adstringendum | {13TH RAIN ☂ // VOICE}

[Why it's this message and not the others he answers, he isn't sure, except that it hits him at just the right time, just the right moment in his own dealing with things. He's already seen Masaomi by this point, is assured that he's not gone forever, but that doesn't mean that Mikado isn't still upset.

He's upset for everyone though, not just the one person he actually knew. And he doesn't think he can really do anything, but he knows that having impartial listeners helped him.

His tone is quiet, calm, and as steady as he can make it.]

Excuse me. I wasn't-I just got here. But if you need someone to talk to, who saw what happened but wasn't part of it, I could do that.

[He's quite for a relatively long while, so much so that it was easy to assume that he wasn't going to reply at all. He does, and when he does so it's just as quiet and gravely as the post itself.]

Thank you, but I, well... I'm glad that you weren't a part of that battle.

[Honestly thankful and not bitter in the slightest. He wouldn't wish it on anyone- the horrific clawing feeling in his stomach that made keeping food down impossible, any sudden noise making your heart clamor like a gun went off, lying awake at night because closing your eyes only means seeing that war-torn mall again, blood, flesh and bone splattered before you as you hit his head again, and again, and again

It takes another moment for him to speak again.]

...I don't want to put someone who wasn't there through any part of it personally, especially when I was the part of the cause of that suffering.

That's understandable.

[He doesn't mind that the boy doesn't want to talk to him, but he's very sad for everyone who was in that place. At least, he thinks he is sad for everyone, though despite what he now knows about the situation, there's still an icy anger inside somewhere.

Well, he doesn't even know enough about the situation to be of help, probably. Still.]

It didn't look good at all. I had a friend there too, and it was bad enough to watch. Just... keep in mind if you need a friend, okay?

I appreciate your understanding... Thank you. You're very kind to say that to a stranger.

["It was horrible", he wanted to say, but that would break his own vow to not make this person experience any of it.]

[Being in relative silence to his normal state, it was easier to listen, and something struck him as odd in the tone of this young man. It wasn't so strange.]

Your voice... I think I remember you. Who are you?

Huh?

[Mikado is caught off guard by that, and he pauses for a moment. He's already feeling weird about how readily he's given out his name here, but there's not much he can do about it; using an alias doesn't seem to make much sense given the situation.]

Um... Ryuugamine Mikado. I... don't think I recognize your voice, I'm sorry.

[voice]

temperm - 2013-08-08 08:33 (UTC) - Expand

Re: [voice]

totallysane - 2013-08-08 23:22 (UTC) - Expand

[voice]

temperm - 2013-08-13 03:29 (UTC) - Expand

Re: [voice]

totallysane - 2013-08-13 06:48 (UTC) - Expand

[voice]

temperm - 2013-08-17 04:06 (UTC) - Expand

Re: [voice]

totallysane - 2013-08-17 04:22 (UTC) - Expand

[voice]

temperm - 2013-08-17 05:55 (UTC) - Expand

Re: [voice]

totallysane - 2013-08-17 18:26 (UTC) - Expand

[voice]

temperm - 2013-08-21 06:17 (UTC) - Expand

Re: [voice]

totallysane - 2013-08-21 07:49 (UTC) - Expand

[voice]

temperm - 2013-08-21 08:19 (UTC) - Expand

Re: [voice]

totallysane - 2013-08-23 08:09 (UTC) - Expand

[voice]

temperm - 2013-09-02 23:35 (UTC) - Expand

Re: [voice]

totallysane - 2013-09-06 18:55 (UTC) - Expand

[voice]

temperm - 2013-09-08 06:33 (UTC) - Expand

Re: [voice]

totallysane - 2013-09-14 20:38 (UTC) - Expand

[voice]

temperm - 2013-09-18 06:55 (UTC) - Expand

Re: [voice]

totallysane - 2013-09-22 05:29 (UTC) - Expand

... what's wrong, Gau?

Labrador-san, were you in there?

[If he was, then he wouldn't have to explain "there".]

There...? You mean the mall. No, I wasn't. You were, weren't you?

Yes, I was.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, Gau.

[voice]

temperm - 2013-08-17 04:07 (UTC) - Expand

[voice]

floralprophecy - 2013-08-18 17:48 (UTC) - Expand

[voice]

temperm - 2013-08-26 04:57 (UTC) - Expand

[voice]

floralprophecy - 2013-09-07 17:10 (UTC) - Expand

[Oh no, another traumatized... kid? It's hard for Lorne to tell, with the voice so gravelly and tired, but he sounds upset enough for it to be clear he's no warrior.

He flicks on his own mic, speaking gently.]

Were you stuck in that mall, too, honey?

Yes, I... I was.

[It was an effort to get those words out, and no matter how much more he wanted to speak, he lacked the energy to do so.]

All right, I'm going to have to say one thing right up front: give yourself a little bit of a break about it, okay? That was an awful situation for just about all of you in there, even if you are coming back.

