I feel like I've been being too negative on here lately. Well, I suppose this IS my personal diary, and that tends to mean writing things I don't wish to say to others. Most of that will be negative things... pretty normal diary behavior. BUT! It's been bringing me down to look at my past entries and see how bad my mood has been, and I want to keep better track of all the things that make me happy too!!

I've been thinking about how I feel an overwhelming desire to hug and kiss all my friends when they are nice to me. This is actually annoying, seeing how I can't do that because it's a social faux pas to be overly affectionate to your friends. I wish it wasn't though!! I dislike that physical affection is seen as some sexual act... I don't want anything more. I want to show how much I love people without words. I love very strongly, and on one hand it's annoying like I said, but on the other hand, I don't want to lose that feeling. I don't want to stop feeling how much I love and care about everyone. I wish I could focus on that feeling alone and never feel scared or nervous again. I really love everyone.

I don't really talk about my IRL directly outside of private posts for personal reasons, but I like gardening... I feel accomplished just sitting there and doing nothing but watching the bees and butterflies pollinate the flowers. Strange bugs I can't identify, wasps... I feel so calm in that silence... I wish for nothing else in those moments. I could sit on the ground and do nothing but stare into the dirt and watch the tiny springtails move around forever and I would be happy. How wonderful it is to create a space for life to grow.

Besides that, I've been experimenting with some smaller sites.(more on this later) Experimenting with art... well, the art experimentation is always a constant. I should post some of my art here and blab about it sometime, I always write walls of text underneath my art on all the other sites I post it to. ldghldsh maybe archiving it here where the tagging system is more robust would be fun? I don't know... I've been sitting on my blank personal site for over a year now, LOL. Only using it to selfhost an oekaki to doodle in every now and then. I really should get off my ass and finish the site and put my art there for true longevity and safekeeping. I love to make art.

I forgot what else I wanted to talk about, oops. I need to start keeping lists of what I want to do again... I really want to finish all the VNs I started reading and talk about them. I want to rip all the files and CGs from the games and hoard them for the sake of hoarding them.....I love... love......I love... I want to say all the affectionate words and how happy I am. Love love. I love... I want everyone to do well and be happy. It really is overwhelming.