[personal profile] badromancer
( PLAYER INFORMATION )

Name: Kat
Contact: Plurk @ bitchesandtrolls
Are you over 17?: Maybe
Characters in Forest Covered: Nope

( CHARACTER INFORMATION )

Name/Work Name: Chang Yi/Madam Yi/Yidhra, Work Name Dahlia
Canon: Original
Canon Point: After getting all of her memory back, but before hunting down her powers.
AU/CRAU: Nope, because OC haha
Age: Appears to be around mid-20s, but actually is as old as the multiverse sooooo she's a couple centuries shy of a fucktillion.

History: Once upon a time, a bunch of idiots decided to summon Yog-Sothoth into reality. It then proceeded to take a chokehold of all existence, banished away anything strong enough to ruin Its plans to the depths of oblivion or worse, and then proceeded to slowly devour all realities and weaker beings into Its own ever-growing dominion.

In completely unrelated news, Chang Yi has lived a very odd life for as long as she can remember.

If she thinks, she can remember having a childhood. Bits and pieces like photographs: playing on a swing, dinner with her parents, a school career of loving english class and studying esoteric nonsense. She can remember her parents' appearance, but only they both had her jet-black hair and they both very much existed. If she tries harder, she can pick out names and faces of friends she had in school, moments where they won soccer games together or going out drinking after graduating high school. You know, normal things.

Except then things get weird. When she tries to track down her parents to call them, to see them, to confirm they exist - there's nothing. Her hometown exists, but no one remembers her. No school roster ever confirms they had a girl named Chang Yi. She has an ID, but no birth certificate or social security card or anything else. She exists, but there's no proof she actually exists.

The exact moment she realizes this, Yi does her level best to ignore the fact there's anything's wrong or weird with her life. She does not question the fact that her history is haphazardly thrown together with no actual rhyme or reason. She also does not question the fact that no one at all questions her fits of being out-of-character. It's fine if no one notices. It's all in her own head, obviously. Especially when she wakes up to see all the dates say it's a week in the past and life is a massive deja vu case.

Eventually she realizes it's not in her head.

Yi doesn't panic. Instead, she experiments. She moves away from the town just wake up back in it. A few times she may have committed murder just to wait in a prison cell until she woke up on the same mindless Sunday. Destroying her house just caused it to repair itself. Suicide had a similar effect. But- it's all in her head. It has to be all in her head. Obviously.

She doesn't get upset. Instead, she enjoys the minor differences and buries herself in small oddities and her own nightmares because they're an ever-changing scenery. Not like the innumerable time that's already passed. These small tiny errors are the only difference she's seen in

How long has it been again?

She

      doesn't






Yi doesn't remember blacking out, or for how long the darkness lasted, but she will always remember the voice acknowledging her. Asking if she's okay. Stop laying in the middle of the street, you're going to get run over. It's the first time in 23859121helpwhyisthisha

It's the first time in a long while that someone's even seen her, let alone spoken to her.

So she does the most sensible thing at the time and stab the illusion clean through with her nails- wait, how long were these here, they've always been here, but you can't remember it, you can't remember-

Time skips back another week and she bottles up the memory and ignores it. It's just a slight change, they never stick. But the memory of it is enough to keep moving, living out a slow miserable death for just a bit longer. And six hundred and ni just that bit longer is enough, because the same memory cuts her off on the way to... somewhere. It's an illusion, it's not real, die die die, her nails twitch once in an urge to get rid of it, and the same voice from before speaks again. Says it's impolite to murder people without fair warning, seriously what the hell?

They go out for lunch.

It's a terribly embarrassing conversation. Yi hasn't spoken in ages and ████ seems to flicker in and out of her perception no matter how much she concentrates, but he does answer a few holes. That they're old friends. That she's stuck somewhere and can't get out. He's trying to help but h█ can't ge█ █o her, Sa██aal is

And then gone.

The meetings keep up in such a fashion. Always the day before the week resets, always with that... person... that she can never seem to remember - no name, no face, just words and she has to try so hard to tie them down so they don't scatter like dust - and slowly but surely becomes aware of herself again. He talks to an unanswering wall about their friendship, about books, about the weather, about The ███████, about how sorry he is for not showing up last week he kind of got caught, haha-

She finds her voice long enough to ask his name, and he answers with ████.

It doesn't stick.

