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video; un: cjcregg
[It’s been a little over a month since C.J. arrived in hell — and really, “arrived” is a polite and diplomatic way of putting it, not least of which because it makes it sound like there was some sort of prior discussion and consensus about this whole business of being dead…thing in advance, which if there was, she certainly wasn’t a party to it — and in that time, she really hasn’t had much of a presence on the network. In retrospect, it’s something she finds a little odd, and in a way almost laughable. When she’d been alive, she’d spent a fairly ridiculous amount of time in front of people, cameras, and occasionally hostile questions. It’d been her job to be the face of the White House, the middleman between the Oval Office and the press corps. This kind of thing, it’d been her life.
...And you know, when you put it like that, maybe it’s not so surprising that she’s been doing so much less of it in her death and afterlife.
But Josh is right; there has to be a point when her personal mourning period comes to an end, and there’s really only so much work she can do before eventually she has to concede that she’s not really working because it needs to be done, but because she doesn’t know what to do with herself if she’s not.
So. Today that changes. Today is Step One Toward a Better C.J. Today is going to be the First Day of the Rest Of Her Li—
...Okay, well, maybe not. But it’s progress, anyway.
So she preps herself for this the same way that she would for any other briefing. She makes sure she’s looking polished; she’s got the camera positioned neatly to frame her well in the shot, and her gaze doesn’t waver as she addresses it like she was born to do this, because the fact of the matter is she kind of was.
Granted, soliciting some hilarious semblance of a social life is a little bit different of a beast than delivering a press briefing, but the fundamentals are still there. Both require at least two things: having a Presence™, and asking yourself “What Would Josh Lyman Do?” and then immediately doing the exact opposite of that.]
...So. Good morning, everyone. You’re all looking sharp and...hellish, today, I’m sure.
[Little does C.J. know, however, that her impromptu chat with the network is about to be crashed. Turns out that bit about asking herself What Josh Would Do leads, somehow, to things like: Josh getting into her office; Josh deciding to have some fun today; Josh appearing behind her, seemingly out of nowhere, like Beetlejuice only with slightly neater hair.
Long story short, here also for your viewing pleasure is Josh, who's somehow gotten himself behind C.J.'s chair and into view of the camera — and what he's doing there quickly becomes apparent as he smirks and makes a mischievous little “shh” gesture at the camera, then holds up a small whiteboard and proceeds to quickly add his own commentary as C.J. speaks:
THIS IS C.J. CREGG, THE GREATEST
PRESS SECRETARY EVER
Meanwhile, C.J. forges on, oblivious.]
First on the agenda: it’s recently become inescapably apparent to me that I am...desperately in need of a personal assistant. Rest assured there’s a very long list of official criteria attached to the position, but the general gist of it is this. I need —
[Carol. She almost falters, but quickly recovers, with only a fraction of an instant’s worth of hesitation of slip to show for it.
Meanwhile, the peanut gallery is busy with more commentary to offer:
SHE PUNCHED A SECRET SERVICE
AGENT IN THE FACE ONCE
IT WAS AWESOME
Also, we heard she does car commericals in Japan...]
— someone bright and quick on the uptake, someone who can work independently without needing a lot of micromanaging on my part. Someone who can multitask, that’s a must. And, you know, a good sense of humor and a rap sheet that’s preferably less than a mile long is always a plus.
[She throws a smile at the camera, easy and confident. Behind her, Josh throws a very important something at the camera, too:
I WILL BE INFORMALLY
VETTING APPLICANTS
"Informally". Of course.]
Next order of business is, believe it or not, the...exact opposite of business. I’m looking for recommendations of things to do with my free time, in the hopes that that’ll force me to actually, y’know, have free time. I’d say to drop any recommendations with my personal assistant, but as you can see, I don’t have one yet, so I guess that means you can just get them straight to me.
[ SHE'S SINGLE!
CHARMING, WITTY, SMARTER THAN YOU
PROBABLY TALLER THAN YOU TOO]
And that’s all I’ve got for the moment, thanks, everybody.
[THE SECRET SERVICE AGENT THING
WAS A LIE
TELL MY FAMILY I LOVE THEM
THIS WAS WORTH IT ]
[And with zero hesitation, she reaches forward and switches the camera off — which means Josh is probably all of about three seconds from his imminent demise (again), but hey, like he said: it was worth it.]
...And you know, when you put it like that, maybe it’s not so surprising that she’s been doing so much less of it in her death and afterlife.
But Josh is right; there has to be a point when her personal mourning period comes to an end, and there’s really only so much work she can do before eventually she has to concede that she’s not really working because it needs to be done, but because she doesn’t know what to do with herself if she’s not.
So. Today that changes. Today is Step One Toward a Better C.J. Today is going to be the First Day of the Rest Of Her Li—
...Okay, well, maybe not. But it’s progress, anyway.
