[ Arya gets to the ice cream parlor first. She's already on her way when she suggests it to Cisco. Arya has spent a lot of time there lately, and not just because the ice cream is delicious. She's come to like the place. The once-scary bright colors are now warm and comforting, and the enclosed location makes her feel safe. She's needed a place like that, ever since --
No. Arya isn't going to think about anyone but Cisco now. He needs her. Sansa is gone, and there isn't anything Arya can do about that.
When Arya gets to the parlor, she immediately gets to work. She grabs the largest bowl and spoon she can find, and begins concocting an ice cream "recipe" she's sure Cisco will like. She used a rainbow of colors, plenty of sprinkles and chunks of chocolate and cherries, and even funny, soft like things called "marshmallows." She arranges those in a smile, a little like a snowman.
Once Cisco arrives, his ice cream will be ready for him, and Arya will be sitting on the counter next to it. She's waiting as patiently as she's able, but it's pretty obvious that she's worried. Whatever happened to Cisco in Central City sounds awful, and Arya can't help but expect the worst. ]
[ He was going to keep his cool. All the way over there, Cisco had been telling himself how important it was not to frighten Arya with some immediate breakdown. He rehearsed the conversation in his head. He would tell her about Dante, about how happy he was to see her again, but at no point would he let her see just how messed up he is right now.
But all those plans go out the window the moment he sees her.
The thing she doesn't know - the thing that no one knows except Eddie - is that, strictly speaking he hadn't entirely forgotten the Clock. He hadn't been able to remember it consciously, but there had been dreams. Vibes. Enough that after a few months he pieced it together, and knew he was missing. Cisco had thought he would never see Arya (who in his eyes is as good as his sister) again, the same way he would never see Dante again.
He tries to smile at her, but it comes out all wrong, sad and twisted up. Cisco glances over to the giant bowl of ice cream, all mixed up into a multicolored mess dotted with candy, and before he can even get a word out, the tears are blinding him. He hadn't hoped for this - that he would see her small, white, worried face ever again. He had been so sure that all his promises and plans about saving her, helping her, finding a better life for her, had been lies. That he'd missed his chance.
Cisco goes right up to Arya and hugs her, tightly, like he isn't quite sure she's not a ghost. He can feel himself shaking a little, but he's not all that worried that she will think him a coward, or crazy. She always had been wise beyond her years; she'd probably been able to read the grief on him the moment he walked in the door. ]
[ Arya slides off the counter so she can hug Cisco better, tighter. He needs it. And when Cisco starts shaking slightly, she just hugs him tighter because Cisco is of her pack, and wolves don't fear, nor do they abandon the ones who are most important to them. Once, long ago, a girl's father -- no, her father -- told Arya that the lone wolf dies but the pack survives. But then after he and nearly the rest of Arya's family died, she assumed her father was wrong. That the lone wolf survives, not the pack. But now, Arya thinks she might understand what her father meant. Whatever happened to him, Cisco shouldn't have to cope with it alone. That's what it means to have a pack, and Arya wants to do her best to be his pack, in the same way he's been hers. ]
I am here. I never left. [ Then Arya adds, almost ferociously. ] I'm not going to leave. Not without you and Jon and -- [ Arya's breath hitches a little. She would have said and Sansa, but Sansa has already left. ] -- and everyone else.
[ Arya loosens her grip a little so she can look up and see Cisco's face. And, you know, so Cisco has a chance to breathe. She wants to read his expression like a book, to figure out what happened so Cisco doesn't have to tell her, doesn't have to relive it. But people are never that easy. Still, she has some ideas, most of them beginning and ending in death, as they usually do. ]
What did you lose? [ Arya asks, quietly, because if she's quiet, that means it's less real, right? She adds, even softer: ]
[ He hears that hesitation, the silence standing in for Sansa's name. Jon had told him already, that she had vanished a short while ago, and it hadn't surprised Cisco. It wasn't like he's never lost anyone before - there had been Ronnie. But ever since Dante died, Cisco understands in a much more intimate way just how fragile it all is. How the slightest bit of bad luck could rip a whole family apart, break people in ways that could never be mended.
Cisco lets Arya pull away as much as she likes, his breaths gone shuddery and thin. He is not a hard person to read, even when his emotions are not anywhere near as clear-cut and obvious as they are now. Grief, and guilty, and happiness to see Arya that is almost entirely overshadowed by the remembered fear that he had lost her, and the continuing fear that he will lose her. Cisco's bottom lip quivers as he tries to grab for the fraying edges of his composure, tries to hold himself together under the weight of all that sadness. He might not be able to stop himself from crying entirely, but he won't sob, won't break down. ]
Dante.
[ Arya makes it so easy for him - she already knows, already can tell that he's lost someone. All Cisco needs to do is say who, and she will understand. She had lost family, too. ]
[ When Cisco says brother, Arya's eyes widen and her face freezes, if only for a moment. It's instinct, by now, for Arya to freeze at unpleasant news, to shut down the most vulnerable part of her mind -- her feelings -- as a means of self-preservation. She empathizes all too well, and if she lets them come, Arya knows the memories will take hold. In Arya's mind, the red wedding is never over. She keeps failing, again and again, to save Robb.