But she can almost pin a face to the name now that she's asked - of deep olive skin turned almost ashen and the sound of roaring tides and a tired smile that for just that very instant of recognition turns vicious

When Yi wakes up the next time, it's three weeks earlier than the day she remembers and it feels like unseen weights have been lifted.

The time loop still happens, but it's more sporadic with the time: the shortest it loops a day, the longest three years, but always in unpredictable segments. He doesn't appear again for the weekly meetings, but only turns up at random times. Never with warning, never for long, but every time she remembers what it's like to live again. To smile and converse to have feelings and desires, and she still can't remember the damn name she asks every time and it never sticks--

The first day she calls him 'You', she latches on to the appearance and sound of a sharp barked laugh of surprise and fondness and she still can't hear the name but she remembers- the name is gone. But He reminds her so deeply of the bottom of the oceans, so deep in the abyss where all is dark and silent and crushing pressure and filled with the ghosted memory of countless unfathomable cruelties.

It resounds loudly, like a chiming bell, because she remembers their friendship began over the fact they were both that same kind of monster.

She only gains the will to ask about it a few meetings later and it opens a dam of words and worries she never knew existed. If she had a heart, it would be beating again, but her human memories and human feelings remember she doesn't have one. She's wrong, she's a monster, and He cuts her off and says she's not a Monster, she's a Maid, and unconsciously she snaps Madam and they both fall silent as something primal falls into place

Suddenly, she knows what he's been doing.

With eyes permanently closed, she gets a third glimpse. As ████ sits there at their cafe table all calm and frozen like an executed king at his own court hearing, and a book sits on the table between them. It's always been there, waiting for her to see it again when she's never seen it once, but she knows that the book is hers.

Yi doesn't see him for a long time after that.

She can't be irritated over being abandoned again. Deep down she knows why (this book is yours, it shouldn't be here, it was destroyederasedgone he broke the rules, he cheated, he gave it back to you, you could love him and you could kill him

She memorizes it like religion. Like how every spoken word brought back her life, every written word brings back her memory, even if the overlap is painful. A her that's all she's known struggles against a her that's always been (somewhere else) and neither wins so it just balances out into a constantly teetering scale, but it's not enough. She reaches into the bottomless abyss of her own darkness and hatred and only pulls up little scattered fragments, barely enough to cast an illusion let alone the army of minions she remembers so brightly.

She's alive. She remembers. But she's still not enough.

It's not enough. It's not

It's

it's never she's





This is unacceptable.

She initiates the meeting next time, eyes that can see everything now able to spot that particular absence of everything, that slow corroding poison that marks him. Calm down, civil, he's having a discussion with someone else, wait, wait, wai

Oh dear, she ran ████ through with her nails again. Yi remembers hours of complaining and viscerally hates everything.

"Do you have to do this every time?! I swear, you don't even notice-"

"You."

"Hi Yidhra."

Yes. That's it.

It's her and it's not her, she's not enough of it yet, she needs all of her powers back and that's what this irritating little sea urchin has been trying to do this while time (he shouldn't be doing this, an irrational spike of worry that gets stomped down a second after, its his decision, but still) Yi thinks of the so many microscopic eternities trapped in hell just to get this far, and thinks of how many more it'll take to get far enough to deserve that name.

But the name feels so very very right.

"Get me out of here this instant."

Personality: Chang Yi, as she is now, can almost be argued as being a mash-up of three opposing attitudes that sync up scarily well with each other while being completely unblanced. She dances a fine line between the part of her that's human, the part of her that's Yidhra, what happens when she loses track of that balance, and what happens when all of it is thrown aside.

But it's a highly complicated mindset and Yi keeps it up by striving to be poised and controlled all the time. She makes it a point of professionalism to stay perfect all the time. Standing with perfect posture and always having a perfect appearance and speaking with perfect enunciation. She speaks with no contractions and with complicated and archaic words so that she comes off as cold and distant and frightening as possible. As long as people believe she's as composed as she appears, she finds it even easier to keep up being composed.

Except it's easy to snap her out of this false appearance and she falls back to lean on the Madam Yi mindset. She picks up an attitude of mild disdain for the world - at best. She gets easily irritated when anything breaks her perfect appearance any further than this. Making her lose her train of thought or dirtying her outfit or second-guessing her orders or pretty much anything that makes her look foolish. But, like usual, all of her emotions and reactions are pretty muffled, so it's never enough to really qualify as "anger".

