givethemhell | ic inbox;

please tell me you're normal

[why is that the starting point]

[WHY IS THAT THE STARTING POINT.

Anyway good luck waiting for this grandpa to text back. Wei Wuxian is great at adapting and learning bizarre shit on the fly but even after he figures out the most basic How To Open And Reply To A Text Message, he's still........ a slowass typer. He also doesn't know a backspace or a caps, only auto correct is saving him (but then it also dooms him).]

I am no
I am no
How do you stop the message from sending before you are do
This is Hardee's than it looks

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[ Mizuki is just minding her own business (said no one ever), and by that I mean she's keeping a close eye on that ballroom that the hotel is ever so fussily preparing for. Not that she cares, because the idea of a party sounds honestly kind of horrendous with the type of people she expects will want to attend, but...

Well. She's a kid. And she's curious. And that sure is a familiar face snooping around said hotel, so after a minute of observation, she clears her throat. ]

You're kinda being really obvious.

[LOOK subtlety is not in his skillset?? She may catch him with his brow furrowed for a hot second before she breaks his concentration by rudely critiquing his snooping skills, at which point he just gives her a hammy over-the-top huffy sigh.]

Well, now! If I knew someone was going to be around to give me a grade on it, I would have tried a little harder, probably.

[But only probably. ANYWAY, moving away from where he'd been standing:]

Here for anything in particular, my dear famed athlete?

[He may not have spoken to her in this place yet but he has Seen the posters - or rather, the magazine spread when talking to poor Akira.]

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[the content is less cursed but you still can't escape wwx & chuuya cr!!

ANYWAY, since they were both injured the last time they really talked, chuuya's coming to find him after they've both had a few days to recover and deal with things. not that he's concerned, or anything.]

Hey. Holding up all right after that whole mess?

[MEANWHILE HE'S HERE, still probably burnt, but otherwise seems quite okay for someone who's been fighting rebels and breaking into jails dressed as the purple nugget from McDonald's. It's fine.]

Fortunately so! It's a good thing you were there with ice on hand, haha. [GET IT terrible jokes.]

What about you? You had some awful burns, yourself. And your hair-- [DODGING AROUND TO GET A LOOK AT IT is it still a side mullet.]

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[So! Shit's gone down at the Gala, and with the amount of people there to help out... well. Chuuya quickly decides his skills could be put to better use outside the event itself, ducking out of the building and glancing around for any suspicious figures...

But what he finds instead is a familiar one! He quickly makes his way to Wei Wuxian's side, giving him a quick look-over to see if he'd been injured in that initial chaos.]

It's a mess in there, huh. Anything out here?

[Any cuts he has have been patched up by the gloriously kind Shinobu! It seems he's mostly just suffered from a bit of glass damage, in any case, and doesn't pay it mind in the least. Instead, he perks up when he spots a relatively familiar face. A nice break from all these hooligans running around ready to stab!]

Hah! You could say that twice. There's- [A STRONG RESENTFUL ENERGY THIS WAY he almost says and then fortunately doesn't, smoothly changing mid-thought to:] -some sort of ruckus over in this direction, though. I was just about to go take a look.

[He cants his head in partial invitation.]

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[Look. Baren sent him here, which is why it's like, four in the morning and Minato is hesitating outside of this place that he's been told has cats.

Oh, yep, there's one. Look at that fluffy tail.

... Is it rude to knock at 4 am?

... He doesn't want to sleep on the street in mafia town, and he really has nowhere else to go (thanks for nothing, useless AU backstory), so. He lifts a hand and finally knocks.

knock... knock??]

[The cat seems very used to people, considering it's curling around Minato's legs and purring. It expects F O O D but is friendly even if Minato has nothing to give...

That said, even though it's 4AM, the goblin who opens the door both 1) opens it quite quickly and 2) seems WIDE AWAKE. Maybe he's a very early bird?? Or just a truly gremlin night owl... Either way, he immediately glances up and over Minato's head into the gloom of the Mafia Town Night™ behind him. He's used to people seeking shelter for all sorts of reasons, so it never hurts to be cautious.

But after that, there isn't much hesitation before he opens the door and steps to the side, gesturing Minato through.]