This is when it's easier to be no one.
But this time, Arya is able to snap out of it. She has to, for Cisco. Arya knows that she has a chance to truly help Cisco. Cisco helped Arya find herself again, to go from being no one to a real person, the curious, playful person she hadn't had a chance to be, not for a long time. Friendship isn't a business transaction, but even so, Arya knows she's in Cisco's debt. Now, she might be able to repay a little of it. Arya shakes her head. ]
I'm sorry, [ Arya says, because it's customary. she swallows. ] It's -- it's not fair. But that's the way of things, most of the time. It's not right, but it is.
[ Arya doesn't hug Cisco again, but she does squeeze his bigger hand in her little one. ]
But your family is not gone. Your home is not gone. You are not gone. I know that doesn't feel like much, right now, but it means a lot. You still have a chance for happiness, if you take it.
[ Arya looks Cisco in the eye. She won't let him go through this alone. When her family died, Arya made her life's purpose revenge. She won't let Cisco do the same. He deserves better. She wants him to have better, because Cisco is Arya's friend. ]
[ From Cisco's point of view, it's been a tumultuous few days. In the span of just a few days he had found out Caitlin was a metahuman, helped take on Shade, outed Caitlin to their friends and argued and made up again, opened a breach to the docks to save Barry, gotten the worst headache of his life, had to try to stop Caitlin from going full dark side, and found out that Barry had, essentially, murdered his brother. All that, and then he had been sucked back here; before, it had seemed like a prison. Now... it's a relief.
There are some disadvantages, though. He isn't going to lie, but the thought of how scared Caitlin will be when she finds out she has powers... and then there's the matter of himself. Of how much he's changed. Cisco knows he doesn't look that different - his hair a few inches longer, his face a little older and a little sadder. But on the inside.... he's not the same. What if this Caitlin, who is different in ways Cisco doesn't even know about yet... what if she doesn't like him anymore? Doesn't want this damaged echo of the person her best friend used to be?
He dwells on morose thoughts like this while he waits for her to arrive, head bowed low, scratching behind Harry-the-cat's ears. ]
[ Cisco arrives to the diner first, sits in a booth to wait for Sara, and after only a few moments is up on his feet again, pacing, shoes squeaking a little on the linoleum floor. This isn't like it had been with Arya or Caitlin; comparatively, Cisco doesn't know Sara Lance all that well. He knows some things about her, sure, but it's not like they've spent all that much time together.
But the main source of his restless, fidgety energy is not, surprisingly enough, the prospect of getting a burger with a time-traveling former assassin. No, it is the thought of 'the dominators', whoever they may be, and what else might be going wrong because of flashpoint. Cisco's bubbling over with frustration and, beneath it, all that rage at Barry. Cisco had thought that his anger might subside, simmer down into something more manageable after a day or two. He'd been worried about it happening. But the opposite is true: every passing hour only seems to take all the misery and resentment and betrayal and yes, even hate, and compress it into a dense, awful ball in his stomach, like a lead weight. Like he's walking around with a lump of dwarf star alloy in his guts.
The burgers are already on the counter, but it isn't until he sees Sara walking in that Cisco scoops them up and walks over to a booth with them, setting them down and then throwing himself into the seat with a little more force than is probably necessary. ]
[Sara's tired, more than anything. It's been a long few days, it's been kind of a mind trip, and she should be used to that, but somehow it's different when it isn't her and her team doing the carefully planned changes to history. When it's Barry screwing things up for everyone. For Diggle and Oliver and Cisco and Caitlin and all of them.
When she heads into the diner and sees Cisco snatching up a couple of plates of burgers, throwing himself into a booth, obviously angry and resentful, she really can't blame him. She's mad too, though for different and far less intensely personal reasons.
Kind of.
After all, she can immediately see it, sympathize with the fact that Barry just went ahead and selfishly did the one thing that she and Cisco can't do - go back to save someone they love, a family member they need in their lives. And, of course, he'd fucked it up exactly the way they'd been warned they would if they did the same, but somehow...Barry gets away with it. A slap on the wrist. Some irritation before they all band back together to save the world. It's infuriating.
So she doesn't bat an eyelash as she drops off several bottles of alcohol - tequila, vodka, whiskey in a flask, dark and light rum, all in various states of being half-finished - and heads over to the counter to grab them milkshakes. She gets chocolate and strawberry, slides in across from Cisco in front of one of the burgers, and raises a brow, gesturing at the shakes to indicate he can pick.]
Wanna take the edge off before we talk about the serious stuff?
[ Cisco knows it's probably a bit rude, not saying thank you or making any small talk before he dives into the questions, but he's not exactly formal even when he's in the best mood, and he's definitely not in the best mood right now. He slides the strawberry milkshake closer to himself and, acting a brief pause, grabs the vodka, unscrews it, and upends half of what's left into the glass. It's going to be very potent, but he doesn't have to drink the whole thing.
(He may end up drinking the whole thing).
