[ waking up on the marsiva, again, was a little like having a vivid dream, at first. he couldn't figure out why he was there - he was in his bed on the tourist, snuggled up against kitty and - poof - he woke up on the marsiva. that's new, was his first thought. kitty must be freaking out was his second. he called her, but there was no answer. he tried to call cisco and hank - but they were gone. kara and jim caught him up on those stressful days as he waited to be shuffled. they promised to look after kitty, they showed her to him. he never felt more helpless and alone than in those days, unable to get to the woman he loves.

then it happened. confetti. new ship. winn doesn't wait around to so much as say hello to anyone - he makes a mad dash to the cargo hold, jumps on a shuttle, and makes his way to the twin roses.

he spends most of his day sitting by her side, not wanting her to wake up alone. at night, he sleeps on the floor by her bed. he meets his friends in the twin roses kitchen, not wanting to wander too far. every day that passes without her opening her eyes stretches into an eternity. he crafts. he works on his theories. he eats. he bathes. he shaves. he sits with kitty.

when she does wake, he's not in the room with her; he's in the kitchen, fixing a breakfast tray. his communicator, however, is in the room with her, sitting on the shelf by her bed as he intends to be back in a few minutes and really - what are the odds that something exciting would happen in that short a time span?

it's the fleet. he should know better.

he considers his breakfast for a moment, and then decides to make it crafty - fashioning a little dinosaur out of his toasted wheat solids with fixings - before heading back to the room. he comes in casually, like he's just been here all along, closes the door, sets down the tray and as he's about to sit - realizes he's not alone here anymore. ]

Kitty! You're awake! [ if the world could figure out a way to run itself on a smile, the one winn has on right at this moment could power it for a decade. ]

[ he wraps his arms around her tightly; he may not have had to deal with her being gone, and he's had to deal with a coma for a couple of weeks - but he missed her too. he missed her and he was scared that the pain would be too much, that she wouldn't want him back, that she wouldn't remember him, that she'd wake up in love with pavel chekov, that they couldn't just pick up where they left off.

and then she's holding him and just like that all those fears evaporate and there's nothing left but kitty. kitty alive and - at least for the moment - safe in his arms. he breathes her in and his breath hitches, tears stinging in his eyes as well. ]

I'm here. [ the loaded quality of his voice reveals that it certainly isn't just another day. he presses kisses to the side of her head, the top, anywhere he can without pulling away from the hug - and then he pulls away, just a little bit, to look her in the eyes, to stroke her cheek, wipe those tears away, smile at her adoringly and with the heartbreak of knowing what she's been through. ] I love you, Katherine Reckless Abandonment Safe Anne Sexy Badass Humble Pryde.

[ how could he ever forget anything about her? it's unthinkable, she's the love of his life, she makes him happier than he dared to dream he could be, she's his world. he brightens up even more at the nickname, and bops her nose fondly.

the question gets a more somber treatment. ]

I tried, the true love's kiss thing's still a bust.

A couple weeks.

[ and they have been hard. his friends helped, though, the ones who are still here. in response to her other question, he leans in for a kiss; beats a pinch, right? when he pulls back he's gasping for air. ] What do you think?

[ he noticed the ring while she slept, but seeing her awake sent it right out of his mind. nothing matters besides kitty being okay and still wanting him at this moment. ]

We have to work on that.

[ they could use the workout! ]

If it's up to me - absolutely.

[ oh! sorry - he'll just sweep her into his arms (gotta love having the muscles to manage it!) and sit on the bed. ] Better?

I missed you too.

[ he leans his forehead against hers. ] I missed your voice, it's not the same coming off a comm. [ yes, he's been rewatching recordings. ] I missed the way you feel. [ he didn't sleep next to her, it felt creepy - especially without knowing whether she still wanted him or not. ] And apparently - I missed my proposal. [ because he just remembered that ring. ]

Hey, I have a high bar to clear, I couldn't just - pop the question, could I?

[ he almost did, so many times. even before he had the ring. he always stopped himself because he wanted it to be perfect, wanted to create a special memory, something that would surpass their anniversary, that would surpass christmas, he always has to outdo himself and it's stressful and impossible and the ring kept on sitting there, unused.

she often asked him how he always says the perfect thing, does the perfect thing - well, his words are often off-the-cuff, but his actions are usually thought through. he spends months perfecting his surprises, and a proposal...it was going to be the ultimate surprise. ]

Do you...do you like it? [ yes, she's wearing it - for what it symbolizes. but he's been stressing over the ring itself for months. when he finally decided to just make it himself there was suddenly so much pressure to learn a new craft and get it just perfect and he knows kitty isn't a materialistic girl but it's her engagement ring it has to be special and it's sort of...plain. ]

Just cuz you would've said yes anyway doesn't mean you don't deserve effort.

[ day they met was definitely too soon for him. she was probably ready before him, honestly. but once he was ready, he had to do it right.

he wiggles his fingers at her in reply. ]

After dragging Kara around to every jewelry store we could find I realized - nothing was gonna be perfect. So if it wasn't gonna be that it should at least be from the heart. So I made it.

[ he would have said yes before he was ready - but he wouldn't have asked (and he would be secretly upset cuz asking should be his job. as he is currently upset - he was supposed to give her something unforgettable. instead she, what? found it accidentally while going through his things? kara gave it to her? how very romantic!) ]

Only the best for my...fiancee? [ he tries out the word. she's wearing the ring - he's not sure what that means though because he never asked and she never said yes. what an awkward limbo.

he kisses the top of her head and pulls her back into a tight embrace. ]

[ he shakes his head against her, his voice smaller now, it hurts to talk about now. ]

Nothing seemed good enough.

[ he's had ideas aplenty, sure, but he kinda shot himself in the leg with that anniversary present - it's hard to top. ]

Just...reconciling. For me - it's - I was right here and then one morning I was on the Marsiva.

[ they're in different places and that's hard. he doesn't know how to reassure her when he has no assurances to give. and he's scared - what happened to him all this time? he has no idea. to think that he and kitty are no longer on the same page, that he'll have to go back to not mentioning their future together, it's too hard. ]