If it crosses the line into "anger", she goes into this almost-zombie state of utter hatred and ghosts through walls and hacks people to pieces with her nails, only speaks in the words of the Outer Gods if she even deigns to speak, but even then there's no emotion on that pristine doll face. Just the voice and the aura, which is more than plenty to get her point across. Yi herself considers it her becoming Yidhra, but in truth she only becomes Yidhra in appearance. The lack of control over this an issue and makes her panic beneath the mindless actions but

It rarely happens! So no worries!! Who needs anger when you can just frown judgmentally and everyone takes it as writ. But despite the personality she projects to the world, she still remembers living lived an ever-repeating life of a normal person trapped in the life of a poorly designed side character. Yi's always been a highly poised individual - because, if she's honest, she would have lost her mind ages ago had she been less controller - but the point is she loves things and people that aren't. She likes being in control but loves experiencing things she has no control over. She loves creepy things and gross things and bright colors and tacky plot-twists and any general weirdness that lets her not think about how long she's actually existed.

Because if she thinks too hard, she remembers how many eternities she's lived as a human named Chang Yi in the body of a monster. She's disgusting and wrong and she's a monster and she only even passes as a human when she keeps her flawless skin and her flawless hair in her flawless clothes like one of her flawless dancing dolls. Those small discrepancies in that never-ending recycled existence let her keep her thoughts off of how her memories never synced her her body and how her self never synced with the world.

The point is she's a flawless dancing doll with so many many human imperfections in her. Yi keeps herself functioning through an elaborate series of these imperfections, letting her have just enough leeway of madness to keep her sanity. When she goes silent and still like a statue, it's because her mind is spiraling off into a purple prose narrative about how annoyed the clouds are making her. When she's staring disdainfully at someone's appearance, it's mostly because she's pining over how she could dress like that herself. When she's cold and offensive to people, it's because she's turning them away from finding out about how much of a monster she is.

Of course now that she's aware that she actually is a monster and it wasn't just her insanity keeping a death grip on her throat, Yi tries all the harder to live up to what she remembers herself being and crush all the little bits of her that qualify as humanity. She needs to be more elegant, more hateful, more inhuman - and contrary to what many people would assume, she legitimately enjoys that part of her. Except it's hard to say if it's because she actually enjoys it or because her returned memories and missing power say she enjoys it.

Anyone who asks her would find her really hard-pressed to answer.

Yi likes being in control and has always had a great fondness for causing deception and misery to others. This is important because, in many ways, she deceives even herself. She manages a contrary mindset and outright ignores the things she can't justify and deep at the core of it, she just wants to be something - anything - she's not. She doesn't want to be a doll or a monster or an Outer God, but she is one so she'll just get over it. Even if the only thing she wanted was to live a human life with those human friends like she watched others have for countless eternities and never had one herself.

But hey. Like above, she doesn't like thinking about that. So she won't think about it. That's a completely acceptable coping mechanism and no one will tell her otherwise.

Debt: For the entirety of her being Chang Yi (and for the equivalent of a few seconds as Madam Yi) the Witch has spammed her with brochures and water bills and cell phone messages and pretty much anything she could to try and lure Yi into being in her debt. It's kind of like a comforting running gag as a universal constant in her life. Just after getting her memories back and realizing without her power she is so considerably less than she was even aware of, she actually signs the contract next time in favor of returning to her former strength. Without... actually knowing how deep her former strength was. Or being told about it.

She'll be here for a while, yep.

Suitability: She will be deeply, deeply infuriated that some childish brat as young as that witch tricked her into doing bitchwork. She also really wants her full powers back. Really really really really reeaaaaally badly. So she will kind of grumpily put up with anything within reason while internally bitching up a storm about her lost elegance. However! Yi also loves weird happenings and will actually acclimate perfectly into the place and then ultimately get a job as a host bossing people around like an elegant army general. She just needs some time to stop being a wet cat about being pranked.

Previous Game Info: n o p e

Inventory: Her really fancy Victorian-esque mourning dress with matching parasol, a pair of thin-rimmed rectangular elegant hipster sunglasses, a bunch of eldritch-charmed hair clips (because how else does she keep all that hair in a bun holy crap). And a tome that is part personal spell book, part demonic compendium, and entirely purple prose diary of ultimate boredom to anyone who reads it, so it's probably good she lost her journal.

Abilities, Strengths, and Weaknesses: Hey look it's a link so that later I can set up her journal entries and seem fancy and organized when I'm actually just a nerd

( SAMPLE )

Characterization Sample: wham bam thank ya ma'am

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i hope the song's stuck in your head now

August 2014

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