Come in, come in! Looking for a place to stay?

thank u, settles in here

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nice and toasty warm for winter

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[idk if the apartments had a phone before but they FUCKING DO NOW and guess who's calling it

RING RING PICK UP THE DAMN PHONE YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER]

[YEAH THEY DO!! A quaint little telephone settled in Wei Wuxian's office! How many times with Lan Wangji call, haha.]

I'm in tears

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[Okuni has had a very bad, awful, no good time this entire week so far and she's not sure if it's due to a culmination of all the terrible things she's done to other people just HITTING HER IN THE FACE or because of that Fortuneteller Incident that she barely escaped from with Kara (who also probably wanted to roll her up and stuff her in a vase in revenge). EITHER WAY, she's been dropping or having things dropped on her, her weapons are a mess, everything is a mess, and now her apartment over in the Westside won't stop spewing sewage water and the heater is broken.

anyway, life is trying to tell her something, she's sure, but she's not that interested in hearing about it. INSTEAD, she makes her way over to Yiling Ridge. She has a great big floppy hat on, big dark sunglasses, and a big ole trenchcoat on....]

Is Wei-chan in?

[okuni the stranger inquires, and a couple of the resident children side-eye her... THEY DON'T RECOGNIZE HER WITH THAT OUTFIT ON, and one of them turns and calls out for "WEI YING" at the top of his voice, and Okuni sidles along... looking Suspect.]

[WELL THE FIRST THING - the very first thing, is that as soon as Wei Wuxian hears one of the kids yell his name like that, there's the sound of him THUNDERING DOWN THE STAIRS. Like .2 seconds later he's whipping around the corner, absolutely looking 1 second away from throwing down on reflex.

WHO YELLED. WHAT'S HAPPENING.]

What—?! What is it?!

[HE'S HERE TO FIGHT.]

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LSMFLSD wwx being sincerely concerned for .2 seconds is making me wheeze

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LOOK. THERE'S CRIME AFOOT!!!

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OKUNI DOESN'T KNOW THAT (yet)

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SOON SHE WILL maybe

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okuni when she learns that there are kidnappings: kidnaps haku

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PLEASE HE'S SO TIRED HE'S LOSING ALL HIS HAIR

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STOP HE NEEDS THAT HAIR TO BE OKUNI'S TRIPLET

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UWEHSFEJSIFJS i cant believe u cant be a kumou unless u have lovely long locks

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Y-young master Wei-!

[Wen Ning calls out as he returns to the apartment, after Shigure passed this delivery on to him... he's not entirely sure why this is up to him now, but he'll do it!

He's carrying a pretty, carefully arranged bouquet of red gerbera daisies, bluebottle flowers, and blue star lotuses in a shade of soft purple, cradling it gently to make sure the flowers don't get squished. This bouquet may as well be made of glass, for how cautiously he's holding it.]

Shigure asked me to bring this to you... they're from young master Lan.

[HOW COULD SHIGURE JUST LEAVE THIS TO WEN NING, WHO HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE.

When he hears his name called, he perks up and glances over from where he's at - preparing something for dinner, by the looks of it.]

Ah, Wen Ning! Just in time, I-- [OH, FLOWERS. He's immediately distracted. Not that it takes much to distract him, god. This shit is gorgeous just on an aesthetic level, though - red, blue and purple! Surely not a color combination that has any significance, haha! He sets down the fruit he'd been cutting into and trots over, circling around both Wen Ning and the bouquet he's holding.]

—What?! Lan Zhan sent this? [Why does he SOUND SO SURPRISED GOD HE'S STUPID.] They're so lovely! Where did he even find these?

[Tugging on one of the blue star lotuses... Gently, though! Gently!!]

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[ Okay so maybe it's like three days later, but Royce does crawl in through a window and go searching for Wei Wuxian. And if he can, Royce is going to sneak up on him. Because he's a brat.

So wherever Wei Wuxian is in the Yiling Ridge, Royce's voice comes from right behind him in a very annoyed tone: ]

I need a place to stay.

[IF HE SNEAKS UP ON HIM HE'S IN FOR A REAL TREAT! As in like a full .5 seconds in which Wei Wuxian whirls around and looks really, truly 100% ready to Kill on the spot, clearly out of reflex--

Before the rest of his brain catches up and he realizes that oh, it's just Royce. He sets down the potato he'd been scrubbing for meal prep, setting his wet hands on his hips.]