It's kind of refreshing, though, just being able to plunge into the conversation without any needless discussion about how it won't impact the timeline. Hell, by this point Sara probably knows a hell of a lot more about the dangers and mechanics of time travel than Cisco does. And unlike Barry, the people in her crew don't have personal agendas. ]
Claudia gives him a few days, at least. That may not be enough to get settled, exactly, but it was enough for him to fall back into the routine of things. It was pretty easy to catch him at the coffee shop in the morning. They were both slaves to the power of caffeine.
"Hey," she waves her fingers in a small wave. "you busy today?"
[ Cisco doesn't look much different. His hair a little longer, his face a little older. It's not so much that his body is any different, but rather the way he carries it: as if there is some heavy, invisible weight slung over his shoulders, making him slower, wearier. He manages a smile when he sees Claudia, but there is no mistaking that it is a smile he makes himself smile - that it is an uphill struggle just to seem normal.
He has only one coffee - a lot of the time when he is here he'll grab one for him and Eddie, if it's early in the morning, or him and Harry if they are busy working on something, or him and Caitlin if he is going to see her and tell her the new Clock gossip (which she always wants to know, even if she pretends she doesn't). But today, he was trying to go it on his own for a little bit: give Eddie and Caitlin and Harry a little break. He's been leaning on them a lot these last few days. They deserve an hour of peace and quiet without managing him and his messy grief and anger. ]
[The difference in him is obvious. Everything around him feels heavier, somehow. That smile just doesn't have his usual brightness behind it, but Claudia gives him one of her own in return.]
Yeah, all good. [She assures him with a nod. A look of concern spills across her face.] Are you...? [She won't press if he blows it off or says he's fine. She won't necessarily believe that he's fine, but she'll accept it until a time comes that he feels like discussing it.]
[ 'Good' would be a lie so flagrant that even Cisco doesn't think he should attempt it, and something as ambiguous and tepid as 'okay' would probably only make Claudia more curious and worried than she already is. Cisco gives a little shrug. ]
-better than I was when I made that post.
[ That answer, at least, has the ring of truth to it. Cisco feels mildly embarrassed about the whole thing, actually. It's not usually his way, making a scene like that. Being so open with how he's feeling, particularly if those feelings are of the negative sort. He tucks a stray bit of hair behind his ear and says, trying for lightness: ]
Someone oughta reminded me that anger and posting on a public forum are, like, never a good mix. Ever.
[ Cisco gets to the bar first; he doesn't even bother starting small. There's a bottle of tequila and some shot glasses on the bar already by the time Tyler shows up. Normally, if Cisco were at a bar with friends, most of the time he stuck to one or two beers. He has had too much in his life already that makes him feel out of control; he doesn't need anything more. And also, of course, in more recent years, there has been the question of his powers. Alcohol affects brain function, and part of the way it does that is in the production of things like dopamine. Cisco hasn't had a chance yet to really study in great detail how being drunk impacts his vibes: but his instincts tell him it is not in a good way.
But today... is different. Today he just wants to not feel so damn much: he needs to deaden his emotions, and he knows the best way to do that is to skip to the hard stuff.
He wonders what Dante would think of him, right now. What would he say? Would he be scornful? Concerned? How would he react if he could see all the ways his little brother has changed since he died.
Cisco pours himself a shot and downs it before Tyler even arrives. ]
[He arrives as soon as he can. Which means that he's a little breathless as he walks in, and he's more than a little apologetic as he reaches for a glass of water instead of vodka or tequila or something strong. Don't mind him downing that first.]
Hey. [His smile doesn't reach his eyes.] I see you started the party without me.
[He goes ahead now, reaching for the tequila and pouring himself a shot. He'll need to pace himself, but he suspects that it's not his liver he'll have to worry about.]
[ Cisco's having a pretty shitty day, sure, but that doesn't mean he's totally heartless. When Tyler comes rushing in out of breath and smiling in that half-apologetic way, Cisco hesitates. Back home he had learned the hard way that plenty of people thought they wanted to be supportive, much more than they actually did. Some people, people like Caitlin, had really been there for him. Others had started off with good intentions, but had quickly gotten tired of Cisco's grief - the ugliness of it, the way it sapped him of his humor and his energy and his strength. They wanted to think of themselves as helpful people much more than they wanted to actually help anyone.
What if Tyler is one of those people? There's no way to know, in advance. Cisco supposes he'll just have to find out. ]
Had to make sure the tequila was tolerable.
[ Cisco fills his own shot glass again toying with it between his fingers, not looking at Tyler. The changes to his looks are subtle, but noticeable: his hair a few inches longer, he's lost a little weight - but most of the change is in his face and the way he holds himself. Before, Cisco hadn't always been cheerful, but he had usually at least been energetic. Now, there is a lethargy to him, like the world is bearing down hard on his shoulders. ]
Not sure it's gonna be much of a party.
[ Cisco swallows shot number two; he makes a face at the taste, but offers no other commentary on it. ]
Tyler had been bracing himself for the worst, given what he had seen on the network, but nothing could've prepared him for what he's witnessing. He recognizes that longer hair, that slight sudden shift in posture, and even the lack of life in the guy's eyes.
He hadn't known Cisco very long, but he had always associated his friend with hope and warmth and a chance that maybe, out there in the vast multiverse, some other world would be happier than Mystic Falls. Doesn't seem like it. Tyler's stomach sinks at the realization; not even Cisco could be saved from the inevitable.]
