Ways You Can and Can't Tell

As I have mentioned before, I can be a bit superstitious about pregnancy-related things. I used to think things like "that bird landed on me, I must be pregnant!" But after a year of thinking those things and not being pregnant, I got a little wiser.
Even so, I still have the occasional thought, such as "that baby won't stop looking at me, I must be pregnant!"

Doing a medicated cycle will also have you questioning every single twinge and lower abdominal gurgle. The progesterone makes you dizzy, and makes my(everyone's?) breasts a lot bigger. Still, those things are all b/c of the drugs. So no telling there.

But, what will tell you you're pregnant is a pregnancy test.
They have been telling me this since Tuesday!

I have gotten nice lines on FRER, Answer, Dollar Tree tests, and the piece de resistance, the digital. I'll try and post a pic tomorrow, along with my beta.

Yes, I am thrilled. I know I should be cautious and careful. But, in over 2 1/2 years of trying I have never gotten a true positive pregnancy test. It is thrilling. I didn't want to post on here until I saw my brother, since he reads this.*

*If you are a person who knows me in real life, please keep this knowledge to yourself and your partner. We are going to wait a bit to go crazy with our news. Not as long as people do with ttc the non-RE way, but I'd like to make it to the ultrasound safely before being Ms. Poppy Proclaimer.

7days past 5 day transfer = 12dpo

I tested this morning and got another negative test. I got very upset. I was trying to do some yoga to relax and just started crying. Sad.

An hour later I had some spotting when I went to the bathroom, got more upset. Then it went away. Now I have slight, second wind hopes that we might have a late-ish implantation. We won't know until Sunday, that is when my blood test is.

Still, I am facing how hard I will take it if this cycle doesn't work. Having been told IVF/ICSI was what we need, and having the cycle go so well, I feel that if it doesn't work I will be distraught. I wish I could pretend otherwise, but this morning I just kept thinking, "How will I get past this?"
And.

"How can I go to the pool?" This sounds trivial, but going to our local, cooperative, neighborhood pool is the highlight of my summer. It is super communal, I can be outside , with Mr. S and friends until dark, eating healthy food, and swimming when I get hot. But, the pool is a haven of babies and children, and getting through last summer was hard enough, but this will be so much harder. People ask us when we're having kids, people make lots of "everyone at the pool gets pregnant easily" comments, etc. I love being around my friends babies and children, but the constant visible reminder might be too much for me of what we might not have.

To distract myself, I went to my favorite nursery, with a gift certificate Mr. S had given me months ago(I am glad I saved it!) and got $50 worth of plants, mostly veggies, and native flowers. Plant therapy.

Something I did NOT buy. Barrenwort. I kid you not, that is its name!

The Folly of Early Testing

Today's line was faint, fainter than yesterday's(which still looks like a real line).
I am so annoyed at myself for testing early! I am only 10 dp"o" today, so I know it is ridiculously early. My original plan had been to start testing on Wed. or Thursday, but the POAS- bug bit me.

I'm finishing up the typing and moving onto arranging artwork for the kid's anthology. I love child drawings, the way they deal with trying to visually express what they perceive the world(or what is in their head) to be. Faces seem paramount, on people and animals. Arms and hands seem to cause a lot of uncertainty. Whatever is most important(or whomever) is largest in the drawing.

I sometimes do brief drawing lessons in amongst my writing lessons, and I love to see them using their new knowledge.

Example-
Me- "what shape is the head?"
2nd grade class- "ROUND!"
I draw a circle and ask them to look at the person next to them.
Someone asks, "Oval?"
Me- "Yes" I draw an oval.
Me- "Where do the eyes go?"
Class- "Top of the head!"
I draw two eyes on the top of the round head, and repeat the "look at someone near you" advice.
We progress from there, with proportions, and how the nose lines up with the ears, etc.
The next drawings are noticeably better, and still charming.

Poppyopolis

I teach poetry, at the college level, and in the schools. I am currently typing up poems for an anthology for my after-school program. I teach K-3rd graders there, once a week, and have been doing so all year(and last year).

Here is a story two second graders wrote, I hadn't read it before, and got a pleasant surprise(city name) while typing it just now:

"Princess Cloe and Prince Max

Once underwater a beautiful princess and her parents lived, in an underwater city called Poppyopolis*. And in a different underwater city lived a handsome prince. They met each other and fell in love. They hung out so much their parents separated them. Their parents locked them in their rooms. They couldn’t see each other or talk on their pearl phones. They sneaked out the window and their parent’s guards caught them one night hugging and kissing. Their parents thought for a moment and let them get married. And one day they had twins, one was a boy and the other was a girl and they all lived happily ever after.

The End
* they used my real first name

Twins in Poppyopolis!!!

I tested yesterday to see if the trigger(the trigger leaves hcg in your system) was gone. I think it was, there was a faint, evap style line. I tested today, just to see
and there was a less faint line. Still faint though! I am 4days past 5 day transfer. I am excited to test tomorrow.