Well, we do still have those vacancies I mentioned. What have you gotten into this time?

[JUST BLAME IT ON ROYCE.]

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[Honestly, with all these cats out front, he really should have brought one of the dogs. Probably Hercules with his wrinkly body and his stubby legs. Just to keep the cats on their toes.

Exactly like he's doing to Wei Wuxian right this very minute.

He knocks on the door and steps back--two full adult steps because he trusts Wei Wuxian's gremlin house not a single bit. And waits. In his very stupidly nice, posh suit minus a hat because it won't fit on his head when he has a top knot. He has a tie and lil tie pin, and very glossy and shined triangle shoes, this is enough.

It sounds like a mess (nothing breaking, just noise) is going on inside, and he hates it already.]

[STOP YOU LEAVE HIS CATS ALONE DO NOT BULLY THEM!! They already get bullied enough by Chicken...

Speaking of, when the door clicks open after a few moments, that's exactly the first thing Jiang Cheng is greeted by. This wigglyass ferret just noodling his way frantically across the porch and over his glossy shoes. If he is not Stopped, the power of his chaos will carry him into the nice pleated leg of Jiang Cheng's suitpants.

Also, a fat hen wanders out after him. Why was a hen inside?? Not even Wei Wuxian knows. The other two are outside along with the rooster. Sometimes these things just happen.]

Ah, it's Jiang Cheng! [Said loud enough that it's clearly an announcement back into the apartment, which is alive with the sound of all its tenants... Things have been, hm, concerning lately and Wei Wuxian himself has been unusually tense, but his mood is immediately buoyed!

Mostly because he knows Jiang Cheng always struggles with the chaos of Yiling Ridge and it's now more chaotic than ever.]

Oh, dear - watch your feet. [The rooster has also wandered over and may start pecking at his shoes soon. From somewhere behind The Dean Of Hell here, a hamster ball crashes into one of the walls. It's fine.] Stopping by for a short visit, or is it my fine honor today to invite you in?

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[ five rp seconds and two days later, obi-wan's rapping his knuckles on wwx's doorframe, a dark look on his face ]

It's not much but I have news.

[TWO DAYS LATER AND WEI WUXIAN HAS BEEN INVOLVED IN A CAR HEIST AND ADOPTED TWO OTHER CHILDREN oh my god. They're all doing fine.

Wei Wuxian is sitting at his desk doing paperwork, but sets it side immediately and beckons Obi-wan in. Here have a seat on the single comfortable chair in this room.]

Nothing good, I'm guessing. [NOTHING HAS BEEN GOOD IN DAYS.] What is it?

rattles my chain until it frees me

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STOP WHAT THE FCK

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[Here they are in the east side of Middleton! And Hunter is looking around with a curious expression.]

This is the place, right?

Mm, around here - a little further up that way.

[He's glancing around before heading in that direction, though he doesn't actually expect to see any visible and obvious evidence of kidnapping attempts just out in the open. Hey neat churro cart, though. The churro lady offers churros! It's tragic that they'll have to turn it down because they can't choose multiple options.

Instead, his eye catches on a lil grungy-looking kid heading their way! His poor dirty face... He holds out a shoe-shining cloth, offering them both the shiniest shoes of their lives!]

Oh, goodness.

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[ he's just going to pull wei wuxian aside to the next room that's hopefully free of roof debris. his lips are in a tight line as he figures out how to say this, because it really has been so much for him with how he doesn't want to get entangled with what's looking like a turf war right now. ]

First of all, those kids back there... They didn't originally stay at this apartment, did they?

[The room that isn't Obi-wan's is debris free! And also unoccupied, what a blessing. There's a ferret flap in the door but Chicken isn't an enemy spy, so it's as good a place as any.

For the question, though - he shakes his head.]

No, they didn't. Lan Zhan and Nines brought the two of them over earlier this week.

[Which makes him sick with anger, honestly - that he'd take two kids in promising them safety, only for this to happen.]

oh you ain't seen nothing yet

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hm me sweating rapidly,,

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cw graphic description of child injury, idk how else to put it..........