In that case? It doesn't need to be one. You've got me, and two's more than enough company.
[He lets out a low, slow breath as he takes a shot. It's a lot more pungent than he remembered.]
[ Usually when Cisco comes over to Eddie's apartment these days, he lets himself in with his own key. And usually, he doesn't do so in the middle of the night. Cisco isn't sure exactly what time it is, right now. It had taken him a little while to get Harry into the canvas bag he is using as her carrier, and a little more time to gather all the things he wanted to keep, shoving clothes unfolded into the backpack that is now slung over his shoulder. Last but not least is a duvet, one with a pattern of galaxies on it, that is draped over his arm. All of this stuff would make it hard to get out his key.
But that's not the only reason Cisco chooses to knock on the door, rather than let himself in. It makes some kind of sense, to his unhappy and distracted brain.
So he knocks, loud enough to wake Eddie up, and waits just outside the door, biting his bottom lip to keep it from trembling, all too aware of how he must look. Red-eyed, red-nosed, with his cat and that duvet and a bag of his things. He hadn't even bothered to put on shoes, and waiting there outside Eddie's door in his sock-feet somehow brings home the vulnerability of that moment, the fragility he is feeling right now. This wasn't how he had thought this would happen - wasn't something he'd planned at all. But sometimes, life doesn't work out the way you want it to. Sometimes you end up waiting outside your boyfriend's door at some time past 3 AM, waiting to be let in. ]
[It's funny, how Eddie's gotten so used to sharing a bed with Cisco, whether it's the one in his apartment or in Cisco's. So used to it, in fact, that it's a little hard, sometimes, to sleep without Cisco in the bed beside him. It doesn't feel right without Cisco's warm body there with him, whether they're curled up together or on their own sides of the bed.
It's a feeling that Eddie is a bit ashamed of, sometimes. Like he's too clingy, too codependent, like a grown man shouldn't have a hard time sleeping without his boyfriend in the bed with him. So even though he's told Cisco a few times that he likes him sleeping over more than he likes sleeping alone, he hasn't exactly told Cisco the full extent of it. But it also means that when there's a knock on the door, loud and urgent, Eddie wakes up much more quickly than he would if Cisco was sleeping beside him. It only takes a few knocks before Eddie is stumbling out of bed in a tank top and pair of sweats to the door, abruptly worried because Cisco would just let himself in and anyone else knocking like that at this time of night is not a good sign.
By the time he's answering the door, he's gotten to the point where he's sure that something terrible has happened to Cisco, and this is Harry or Caitlin coming to let him know about it. So when he sees Cisco there, carrying enough stuff to furnish a bedroom with his cat in a canvas bag, he's half relieved and half still alarmed.]
Cisco? Are you okay? What...why d'you have all your stuff?
[Cisco doesn't look good, so Eddie's almost immediately reaching out to take some of his things, to get them inside. He doesn't look his best either, hair a mess, eyes tired, with pressure marks from the pillow on his cheek.]
[ Eddie's eyes are round with surprise, and he has that particular kind of alertness about him that Cisco knows is thanks to his police training. Eddie can keep his cool in times of crisis, but Cisco knows what confusion and fear look like on his face. He must have thought it was some kind of emergency. A loud knock, in the middle of the night, with Cisco missing... he hadn't meant to startle him.
It's good to see Eddie's face. Cisco's throat goes tight looking at him. He wants to explain, immediately and clearly. Eddie deserves that much. But when he opens his mouth to try, the words tangle up in his throat. All he gets out is: ]
No. Kind of.
[ When Eddie starts reaching out to take some of his things, Cisco hands them over automatically, but he doesn't take a step forward. He stays on the other side of the threshold, and asks, in a small voice: ]
Can I... come in?
[ If Eddie hadn't figured out something was wrong before, he would definitely know, now. Since when has Cisco knocked, or asked permission to come inside? But he is all too conscious of the fact that he shouldn't be doing this. Shouldn't be asking Eddie to make such a big decision so soon after waking him up. Shouldn't be manipulating him by being so openly needy and pathetic. ]
[Between Cisco's expression and his strange body language, Eddie is starting to feel a weird prickling of panic, the hairs at the back of his neck standing on end as he looks at his boyfriend. If Cisco weren't carrying all his things from his apartment, he'd be a little afraid that he was getting dumped tonight.
As it is, Cisco is being hesitant at the door, letting Eddie take his things from him - the backpack, the duvet - but not coming inside automatically, like he usually would. When Cisco asks for permission to come inside, Eddie goes still, puts down the things he's holding, and reaches out to Cisco, his hand extended.]
Cisco...of course. You don't need to ask, that's why you have a key.
[It's strange, to be asked permission by Cisco, to enter this apartment. It's only when Cisco asks that that Eddie realizes how much he thinks of this place as Cisco's just as much as his, even if, technically, a lot of Cisco's things aren't here.]
What happened, baby? Something's wrong, I can tell. Did you have a nightmare or something? What happened?
