build new ideas. It always saddens me to encounter someone who feels like they’ve “grown” out of play, as it feels like something’s very different than growth.

Hi Derek,

I love playing make believe with my son. It's fun and I get to remember how it was like being a child. The first time I got completely into it was even liberating.

That said, and even though I agree with everything you said, this post and the previous (the Tony Robbins one) feel incomplete. Can you really trick yourself into believing anything that is convenient to you? I've been following you for a while and am certain you are a good person. But your logic followed to an extreme, by someone who doesn't have your morals, could be dangerous. Moral truth has to be anchored to something real, not just something we convince ourselves that is real. If you can have any morals you want, because you can believe anything that makes you accomplish your goals, things can become dangerous. I feel like that is missing from your reflections.

Either you take your (good) morals for granted or there is something missing from your reflections. Next post, maybe? :)

Lex Fridman and Liv Boeree had an interesting discussion of this concept on his podcast. They referred to it "useful fictions".

I think of this often as I say things to my kids things I know aren't 100% true.

"You can achieve anything if you work hard" type of remarks.

To be fair I have the same self-talk, intentionally erroring on the side of optimism and hope.

Thank you, Derek. This is great advice and it's one of the reasons why I went into the theater world as a career. Not only do you get the opportunity to make believe…it's part of the job description.

If all the adults insisted that the floor is - actually - lava, the kids would have no choice but to grow up believing it. It would no longer be pretend (nor fun), but instead reality. Socialization is powerful -- and scary.

It’s all make believe.

Alternatively, one could do improv acting and never stop make believing!

Yes, these thoughts echo my experience too. Why not believe that world peace is possible? That I am worthy of love? and on and on. It's a lot more rewarding than to believe I need a fallout shelter. Maybe I'm ignorant, or maybe I choose to live the days I have full of hope, love, and possibility?

I think it was Carl Jung who said "Act As If" in his research into pointing out that our minds are pretty impressive make believe engines. I may have the source wrong, but I will make believe that it is correct. If we act as if something is true, it will become more true (even if it is not real).

I also find it interesting to look at how I am convinced of things (and how others are too). During the pandemic there were so many moments where we needed to trust or not trust. I had a close family friend yell at me over dinner that I "was ignoring the experts!" When I asked her who the experts were, she froze and could not relate even one. She backed down quickly and was spent the evening trying to figure out her angle and why she believed it.

I was no more sure she was wrong or right but was more interested in how someone can so passionately defend or promote something that they're own story architect created. It's no wonder as humans love stories and make them up easily based on loose connections all the time. It doesn't mean there are not facts, but behind facts are things without facts (e.g. gravity, quantum physics, and of course... experts).

Thanks for the thoughts Derek!

Having lived over 60 years I have seen the best and worst beliefs have to offer. We could go down many rabbit holes but " not gonna do it, would not be prudent" to quote a former president. I do believe developing and knowing one's belief's is critical living as a decent human being. Uber rigid and forced beliefs are usually have very negative consequences. My beliefs have evolved over time which I feel has been positive for me.

I've heard that's why so many actors do life best, because they understand it's all make-believe.

Here is an essay I have had up on my home page since 1996, about similar topics.
"Just Pretending"
by Steve M. Potter
steve.potter@gmail.com
potterlab.gatech.edu

Why is it that kids pretend? No one teaches them to do it, they just naturally do it. Kittens naturally do it too. Every yarn ball is a pretend mouse. No need to tell the kid, "Look, this stack of blocks represents a house. It could be our house. Then GI Joe here would be you, sitting in the sand box!" The kid just does it automatically. When he says, "Look, I'm buried in the sand box," as he pours beans on GI Joe, his buddy understands the mapping of him to the doll, beans to sand, the blocks to the house they're in, etc.

Apparently, it's an efficient way to learn things. Perhaps the better question to ask is, "Why do we stop pretending things as we get older?" Sure, we hypothesize scenarios, but it's not quite as involved as pretending. The dictionary says to pretend is to make believe. But imagining is just in your head. Pretending usually involves some kind of acting out. The dictionary says to imagine is to form a mental image of something not present to the senses. I don't think this is the same as pretending. As soon as the kids decide to play doctor, the objects around them become surgical tools or bandages. I would say most playing that kids do involves pretending. Yet the dictionary (Random House College) doesn't even mention pretending or make-believe in the definition of play (v.i.).

I would make a definition something like:

To pretend: to create a correspondence between real objects (and people) and imagined ones.
And

To play: to explore the implications of this mapping, letting the physical relations between the real objects (and people) suggest analogous relations between the imagined objects (and people) they represent.
So if by merely imagining and playing, we can learn, can we learn in dreams, where it is all imagined? Do we need the real objects and people to learn? Probably not if the learning is social skills.

When I think about my childhood, I recall not much pretending. When I played, I was more exploring the properties of real objects. Perhaps my pretending stage was too early for me to remember. I loved planes (and still do!). I remember 'flying' them in my hand around the room, making engine noises, but when I threw them or wound them up and let them go, they were just neato things that did amazing stunts, not pretend planes. The model rockets were not imagined to be real rockets, but were merely something that shoots into the sky and drifts down on a parachute.

I remember pretending, mostly in social context, like the 'Crabdominium', an upscale sand crab housing development Scott and I built out of sand on Kailua beach. Or the Mud Village he and I and Crista built in front of the Hill House.

Pretending, possibly for kids only, can be almost real. Like when we found a brick buried deep in the back yard, while digging just for the sheer fun of digging a really big hole. The brick became the trigger of an elaborate fantasy. I pretended, and soon truly believed, that there must be a huge buried palace or labyrinth down there. I recently told this story to a friend with a Catholic upbringing, and he said he remembers getting the longest nails he could find and hammering them into the dirt to kill the Devil!

To Make Believe
For a grown-up, beliefs are something you have, based on experience, judgment, etc. But kids can just draw a belief out of a hat and go with it (like Harold and the Purple Crayon!). To them, arbitrary, temporary beliefs are as good as any. Even their few 'strong' beliefs, e.g., that Daddy is their father, not a Jabberwock or an impostor, are easily shaken. I know now, from 30 years of never having seen a real monster, that if Dad says "I'm a monster," he is faking. But when I was 4, the chances were 50/50 he really was a monster, and for some reason I just never noticed before! I remember Dad really scared me a couple times by doing that.

When grown-ups imagine a scenario, or hypothesize, it is usually just a mental construction, lacking involvement with real objects and the emotional involvement of a belief. If a grown-up watches the crabs burrowing into the Crabdominium, he merely notes that sand crabs like to dig holes. But us kids, who have mapped crabs onto people, and a sand condo onto a real one, believe that the crabs think a tornado must be coming. Then the waves become Crab-tornadoes, and SEE! The crabs were right! The tide came in and the Crab- tornadoes destroyed their house--Now they are demanding disaster relief!

No Kidding
Grown-ups whose beliefs are not founded in reality are crazy. For kids, it is healthy and normal to have all sorts of wacky beliefs. Mine was Mr. Second. He appears behind you in the mirror when you are taking your shirt off, just when your eyes are blocked. Fear of Mr. Second made sure I took my shirt off really fast. Heaven forbid my arms got stuck in the sleeves! I still think about Mr. Second once in a while, but I can't, even if I try hard, believe that he might actually exist. I must be a grown-up.

[from my Precious Stone journal, entry 4-6-95]

When I was a young kid my parents liked trailering. We used to camp at one place for the summer and I got to know it very well. With a friend, at night, we used to "spy" on cars coming down the dirt roads. Sometimes it was even random pedestrians, as if they posed some great threat to us like a nemesis on a TV show. We would run to ditches, behind rocks, wherever we could hide ourselves, and wait- dead quiet- until the "danger" had passed. I recently was thinking just how much fun that was but I never considered the adrenaline rush you mention. And that was just it- adrenaline. A few years later that fun came from sneaking beers past my parents, but that's another story for another time :)

Excellent examples of the power of imagination and visualization. Using the term "belief" drives home the need to invest those visions and imaginings with real intent.

Perfect!

Kids scream, “Monster in the hallway!”

One kid yells, “The floor is hot lava!”

Kids scream, “Monster in the hallway!”

In order to set the make-believe dynamic in motion it seems there's a scream, or a yell, which is perhaps what it takes to over-ride the reality of the moment, i.e., pump some emotion into the make-believe moment to give it some life.

Likely, in order to maintain the make-believe game for a further time, to keep the game alive, if you like, that will require more bursts of emotional exuberance ... i.e., to keep things going until such time as the game peters out amidst sighs of exhaustion and perhaps the nod to the game ... "OK, that was fun". The make-believe game, though, dissolves as easily as it came to life. Until that is, the next make-believe event arises or game begins. Childhood is full of trying things on using our imagination.

