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Love, with art and grace. I mean, really, are they there for you?

nicole_prn & aislinfey posted a link about love & intimacy. My thoughts on this traveled farther than the scope of a single comment.

Prove it. I'd rather be with someone who didn't love me but were wonderful to be with, than someone who says they love me but treats me badly. Love is one of those words too often abused, used to get something, like sex, so I came up with the word lourve, so I could express who I am, what I'll accept, where I'm coming from.

The word love has left so many, with such conflicting experiences, there needed to be something which seperated the B.S. from the caring, the practical act of caring. I'm not saying not to stay with someone during their midlife crisis or their massive depressions. I'm saying one has to set some kinds of boundaries.

Some of us will take being slapped. One wrong slap in the wrong way, and I'm likely to walk. Can't, or won't be there for me? Then what are we doing?

One has to take the others measure. One has to go about proving their love. I know of a young woman who turns tricks so her boyfriend won't get (dope) sick because he hasn't had his drugs. I think he needs to do the work to keep from getting to the point where she feels this is her choice to make. I think he has some love of his own to prove. Should they be together? Not for me to say. Should she not trick for him? You bet. If he doesn't love her enough to do the work it takes to not get to this point, then however much he feels, it doesn't translate into reality in a meaningful way. He doesn't ask her to, he's not turning her out, she just sees his pain and knows how to make the needed money.

There's a tremendous amount of angst around love, and when I've investigated what's going on with this, I find the person is sitting around; not doing the work it takes. There are things to learn here, there are ways to transform, communicate, reach out, support, meet half way, bring something to the relationship which works for the person one loves. In moving our lives forward, we work to bring something, to the other person. If what we bring is a world of hurt, not speaking simply of baggage, but actions which hurt the other person, then we need to learn not to do so. Who and what we can be for another is a vast space, if the other person loves us, there's a vast safe space to try.

If someone is bringing a world of hurt to you in the name of love, step back. It's possible to assist, it's possible to be very intimate, but extricate yourself from the impacts they're willing to lay out, whether by neglect or direct action.

I've been people's best friend while they're going through something awful, the death of sibling or parent, and eventually they move on, I'm not really their best friend, I'm simply the best person to help them grow well. Once they're well, we move apart, so they can move on. So they can find someone who'll encompass not just their best friend, but their love. So they can find a best friend who wasn't their foul weather friend.

I have friends I lourve, we barely touch. Intimate? Yes, very. There for each other? Surely. Need to have sex? Oh, please. In part because I, we, have each other, I am free to be there for others in away in which I don't get caught in their harshest realities. I can run aside them, mix in their emotional plaint, bring them some rekindled sense of justice.

Look, seeing, interpreting our world is a very personal thing. How we see the world, the F-stop we use, is often what has happened to us.
It's reclaimable.

One of the reasons I'm so particular about the words, is I know how to differentiate the word "sharp". If one holds this word incorrectly, even though it describes much of what one feels, then they are stoppered by it. Emotions move, and by holding to the shards of a window, we can carry ourselves into a new day using yesterdays news until we are umber burnt.