[ she hadn't been lying. she really has gotten better at navigating the doors of the clock. most of the time, anyway. though she hasn't done very much in the way of true exploring, the handful of places that have populated kara's steady daily itineraries have come to her much more quickly over the last few days.
at the suggestion of coffee, she sends over a quick reply as confirmation before securing her communicator back in her bag, the handle looped over one shoulder for easy carrying. it's weighed down these days, filled with supplies that kara's gathered from one room or another. she thinks cisco might approve of it.
when the door to lux comes into view, she pushes it open with a satisfied huff, eyes scanning the room for a mop of familiar hair. the room is empty, though the sweet smell of frothed milk greets her after a moment.
no matter. kara can make a drink while she waits. a tall cup of spiced pumpkin for herself, nice and sweet, and another filled with strong, dark coffee for cisco. she doesn't know how he takes his coffee, so black it is. there's creamer and sugar to be found if he should need it, but she thinks he'll need a little company more. ]
[ Cisco doesn't arrive for a few minutes - making sure his cat has enough water, looking around for a hair tie to bring in case he needs one, retying his shoes. Eventually, though, he can't justify putting it off, and the uncertainty in his stomach is starting to be tinged with guilt. He doesn't know why he is avoiding this. Kara has never been anything but friendly and warm to him. As he's walking to Lux, though, Cisco admits to himself that he might know why. Because Barry was the first one to go to Kara's world, the first one to meet her and befriend her, it's easy to slip into a frame of mind where she is Barry's friend. And perhaps he has been letting his anger at Barry get in the way of his new friendship with Kara. Which is absurd. It's not HER fault, after all...
So, after dallying, Cisco then rushes, and arrives at Lux just a touch out of breath, tucking his hair behind his ears and smiling when he spots Kara. He waves, comes over to her table. ]
Hey, Kara. Sorry I'm late.
[ He takes a preliminary sip of the coffee. Then, as he is dumping a really excessive amount of sugar into it, he asks in a good approximation of cheerfulness: ]
[ she's happy to see him. there's no denying that; her mouth curves into a welcoming smile as he busies himself with the sugar and his cup. it makes sense, the sugar. she's seen him plenty of times with a lollipop or other sweets in hand.
his question catches her by surprise, and while it doesn't sound entirely genuine, she sees no real reason to give him anything but the truth. it's not as if the truth is especially interesting. ]
You mean, does it keep me awake? [ she shakes her head, a casual answer, while she takes a sip of her own. ] No. But alcohol doesn't affect Kryptonians either, and I still like to drink wine with my sister. It's just for the taste, I guess.
What about you? Obviously you're not into coffee for the flavor...
[ it's a tease, but a gentle one, almost hesitant. ]
[ Cisco makes a face at the idea of drinking wine just for the taste: a brief little wrinkle of his nose that makes it clear he is not a fan of wine. ]
So, wait, does that mean you can't use caffeine to wake up and you've never been drunk, like, ever?
[ It would be one thing if Kara didn't want to get drunk, but not being able to? That simply isn't something that Cisco can accept. Limitations were only limitations because science hadn't found a loophole yet. ]
I can talk to Caitlin if you want, I know she was messing around with trying to find a formula that would make alcohol work for- [ He stumbles, hesitates, awkwardly and obviously avoiding mentioning Barry. ] - for people with metabolisms that mean they can't get drunk.
[ Cisco feels his cheeks going warm; he knows just how clear that pause must have been, and how undoubtedly incomprehensible to Kara. He can only move forward with the conversation and hope that she doesn't ask the obvious question. ]
Hey, I like the flavor just fine! I just... like the flavor of coffee, plus, y'know, a buttload of sugar, too. [ He lifts his mug and takes a little sip as if proving the point. ] Besides, I mean, I don't think there's an engineer alive whose blood is less than 3% caffeine at all times. It's a tradition or something.
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cisco + arya; i will never be alone again
No. Arya isn't going to think about anyone but Cisco now. He needs her. Sansa is gone, and there isn't anything Arya can do about that.
When Arya gets to the parlor, she immediately gets to work. She grabs the largest bowl and spoon she can find, and begins concocting an ice cream "recipe" she's sure Cisco will like. She used a rainbow of colors, plenty of sprinkles and chunks of chocolate and cherries, and even funny, soft like things called "marshmallows." She arranges those in a smile, a little like a snowman.
Once Cisco arrives, his ice cream will be ready for him, and Arya will be sitting on the counter next to it. She's waiting as patiently as she's able, but it's pretty obvious that she's worried. Whatever happened to Cisco in Central City sounds awful, and Arya can't help but expect the worst. ]
no subject
But all those plans go out the window the moment he sees her.
The thing she doesn't know - the thing that no one knows except Eddie - is that, strictly speaking he hadn't entirely forgotten the Clock. He hadn't been able to remember it consciously, but there had been dreams. Vibes. Enough that after a few months he pieced it together, and knew he was missing. Cisco had thought he would never see Arya (who in his eyes is as good as his sister) again, the same way he would never see Dante again.
He tries to smile at her, but it comes out all wrong, sad and twisted up. Cisco glances over to the giant bowl of ice cream, all mixed up into a multicolored mess dotted with candy, and before he can even get a word out, the tears are blinding him. He hadn't hoped for this - that he would see her small, white, worried face ever again. He had been so sure that all his promises and plans about saving her, helping her, finding a better life for her, had been lies. That he'd missed his chance.