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U WERENT WRONG

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[when wei wuxian is free—]

Royce came here looking for Wen Ning. I might be reading too much into things, but I think he might know something—about the gun, at least. It doesn't sound like he meant for it to land here, so if it was him, he wasn't out to harm Yiling.

Edited 2020-02-01 03:18 (UTC)

[On one hand, it's good to know that this might not have been an active, targeted attack on himself or any of the residents here. On the other, this sure doesn't inspire much confidence either!! Even if Royce hadn't intended to harm Yiling, it sure happened.

He's still in a calm enough state of mind to know when to take a time-out, though. THIS IS definitely a conversation to have when he's not like two inches away from going ballistic...]

—Thanks for letting me know. I'll talk to him about it later. [He sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose. In the meantime--] How are the kids doing?

rip royce

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good night sweet royce

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[ IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN FIVE HOURS SINCE THE SPOKE WHAT THE FUC- anyways, with the kids taken care of and sent farther downstairs in safety, guess who’s just staring at the damned gun stuck in his roof/wall/what the fuck ever logistics of this and ]

Do they expect us to mount this to our roof?

[ HIS ROOM ]

[Yeah it's just there, having crashed through the roof and part of the dividing wall, hanging out. Look at that view of the sky, though!

Wei Wuxian pinches the bridge of his nose, looking like he wants nothing more than to pull back and punch virtually everyone responsible for this MADNESS.]

Well, it'd solve our question of security. [HAha,,

Though more seriously, after a second of thought:] Maybe we can set it up in one of the vacant rooms up here.

[three days later, after leaving aki headfirst in the soil]

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i cant believe youve done this

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sometimes the timing works out perfectly

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JUST LEFT ME FOR DEAD!!!

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it's not like it's a new experience for him nor you

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turn on your location i just wanna talk

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read: 12:02AM✔️

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:moyai:

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[anyway baren is just going to drop by yiling ridge sometime after the dead bodies show up - and he's going to just start pouring alcohol for the both of them. did he take this from the koi pond's stock? who can say

Boose is outside the building]

Not to be a downer, but does this mean no more sneaking whiskey or creamy alcohol into coffee? Never know if it's going to hang out in there next to an organ?

What's even the point of coffee anymore?

[Boose can hang out with their hens and rooster and assortment of squirrels and feral cats... The list keeps growing, GOD.

BUT ANYWAY Wen Ning zipped back after helping people at the crimescene out to be like "so uh,,,", so Wei Wuxian is Aware of these happenings by the time Baren swings by. He's lookin TIRED AS HELL presumably because every week brings a new calamity to Middleton, but he welcomes Baren, Boose and alcohol readily. He flops down on one of the many seats in the dining area, gladly taking whatever's offered and just kind of stretching flat across the table.]

Hah... Between this and the mouthful of oil, I think I'll probably be steering clear of coffee for a little while, myself.

[RAISING HIS CUP to toast nothing and no one, and maybe thank Baren for his generosity.]

Alcohol's always been my preference between tea and coffee anyway, though.

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[when does shigure even pay wei wuxian for rent, but anyway]

Whoo, is it okay if I'm a bit late on my payment this time...?

[ ): ]

[Wha-- DOES SHIGURE EVEN GET PAID. Wei Wuxian collects rent so sporadically it doesn't even really matter anyway, but--]

Of course, but what happened? You haven't run into any trouble, have you?

[Is Shigure being EXTORTED.]

yes?

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what has he done

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nothing,,,

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I DONT TRUST YOU

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WOW

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WHAT!!!

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:/

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SEE

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[Okuni sweeping into Yiling Ridge looking like her normal self for once and not like some trench-coat weirdo... She squints at what probably looks like a BOOBY TRAP strung up in front of her, and then just leans up on her tiptoes]

Wei-chan! Are you in?

[WHY IS EVERYTHING BOOBY-TRAPPED]

[Yeah there's definitely booby-traps all over this damn perimeter. THAT SAID, Wei Wuxian pokes his head out through the kitchen window, blinking.]

Oh-- Okuni! Come in, come in. Through the front door is fine. I'll be in here.

[And then he vanishes again...]