So she preps herself for this the same way that she would for any other briefing. She makes sure she’s looking polished; she’s got the camera positioned neatly to frame her well in the shot, and her gaze doesn’t waver as she addresses it like she was born to do this, because the fact of the matter is she kind of was.
Granted, soliciting some hilarious semblance of a social life is a little bit different of a beast than delivering a press briefing, but the fundamentals are still there. Both require at least two things: having a Presence™, and asking yourself “What Would Josh Lyman Do?” and then immediately doing the exact opposite of that.]
...So. Good morning, everyone. You’re all looking sharp and...hellish, today, I’m sure.
[Little does C.J. know, however, that her impromptu chat with the network is about to be crashed. Turns out that bit about asking herself What Josh Would Do leads, somehow, to things like: Josh getting into her office; Josh deciding to have some fun today; Josh appearing behind her, seemingly out of nowhere, like Beetlejuice only with slightly neater hair.
Long story short, here also for your viewing pleasure is Josh, who's somehow gotten himself behind C.J.'s chair and into view of the camera — and what he's doing there quickly becomes apparent as he smirks and makes a mischievous little “shh” gesture at the camera, then holds up a small whiteboard and proceeds to quickly add his own commentary as C.J. speaks:
PRESS SECRETARY EVER
Meanwhile, C.J. forges on, oblivious.]
First on the agenda: it’s recently become inescapably apparent to me that I am...desperately in need of a personal assistant. Rest assured there’s a very long list of official criteria attached to the position, but the general gist of it is this. I need —
[Carol. She almost falters, but quickly recovers, with only a fraction of an instant’s worth of hesitation of slip to show for it.
Meanwhile, the peanut gallery is busy with more commentary to offer:
AGENT IN THE FACE ONCE
IT WAS AWESOME
Also, we heard she does car commericals in Japan...]
— someone bright and quick on the uptake, someone who can work independently without needing a lot of micromanaging on my part. Someone who can multitask, that’s a must. And, you know, a good sense of humor and a rap sheet that’s preferably less than a mile long is always a plus.
[She throws a smile at the camera, easy and confident. Behind her, Josh throws a very important something at the camera, too:
VETTING APPLICANTS
"Informally". Of course.]
Next order of business is, believe it or not, the...exact opposite of business. I’m looking for recommendations of things to do with my free time, in the hopes that that’ll force me to actually, y’know, have free time. I’d say to drop any recommendations with my personal assistant, but as you can see, I don’t have one yet, so I guess that means you can just get them straight to me.
CHARMING, WITTY, SMARTER THAN YOU
PROBABLY TALLER THAN YOU TOO]
And that’s all I’ve got for the moment, thanks, everybody.
WAS A LIE
TELL MY FAMILY I LOVE THEM
THIS WAS WORTH IT ]
[And with zero hesitation, she reaches forward and switches the camera off — which means Josh is probably all of about three seconds from his imminent demise (again), but hey, like he said: it was worth it.]
Video; un: abba
Sorry, this was supposed to be serious. He'll be serious really soon.]
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Why, hello, Chuckles. Sorry in advance about my plans to break the fifth commandment today, I know that's one of the doozies.
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[He's calming down a little, but wow. That was great.]
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action jackson
He looks at the back of CJ's head, looks at his whiteboard, looks at the back of CJ's head, looks... at his whiteboard, and writes:
HEY C.J. ☺
And then he clears his throat.
And he waits, patiently, for a second death to descend upon him.]
no subject
In and of itself, just seeing Josh wouldn't have been such a bad thing. In and of itself, a whiteboard is not inherently a bad thing. In and of itself, smiley faces and greetings of "Hey, C.J." are not inherently bad things. And of course, she of all people is well aware that video broadcasts are not inherently bad things.
...
BUT BOY OH BOY WHEN YOU PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER...]
What were you doing back there?
[Here it comes.]
What were you doing behind my chair, Josh?
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["HELPING," he says, without a hint of irony.
It's about now that she'll probably notice his right sleeve, which is covered in marker — a telltale sign that he was writing and erasing a lot.
#helping.
Cue what Lloyd calls the Shithead Grin.]
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video; un: latent
It's not working.
She just wanted to introduce herself, get to talk to the friend that Josh speaks (and writes) so highly about, but now she's just.
On camera giggling.]
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Yes, thank you, very nice, the circus and clown show will be here all week.
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[ PLACATING GESTURES. ] --Josh mentioned you--
[ Breathe. Breathe. ] He mentioned you, and I wanted to introduce myself.
[ Frickfrack now she's thinking about the party and has the visual of Josh dancing his White Guy Dance with the white board in hand. She squeaks: ] I'm Sarah. Friend of his.
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audio; UN: Trickster
Especially as that seems like what Josh is encouraging. Well, did encourage. He's probably dead now.
He clears his throat. He wants to seem like a Serious Professional] Madam Press Secretary. I've heard your hair is insured for a million dollars, and that you once punched a secret service agent in the face, and that it was awesome.