Fast forward into adulthood ... or dip into a fairy tale like "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" ... and ask, perhaps, what if someone sets up with great exuberance, a make-believe dynamic, but does so intentionally, to suit their own purposes, rather than doing so just in fun?

Hmmm ... latterly, that sounds a lot like how politics can play out at times ... in which case, at least in one sphere, politics in this example, does make-believe continue on into adulthood as part and parcel of things? Or can it, at least? Oddly enough, as an accepted part of such? Hey, you say what you need to ... in the moment ... in order to get the votes, right?

One might perhaps best ask, though, later in life ... if and/or when make-believe is engaged as a dynamic in the political sphere ... useful to whom, and for what purpose?

A hint things may be make-believe ... continued emotional outbursts, perhaps ... required to keep the game alive?

Your Blog is really great because it makes me think deeply about the purpose of life. I treasure my religion for its insistence on absolutes because these are the moral constraints that keep me on the right path toward a happier life for me and those I love. As you write, they are a matter of belief. As a Baha'i, I'm encouraged to see things with my own eyes and not through the eyes of others and to believe that religion should agree with science and reason. Sometimes we don't know the scientific reason things happen, but this merely encourages our imagination to figure out the truth of why things happen. Things like quantum entanglement or "spooky action at a distance" seem impossible, yet are proven to exist. Life is like that. What a gift is imagination!

Gravity is real and true. Kids jump, they will come down.

While a boring grownup would focus only on "an adult using beliefs, today, for personal purposes," this post has electrified a wire in us.

Hence many of us are looking back at childhood, zooming out to the big social picture, and looking laterally from a fascinating science perspective.

Derek, might I suggest a future post—not this one—with a focus where we share our make believe as adults? For example, in my day a poor boy putting on a suit, such as when being released from the service in WWII, thought of gangsters, and today I daresay that every non-rich man putting on a tuxedo thinks of being on her majesty's secret service.

I relate to Leo at #121 learning through make believe to loosen up at parties. If I was looser, I could better enjoy comic book stores.

Some children are forced to be adults too soon. Some adults have beliefs beat into them. Some adults are taught you can believe only one thing, or else. Some adults can't imagine changing their beliefs, and think anyone who does is wrong and should be punished. Some adults have minds that are sealed airtight. But I am so happy I have my imagination back.

Beliefs are not necessarily real or logical. They just are.

We have all heard that thoughts are powerful, but beliefs are more powerful than thoughts. Beliefs are entrenched thoughts.

Our beliefs are our personal laws. Our life is only as good as the beliefs we have. And we CHOOSE what to believe in.

Forget about what is real or not. We must only focus on one thing; Do my beliefs empower me or not? Are they working for me in a positive way?

“All models are wrong, but some are useful”

George E. P. Box

"Make believe" has been erroneously ascribed to numerous things that turned out to be true. Historically, many so-called scholars claimed that the Assyrians mentioned in the Bible were, for all intents and purposes, "make believe". The make-belief assumption abruptly ended in 1846 when the ancient city of Nineveh was uncovered under mounds of sand, which led to the discovery of the library of Ashurbanipal containing 30,000 clay tablets in tact along with around 90,000 fragments of documents written in the Assyrian language. Sometimes "make believe" is only in the mind of the beholder. If you believe in something, you have faith that it exists. If you don't believe, you have faith that it doesn't exist, because oftentimes neither side can be proved. The question for me is: what is the long term cost for believing and what is the long term cost for not believing? If there is no cost, believe what you want to believe...or don't. But, there is usually a cost for everything.

It's interesting how much you can influence your life and feelings by "make believe". You have a headache but make believe that when you breathe in, the air comes in through your aching head, and then you blow the pain out through your nose. Try to feel how the pain exits through your nose, don't give up! It usually works.
Also, before I start trying to sleep, I utter (or think) the words "Tonight I'll sleep well and I'll wake up well rested in the morning" (about fifty times), just to take a couple of examples.

I can't seem to get millions of plays on Sp*tify by thinking "I shall soon have millions of plays (& followers) on Sp*tify, but writing a hundred times "I'm a successful composer" does make me feel good about composing music. At least something, I suppose?

Kia ora Derek - I really like that, I must admit you started to lose me at the word religion but the way you framed it up is really clever and insightful. Furthermore my growing wisdom of how these constructs give people something to anchor them in stormy waters or just a guiding light for life in general - has made me more understanding of how make believe can provide functional benefit. This is off course excluding the grifters that use these constructs for nefarious purposes - that's you Brian (Eft-postle) Tamaki.

There you go first thoughts dropped.

To state that there is no fundamental truth, is, in fact, positing a foundational truth. And to go further to say that our beliefs can and should change as they are useful or no longer useful, is the essence of Utilitarian philosophy. Given our creative ability to deceive ourselves and rationalize our behavior, judging a belief purely on its efficacy is fraught with difficulty.

The USA was founded on the belief that all men are created equal, etc. What they considered to be foundational truths. The narratives or stories we tell around that DO impact how this works out in practice. If we tell ourselves the story that "men" means only men, then we don't care about women's rights. And the same goes for men of any ethnicity other than say British, French, or a few other countries who were allies of the US at the time.

The stories can and should change. Be argued over. Hashed out. Time-tested. But you can only do that when you agree that there are foundational principles and what they are. Otherwise, we either have chaos, or those with the most power imposing their version of "the truth" on others.

Don’t we spend our whole life searching for the truth, or are we searching for the make believe that suits us best?

Being able to flip the switch and know that it's make believe- that's the key (and the hard part ;)

I would argue that many of the beliefs you speak of as being untrue but useful are actually the kind of statements that *become* true when believed, like membership in a religion or nation. They're not make believe, because they are literally true in their intended sense. So I object to your characterization, even though your point still stands that being conscious of the choice to believe is a good thing.

I like the topic. Last night, in fact, the topics came up among my work friends: curiosity, suspicion, belief, knowing, etc.

This makes me think.

How can old and ingrained thought patterns be dismantled into insignificant hickups. Can I just start thinking the opposite?

From "I am not allowed to speak up" to "I may always speak my mind".

But will the extreme backfire.

Great topic Derek!!
Especially today as it is Halloween and people are (kids and adults) dressing and living in pretend land all day! I guess we all love to play and be something perhaps we wish we were or could be....
I love the way we can imagine, and play and create....how the mind forms pleasant stories to play. I love to create and play! When I believe, however,...I am not pretending. I take a truth I have discovered and live it out. It isn't always fun or play to believe and sometimes everything other than that belief tries to tell you it's make-believe. But the greatest thing happens, as the belief transcends into a reality and truth is checked! So belief is proved and it then is much easier to trust that discovery next time around...
Have a great day Derek!! Making some home-made buns right now!!
Rachel :-)

As an autistic individual, this really hits home. Our imagination never really tames down like it does with neurotypical people. At times, the world seems hostile to people who "make believe". I saw a study that found that 95% of 5 year olds are considered highly creative but by the time we are 25, it is only 2%. Our society seems to slowly kill the creativity within us.

I’ve been sitting every morning questioning beliefs. Always asking..is it true? I learned this from Byron Katie and it is a powerful exercise. I love your work Derek!!

For Dave at # 154 and the Assyrians becoming real, the WWII era high school history textbooks often included the verse (from my poor memory):
The Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold
His cohorts were gleaming in silver and gold
The sheen of his spears were like stars on the sea
where the blue waves roll nightly on deep Galilee.

I thought of Assyria when Egypt had their "Arab spring" because Egypt was the first nation to revolt against the Assyrian empire, an empire built on fear. Like Russia's NATO, called the Warsaw Pact.

Egypt failed, other nations revolted, each in turn, Egypt tried again, succeeded, and then it was only a matter of time. Two hundred years later local farmers did not know what the mound, once a city, was called. A scholar said, "Nineveh is gone, and who shall bewail her?"

So of course Russia's so-called allies all quit the Pact, and some even joined NATO. Those who believe in fear find it doesn't work in the end.

I guess it was a famous poem, back in my father's day.

For Kathleen at #157, I enjoy how under democracy we hash things out over decades, if needed, thanks to our freedom of thought and speech. Time gives us depth.

Not like a "power elite" in Moscow saying it is illegal to say "invasion" or "war" and every Russian's shallow belief only lasting until the "party line" suddenly changes. Of course, to the Russians, our freedom and slowness makes us messy and weak.