I HAVE TO MAKE IT VAGUE JUST IN CASE

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just in case we all pewwish

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sharpshoots u

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STOP SHARPSHOOTS MYSELF BEFORE YOU CAN GET TO ME

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DONT DO THAT

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TOO LATE!!

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casts revive

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STOP LET ME REST

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[kangai's in the area when he realizes yiling ridge nearby—that's where wen ning is staying, right...? considering recent events, maybe kangai should check up on what he asked him before.

cautiously, he enters the building... except now he has no idea how to proceed. what does the lobby even look like. hopefully wen ning will materialize out of thin air?]

[The lobby is pretty vast and sprawling! And also partially a dining hall, considering it seems someone turned one communal lobby area into a room with several large tables. Outside of the kitchen, it takes up much of the first floor. There's a pretty constant buzz of noise in the building whether it's from residents chatting or kids tumbling around chasing Chicken, so maybe Kangai won't hear the DEMON APPROACHING FROM BEHIND--

Tragically it's not Wen Ning, it's just Wei Wuxian, who's more wary of strangers and newcomers than ever. He's still smiling, at least?! Kangai isn't super sketchy looking so he gets basic common courtesy.]

Hey! Welcome to Yiling. Looking for someone, or looking for a room?

Edited 2020-02-09 19:47 (UTC)

hm fear

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[pyramid of judging emojis]

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i hate you

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STOP

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:pensive:

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there comes the meteor again

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STOP

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nyet,

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[Knock knock knocking on Yiling Ridge's door... is Hunter! Whenever Wei Wuxian opens the door, he'll see that he looks fairly concerned considering everything that's happened. He's also holding something behind his back.]

[Wei Wuxian is, in a word, visibly frayed around the edges when he opens the door. He's very good at holding himself together under stress but this IS LIKE FOUR STRAIGHT WEEKS OF STRESS HERE, VERY HIGH-TENSION STRESS and he's PERISHING...

Even so, he still smiles when he sees who's there, stepping aside to invite Hunter in.]

Come in, come in. Is everything alright?

[First and foremost because when is anything alright in this town lately. Who knows! He may be hiding a fourth, tiny body behind his back.]

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[ hi wei wuxian, the doctor comes a knockin' for the date! only whenever wwx opens the door, itaru will just

collapse into his arms

while holding a small bouquet of gerberas because it's customary to bring flowers to a date, right? even though this already feels like a date and more like a sleepover for adults... and speaking of which, he's not injured in any way thankfully. he's a little exhausted lately and idk if taxis were invented during this time so he'd had to walk all this way aahhh ]

[WELL THAT'S A SURPRISE AND ALSO SOMETHING TO PANIC OVER because usually! When people collapse on him!! It's because they've been SHOT or stabbed or otherwise maimed or injured in some way. Naturally he's looking for any obvious signs of blood or missing limbs or bullet wounds first--

And just sighs when he sees that nothing seems to be amiss. God, he really is just this tired, huh... Wei Wuxian reaches for the flowers with one hand and pats Itaru's back with the other, trying to half-guide and half-drag him into the apartment.]

Good god, Itaru - don't scare me like that!

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[ As promised, she comes to find him after the Azalea Lights Festival. It may be later than both of them wanted, considering all the fire and brimstone and people who needed help. She stumbles onto the premises of Yiling Ridge at some very late or very early hour, covered in ash, soot, and blood. ]

Wei Wuxian? Are you here?

[ Her voice is weak and hoarse from smoke, her eyes bloodshot. It looks like she may have cried, if the thin streaks through grime on her face mean anything.

There are a number of other people she could have gone to see first, but this is where her legs guided her. ]

[SOMETIMES THE CITY'S JUST ON FIRE AND YOUR PLANS GET WAYLAID. Regardless of the hour she stops by, Wei Wuxian is in pretty much the same state; sooty, bloody, still kind of hacking because his stupid ass was running around without properly covering his mouth for a while. It's fine, it's fine, they're both doing great.

He's probably got a few new people holding out in the apartment for now, even with it emptied of a chunk of residents thanks to Okuni's party bus. Not as many as he'd like, but he only has four floors to work with. He's wide awake and wired for all the hours he's been zooming like the energizer bunny, too. He catches her voice quickly - and when he sees the state she's in, he's quick to dart toward her with his arms extended, intent to usher her inside.]

