bixbite | thoughts...

today has been nice.. just relaxing, resting, and playing some ESO :-) i go back to work tomorrow and might have a long week ahead of me, but i'll survive!!

and this is a little embarrassing but i figure it's my journal, so i can post about whatever i want!!! it's really fun & comforting for me to like.. imagine comfort characters as either age regressors or caregivers.. like hassel from pokemon, i can see being both! i don't think he really had much of a childhood with his incredibly strict & traditional family, so it makes me happy to think of him regressing and brassius taking care of him and letting him experience the kind of fun, gentle childhood he never got to have.. ughh ;_;

it just makes me happy but it's like.. a hard thing to just share with people, so i usually keep it to myself. i don't want people to assume i'm like Weird about it, you know? there's already so many people who think "age regression" is like, a fetish term, and it just feels bad inside to always preface stuff with "not being a freak here, but-" aghhh

i wish there was more fanart & fics of stuff like this.. i've found some really really sweet ones with pokemon characters (and honestly i have a partially-written one of my own that i'm likely never sharing with anyone besides like. one or two people)

but it's just something i wish i could talk about & share more openly, you know? it sucks to have to feel so much shame & fear around something that's mostly involuntary, but i'm trying to let myself develop a better relationship with it so i don't beat myself up over it so much anymore.. progress is progress!

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From:

softwareangel

as someone who also finds comfort in engaging and entering a childlike state of mind, i resonate with what you wrote. its not a fetish or sexual thing at all for me either, but rather a comfort, or an escape. sometimes a literal blankie to be covered safely by lol... so im with you on this one. sometimes we just need a safe space to be little again and let that part be allowed to Just BE

bixbite

YEAH.. ;_; you get it!! it's a really vulnerable thing already bc of how it's linked to childhood trauma.. so it's nice to have friends and stuff who Understand. like Yeas.. You. Come Play Touys With Me. Whimsy

i think people forget that being a kid isnt something you really ever grow or evolve out of. that kid in you has every right to enjoy and live life as your adult self does too. also play is so important, approaching life in a playful manner can be a very uplifting and healing healthy experience! let that kid play!!

yes!! like the kid i once was is very much Still alive in me, and they're still every bit as lonely and hurt as they were 20 years ago.. it feels nice to try and take care of this part of me instead of just shoving it into a box and hiding it away somewhere out of shame like i did for a really long time.. and i mean, it's both comforting and kind of hurts to take care of myself like this, because while i'm happy that i'm Finally giving myself some grace, it still hurts a lot to think about how much love and safety i was denied as an actual child..

but overall, it really does help my mental health and i'm not gonna beat myself up over it anymore!! who cares if i wanna let the little one out to play sometimes!!

ultimately therapy and healing should be for you, not an audience. allow yourself to do the things you need for yourself without thinking it has to be acceptable or approved by others. if its helping you rebuild in a healthy way please do that!