Reminds me of what I've read from Tony Robbins (yes, mentioning him again :) ). It went something like...when something "bad" happens to you, what story are you going to tell yourself about it? You can choose to believe you are being punished for a past transgression, or you can believe that the road to your goals has many potholes, and you'll inevitably hit some of them, only to course correct and KEEP GOING!

Seems like so many lessons we can learn from kids. Lessons that remind us what we need to undo, not evolve, but de-volve...not the best word choice, but I think you get the point. As adults, We've added stuff onto our personality that doesn't serve us. Kids show us what we can focus on stripping away to return to a more vibrant and healthy version of ourselves, the original us.

The assumption behind this idea is that one can easily choose to believe anything and act accordingly, by simply conjuring a thought in our mind and hitting the 'believe' button.

It might be easy for kids and perhaps artists, but I find it difficult or even impossible when facts and evidence contradict the 'useful belief'. Is purposeful delusion what we're aiming for?

I'm hoping your next book addresses the '*How* to adopt useful beliefs as an adult' question.

I also hope it offers caveats, similar to the ones you've offered for 'Hell Yeah or No' (e.g does not apply to new grads), and for 'Whatever scares you, go do it' (e.g testing your home-made parachute).

Stimulating read as always. I really enjoyed the audio. Thanks Derek!

Couldn't agree more about the point made in this article.

When ignorance meets arrogance a goofy is born.
I prefer deal with plain optimism, beliving on the success possibility. I prefer believe that if I roll a dice I can get a six than imagining that if I roll that dice I will get a six.

So life is a compendium of illusions. Made up by individuals to suit their needs at that moment in time. Matrix anyone?

"we see the world not as it is, but as we are."

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry once said: “All grown-ups were once children… but only a few of them remember it.” I have three young children and I keep being amazed by how flexible their minds are. Playing and talking to them reminds my childhood. I was just like that! The perception depends on what we choose to believe and we do have choices.

One must believe in his own world or situation make the best of things as are ,or start again like the famous song says there are two paths you can go by but in the end there is time to change maybe there there is more then two paths stay rocking jim

Observations:
Children are wide open to play. Clearly they are cognitively flexible, being quick to grasp fun and imaginative pathways, and have less serious and practical distractions. They also know that play is make-believe.
Adults learn to play less to get ahead in the world. Even though we “play” with our self-identity and our job description we forget it’s playing and get serious. Ideas, religions, norms, identities, beliefs all become useful shortcuts as a means to an end, to get through the day, get paid, trade our time for a job, etc. Also, I think to operate in the world we must have some anchoring ideas/beliefs to function. Maybe belief is a form of self-hypnotism.
The self-help genre is all about maximising and choosing the beliefs that may improve our lives via adaption and change. However self-actualising seems to be more about getting in touch with yourself on a deeper level, based on what is already there.
Playing is fun, comedy is awesome, not being serious is a huge relief. Is this almost the opposite of power, or the application of soft power. Powerful ideas/people seem entrenched in rigid structures like nationality, saving face, weapons, etc.
I very much enjoy losing myself in a character in a sci-fi book, music, movie, or in learning a new skill. We very much believe many things that are not quite true and this is useful to navigate the world. We even think actors are more special than others and believe they may be as good as their make-believe characters, when they are probably just talented in acting.
Ideas though are dangerous or benign. Religions have memes that either make you kinder, or the opposite. Use with care any ideas and memes.
I want to play like a child, and I want useful beliefs, and I want to feel good. I want to be me but I also want to be better.

I think choosing a belief is important - they do impact our actions the way you described.

The problem comes in with "contagion" when a belief influences an area that it wasn't intended. Religion and nationalism are good examples of how beliefs can easily bleed into areas where they weren't intended.

When someone is thinking about beliefs or "games" this way, they should also consider where the boundaries end before they start.

Hi Derek,

I will post the article on my archive.org

(5000 pdf / video / audo already
archive.org/details/@humanrights

Best regards
Jan

I’ve read this post a few times over the last two days and have been thinking about the connection of imagination to our ability to be “awed” by the world.

As children we were not only able to delve into the imaginary but also awed by reality. Our make believe more fantastical, less possible. As adults we are now awed by so little, and our make believe more rigid, more structured, more “real”.

I wonder how we could “practice” either awe or imagination in order to expand the other…

I agree, and I could use some of this, I have been down/sinical a lot lately. It seems like the older i get the more surley i feel. I hardley goof off or joke around anymore.

Thanks,
RJ

Inspiring post. Thank you for sharing.

Nice - with your own spin using the word "beliefs," it sounds like something akin to "Superbetter" by Jane McGonigal, which describes a methodology using the psychology of game play to build life skills, overcome obstacles & achieve greater success in all areas of life. Some of the steps when you get into the superbetter beliefs mindset are - find allies, choose a super hero identity and powering up ...

“You'll see it when you believe it.” — Wayne W. Dyer
Not a single one of my achievements until now can be achieved without me first believe that I can somehow make it.

Very interesting insights into how we are motivated and the actions we take. I find myself puzzling over different types of beliefs. I would venture to say there is a group of “known beliefs” as opposed to “make beliefs.” I know gravity, that is a known belief, I know if I touch a hot object I may get burnt, that is a known belief, if I don’t have the money for rent I might have to find a new place to live. Believing that rent money will appear magically doesn’t serve my purpose. Believing I can defy gravity doesn’t serve me and it actually harm me. There is a gray transitional area where we take what we consider known beliefs and attach that label to make believe. Part of that is a survival mechanism. We tend to generalize as part of that system. When in reality a lot of times there are variations subtleties and nuances. Just because the server says my plate is hot doesn’t mean I will necessarily burn myself. Hot is a relative term. Just because I see a clown up real close and he has bad breath doesn’t mean all clowns have bad breath although mentally we tend to jump to that belief. I experienced it once so it must be true in all situations is the logical progression. Even things like religion require a certain trust or knowing for them to have value. They lose their effectiveness when you put them in the same category as the pot of gold or the tiger chasing me. I strongly agree about being able to tolerate different thoughts on any subject and to assume that your way is the only way is not healthy or good. But the stronger you believe in an intangible the more it becomes a truth or known belief and the more power it has even if it is just make believe. Cool subject. It is really getting into the power of the belief which may be core on so many levels. Thanks for your thoughts.

very true, as usual ,thanks Derek

This reminds of Pascal's wager. Basically, Pascal presented a pragmatic argument for believing in god.

I totally agree, hence we want to put our beliefs, philosophies and habits under the microscope to ascertain whether they're helping/supporting us or not.

Some people use “make believe” as a way to survive as they get older. If they can dream and play out a better life in their minds. They gain hope and joy pretending it's all real. I suppose that is where the fake it until you make it phrase comes from. All I know is when I put on a great outfit, that I feel good in, I can ride that fake confidence into real confidence.

The hard part is the “dreamers” in life who still play “make believe” often get bullied by the moral - I only see things in black and white - type of people because, as you say,... “they won’t believe anything unless they’re convinced that it’s true.”

If the dreamer isn't naive, they question their state of mind and ultimately lose their playful soul. It’s like the chair scenario. Someone stands on a chair and another stands on the floor next to the chair. They grab hands and pull. Who is going to move the other person first? Is it easier for the person on the chair to lift up the person on the floor or is it easier for the person on the chair to be pulled down?

Well well well well I play make believe still as an adult. Why, I have to believe that my performance will make someone laugh, tap their feet, or make them go back in time as I am rehearsing. Some of what you said Derek I believe some I do not. But I truly believe that pretending to do something good is helpful. Why, it could be a goal, so to make believe you are there is good. But the part you mention about leaving a job that was my idea. But that foolishness stopped after a friend woke me up about that crazy idea. I left that job and moved to the area I needed to be in for my music. When is the right to do anything? Now, since I am a spiritual person there is a right time after praying and acting on ones prayer. I even play make believe in other ways. I day dream a lot I even got into trouble on a job once. I do not day dream nearly as much as I did in my younger adult years. Day dream yes I do when I want some ice cream and I haven't gotten paid yet to purchase some. hahahahahahahahahaha

These are my thoughts and I thank for listen even though you may disagree. That is what I like about you Derek.
Very good subject Derek. Have a nice day.

I agree, make believe is foundational fun creativity! It lets one explore the "OTHER". Strength, goodness, kindness andmorality are environmentally taught! Our children need to learn to be STRONG and KIND, etc.; by example! I think you are just FABULOUS!! Have a great day!

Hi Derek! I have an advisor who asks me the question often, "...and what do you make that to believe?" Her word choice reminds me that whatever conclusion I'm drawing about a circumstance, may be a beLIEf (her spelling) that I've contrived because it serves me to feel better or worse about a situation. Good stuff you're creating there - you're onto another terrific topic I'll look forward to reading more about.