Cisco goes right up to Arya and hugs her, tightly, like he isn't quite sure she's not a ghost. He can feel himself shaking a little, but he's not all that worried that she will think him a coward, or crazy. She always had been wise beyond her years; she'd probably been able to read the grief on him the moment he walked in the door. ]
I didn't think I was ever gonna see you again.
no subject
I am here. I never left. [ Then Arya adds, almost ferociously. ] I'm not going to leave. Not without you and Jon and -- [ Arya's breath hitches a little. She would have said and Sansa, but Sansa has already left. ] -- and everyone else.
[ Arya loosens her grip a little so she can look up and see Cisco's face. And, you know, so Cisco has a chance to breathe. She wants to read his expression like a book, to figure out what happened so Cisco doesn't have to tell her, doesn't have to relive it. But people are never that easy. Still, she has some ideas, most of them beginning and ending in death, as they usually do. ]
What did you lose? [ Arya asks, quietly, because if she's quiet, that means it's less real, right? She adds, even softer: ]
Who?
no subject
Cisco lets Arya pull away as much as she likes, his breaths gone shuddery and thin. He is not a hard person to read, even when his emotions are not anywhere near as clear-cut and obvious as they are now. Grief, and guilty, and happiness to see Arya that is almost entirely overshadowed by the remembered fear that he had lost her, and the continuing fear that he will lose her. Cisco's bottom lip quivers as he tries to grab for the fraying edges of his composure, tries to hold himself together under the weight of all that sadness. He might not be able to stop himself from crying entirely, but he won't sob, won't break down. ]
Dante.
[ Arya makes it so easy for him - she already knows, already can tell that he's lost someone. All Cisco needs to do is say who, and she will understand. She had lost family, too. ]
My brother.
no subject
This is when it's easier to be no one.
But this time, Arya is able to snap out of it. She has to, for Cisco. Arya knows that she has a chance to truly help Cisco. Cisco helped Arya find herself again, to go from being no one to a real person, the curious, playful person she hadn't had a chance to be, not for a long time. Friendship isn't a business transaction, but even so, Arya knows she's in Cisco's debt. Now, she might be able to repay a little of it. Arya shakes her head. ]
I'm sorry, [ Arya says, because it's customary. she swallows. ] It's -- it's not fair. But that's the way of things, most of the time. It's not right, but it is.
[ Arya doesn't hug Cisco again, but she does squeeze his bigger hand in her little one. ]
But your family is not gone. Your home is not gone. You are not gone. I know that doesn't feel like much, right now, but it means a lot. You still have a chance for happiness, if you take it.
[ Arya looks Cisco in the eye. She won't let him go through this alone. When her family died, Arya made her life's purpose revenge. She won't let Cisco do the same. He deserves better. She wants him to have better, because Cisco is Arya's friend. ]
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ϟ caitlin
There are some disadvantages, though. He isn't going to lie, but the thought of how scared Caitlin will be when she finds out she has powers... and then there's the matter of himself. Of how much he's changed. Cisco knows he doesn't look that different - his hair a few inches longer, his face a little older and a little sadder. But on the inside.... he's not the same. What if this Caitlin, who is different in ways Cisco doesn't even know about yet... what if she doesn't like him anymore? Doesn't want this damaged echo of the person her best friend used to be?
He dwells on morose thoughts like this while he waits for her to arrive, head bowed low, scratching behind Harry-the-cat's ears. ]
ϟ sara
But the main source of his restless, fidgety energy is not, surprisingly enough, the prospect of getting a burger with a time-traveling former assassin. No, it is the thought of 'the dominators', whoever they may be, and what else might be going wrong because of flashpoint. Cisco's bubbling over with frustration and, beneath it, all that rage at Barry. Cisco had thought that his anger might subside, simmer down into something more manageable after a day or two. He'd been worried about it happening. But the opposite is true: every passing hour only seems to take all the misery and resentment and betrayal and yes, even hate, and compress it into a dense, awful ball in his stomach, like a lead weight. Like he's walking around with a lump of dwarf star alloy in his guts.
The burgers are already on the counter, but it isn't until he sees Sara walking in that Cisco scoops them up and walks over to a booth with them, setting them down and then throwing himself into the seat with a little more force than is probably necessary. ]
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When she heads into the diner and sees Cisco snatching up a couple of plates of burgers, throwing himself into a booth, obviously angry and resentful, she really can't blame him. She's mad too, though for different and far less intensely personal reasons.
Kind of.
After all, she can immediately see it, sympathize with the fact that Barry just went ahead and selfishly did the one thing that she and Cisco can't do - go back to save someone they love, a family member they need in their lives. And, of course, he'd fucked it up exactly the way they'd been warned they would if they did the same, but somehow...Barry gets away with it. A slap on the wrist. Some irritation before they all band back together to save the world. It's infuriating.
So she doesn't bat an eyelash as she drops off several bottles of alcohol - tequila, vodka, whiskey in a flask, dark and light rum, all in various states of being half-finished - and heads over to the counter to grab them milkshakes. She gets chocolate and strawberry, slides in across from Cisco in front of one of the burgers, and raises a brow, gesturing at the shakes to indicate he can pick.]
