droops

Good Evening, you Beautiful People!

I had a delightful day with my friend R and enjoyed a relaxing drive to and from her phone. Now I need to eat a cup of yogurt so that I can take my night time meds — I’m still full from lunch!

I hope you found something beautiful (or delightful!) in your day, and as always, thank you for being here.

myveryown_nemesis

Good Evening, you Beautiful People!

After talking to my AA sponsor and good friend R, I decided to go ahead and step away from the secretary team today. It is done, was written in good taste (short and simple, and I had my friend S review it to make sure), and is definitely one less burden. I might not be a late-night owl, but I guess I'm not an early-morning lark, either. What birds are most productive between the hours of 8 and noon? Because that's me. Maybe 9 and noon. Anyway, you get the picture. I had considered that group my home group, but it started to get strained, as it was a challenge to wake in time for the meeting, my husband's health challenges, and the upcoming spreading of my sister's ashes. So it was time to step away. Now, not later. This way, if I start waking earlier again, I won't feel weird coming back. Had I stayed longer, I probably would have closed the door on that group entirely.

So I will be looking for a Big Book Study meeting. Yeah, I'm weird, but I like studying the Big Book. I find the personal stories interesting, and I do think that there is a decent spiritual backbone in the steps, when the focus is on the "higher power of your understanding" and not a specific version of God. In the meantime, I have my YouTube videos for Lawrie C and Joe & Charlie's Big Book Studies.

Tomorrow, I will be visiting my friend and sponsor R (the vertigo episodes have stopped, except for when I rise suddenly from the couch). I'm really looking forward to it! The drive, as well as the visit. While I find driving other people places very stressful, driving by myself is generally a calming practice. Unless the traffic is crazy. When I was a young adult and still lived with my Mom, I would sometimes drive 2 1/2 - 3 hours to go to the beach, wave at the ocean, then hop in the car and drive back home. My mom thought it was insane, but since I was an adult and I didn't do it on days I had to go to work, she was fine with it. Sometimes I miss those days, and other times I remember how much of a hot mess I was, as I was definitely abusing alcohol during those years.

That's enough prattle for this evening! I hope you each had a beautiful day, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

Today's writing prompt:

Horror Writing Prompt no. 2103: delirious

#horrorprompt

king of the dance

it was something so mysterious

his dance was quite delirious

the implications serious --

dethrowning the imperious.

02-20-2026

myveryown_nemesis

Good Afternoon, my Beautiful Friends!

My head is super wonky today. Not in terms of DOC/BOC, but I keep having vertigo spells. It's a weird thing when you wake up with the room spinning, and it doesn't come part and parcel with a hangover. I was going to do a lot of cleaning today, but I think I'm going to put a hold on that. I just don't feel quite right. I hope this passes soon, as I'm supposed to go and meet with my AA sponsor on Saturday for lunch, and just to hang out. She's about an hour and a half away, so my head will have to be on straight for that drive.

That's all I got for today, since my brain is being loopy and it's hard to focus on the screen.

I hope you find something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

Haiku Horror Writing Prompt no. 1669: carcass
#haikuhorrorprompt

carcass

a body crumpled
at the top of the mountain
formed of stone and bone

02-18-2025

myveryown_nemesis

Good Morning (I had 3 minutes left of morning when I started this, so it counts), you Beautiful People!

Today started with an early appointment (9am, about 45 minutes away with rush hour traffic) for my first follow-up scan after the vein-stent installation. All looks good, and I go back for another scan in May. I might change my prescription from Eliquis to Plavix for the blood thinner. Eliquis is expensive! I asked if there were less expensive options, and the doctor suggested Plavix. I told them that I would do my homework and let them know if I wanted to change the prescription for the final month.

I had a strong urge to pick up fast food on my way home, as we often do after doctor appointments. It wasn't lunchtime yet (pushing 11am when I got back to our town), so I reminded myself that this was not my rational brain speaking, and told myself to go home, have a second cup of decaf, and then, if I still felt hungry, I could eat an early lunch. And guess what? I wasn't hungry after the coffee (though I am starting to get hungry now, so I'll probably eat soon). I'm getting better at challenging my urges to eat recklessly. That's a good thing.

I hope you all find something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

And here's an extra poem for today...it was inspired by the first two lines of someone else's poem, not a prompt.