Give myself a break?!

[His voice rises to a weak yell- well, a yell backed by a biting sob and a trembling throat.]

What I did... I did something unforgivable, despite the circumstances!

Honey, you're not the only one.

[audio]

temperm - 2013-08-13 03:46 (UTC) - Expand

[audio]

dressedtotrill - 2013-08-15 02:20 (UTC) - Expand

[audio]

temperm - 2013-08-17 04:09 (UTC) - Expand

[audio]

dressedtotrill - 2013-08-17 18:57 (UTC) - Expand

[audio]

temperm - 2013-08-21 08:21 (UTC) - Expand

[audio]

dressedtotrill - 2013-08-24 21:14 (UTC) - Expand

[audio]

temperm - 2013-09-03 05:20 (UTC) - Expand

[audio]

dressedtotrill - 2013-09-03 12:02 (UTC) - Expand

[ Oh. While he may not be a child, he still sounds young and it makes her heart ache to hear him sound so melancholy. ]

It's not your fault. No matter what you did or didn't do, it's not your fault. If anyone's, it's the Animus'! They're the ones that forced us into a corner.

What I did was entirely my fault!

[Gau tried to tell himself that her intentions were kind. She was trying to comfort him and take away this pain, but, but, but...

He couldn't forgive and forget this entirely. To do so would be forgetting his very moral core. Nothing good came of ignoring the past.

He speaks without hesitation, forcing his words out with what little energy he had, until they rose to the yelling point and he couldn't stop himself, nor the fresh tears that fell from his eyes.]

I took an accusation as a fact and acted upon it! The animus didn't take control of me and force me to do that! It may have been some sort of justice, but in the end... I'm no more innocent than any other murderer in that place!

You truly can't blame yourself when the Animus put us in no other position, can you? It was kill or be killed. [ While she never would have and didn't kill anyone, she understands how people could under those circumstances. Reality had been twisted to make people believe there was no other way. ]

Don't forget what you did. I'm not saying that. But you need to be able to forgive yourself for it. It may take time, of course, but you can't live with this guilt and pain forever.

I can't-

[Despite her reassuring words, her patience and kindness, he couldn't bring himself to believe it. The animus didn't move his hands or legs, or make him smash that boy's head into the ground. The animus weren't the reason for any of those actions either. It was his own misjudgment.

He softly sobs out, with great exhaustion-]

It was unforgivable.

[ voice ]

memoryguardian - 2013-08-12 00:55 (UTC) - Expand

[ voice ]

temperm - 2013-08-17 04:10 (UTC) - Expand

[ voice ]

memoryguardian - 2013-08-18 03:16 (UTC) - Expand

[ voice ]

temperm - 2013-08-21 08:25 (UTC) - Expand

[ voice ]

memoryguardian - 2013-08-22 04:02 (UTC) - Expand

[ voice ]

temperm - 2013-08-26 05:32 (UTC) - Expand

[ voice ]

memoryguardian - 2013-08-27 01:43 (UTC) - Expand

Hey hey hey, shh, it's okay, Gau...

[Dammit, that mall incident really messed with a lot of people, didn't it?]

Are you hurt? Are you safe?

[The answer comes after a long pause. He looks down, to his hand where the only the stump of his pinky was left, and the other games to touch around his neck, where a thin line of a scar circled the entirety of it.

No, these scars were here to say.]

I'm safe at Unohana-san's clinic but... I truthfully can't say that I am unharmed, Ruby-san.

...At least you are safe, and at the Clinic of all places. Did they manage to get you patched up there?

I, well... They have helped me, but I'm not entirely whole.

[True in both the physical and mental sense. The finger that Kida tore from his palm was rotting away somewhere in the mall.]

(no subject)

sheepinwolfclothing - 2013-08-08 21:06 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

temperm - 2013-08-13 02:38 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

sheepinwolfclothing - 2013-08-14 04:48 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

temperm - 2013-08-17 04:12 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

sheepinwolfclothing - 2013-08-18 06:35 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

temperm - 2013-08-23 04:33 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

sheepinwolfclothing - 2013-08-23 19:54 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

temperm - 2013-08-26 06:05 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

sheepinwolfclothing - 2013-08-26 06:36 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

temperm - 2013-09-01 07:04 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

sheepinwolfclothing - 2013-09-03 08:23 (UTC) - Expand

You're not the only one who feels sorry about what happened in there, Gau.

It-

[Gau looks up at her, dark circles under his eyes and the thin scar around his neck exposed, with utter despondency.

At this point, the boy over the feed is cried out. Though no tears fall from his eyes, his voice trembles as if they were.]

It was horrible. I-I'm sorry you had to experience it.

[voice]

[voice]

Re: [voice]

[voice]

Re: [voice]

[voice]

[voice]

[voice]

[voice]

[voice]

[audio]

[audio]

[audio]

[audio]

[audio]

[ voice ]

[ voice ]

[ voice ]

[ voice ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[Video//Private//Unhackable]