Simple straightforward and profound all-in-one, as always. I loved playing the floor is lava (we called it poisonous water)

Be understanding and accepting of all views, and hope the same is extended to you.

My billboard message: "please be considerate".

beLIEve

The question is how to change your beliefs for real. I mean… intellectual change is easy. I know that many of my beliefs are not useful. But what do you need to do to feel this change under your skin and truly believe it?

Love this!

When I was only eight years old, my family took me to the movies to see RODAN The MAKE-BELIEVE monster Bird whose wings could sweep buildings away just by flying through the air. The screams of the bird and the people running away really affected my sleep for years. Recently, I visited a preview for the RODAN MOVIE on YOUTUBE... It proves to me how the power of suggestion can affect your emotions in spite of the fact you know 'it's only a movie' WE used to say..."YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT" - I think also "YOU ARE influenced BY WHAT YOU ALLOW"

Great topic, would be interesting to include an exploration into origins of the "New Thought" movement (late 19th Century) and how that turned into what we know as "self-help" today, beyond the usual references to the Stoics. For example, learning more about metaphysics.

(George Carlin said self help is a misnomer because you are getting help from the author of the book.)

I look forward to learning from the new book when it comes out.

Powerful!

Edit from above (# 147); third quote line below corrected to that intended; pedantic, but there you go: ;-)


Kids scream, “Monster in the hallway!”
One kid yells, “The floor is hot lava!”
One slips and wails, “Help! I’m falling! Save me! Save me!”


In order to set the make-believe dynamic in motion it seems there's a scream, or a yell, which is perhaps what it takes to override the reality of the moment, i.e., pump some emotion into the make-believe moment to give it some life.

Likely, in order to maintain the make-believe game for a further time, to keep the game alive, if you like, that will require more bursts of emotional exuberance ... i.e., to keep things going until such time as the game peters out amidst sighs of exhaustion and perhaps the nod to the game ... "OK, that was fun". The make-believe game, though, dissolves as easily as it came to life. Until that is, the next make-believe event arises or game begins. Childhood is full of trying things on using our imagination.

Fast forward into adulthood ... or dip into a fairy tale like "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" ... and ask, perhaps, what if someone sets up with great exuberance, a make-believe dynamic, but does so intentionally, to suit their own purposes, rather than doing so just in fun?

Hmmm ... latterly, that sounds a lot like how politics can play out at times ... in which case, at least in one sphere, politics in this example, does make-believe continue on into adulthood as part and parcel of things? Or can it, at least? Oddly enough, as an accepted part of such? Hey, you say what you need to ... in the moment ... in order to get the votes, right?

One might perhaps best ask, though, later in life ... if and/or when make-believe is engaged as a dynamic in the political sphere ... useful to whom, and for what purpose?

A hint things may be make-believe ... continued emotional outbursts, perhaps ... required to keep the game alive?

Derek,
I like your expansion upon the previous blog. I agree that we often adopt limited world views to protect our fragile egos (been there, done that--I hope we're talking past tense.) I also agree that we shouldn't hold too tightly to our "truths" or anything for that matter. Some situations require that we adapt quickly or suffer as a result. The Vikings, for instance, refused to give up their traditional culture, which wasn't fit for survival in Greenland. They eventually died out as a result.

But I still need something firmer than "make believe." We need to hold firm to positive "truths". We test them constantly and keep in mind that none of us is seeing the whole picture. Sometimes we hold our courses. Sometimes we make small adjustments. Sometimes we need to start again from scratch.

Very interesting Derek and observent that you should pick a perspective from the eyes of a child for your new theme.Your wisdom and awareness always surprises me. While it's true that we all as kids live in a make believe world for fun and passing time. There's also a conjuring of a path to follow for some with stronger minds that grow in a possitive way laying the foundation for a brighter future.I as a child for one could never afford a guitar after seeing the "King of Rock N Roll" on film. so I made my own out of scraps of wood and used chicken wire for strings. It sounded tuneless and awful when I played it and swung it and even sang to it. But you know what? the kids and I enjoyed the experience. I even charged kids peanuts (yes peanuts) at the door of my make believe club. Today I'm a songwriter a published one at that. Make belief became a reality for me.

Hello Derek! I enjoyed reading this reminder: the brain believes what we tell it, or what we believe to be true.

I'm very interested in this topic, and look forward to reading your next book about this. (Especially any tips on learning to shift this thinking: “I would be creatively prolific and super-productive if I could quit my job.” I'm currently struggling with this belief.)

Thank you for sharing and providing inspiration. I reached out to you via Email in 2012, with question about how to distribute Solo Piano music. You were responsive, super-helpful, and encouraging. Now? My music is being streamed worldwide, thanks to you sharing YOUR belief and knowledge: "It's easier than you think. Here's how to do it."

Thank you for the inspiration and encouragement. Keep it coming!

So good, brother. I love this one.

Beliefs are some of the most powerful tools created by the human mind. Being factual may help but is not absolutely necessary for a belief system.
Great read.

If you play make believe for long enough, it will become your reality. This can be good or it can be devastating.

I’m still finding out that some “facts” about my childhood were the games my parents invented. They just forgot to tell me.

I can totally relate to that with my 8yo

Intriguingly and useful message.

Great job at multiple character voicings. I record and produce audiobooks (others being the talent), and that is *not* an easy thing to do well.

Finally, thank you for providing the full transcript in addition to the audio. Very helpful!

You are surfing the funny waves of EGO here. Translated bluntly, it is that children develop into these roles to have them as a shield later in live. "I am..." will be followed by some identification statement. Identification is Ego. While the strategy of the child helps it to survive emotionally, growing up in a puzzling world, those strategies will become the problems of the adult. While at the same time serving also the adult to not have to question himself too much, aka survive emotionally. None of this is either good or bad, it is just the human condition.
Make beliefs that help develop the individual journey of life are and make beliefs that conserve the stronghold of communities are essentially the same. They are just sanctioned differently indifferent societies and ages - both individual and community thought.

This resonates with my own experience, and my belief that as adults, we all need more (positive) fantasy in our lives. When I work with actors on a musical theater piece, some of the revelations they make while being in character lead to deep discussions of how those are relevant in our daily lives, and sometimes actually work out problems and bring healing. The latter part of this piece truly relates to our current destructive political climate in which people holding onto to untrue beliefs sometimes act on them in very negative and hurtful ways.

I not only believe I am always in gratitude for the ability to experience the experience, of the experience.
I have 5 young people and watching them in their moments of play reminds me always to tap into my inner child. There is always hope if you believe.

Hi Derek,
Thanks for the new blog post, "Make Believe." My kids played the hot lava game too. We have 4 kids.
I was a public school music teacher for 36 years until my heart gave out, and I had to retire. I know I helped many of them because some of them told me so and others gave me surprise hugs. Isn't it great to have life-affirming joys like this! I'm sure you have many of them too. Finding any work that is a service to others is worship in my Baha'i belief. This one idea alone may be enough to change the world if everyone thinks of their work as being helpful to others. Therefore, they do their very best at work. While pay and working conditions fulfill the need for personal resources, they are secondary to feeling fulfilled in what you do, in my opinion. My parents had this feeling of honor being important in their lives, and I think it served them well. I'm writing my memoirs now. Time flies by when I'm working on this book. You must feel that way too from what you said on your Elevate Podcast which I highly recommend to any readers of this blog.

This is brilliant.
As a father of four young daughters, they and this post are a great reminder to embrace make-believe.
Reminds me of the thought "it may not be true, but is it useful?"

"Following a religion improves your daily actions, feels wonderful, and connects you to a worldwide community. These are better reasons than insisting it’s absolutely true.

Same with philosophies, nationalities, norms, and concepts like loyalty, destiny, and identity. None of these are true. But they are useful.

Adopt them for their purpose, while knowing they are make believe."

Well put and there's very little to add but noting it circles back to the belief-emotion-action paradigm you described in your previous post.

I remember doing all of those "adrenaline" make believe scenarios when I was a kid. There was something about purposely being scared that felt satisfying. Maybe it's because, underneath it all, I knew it wasn't for real and at the end of the day, I would be safe again. A kid's gears change a lot faster than an adult's gears, I think, because young children have little, if no responsibilities in their lives, where adults are hardwired into the reality of the world and are aware of the real dangers therein.

I like how somebody winced at the belief that "I would be... if I could quit my job." The trick is to try to raise your productivity now, of course, as we all know. Before retirement.
What you might not know: If you plan to write a publishable novel during your retirement then you really should start now, because the learning curve is steep.