#APoemADay

a little extra...

echo

I speak to the vanishing

I speak to the trees

while you are not listening

they always hear me.

02-17-2025

The first two lines were inspired from the poem found here . The final two lines were probably written by 12-year-old me.

myveryown_nemesis

Horror Writing Prompt no. 2096: broken glass

#horrorprompt

cast out

you take delicate steps,
avoiding the shards between
you and your purpose.
you watch the others'
blood drip from their soles
as they trod the path
of broken glass.

something hidden and strange
lifts you without kindness.
and tosses you aside
in a whirlwind of chaos.

and those with bloody feet
watch with eyes
that have no souls.

02-17-2026

myveryown_nemesis

Good Morning, you Beautiful People!

A friend from my AA group set up a gratitude chat for a handful of ladies from the program, and guess who I gave thanks for today? You guys! I know it might sound like a formulaic closing, but I mean it with my whole heart when I thank you for being here each day, and I truly hope that each of you can find something beautiful. Because dang, this world can be hard. This morning check-in has been one of my cornerstones of sobriety. I wouldn't be where I am now without knowing that you folks are here.

I've done the hardest task of the day -- finally uploading those tax documents. It's a simple task, but it's one of those ADHD things where sometimes I just can't. It's like my brain gets frozen. There is a creator on Facebook who makes videos about ADHD who has addressed this -- I'll see if I can find it and link it.

https://www.facebook.com/reel/887796546985001

I am lazy, though. I fully admit that. Sometimes I'm lazy, and other times I'm frozen. Brains are weird. Especially neurodivergent ones.

This afternoon I'll be doing some cleaning. I've decided that Mon-Wed-Fri will be my admin days, that Tue-Thu will be cleaning days. Leaving Saturday to be a free day and Sunday to be a weekly reset (which is mostly free, just with a bit of forward thinking and a touch of respection thrown in). I have one more pressing deskwork item to take care of (because I didn't do it yesterday!), and that is registering my husband's vehicle. He had it inspected on Monday, and we didn't pick it up until later in the afternoon when my admin brain shuts off for the day. I could let it wait until tomorrow for my next admin day, but I know he would be more comfortable if it's done now. The actual task only takes about 5 minutes.

Anyway, that's it for me today -- moving to my own groove, and extremely thankful that you are here. I hope we all find something beautiful today. Love you guys!

myveryown_nemesis

Horror Writing Prompt no. 2097: pierced eye
#horrorprompt #APoemADay

cutting fancies

you glean with a piercing eye
the value of the eye you pierce
is it more perfect in its completion?
or does its beauty bloom when punctured
by your fine blade?

02-16-2026

myveryown_nemesis

Good Morning, you Beautiful People!

I woke up from a very strange dream this morning, which involved hiding in the upstairs bathroom of the house I grew up in and calling 911 for a home invasion about to happen.

This was happening in the middle of the night of a long party (but not really a drinking dream, because I wasn't drinking, just everybody else was). Most of the people at the party had already passed out, but I could hear that some folks were still up and about. I was on the landline, waiting on hold, and hoping I wouldn't be heard. Finally, my call was taken, and I had to whisper the entire explanation of how I saw the silent helicopter (yeah, my dreaming brain doesn't bother with reality -- but isn't that true for all of us?) land at the back of the house, and how I saw two people get out of the helicopter and start circling the house.

While I was frightened in the dream, it wasn't a nightmare. Mostly, I just felt this huge weight of responsibility, and I knew I was doing the only thing I could, but I still felt small and scared. Before waking up, the last thing I remember from the dream was how "my dog" (in quotes, because I've never had a golden retriever as part of my extended or immediate family) sat beside me in the doorway. I heard the steps of the intruders come up the stairs, then pause. Then I heard the other doorknobs of the upstairs hall turn, all the while my dog companion sat silently beside me in the doorway of the bathroom as I pressed my back against the wall next to the door and hoped I would not be seen...phone still in my hand, but pressed up against my body, so that the invaders wouldn't hear the voice of the dispatcher. I held my breath and waited, not sure what was going to happen next. Then I heard their footfall on the steps, released a long, slow breath, and then I woke up.

