When I closed my eyes, it was with acceptance that this was the end. I don't know how I was so calm; maybe it had something to do with having prepared myself for my death once before already and knowing that, regardless of what I did then, I would die soon anyway, no matter how much I wanted to live. So I held Asch's body in my arms as Lorelei surrounded us, tilting my head up as it rushed up above to become the seventh layer of the Fon Belt. This was it. I had completed my duty – Lorelei had commended me, us – and I could feel my fonons separating even more rapidly than they had at either the Absorption Gate or the Radiation Gate when I had closed the glyphs for the Planet Storm.

I made promises to return to everyone even as I was prepared to give my life, promises to Guy and Natalia, to Anise and even Jade, to Mieu and Tear... I knew I wouldn't be able to keep those promises and yet I made them all the same. In those moments, I think I understood Asch a little better; he'd made that same promise to me, hadn't he? Maybe it was mostly to get me to go on – maybe I'd made those promises for the same reason, to get them to go forward while I remained – but I think part of it was for himself, too. He wanted to return somehow, he wanted to live just as badly as I did. Those promises were our last bit of hope.

What's funny is, I thought it would be harder if everyone knew the truth, so I hid it from them – although I guess I didn't do a good job if they all figured it out on their own anyway. I thought if they looked at me knowing what was going to happen, with those eyes that told me they'd understand if I decided to run, that I would never be able to do it. I thought I would give up and hide away for whatever time I had left. But, instead, it gave me the strength to do it. Knowing they cared that much meant everything to me. I couldn't just run, knowing I had people who thought that highly of me. Maybe they wouldn't have blamed me, but I would have always regretted it.

[More forthcoming.]

[Entry forthcoming.]