Speaking of books, I stopped still at this paragraph from the comical science fiction book by Jason (David Wong) Pargin called Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick.
"...But you're still closing yourself off when things get rough, like you're waiting for a friend to come along who you can trust, somebody you can confide in about all these terrible choices you're forced to make. What I'm telling you is that friend isn't coming. Ever. Instead you have to surround yourself with people whose instincts you trust, whether why're your friends or not...."

Don't ask me what that dialogue means, I just know it sounds profound.

This is exactly why I'm so careful about what I choose to consume.

Feed the mind with beliefs of danger, fear, anger, and horror... and expect to see the same in the world.

Feed the mind with opportunities, kindness, joy, and love... and expect to see the same in the world.

Garbage in, garbage out.

In the 19th Century, Ralph Waldo Emerson said: “Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.” I sense from your last two blog posts that this quote captures the heart and spirit of your direction. If yes, then it never hurts to present old wisdom in a new way to a new audience. Keep going and write the book. If not, what novel idea are you adding to what others have already said?

Deep. Never thought about it this way. I guess as long as it serves a useful purpose, you use it.

I've learned only very recently that beliefs don't necessarily have to be true. What's more important is whether or not a belief serves you. Similarly, if a belief doesn't serve you, get rid of it.

This reminds me of my decision to belive in trolls.

From my Roam:

- We all want to make better decisions. Decisions that serve our goals and values.
- Daniel Kahneman taught us, though, that most decisions run under the current of our rational System II brain. Hard to tame in service of our interests. Most rationalists optimize for this reality by developing speed bumps to divert our System I biases into System II's focus - into Sauron's gaze.  This quest continues to fail us. System II attention is costly and takes us out of the flow.
- What if we could tame our System I?
- Building more mental models does not seem to work. System I remains slippery. Like a fog, System I exists only when one does not focus on it.
- The stories we believe shape our System I reactions, offering a path to tame our default subroutines Religions have long leveraged this. Religious rites serve the valuable role of controlling human impulses. Our beliefs control our emotions and subject System I to power of story.
- See: Peter Turchin - [Do “Big Societies” Need “Big Gods”?](peterturchin.com/cliodynamica/do-big-societies-need-big-gods/)
- For example, I have adopted the Litany Against Fear (Dune) as my rosary. I can measurably slow my heart rate and regain control of my thoughts by reciting the Litany Against Fear on a bumpy approach to a foggy runway.
- Stories wield the power to enhance, to instill the mundane with awe and meaning and power. By adopting stories that serve our goals, we leverage intentionally designed beliefs.
- That is why I choose to believe in trolls. Henrik Ibsen used trolls as a symbol our destructive instincts. The older, base reptilian brain goading us to shake off the constraints of society and pursue our individualistic impulses (Think: Escape from Freedom, Erich Fromme (1941)). Ibsen's great lesson was: ignore your trolls at your own risk. I now rejoice when I pass through a troll-ridden mossy glen deep into a trail run. I will be at the computer soon enough; for now, I commune with my trolls. I look for trolls behind the nasty interactions with crude people. Rather than reacting with fear or anger, looking for the ignored trolls allows me to respond with curiosity and play.
- Likewise, I worship at the church of fitness, which fills all the criteria for religious belief and pulls me towards a healthier and happier life:
- Criteria for a religion:
- Rituals (warm ups, cool downs, etc.)
- Holy trinkets (gels, shoes, running kit, etc.)
- Ritual Sacrifice (incurring a cost that is visible to your in-group)...[Type II fun](www.rei.com/blog/climb/fun-scale)!
- Holy sites and pilgrimages (Leadville, Boston Marathon, etc.)
- Feasts (carb loading!)
- Holy texts (runners world, etc.)
- Clergy (Elite runners)
- Promise Of Eternal Life....yup, directly through health and longevity improvements
- Community (toe the line at any race and look around)

Ah, feelings, emotions, beliefs … anything that is happening in the mind, the imagination, in consciousness in the present moment is worth paying attention to. Is there any other thing more worthy of paying respect to than that the human mind? Perhaps the biggest mystery in the whole universe.

Unfortunately as a kid I grew up with 3 sisters and a mom. We were right at the poverty level. So I never grew up in the "make believe" environment. We were struggling to survive. Literally living week to week. Though as I got older and found male friends in the neighborhood, I did get to play marbles (though they weren't mine),and with those friends' GI Joe with the kung fu grip toy...
K.

Great truths here. So playful yet profound. Light and deep - so good Derek. If you follow one of these threads further, you get to another place which I think is already here in this essay: No belief is true.

Some things are true whether you believe them or not.

Hi Derek,

Was feeling conflicted about this post and gave it some thought. On one hand, make-believe is a good tool to simulate the right mental environment to act in alignment with our values. On the other hand, it feels like denial without experiencing the emotions of the moment. It would be interesting if suspension of disbelief was like a toggle-switch that you could turn on or off according to some meta-rule in your head.

I read Seth Godin's post on placebos at around the same time that I read it, and I've also been thinking about beliefs, belief systems, and hypnosis. I realized that I don't know much about how to use make-believe positively - But I hope you address the topics of suppressing emotions and denial using make-believe explicitly in your book. It might help me integrate the ideas better and be more receptive to them.

Looking forward to the book!

Another thought on make-believe: Only the individual aspect was considered in the article, but there's a communal aspect as well. The tools that enable humans to cooperate, communicate, and organize all started out as shared stories (e.g Money, religion, government).

Stories themselves are the ultimate form of make-believe, letting you transfer a vision in your head to other people, and sometimes the vision is so powerful that things that never existed end up defining a generation - Like Harry Potter. Or Bitcoin which started as a what-if idea and ended up triggering trillions of dollars worth of financial activity. Whether this was net positive or net negative is a different question, but it's fascinating that what starts as a shared story can change the course of a generation or even humanity.

We are all spiritual beings, immortal souls embodied within these mortal bodies for the time being. In that sence, creates it's own 'make believe' for this current life time, pretending to be someone in this illusion of separation of the material world. A separate 'person' with his/her own identity, religion, philosophy, profession, political and moral views, etc.. But when the life time is over and our immortal Soul becomes free and One with everything again, nothing of the above matters any longer, as all that becomes non-existed.

Cool idea for people like me who tend to view the world a bit too literally. Creates a rigid reality. I can see how choosing to believe in things for other reasons then the truth can set up a more flexible reality. A willow in the wind that never breaks.

twinkle twinkle little star where i wonder where you are

Loved this post and podcast episode! I see beliefs the same way as you. :)

I really liked the lenght of this podcast episode, I will consider a similar lenght for my own podcast.

Thank you for the inspiration. :)

Imagination is Great,but Absolute
Truth is Greater.Absolute Truth is Not Popualar These Days. But After Dabbling in
Dabbling in Other Religions, I Found out The Hard Way. But I'm Greatful I Did, Not I Know Without a Doubt, A New Reality Beyond Make Believe & Ive been Healed from Alcohol & Drug Addiction, Over a Prolonged Period of Time, Not Turning Back, Because I'm Greatfully Indebted to
God The Father, The Holy Ghost & Jesus Christ, NOT religion, That has maby bad Stimas attached to it. I Have To Respectfully Disagree as Well. Bless.

Good reminder. Trust and faith are necessary for a good relationship to survive. It is pure belief.

Love your ability to nudge our paradigms and playfully point things out in the world we live in. And your honest, nin-maximizing way you use the web. Thank you Derek.

your article presupposes that truth cannot be obtained. you make your own reality ... contrary to that there are some things that are true. and your attack on religion is misguided because you came from the presupposition that it cannot be proved. Jesus rising from the dead is something that happened or it didn't happen and my faith stands on that. not on the nice feelings from connecting with people all over the world or from lying to my self and fuzzy feelings. I invite you to consider these issues :)

Cool article. Indeed utility is key. Humans go off the rails when they take themselves too seriously it seems.

I think for the most part the statements made are true from being a kid to adulthood. It also made me reflect over my life and sort of identify with the human experience of living.

Why is it so difficult for us to “make believe”?
Why is easier to look for answers instead of creating them?

Love ir

I suppose a good way to be free, a way to believe, as Alice said, "six impossible things before breakfast" is to be flexible. After all, you never know when a child is going to ask you to play. (like with the father in The World According to Garp)

A sign of good mental health, like for make believe, is to be able to believe two rather contradictory things at once. Or else it's a sign of a good sense of humour. For example, believing that Tolstoy was an imperfect person and wrote perfect novels. Somehow, when can I believe both things, I feel less need to "cancel" him.

I noticed that women may be more flexible than me in being expressive with children. So I became like that too.