There was a lot of frustrating stuff happening in the dream before the invasion (trying to get a microwave to work, when instead it triggered some sort of nanny-cam that contacted the family that now lived in the house; tryiing to cook food that would disappear from the counter as I tried to prepare it, having people walk away from me mid sentence, being unable read -- I can never read in dreams--clearly labeled instrument panels on appliances that we had never had in that house when I was growing up), but the home invasion part of the dream is what is really sticking to me today. That sense of having so little control, but still trying to do the best I can, lingers.

While I wouldn't say it was a prophetic dream or deeply symbolic, I still think it was a "big" dream. Well, the home invasion part, not the frustrating parts of being one of the few sober people at a party. It was one of those dreams where everything happens in half light, and I just either wanted to fall deeply asleep or to have the sun shine brightly. That sense of being so alone and vulnerable, even when "my dog" was beside me, I was worried not just for me, but also for him.

Sometimes our dreams tell us a lot about how we are feeling. I think this dream is me telling me: yeah, sometimes I'm small, and responsibility feels heavy, but I'm also not alone, and will be able to breathe freely again.

Well, that was a long prattle about a dream that I only half remember, but the half I remember has been rolling around my mind for about three hours now, so I figured it needed to be shared.

I hope you find something beautiful in your day, that you can breathe freely again, and, as always, thank you so much for being here.

myveryown_nemesis

Haiku Horror Writing Prompt no. 1665: flat stare

#haikuhorrorprompt #nothaiku

not marlena

you stand with contempt
a suzanne vega cipher
flat stares upon the wall

02-15-2026

myveryown_nemesis

Haiku Horror Writing Prompt no. 1666: winking
#haikuhorrorprompt #notahaiku

advocate

some say they saw you winking
I know I saw you shrinking
defending obscene thinking

02-15-2025
‪

myveryown_nemesis

Good Morning, you Beautiful People!

The sky looks a bit gloomy, and it is supposed to rain today, so I need to check the weather app for timing to make sure that I walk Ted before it starts. Because I know once it starts coming down, even if it's just a drizzle, I'll stay inside. I'll walk in the rain if it's temperate or warm, but once it's on the chilly side (anything below 55F/13C is chilly...anything below 40F/4C is cold...anything below 30F/-1C is f'ing freezing--for me, your mileage may vary). Mostly, I try to keep my Sundays lazy, other than doing some weekly planning. My office is still a wreck, though, so I intend to spend some time getting it back in order.

I hope that you can enjoy a lazy Sunday (or a productive one, if that's your thing) and that you find something beautiful in your day. As always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

Good Evening, my Beautiful Friends!

My brain has been somewhat scrambled all day long. I didn't get much done, but I did spend a lot of time with my husband, so that's good. I had my AA meeting (and served as secretary) at 7am, and my brain just didn't want to let the words come out in the right order. I was struggling. I was both awake and not awake, if that makes any sense.

After a lazy breakfast, called my sponsor/friend R to catch up and to talk about how I am struggling with my decision to serve on the secretarial team. After picking it apart together, I decided that I would plan to keep the position for the first quarter of the year. If I still feel the same at the end of February, I can give one month's notice at the same time I arrange for a substitute for the Friday before my sister's remembrance and ashes distribution at the beach. And who knows? Maybe by the end of February, it will feel more comfortable, and I'll hold the position for the scheduled year. Time will tell.

R agreed that it was a good plan, and then we chatted for a bit and then scheduled a lunch date for Feb 21. She moved about an hour and a half away in November, so it will be a nice way to take a mini-break and have both time by myself (on the drive) and time with a friend I haven't seen face-to-face since this summer.

I hope everybody found a little something beautiful in their day, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

Good Morning, you Beautiful People!

I'm trying to decide if I want to go to my face-to-face AA meeting today. It is extremely cold (17F/-8C, with strong winds, bringing the "feels like" temp to the -1F/-18 range). Brrr! Even if I don't go to the meeting, I need to swing by the store for a handful of things that I forgot to pick up for Super Bowl munchies. Such is life, and I'm privileged enough that I have the tools I need to deal with the weather. I try to remind myself of that often...it's so easy to look at the challenges without seeing (and being thankful for) the tools available to me to deal with those challenges.

The sky is that cold, crystalline blue with just a few delicate whisps of cloud to remind you that it is the sky and not a manufactured backdrop. It really is beautiful.

I hope that you find something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

Good Afternoon, my Beautiful Friends!