Wanna take the edge off before we talk about the serious stuff?
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[ Cisco knows it's probably a bit rude, not saying thank you or making any small talk before he dives into the questions, but he's not exactly formal even when he's in the best mood, and he's definitely not in the best mood right now. He slides the strawberry milkshake closer to himself and, acting a brief pause, grabs the vodka, unscrews it, and upends half of what's left into the glass. It's going to be very potent, but he doesn't have to drink the whole thing.
(He may end up drinking the whole thing).
It's kind of refreshing, though, just being able to plunge into the conversation without any needless discussion about how it won't impact the timeline. Hell, by this point Sara probably knows a hell of a lot more about the dangers and mechanics of time travel than Cisco does. And unlike Barry, the people in her crew don't have personal agendas. ]
Dec 22 {Let me explain you a thing, bro.
"Hey," she waves her fingers in a small wave. "you busy today?"
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He has only one coffee - a lot of the time when he is here he'll grab one for him and Eddie, if it's early in the morning, or him and Harry if they are busy working on something, or him and Caitlin if he is going to see her and tell her the new Clock gossip (which she always wants to know, even if she pretends she doesn't). But today, he was trying to go it on his own for a little bit: give Eddie and Caitlin and Harry a little break. He's been leaning on them a lot these last few days. They deserve an hour of peace and quiet without managing him and his messy grief and anger. ]
Nope. Not a bit. Everything okay?
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Yeah, all good. [She assures him with a nod. A look of concern spills across her face.] Are you...? [She won't press if he blows it off or says he's fine. She won't necessarily believe that he's fine, but she'll accept it until a time comes that he feels like discussing it.]
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[ 'Good' would be a lie so flagrant that even Cisco doesn't think he should attempt it, and something as ambiguous and tepid as 'okay' would probably only make Claudia more curious and worried than she already is. Cisco gives a little shrug. ]
-better than I was when I made that post.
[ That answer, at least, has the ring of truth to it. Cisco feels mildly embarrassed about the whole thing, actually. It's not usually his way, making a scene like that. Being so open with how he's feeling, particularly if those feelings are of the negative sort. He tucks a stray bit of hair behind his ear and says, trying for lightness: ]
Someone oughta reminded me that anger and posting on a public forum are, like, never a good mix. Ever.
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ϟ tyler
But today... is different. Today he just wants to not feel so damn much: he needs to deaden his emotions, and he knows the best way to do that is to skip to the hard stuff.
He wonders what Dante would think of him, right now. What would he say? Would he be scornful? Concerned? How would he react if he could see all the ways his little brother has changed since he died.
Cisco pours himself a shot and downs it before Tyler even arrives. ]
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Hey. [His smile doesn't reach his eyes.] I see you started the party without me.
[He goes ahead now, reaching for the tequila and pouring himself a shot. He'll need to pace himself, but he suspects that it's not his liver he'll have to worry about.]
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What if Tyler is one of those people? There's no way to know, in advance. Cisco supposes he'll just have to find out. ]
Had to make sure the tequila was tolerable.
[ Cisco fills his own shot glass again toying with it between his fingers, not looking at Tyler. The changes to his looks are subtle, but noticeable: his hair a few inches longer, he's lost a little weight - but most of the change is in his face and the way he holds himself. Before, Cisco hadn't always been cheerful, but he had usually at least been energetic. Now, there is a lethargy to him, like the world is bearing down hard on his shoulders. ]
Not sure it's gonna be much of a party.
[ Cisco swallows shot number two; he makes a face at the taste, but offers no other commentary on it. ]
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Tyler had been bracing himself for the worst, given what he had seen on the network, but nothing could've prepared him for what he's witnessing. He recognizes that longer hair, that slight sudden shift in posture, and even the lack of life in the guy's eyes.
He hadn't known Cisco very long, but he had always associated his friend with hope and warmth and a chance that maybe, out there in the vast multiverse, some other world would be happier than Mystic Falls. Doesn't seem like it. Tyler's stomach sinks at the realization; not even Cisco could be saved from the inevitable.]
In that case? It doesn't need to be one. You've got me, and two's more than enough company.
[He lets out a low, slow breath as he takes a shot. It's a lot more pungent than he remembered.]
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ϟ eddie
But that's not the only reason Cisco chooses to knock on the door, rather than let himself in. It makes some kind of sense, to his unhappy and distracted brain.
So he knocks, loud enough to wake Eddie up, and waits just outside the door, biting his bottom lip to keep it from trembling, all too aware of how he must look. Red-eyed, red-nosed, with his cat and that duvet and a bag of his things. He hadn't even bothered to put on shoes, and waiting there outside Eddie's door in his sock-feet somehow brings home the vulnerability of that moment, the fragility he is feeling right now. This wasn't how he had thought this would happen - wasn't something he'd planned at all. But sometimes, life doesn't work out the way you want it to. Sometimes you end up waiting outside your boyfriend's door at some time past 3 AM, waiting to be let in. ]
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It's a feeling that Eddie is a bit ashamed of, sometimes. Like he's too clingy, too codependent, like a grown man shouldn't have a hard time sleeping without his boyfriend in the bed with him. So even though he's told Cisco a few times that he likes him sleeping over more than he likes sleeping alone, he hasn't exactly told Cisco the full extent of it. But it also means that when there's a knock on the door, loud and urgent, Eddie wakes up much more quickly than he would if Cisco was sleeping beside him. It only takes a few knocks before Eddie is stumbling out of bed in a tank top and pair of sweats to the door, abruptly worried because Cisco would just let himself in and anyone else knocking like that at this time of night is not a good sign.