I had a college teacher who was so free to be expressive that some of my classmates speculated he was Gay. No, just liberated. Some day I will be like that too. How? Something I've done only once is attend an improvisation theatre one afternoon. (Scary but educational) Also a good experience for me was college courses in drama (not acting) At first you giggle "tee tee" and you can't get "into it" but soon you learn to instantly focus and concentrate on what you are doing: Such a wonderful life skill. If I wanted to, now, I could be flamboyant—but I don't. Also, I understand Hollywood celebrities better, as I know about their training.

Being flexible: I carry an old-fashioned flip-up cellular telephone. Last week I pulled it out and said "Hey, I have a "transformer" thing from the phone company. No, it doesn't transform into a robot, look: Now it's a Star Trek phaser, (flip) now it's a Captain Kirk communicator." We all had a nice laugh.

The post reads as if you were being taught by a teacher in a class room. Moreover, it has a beyond-the-table imaginative assumption about its audience. Although the post itself is a deviation from Derek's normal style, it still has its beauty in its explanatory power through clarity. It is surely a great example of what it preaches: assuming a particular position to get what you want. Somebody needs to be thinking of applying the methodology of stylistics to texts produce by Derek.

"Adopt them for their purpose, while knowing they are make believe."

Beautiful!

At #240, Ayodeji wonders about "stylistics of texts produce(d) by Derek... If you click on Derek's Book Notes, and set it in order of best to worst, then among the ones for 10/10 and 9/10 are books on style.

Just the other day I was telling Derek I don't write the way the book about sentences espoused. So feel free to use your own discernment for that one. (I'm a seasoned writer)

Human nature: The top salespersons are the ones willing to take extra training in sales, the top college students are the ones showing up at the help workshops, and the top writers are reading books on stylistics.

Zooming out to see the big picture, an excellent Youtube Q.and A presenter, Vlad Vexler, points out that unlike any other form of society, a democracy requires truth and trust in what we say.... Right now, as we are trying to learn to deal with social media, I guess the Russians must be happy that we are shooting ourselves in the foot and becoming a less functional democracy.

I've been thinking a lot lately about religion and the role it plays in our lives, and your comment "Following a religion improves your daily actions, feels wonderful, and connects you to a worldwide community. These are better reasons than insisting it’s absolutely true." has given me a new perspective to ponder on. Thank You Derek!

Hello to everyone! Great post. I would add to the list '' philosophies, nationalities, norms, and concepts like loyalty, destiny, and identity'' money. It's only an abstract concept but with real life consequences.

Am reading Todd Herman's book 'The alter ego effect' which seems to complement this thinking nicely. I've always found that different views and images are powerful, but even more so now that I do it intentionally.

Best,
Mike
Yes! Great book! My notes on it, here. — Derek

Hi there Derek,

A quote from this article…

--“But when people grow up, they won’t believe anything unless they’re convinced that it’s true. (Or they insist that it’s true because they believe it.”).--

In my opinion, seeking truth is always a good thing. Truth makes things clear. Truth makes it possible to solve problems (or at least, truth shows the way, what tools and skills are needed to solve problems).

Using beliefs (that are not true) and mind tricks to get things done are like low quality tools… The job gets done but, soon the low quality tool wears out and become useless.

Truth is like a top quality tool that gets the job done and moreover lasts a life time.

A belief is like a servant, it serves for something. Truth is like a King, it rules.

People who truly knows what suffering means, knows that life is real. What is real is true. What is true will be known, because a lie cannot endure forever. But truth will.

Thought-provoking. Thanks for sharing.

“I would be creatively prolific and super-productive if I could quit my job.”

Well, actually, yeah. Just to a level beyond what I could do having to work a job. It's a matter of scale. One hour of creativity a day vs eight.

Dear Derek,
I just want to say WOW AWESOME.

I'm never deceipt about your post and your way of thinking...

Thanks.
Patricia

Well, I don't know if the concepts mentioned are "make believe" or "True", to me it might be a mix of both actually - some parts of all those concepts are true and some are make believe.

Human beings love to create groups and stay in groups. So there is always this tendency of creating some common group/society/association you call it based on anything under the sun - Religion/Race/Nationality/Sexual orientation/Gender/political inclination etc. This gives some kind of mental peace or sense of togetherness.

While taking these concepts as make believe may help sometimes for a short period, it might backfire in the long run if we don't really believe the act we are doing.
With only make-believe we might face Existential crisis someday.

So I would approach these concepts as truth, with accepting/suspecting the probability of make-believe(half-truth/no truth) so that it keeps the door open for both ways.

There is a scene in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress where a professor verbally brainstorms before congress. Not so that any specific idea of his will be adopted, but so the congress will feel free to be open minded and creative about their new Republic.

It ani't easy to plow hard. ground and get free about beliefs.

As a boy—what a coincidence—I shared all the beliefs of my society, hook line and sinker. I did NOT like long haired hippies.

In those days only the state, not a guild, could coin money. Now we have bit coin. Only the state could have an army. Then in Iraq we had armed contractors. People were patriotic. Now about half of students say they are citizens of the world. (according to some teachers, I don't really know)

A belief is whatever servers.

I love this idea: Following a system may not be real but they are useful. And because of that true in some deep way. Had to know that and Adopted them for their purpose, while knowing they are make believe instead of being "smart enough" to see the man behind the curtain and call him a fraud my life would have been much less painful and probably more useful to the world community.

Derek - Thanks for the wonderful thoughts. Glad you continue to think and share!

My oldest is five and often invites me as a co-conspirator in "make believe". Today, we added Santa's workshop buildings along the wooden Thomas train tracks that transform our basement into the island of Sodor. And you thought holiday packages were all delivered by reindeer! It was a great day.

And now you've got me thinking (you often do - thank you) about ways I might leverage make believe to spur action in my so-called grown-up world. Intriguing!

I remember once being in a big circle of chairs at my college chaplain centre. I said that in my journal I write God with a small g, god, so that I would not get mixed up with the bad guy God in the Bible. Wow! I learned that about half of us, including the chaplain, had used some sort of code word for God. I am reminded of adult children from harsh homes who resort to calling their parents by their first names.

It serves me to think that god is good, and the universe is friendly, and that things happen for a reason. I can say comfortably to my atheist friends about events in my life, "I guess it was god's will that... because..." And so far nobody has ever contradicted me or gotten angry at me. (Of course I don't say anything very stupid)

Hey Derek

I stumbled upon your podcast on Spotify.

Next 45 mins my ears and attention were glued to it.

It opened pores in my thought process and led me to deep reflection about my career and self.

The episode on shortest date and ketchup cracked me up quite a bit and could related to it so well.

Kudos!

To help your next book Derek, here is another form of belief:

At a racquetball club was a tabletop video game called Scramble.
(Of a "jet" that could bomb while maneuvering past obstacles)
One person played at a time. A sportsman role modelled for me how using positive self talk as he played meant his jet could go further: He "upped his game."

I found that positive self-talk improved my game too. ...I know this sounds crazy, but the proof was in my better score. Perhaps the talk distracted my fear.

Of course this form of belief is not so much from holding concepts in everyday life, rather, it is a zen thing of holding a belief minute by minute.

I suppose this relates to Tim Burton's Alice movie where at the climax Alice, who has been told of "believing six impossible things before breakfast" proceeds, with more determination than fear, to utter six things including... that she can defeat the bandersnatch.

It is indeed powerful! Cheers!

Are you properly certain that this universe (of which we are a special part, with special abilities) is not purpose-built to interact with us in a query-reply mechanism?

By either having never embarked on the Path of Love or having tossed it aside, your assertion that It is "make-belive" belies the fact that you have ignored the key to all questions (that can be answered), a key we gladly give to all who truly seek how to be a better person in better societies upon a better world.

And, yes, I *can* prove it as my life is, indeed, proof of it. The tone of my voice, the gaze of my eyes, the heppiness we have in poverty's depridations, the miracles of laughter and love we have within and between each of our family members. All this is because we have sought how to live for the benefit of all others, by first focusing on improving ourselves. We do not believe we are happy, we *ARE* happy. There is no subterfuge within us; we stand with each other in the truth of our service and past failures.

Our happiness wells up within our hearts because we fight the evils of the world by first fighting the selfishness within our own hearts and minds. And we try our best to compassionately serve those around us; thus, we have truly created peace around us, and that peace permates our entire beings, and resonates a deep happiness with it.

This love, this peace, this harmony -- they are not a projection of our belief, they are the result of how we interact with the design of the universe, for we were all created to achieve this, but only by casting aside our own obstinate selfishnesses and learning the language and protocol of our interface with the Unfathomable Creator of all that will ever exist.