Today is about being lazy, because lazy Sundays are the best Sundays. I have some weekly planning to do, a load of towels in the dryer that needs to be transferred to the dryer, and a whole lot of being lazy to enjoy. I've been watching back episodes of Elsbeth on YouTube, and it's been a lovely way to spend a cold afternoon. I'm looking forward to the middle of the week when our winter temps are supposed to jump back up into the regular range for this time of year.

That's all for today. I have you find something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

Good Morning, you Beautiful People!

I just got back from picking up my groceries, and first thing in the morning, I found the top of my desk. I only have one more item of utmost importance that needs my attention today. I like days when I'm mostly done before lunch. I feel productive out of the gate, so if I choose laziness later in the afternoon, I feel no guilt.

What's rolling around my mind -- and in a "this might rock the boat" sort of way -- is how to function with a partner who is in extreme pain periodically, and moderate pain most of the time, and ignores any of the guidance I try to offer. Do I just stop listening? No, that's not right. I know that his pain isn't inside my hula hoop, but as married partners for more than 30 years, life is easier when our hula hoops complement each other. They aren't complementing each other right now, and I need to figure out how to manage my hoop without knocking his hula hoop down. I think it might be time for me to see if I can find a support group for partners of people who suffer from chronic and/or acute pain. Because he deals with both, and I don't know where my boundaries are.

As I drove home, I wondered if my use of earphones, podcasts, and puzzles is just another way of "using" without using. I decided that I didn't want to think about that right now, because it's certainly a much better way of finding "quiet brain time" without drinking, eating, or spending to excess. I think that needing to find "quiet brain time" is okay, especially since my brain is so busy with ADHD. The anxiety brain and the alcoholic brain have been rather quiet, so as long as I'm not isolating myself for long periods of time with my podcasts and puzzles, I'm probably okay. I should watch how much of my time I lend to the puzzles and podcasts when I could be doing other things like writing poetry, picking up the violin, or walking with Ted. I guess part of the challenge lately has been the weather. We are supposed to have some normal winter temperatures mid-week, so I bet getting some fresh air would be good for me.

Okey dokes, that's what's been rolling around my brain lately. I'll re-read this later today and pick some actions to take tomorrow.

I hope you find something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

Good Morning, you Beautiful People!

I had a chat with my husband this morning about how I'm struggling with knowing what my boundaries are regarding his pain and his health decisions. I feel a bit lighter sharing that with him, and he understood that I was talking about me figuring out how to deal with my hula hoop, not me trying to control his hula hoop. I've started searching for a support group for partners of patients with chronic and severe pain, but I haven't found a group that will work for me. I'll keep looking.

And so life carries on -- today is mostly about housework and filing, and hopefully going for a nice walk with Ted this afternoon. The sky isn't as pretty today as it has been, but the temps will be in a normal range, so that's still a beautiful thing.

I hope you find something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

Good Morning, you Beautiful People!

I am here at 8:07 EST, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to start my day. I decided to do my daily habits in order, and sobriety check-in is at the top of my list, so here I am. Well, I did do a few autopilot things first: emptying the dishwasher, making my hair look like it belongs to a human...you know, stuff like that.

Today is another cleaning day, and since I verified that we have all of the tax documents, I'll be scanning the ones that didn't come electronically so that I can upload them to the tax guy's portal. I need to clean my desk again, because it has a habit of exploding. And I need to schedule a donation pick-up since I am growing a pile of boxes for donation in my office. How is it that I still have so much to give away when I'm not buying as much as I used to? Maybe I'm getting pickier about what I'm keeping?

Anyway, it's a gray day outside, but I don't feel weighed down by the heavy sky. Things will get done, I'll mind my own hula hoop, and life carries on in its own beautiful way.

I hope you find something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here!

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droops

April 2017

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Page generated Feb. 22nd, 2026 09:36 pm

Reading

short and sweet

neither night owl, nor morning lark

king of the dance

my wonky brain is spinning

carcass

parenthetical comments galore

echo

cast out

moving to my own groove

cutting fancies

half remember dreams that linger

not marlena

advocate

the chilly, cold, and f'ing freezing spectrum

scrambled brains

brrr!

lazy sundays are the best sundays

what's rolling around my mind

hula hoop management

bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and minding my own hula hoop

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April 2017

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