Any prospective employees need to know: are these statements true?
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Well, I can say this: if there's one thing any prospective employees really need to know, it's to know better than to listen to Josh Lyman.
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How have you settled in, more importantly? Are you enjoying our little slice of Hell?
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video; un: notmydivision
Honestly, I kept expecting a Monty Python reference.
[ Josh, he's disappointed. Really he is. ]
I know what you mean about the lack of free time. If left to my own devices, I likely wouldn't have any myself. Any idea what you might be interested in doing?
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I...well. I could offer a list of things I'm good at, but providing a resume for my leisure time seems...counterintuitive. Um.
[Hmmm.]
I guess one place to start would be by trying to find a gym...?
[SHE TRIED.]
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text; un roommate
Josh got special clearance. And the fact that this woman was his coworker (friend?) made it easier to approach the job offering he wasn't sure he was qualified for.]
I'm interested in the position you're offering. I can compile my qualifications if you'd like, but I don't think I have a good sense of humor - would that exclude me from applying for a position?
[Now all he has to do is hope Josh doesn't interrupt and block him. He didn't ruin your fun for you Josh, don't ruin this opportunity for him.
or do, don't let a 12 year old tell you what to do]no subject
What other qualifications do you have?
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un: printemps; video;
If you need a personal assistant, and don't consider association with the man with the whiteboard to disqualify potential applicants, I'd be more than glad to talk about the particulars. I'm a paralegal with both private and government experience, for what it's worth.
As far as for entertainment, what were you interested in when you were alive? You know, aside from being an amazing Press Secretary and possibly punching Secret Service agents.
[She can't resist teasing just a little bit.]
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Also association with Josh, which is either a plus or a minus and at the moment C.J. hasn't precisely figured out which that is yet.
(Spoilers, in the end it'll be a plus.) ]
Well, to tell you the truth, the two orders of business are a little more like the two sides of the same order of business. Having an assistant would mean being able to justify having a little more time off for myself.
[What she really means is, it's not that she's overloaded with work and necessitates an assistant, but rather that having one will mean she can't keep excusing her lack of a social life to herself on the grounds that she's got work she needs to be doing instead.]
And most of the time, my life was my work, honestly. Work, sleep, occasionally I could find time for the gym. Being in front of people all day filled the social void pretty well.
[Spoilers: no, it didn't.]
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text; UN: deliziosa
What exactly are you being assisted with?
[It's not like she's heard about any press secretaries being used down in hell. She could probably get some sort of work in media with brimstone if she didn't have any guilt by association.]
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[Forcing her to have a social life. Calling Josh sometimes and scheduling him for time spent together without her expressly asking for it. Being a sort-of friend in their own right. That's all personal assistant criteria, right?]
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video; un: sir.reallybigdick
[Hey C.J.! Lloyd's looking not very sharp and dubiously hellish, what with his single lopsided horn, but he's wearing a big smile. Josh told him about his White House friend, and Lloyd would've waited for an in-person introduction, but this, he can't resist.]
Take Josh to the roof of a really tall building, and give him a little shove, right off the edge.
See if he learns to fly, on the way down.
[He says it with all the fondness in the world, but also with a deep understanding that discussing ways to hurt Josh can be good wholesome fun for the whole family.
Oh, and the username? He made this one special for a certain someone, and forgot to change it.]
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So, okay. Let's see where this goes.]
Then I guess I'm looking for a recommendation for a really tall building, aren't I?
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not here......... for now
Josh should have expected this, really.
He kind of invited it.
But still: WHY]
100% here for you, Josh
[Video: Un: ex_g_man]
[Off-camera, a husky baritenor voice that leans more toward the tenor replies.]
Lawrence, this had better be worth my time, and she'd better not have fur...
[At which point, a shorter man moves into view, adjusting the holster under his black jacket, then tilting his head at the vid feed as his colleague steps back.]
Well, she's certainly easier on the eyes than the last one you tried to set me up with.
["Oi think she can hear ye", the tall guy says, rummaging on another desk, while the shorter man, 'Milton', quickly straightens his summer-weight black jacket and buttons it.]
She just cut the feed, I don't think she heard any of that.
[He'll straighten his dark purple silk tie, then adjust the cuffs of his black leather gloves, darting a glare at the furry-eared fellow, aka Lawrence.]
I'm afraid I'd be of no use to you as a personal assistant: I'm a bit over-qualified for the position, though I wish you luck in your search for someone to fill the post.
On the other hand, I can comment on the ...extra curricular activities available in Little Hades.
[In the meantime Lawrence holds up a sign written in marker on a sheet of paper. "The boyo in black is Milton Dammers. He used to be in the FBI. And everybody's taller than he is."
((OOC: Hope this isn't too late: you folks inspired me to start watching the series, plus Milt could use some company from roughly familiar ground, ie. some version of D.C.))
UN: SatanicAngel