i recently had a friend over for a few days, and it was nice.

now, let's get some stuff out of the way. i normally get very socially-exhausted, extremely quickly, so i tend to limit visits to cafes and such, when you know you're only gonna be around other people for a few hours max, or to days out, when you know you'll be going home by the end of it. i'm extremely antisocial, and i like it that way.

people will apologise to me for not talking to me for... what, twelve hours? dude, i only go out of my way to talk to my closest friends maybe a couple of times a WEEK. there are other great friends of mine who i only talk to monthly (and that's a generous estimate). some of my friends my main interactions with are occasionally sending links to and then not replying for 3 days and occasionally going "so how goes things" "same old, you?" "yeah same" and that's it for another week. my mind boggles when people say they're lonely. being alone is the best, yo. someday i'm gonna retire to a van in the wilderness and have a P.O. box somewhere and no one will be able to reach me unless i want them to, and that shit's gonna be SICK.

now onto the other hand. as i said, i had a friend in my house for a few days, and it was nice. by the end i was majorly flagging, but they even got to stay an extra day and it didn't push me over my limit. it was nice having a friend around, and after they'd gone, there were moments when i missed making cups of tea for them and generally doting and trying to make them comfortable, even if i knew i should give myself a rest before doing it again.

i can't deny that i'm introverted, even if i'd love to say i'm an extrovert. truth is, i'm good with people, but only in short bursts. i can generally get along with a lot of different personalities, and i can handle parties and nights out. i like to swagger and hop on the banter brigade and josh around. but all in moderation, i guess.

my medication has been really helping with it, too. there are still days when i feel wobbly and i need to dial it back a notch and i've learned i need to take it easy on the caffiene so i don't start buzzing like an overcharged wire or whatever, but it's been having an undeniable effect.

one example is housework. i actually want to keep a clean house. with four pets, that's a lot of work, and i've always been a naturally messy person growing up, but nowadays my bedroom floor is a lot less messy than it was, and i've been washing my clothes and bedsheets more often (i used to struggle a lot with this) and i've been vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom and stuff more than i used to. i like things to be clean. i think honestly it's a bit of a cycle - i feel better when things are clean, and so i have more energy to keep it that way, and so on. but the meds really give me the boost i need to actually put in the work.

one of the most telling changes i've noticed is that i actually get excited when i think about drawing. making lines on a canvas feels good again, and i find myself looking forward to working on art instead of dreading it. and i no longer feel like things have to be Extremely Perfect Or Else Die, you know? i used to spend a month getting halfway through lineart for a sketch, then i'd get sick of looking at it, be unable to identify where the flaws were, and toss it out to start again from scratch. that's really not conducive to making anything, but i couldn't help it. all my motivation was gone. i started hating the process of making art.

i don't hate it now. i remember really enjoying it when i was a kid, and being excited to draw all the time, and honestly after being on my meds for a while i'm starting to get that feeling again. not as strong, but it's a godsend nevertheless, and we'll see if it picks up some more with time. i'm extremely glad for that and i hope it lasts!!

i also don't wake up in the morning dreading work as much as i did. like, not to the point that i have to battle against the urge to call in sick for no reason every goddamn morning. so that's an improvement.

anyway, uh, things are looking up! i'm gonna keep saving money and we'll see what i can do about moving out of my parents' place at some point.

leaving this one public, maybe not forever but for now just cause people are allowed to know what medicine is doing for me, i guess

here's a video

i've been really into YT animation memes for a long time, and this is a really cute one!