I love you, my brother, but you are the one who is living in make-believe. If you have not closed off your being to mysteries greater than you already think you comprehend, then drop me an email, I am gladly at your service, for you have some reach, Mr. Sivers, and you shouldn't use that influence to damage your own happiness by spreading misinformation, as endemic as it has become in this world of 2023.

I will never charge anyone for this information nor recruit anyone for any organization or specific branch of religion -- no, that's between you and our Creator; I am merely trying to share the key to the map. Anyone who comprehends these universal truths of love gives them freely and gladly as it is a joy to spread the knowledge of how to create more joy on the Earth, for everyone! (The secret of happiness is to live for the happiness of others, which, of course, appears paradoxical, right?)

You've got my email now. Why does that voice in your head counsel against contacting me? It will tell you that you already know the answers to all my questions. It will call me a self-deluded liar. It will say I'm insane. It will try to distract you. It will not tell you that the truth is that I truly love you, and that this is not my original state, but is the result of conscious, assisted self-evolution. Just as human physical development goes through evolutionary stages in the womb, we have a spiritual development progression, except that it begins with our choosing to investigate such mysteries by making contact within ourselves.

Love is the only answer to *ALL* our problems, because the lack of compassion is the source of each and every one of them. That is not hyperbole, nor is in any way illogical, if one thinks deeply and selflessly enough. In the end, however, seeking the truth of ourselves and our relationship with love is the epochal beginning of self-evolving ourselves from mere talented mammals to actual beings manifesting humanity.

"The Way goes in." --Rumi

"Philosophies... and concepts like loyalty... none of them are true".

What? Did you just "make believe" that most things are false?

Looks like you are living in make believe.

Many things are true. Especially many philosophies. The question is - have you studied enough to sift that which is true from that which isn't?

For JP above (and the rest of us) here is my take on philosophies and concepts not being true: Concepts do not exist in nature—We make them up. (Or we discover them, but that is a separate essay)

In the original Boy Scout manual, Scouting for Boys, page one has a lot about a boy serving his country. But in the British stage play Major Barbara, a rich member of the upper class tells his wife that is false.

You may recall that the nation-wide "code of bushido" included loyalty and dying for the emperor. In a history book about the Japanese armed forces, by a Western husband and wife, there is a lone quote by a senior Japanese, pre-war, saying Bushido is fake. Immediately after the war, when the forces and police were rebuilt using veterans, bushido was totally dropped, never to be used again.

in other words, bushido had been a social construct all along.

By the way, it is good to have comments here that I don't totally agree with, or that I mostly disagree with, because this shows talking amongst society. And that is a sign of democratic mental health. "Freedom of speech" is not solely for taking to the current official government, but for talking to fellow citizens.

(The first Arab country to become a democracy will be the first one that allows legal freedom of conversation)

We can all learn from each other, even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

Indeed! Crafting beliefs that will get me to where I want to go is a #1 Skill.

The truth is what you run into when you're wrong.

Thanks, Derek. Finally got to reading this. Agree that it's natural for us to tell ourselves stories-even when we know they're not true. Uncertainty is scary, so even an inaccurate fortune teller may be better for some people, rather than accepting that we can't know the future.

For me, I try to catch myself when I'm telling myself a soothing story and instead, just accept the uncertainty and move on to the next task with as much presence-moment attention as I can.

Islam is the religion of truth. And it's is extremely useful for this life and the Hereafter. You can ignore me. Just try exploring it (Qur'an, Muhammad (peace be upon him). Just have some knowledge of this beautiful religion before saying it is a make believe.

I love the last sentence "Adopt them for their purpose, while knowing they are make believe."

It's a much more fruitful way to live! Choosing which principles and rules you want to use to shape your life with intention.

“No beliefs are true.”

Do you believe that statement is true?

"Adopt them for their purpose, while knowing they are make believe."

You just took something I've struggled with for years and simplified it for me. Gee, that was easy!! ❤️

Derek, have you drawn the connection to your first follower concept?

Every child's game of make-believe, it seems, requires a first follower after the initiation of the "belief" being made up. No first follower, that idea likely falls flat; with a first follower, though, the potential for movement gets sparked and the race is on to escape an imagined peril or in due course generate another make-believe threat to then each escape from.

In many ways, the same is true for any new belief that might first be cottoned onto as a way of framing or structuring an approach on how to deal with an unknown, an unknown that presents itself and requires some sense of how to deal with that unknown.

Again, the first follower would play a key role in seeing what traction such a new belief might again ... if it does gain traction.

Beliefs unexamined, however, do they potentially leave one in a state of reality suspension, i.e., if the floor really isn't on fire or rain really isn't falling from the ceiling or arrows aren't really coming through the walls?

In the child's game of make-believe, what's useful there? Generating exuberance and having fun, the end result, it seems; exuberance and fun, each part of a positive experience, engendered a for time until the game peters out and perhaps the pancakes are ready.

On the other hand, do some play the child's game of make-believe, as adults, unbeknownst to those drawn into the game?

Watching Donald Trump, an interesting example of that, it seems. Donald Trump, Mr. Make Believe, it would seem; after pondering your comments about the children's game of make-believe, that observation or moniker applied would seem to be one that fits and calls a spade a spade.

Donald Trump, an adult, playing the child's game of make-believe, it seems, as an adult? Yet, if that is so, no one calls him out on that, i.e., as to that being what he's doing.

Your make-believe observations here, on the other hand, shine light, it seems, on just that; shine on light on Donald Trump.

Ideologies skewed off-kilter in the process; so much being made up, in the moment; great energy (all caps in Tweets) imbued into promulgated beliefs as part of the process, just as in the child's game of make-believe that you write about above.

Mr. Rogers, Mr. Dress-up ... OK. Great kid influences. Mr. Make Believe, as an adult role engaged in by an adult playing the child's game of make-believe, well, draw your own conclusions.

In any case, I was so struck here by the parallels between your observations about make-believe games played by children and their families, in fun, and similar mechanisms observed in how an adult might engage in the same game dynamics, as an adult, with other adults.

In that case, though, in some cases (politics generally fertile ground for such?) using made-up statements imbued with energy meant to spark a first follower, initially, but in time, a movement of followers.

Yet what if the beliefs are just as made up as the ones by the children in their games?

Moral of the story, all statements, ideologies and ideas require examination and getting caught up in the energy of make-believe games, if doing so, in adult dynamics, without such examination, do so at your peril ... and perhaps everyone else's peril, as well.

All the best!

Hi Derek! This text reminded me of Inarritu's films, where we can glimpse non-hegemonic beliefs. Just like in the movies, you present us with an escape route from the oppression of modern life and its false awards hanging from the end of the stick. I believe that everything is created at least twice, the first time being inside our minds. Thank you for bringing back this magical power that we abandoned when we left childhood. Fraternal hug!

#1
#2
#28
#147
#198
#266

Note to myself ... come back to this again. ;-)

"Choose the mindset you need for the moment" - Derek Sivers

A mindset or coding of a belief, is coding what where, I wonder?

This might beg the question, Derek, what changes as a result of any mindset?

Or, put another way, what does a mindset or the coding of any belief, structure?

#1 sive.rs/mb#comment-79683
#2 sive.rs/mb#comment-79684
#28 sive.rs/mb#comment-79714
#147 sive.rs/mb#comment-79856
#198 sive.rs/mb#comment-79928
#268 sive.rs/mb#comment-82867
#269 sive.rs/mb#comment-82868

Placing the links here to see what shows in the comments when using those links.
Lots of great comments to review here by a lot of different folks, and thoughts to ponder.

NB - the above links are to my own comments.

LOL ... I forgot my comment #266 in the list ... added below:

#1 sive.rs/mb#comment-79683
#2 sive.rs/mb#comment-79684
#28 sive.rs/mb#comment-79714
#147 sive.rs/mb#comment-79856
#198 sive.rs/mb#comment-79928
#266 sive.rs/mb#comment-82762 (added)
#268 sive.rs/mb#comment-82867
#269 sive.rs/mb#comment-82868
#270 sive.rs/mb#comment-82869 (added, too)

Still puzzling through some of the thoughts here, Derek!

Every game of "Make Believe", Derek, also requires a first follower ... or the game doesn't take off?

sive.rs/ff

Famous kid shows, main characters from TV:

Mr. Rogers (Fred Rogers, Mr. Rogers Neighbourhood)

“Fred Rogers was the creator and host of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. He transformed the way we think about children and children's television.”
www.misterrogers.org/about-fred-rogers/

“In 1963 he moved to Canada, and there at the CBC, he was given the courage to come from behind the set to talk directly with his young viewers as Mister Rogers.”