Shinobu—! Come in, here - let me get you some water, hold on--

[With a controlled sort of chaos, he sweeps through the ground floor, bringing a chair, getting a towel, grabbing a glass to fill.]

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[Well, the whole of fucking Westside is on fire almost, so it's not like Jiang Cheng can take Shigure there. He's not even worried about his house so much as he's worried about his dogs and about Xie Lian. He'll get to that...

When he can.

Both Shigure and he are crispy enough to dissuade him from slinging Shigure over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Instead, when he gets to the door of Yiling Ridge (dodging all those damn circled traps Wei Wuxian marked), scalded, he kicks it in roughly without any kind of warning. A waft of smoke rolls in with them, his arms full of Shigure and numb.

Now where is that chaotic fuck!]

Wei Wuxian!!

[shinobu comes to mind, but shigure doesn't want to add to her plate—she really has to be busy with. everything.

but please. this is terrible.]

Really, Jiang Cheng, you can put me down already...! Also, close the door. Do you want to give everyone lung problems?

i hate both of yall

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[RING RING WWX PICK UP IT'S OKUNI

She's stopped at one of the towns not on the KIDNAPPING LIST with her bus of children and fellow escorts, and since the festival and Valentines have already passed, she figures she should check in and give WWX some peace of mind. Her shoulder's feeling better by now, and it helps that she hasn't done anything too wild since. i mean besides handling all of wwx's 10000 children.

speaking of wwx's children, A-yuan in particular sticks to Okuni's side as she makes the call. he wants to talk to wwx too!! he has so much to say!! Okuni pats him on the head absentmindedly as she waits for the call to go through,]

[It's too bad they don't have caller ID so he can just immediately sweat loudly over Okuni's safety. ALAS, he just picks up the phone in his office with a (almost immediate, so he'd clearly been nearby) very professional and not at all vaguely standoffish:]

Yiling Ridge, this is Wei Wuxian. Can I help you with something?

[Even through his Answering The Phone voice, the exhaustion in it is probably apparent. VALENTINE'S AFTERNOON WAS THE LAST HAPPY MOMENT!!]

wwx with a shirt that says "i went to the azalea festival and all i got was firebombed"

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LMFALFMOMFESOFES YEAH HE HATES IT THANKS!!!

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SLDMFJF IT'S FINE THE KIDS WILL GET IT FOR HIM

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HE DOESNT WANT THIS HE'S TIRED!!!

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it'll be great it'll be tie-dyed and glittery

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WHY IS IT GETTING WORSE????

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NO IT'S IMPROVING also thanks for telling her abt valenfire wwx

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WHAT ELSE IS HE HERE FOR

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[It'll be a day or so after All That Mess before Wen Ning crosses paths with Wei Wuxian properly. He's thrown himself into trying to help, trying to keep himself occupied-- trying to keep his thoughts off what happened before the fire too, with varying degrees of success.

Anyway, they cross paths via Wen Ning just bumping right into the kitchen doorframe, with a soft sound of frustration. He thought he was getting better at that...]

Y-young master Wei. [Just reaching up to rub at his shoulder where he bumped it...] Have you been all right-? As much as any of us can be.

[WEN NING... He blinks, looking up from where he'd been prepping a small meal for the residents still around, which probably now includes a few refugees from the Westside fire.]

Ah— that should be my question.

[There's a mild crease of concern at his brow. (randy your sticks voice) WEN NING YOUR SIGHT... Other than that, he's been HAVING A TIME god. He's been a whirlwind moving through the halls, awake at nearly all hours. The bags under his kinda bloodshot eyes are looking wild as hell, his voice is raspy from all the smoke inhalation, and he seems to be favoring his right arm as he works, but it's FINE.]

Haven't had much time to settle down, hm? Well - hah, no one has, I guess.

text

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action;

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hi i'm here to bother you more

HOLDS UR HANDS AND SUPLEXES YOU

we're backdating this terrible adventure it's fine

we're doin great

action; hi aki

GRIPS UR HANDS cal... welcome to hell

let lwj nap o'clock

absolutely not

ACTION in the middle of week 2 probably

im losing my ass... ALSO 1/2