By the time he's answering the door, he's gotten to the point where he's sure that something terrible has happened to Cisco, and this is Harry or Caitlin coming to let him know about it. So when he sees Cisco there, carrying enough stuff to furnish a bedroom with his cat in a canvas bag, he's half relieved and half still alarmed.]
Cisco? Are you okay? What...why d'you have all your stuff?
[Cisco doesn't look good, so Eddie's almost immediately reaching out to take some of his things, to get them inside. He doesn't look his best either, hair a mess, eyes tired, with pressure marks from the pillow on his cheek.]
Did something happen?
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It's good to see Eddie's face. Cisco's throat goes tight looking at him. He wants to explain, immediately and clearly. Eddie deserves that much. But when he opens his mouth to try, the words tangle up in his throat. All he gets out is: ]
No. Kind of.
[ When Eddie starts reaching out to take some of his things, Cisco hands them over automatically, but he doesn't take a step forward. He stays on the other side of the threshold, and asks, in a small voice: ]
Can I... come in?
[ If Eddie hadn't figured out something was wrong before, he would definitely know, now. Since when has Cisco knocked, or asked permission to come inside? But he is all too conscious of the fact that he shouldn't be doing this. Shouldn't be asking Eddie to make such a big decision so soon after waking him up. Shouldn't be manipulating him by being so openly needy and pathetic. ]
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As it is, Cisco is being hesitant at the door, letting Eddie take his things from him - the backpack, the duvet - but not coming inside automatically, like he usually would. When Cisco asks for permission to come inside, Eddie goes still, puts down the things he's holding, and reaches out to Cisco, his hand extended.]
Cisco...of course. You don't need to ask, that's why you have a key.
[It's strange, to be asked permission by Cisco, to enter this apartment. It's only when Cisco asks that that Eddie realizes how much he thinks of this place as Cisco's just as much as his, even if, technically, a lot of Cisco's things aren't here.]
What happened, baby? Something's wrong, I can tell. Did you have a nightmare or something? What happened?
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cisco + kara: life's a laugh, though death's a joke
at the suggestion of coffee, she sends over a quick reply as confirmation before securing her communicator back in her bag, the handle looped over one shoulder for easy carrying. it's weighed down these days, filled with supplies that kara's gathered from one room or another. she thinks cisco might approve of it.
when the door to lux comes into view, she pushes it open with a satisfied huff, eyes scanning the room for a mop of familiar hair. the room is empty, though the sweet smell of frothed milk greets her after a moment.
no matter. kara can make a drink while she waits. a tall cup of spiced pumpkin for herself, nice and sweet, and another filled with strong, dark coffee for cisco. she doesn't know how he takes his coffee, so black it is. there's creamer and sugar to be found if he should need it, but she thinks he'll need a little company more. ]
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So, after dallying, Cisco then rushes, and arrives at Lux just a touch out of breath, tucking his hair behind his ears and smiling when he spots Kara. He waves, comes over to her table. ]
Hey, Kara. Sorry I'm late.
[ He takes a preliminary sip of the coffee. Then, as he is dumping a really excessive amount of sugar into it, he asks in a good approximation of cheerfulness: ]
So does caffeine actually work on you?
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his question catches her by surprise, and while it doesn't sound entirely genuine, she sees no real reason to give him anything but the truth. it's not as if the truth is especially interesting. ]
You mean, does it keep me awake? [ she shakes her head, a casual answer, while she takes a sip of her own. ] No. But alcohol doesn't affect Kryptonians either, and I still like to drink wine with my sister. It's just for the taste, I guess.
What about you? Obviously you're not into coffee for the flavor...
[ it's a tease, but a gentle one, almost hesitant. ]
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So, wait, does that mean you can't use caffeine to wake up and you've never been drunk, like, ever?
[ It would be one thing if Kara didn't want to get drunk, but not being able to? That simply isn't something that Cisco can accept. Limitations were only limitations because science hadn't found a loophole yet. ]
I can talk to Caitlin if you want, I know she was messing around with trying to find a formula that would make alcohol work for- [ He stumbles, hesitates, awkwardly and obviously avoiding mentioning Barry. ] - for people with metabolisms that mean they can't get drunk.
[ Cisco feels his cheeks going warm; he knows just how clear that pause must have been, and how undoubtedly incomprehensible to Kara. He can only move forward with the conversation and hope that she doesn't ask the obvious question. ]
Hey, I like the flavor just fine! I just... like the flavor of coffee, plus, y'know, a buttload of sugar, too. [ He lifts his mug and takes a little sip as if proving the point. ] Besides, I mean, I don't think there's an engineer alive whose blood is less than 3% caffeine at all times. It's a tradition or something.
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