Mr. Dress Up (Ernie Coombs, Mr. Dress Up: The Magic of Make-Believe)

“Explore the story and impact of Canadian entertainer Ernie Coombs and his iconic series in the new documentary Mr. Dressup: The Magic of Make-Believe, premiering October 10 on Prime Video.”

globalnews.ca/news/10010231/mr-dressup-documentary-prime-video/


… on the adult TV side:

Mr. Make Believe? (Donald Trump, The Apprentice)

OK, I jest there … but there may be more to the comparison than meets the eye.

Comment # 198 (from above):

• cam (2022-11-02) #

Edit from above (# 147); third quote line below corrected to that intended; pedantic, but there you go: ;-)

Kids scream, “Monster in the hallway!”
One kid yells, “The floor is hot lava!”
One slips and wails, “Help! I’m falling! Save me! Save me!”

In order to set the make-believe dynamic in motion it seems there's a scream, or a yell, which is perhaps what it takes to override the reality of the moment, i.e., pump some emotion into the make-believe moment to give it some life.

Likely, in order to maintain the make-believe game for a further time, to keep the game alive, if you like, that will require more bursts of emotional exuberance ... i.e., to keep things going until such time as the game peters out amidst sighs of exhaustion and perhaps the nod to the game ... "OK, that was fun". The make-believe game, though, dissolves as easily as it came to life. Until that is, the next make-believe event arises, or game begins. Childhood is full of trying things on using our imagination.

Fast forward into adulthood ... or dip into a fairy tale like "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" ... and ask, perhaps, what if someone sets up with great exuberance, a make-believe dynamic, but does so intentionally, to suit their own purposes, rather than doing so just in fun?

Hmmm ... latterly, that sounds a lot like how politics can play out at times ... in which case, at least in one sphere, politics in this example, does make-believe continue on into adulthood as part and parcel of things? Or can it, at least? Oddly enough, as an accepted part of such? Hey, you say what you need to ... in the moment ... in order to get the votes, right?

One might perhaps best ask, though, later in life ... if and/or when make-believe is engaged as a dynamic in the political sphere ... useful to whom, and for what purpose?

A hint things may be make-believe ... continued emotional outbursts, perhaps ... required to keep the game alive?

Comment # 266 (from list above):

Derek, have you drawn the connection to your first follower concept?

Every child's game of make-believe, it seems, requires a first follower after the initiation of the "belief" being made up. No first follower, that idea likely falls flat; with a first follower, though, the potential for movement gets sparked and the race is on to escape an imagined peril or in due course generate another make-believe threat to then each escape from.

In many ways, the same is true for any new belief that might first be cottoned onto as a way of framing or structuring an approach on how to deal with an unknown, an unknown that presents itself and requires some sense of how to deal with that unknown.

Again, the first follower would play a key role in seeing what traction such a new belief might again ... if it does gain traction.

Beliefs unexamined, however, do they potentially leave one in a state of reality suspension, i.e., if the floor really isn't on fire or rain really isn't falling from the ceiling or arrows aren't really coming through the walls?

In the child's game of make-believe, what's useful there? Generating exuberance and having fun, the end result, it seems; exuberance and fun, each part of a positive experience, engendered a for time until the game peters out and perhaps the pancakes are ready.

On the other hand, do some play the child's game of make-believe, as adults, unbeknownst to those drawn into the game?

Watching Donald Trump, an interesting example of that, it seems. Donald Trump, Mr. Make Believe, it would seem; after pondering your comments about the children's game of make-believe, that observation or moniker applied would seem to be one that fits and calls a spade a spade.

Donald Trump, an adult, playing the child's game of make-believe, it seems, as an adult? Yet, if that is so, no one calls him out on that, i.e., as to that being what he's doing.

Your make-believe observations here, on the other hand, shine light, it seems, on just that, shine on light on Donald Trump.

Ideologies skewed off-kilter in the process; so much being made up, in the moment; great energy (all caps in Tweets) imbued into promulgated beliefs as part of the process, just as in the child's game of make-believe that you write about above.

Mr. Rogers, Mr. Dress-up ... OK. Great kid influences. Mr. Make Believe, as an adult role engaged in by an adult playing the child's game of make-believe, well, draw your own conclusions.

In any case, I was so struck here by the parallels between your observations about make-believe games played by children and their families, in fun, and similar mechanisms observed in how an adult might engage in the same game dynamics, as an adult, with other adults.

In that case, though, in some cases (politics generally fertile ground for such?) using made-up statements imbued with energy meant to spark a first follower, initially, but in time, a movement of followers.

Yet what if the beliefs are just as made up as the ones by the children in their games?

Moral of the story, all statements, ideologies, and ideas require examination and getting caught up in the energy of make-believe games, if doing so, in adult dynamics, without such examination, do so at your peril ... and perhaps everyone else's peril, as well.

All the best!

NB – the “First Follower” concept (by Derek Sivers), mentioned above, is referenced here:

sive.rs/dancingguy

sive.rs/ff

“First Follower: Leadership Lessons from a Dancing Guy” transcript:

"If you’ve learned a lot about leadership and making a movement, then let’s watch a movement happen, start to finish, in under 3 minutes, and dissect some lessons:

"A leader needs the guts to stand alone and look ridiculous. But what he’s doing is so simple, it’s almost instructional. This is key. You must be easy to follow!

"Now comes the first follower with a crucial role: he publicly shows everyone how to follow. Notice the leader embraces him as an equal, so it’s not about the leader anymore — it’s about them, plural. Notice he’s calling to his friends to join in.

"It takes guts to be a first follower! You stand out and brave ridicule, yourself. Being a first follower is an under-appreciated form of leadership. The first follower transforms a lone nut into a leader. If the leader is the flint, the first follower is the spark that makes the fire.

"The second follower is a turning point: it’s proof the first has done well. Now it’s not a lone nut, and it’s not two nuts. Three is a crowd and a crowd is news.

"A movement must be public. Make sure outsiders see more than just the leader. Everyone needs to see the followers, because new followers emulate followers — not the leader.

"Now here come two more, then three more. Now we’ve got momentum. This is the tipping point! Now we’ve got a movement!

"As more people jump in, it’s no longer risky. If they were on the fence before, there’s no reason not to join now. They won’t be ridiculed, they won’t stand out, and they will be part of the in-crowd, if they hurry. Over the next minute you’ll see the rest who prefer to be part of the crowd, because eventually they’d be ridiculed for not joining.

"And ladies and gentlemen that is how a movement is made! Let’s recap what we learned:

"If you are a version of the shirtless dancing guy, all alone, remember the importance of nurturing your first few followers as equals, making everything clearly about the movement, not you.

"Be public. Be easy to follow!

"But the biggest lesson here — did you catch it?

"Leadership is over-glorified.

"Yes it started with the shirtless guy, and he’ll get all the credit, but you saw what really happened:

"It was the first follower that transformed a lone nut into a leader.

"There is no movement without the first follower.

"We’re told we all need to be leaders, but that would be really ineffective.

"The best way to make a movement, if you really care, is to courageously follow and show others how to follow.

"When you find a lone nut doing something great, have the guts to be the first person to stand up and join in."


NB - Derek, you get me reflecting on things! :-)

Can’t wait to read the entire book

Perhaps when we grow up, some of us may create new 'make believe' worlds too. In some ways, the words 'belief' and 'verify' are the true opposites of each other. Even as adults, fantasy and fiction have a place: we like to escape to different scenarios to give our real world a greater sense of contrast.

One key life skill that can help us is to learn how to separate beliefs (guesses) from facts (verified beliefs). If we learn how to separate these two siblings, we are free thinkers. If we don't, we're probably closer to being someone else's pawn on that great chess board of the world. Pawns of course tend to get sacrificed often for someone else's 'greater good'.

is living in a Paradox better than the day to day convention of ordinary life? I like how you challenge cognitive biases and use their weaknesses as a strength.

Notes to myself:

#001 sive.rs/mb#comment-79683
#002 sive.rs/mb#comment-79684
#028 sive.rs/mb#comment-79714
#147 sive.rs/mb#comment-79856
#198 sive.rs/mb#comment-79928
#266 sive.rs/mb#comment-82762
#268 sive.rs/mb#comment-82867
#269 sive.rs/mb#comment-82868
#270 sive.rs/mb#comment-82869
#271 sive.rs/mb#comment-82876
#272 sive.rs/mb#comment-82878
#273 sive.rs/mb#comment-82879

Going to come back to these to reflect on again, Derek! ;-)

Derek, I deeply love you, you have a friend here in my, sooner or later, I'd prefer sooner. I´d love to give you my book as a personal gift.

Great!
I'm comming with a contribution!