Gotta jot down stuff in my head, namely influences on Len's life and how it's sort of shaped him.

Specifically his father, Mick and Lisa.

I can see Len as being a somewhat quiet and kind child, inquisitive and intelligent, maybe asking too many questions. When dad comes back from prison a changed man I can see that sort of thing annoying him. He'd want to strengthen his son, toughen him and teach him things. Len would want to help his father so he can be happy, so he can stay home and they can be a family, simple things a little boy could want. So he does what his dad wants of him. Learns what he can and learns quickly not to cry. I can see his father being frustrated with anything considered "soft" potentially even making Len hurt or kill someone to desensitize him. We see his dad just off his own cronies without a thought. He'd probably teach len to stand up for himself, which contributes to some of his willfulness later on in life. He wouldn't want his son being pushed around, no son of his is going to be weak.

But at the same time he'd want his son to be obedient so Len was used to standing back and being quiet until he was needed. Which is probably some of why he does this even now. Unless he has his own two cents to add in, he generally hangs back and observes. When he was younger he probably didn't speak up much but as he got older I can see him being more rebellious to his dad which probably didn't end well. He learned to deal with it though. He could handle it by then and there was a thrill in challenging authority. As he got better he realized his dad wasn't so great at this thieving thing and would take his failures out on his kids. So len strove to be better.

I think there's a part of him that wanted to be better, to do this stuff for his dad so if they got enough money, enough of a score his father really wanted, maybe this could end. They could be happy. They could be a family. I think in a way this drove Len to be better, and eventually it drove him to be better than his father in general. Somewhere along the lines he gave up on the whole wanting to be a family, probably when he was well old enough to be out on his own and do his own thing and enjoy that freedom. When he realized he didn't need his old man anymore. When Lisa was fine enough on her own too. As they all grew and went their separate ways that hope had dimmed, but I feel like it's still sort of there somewhere.

When we see him try to fix things in LoT, to change his past with his father by stealing that emerald for him? I feel like that was that hope sort of popping up again. That maybe things could be different for them, better for he and Lisa. And that they could have a shot at a better and normal life. That they could have all the love and affection any child should have. Even when he kills his father, there's pain there, a mourning for it. He did what he had to, he hated the guy, but he was still his father. Still his family. And he'd seen what his dad was like before he'd changed due to desperation and how he hardened in jail. How his failures had destroyed the man he was. I think Len sort of pines for what his father could've been. Len sometimes pines for what things could've been off and on. When he's reminded, when he sees how happy others are or something comes up. For the most part he internalizes everything and pushes it down because he feels he can't do much to change it. The past is the past. He ignores his feelings because it's easier that way.

Len also had to learn to internalize pain, to ignore his own hurt and sadness. To keep moving forward, not only to appease his father but to be strong for Lisa. He'd keep it all in so she wouldn't see him upset, so she wouldn't worry about him. He'd stand up for her and protect her, I think Lisa played a lot in keeping what is redeemable about him alive all this time. Caring for her, loving her and protecting her was what made him human. What kept his father from destroying what makes him a good man.

Mick also had some influence in his willfulness and strength. I can imagine meeting mick, Len was a different kid. He probably looked up to the guy that saved his life and followed him around, he had protection, he wasn't alone and lets be real, his first time in jail he was probably scared because of how it changed his father. Did he show any of it? No. His stubbornness and attitude is probably what got him in trouble in the first place. He couldn't and wouldn't be seen as weak. He learned from Mick and grew stronger through him by watching him. He learned how to better stand up for himself and to handle himself while he had that support at his back. He developed more of his spine and confidence. He was never as good as Mick but mick was his rock. Mick gave him what he needed to be strong and to learn to be a leader and to eventually surpass his partner in his own way. They needed each other and Mick began to rely on and learn things from Len too as time went on. Their bond was important to both of them, two kids who didn't have anyone who really cared or looked out for them, who'd been alone entirely too long with no one. I think, in a way, he wanted to protect Mick too, to give him someone, a brother, a partner. So they both wouldn't be alone. Because they were similar he stuck to him and cared about him when no one else would, not just because he felt he owed him for his life. He wanted to be able to return the favor though, to be able to be there for him. To be his friend. Again, they would never say any of that stuff, it just was. They just needed to stick together and they could get through anything and do anything they wanted. They didn't need anyone else. They could have anything they wanted. I'm sure they talked about this sort of thing a lot, dreamed about getting the big score and living the life they always wanted.

Of course we know the boys butt heads a lot mostly because they are very similar while being very different. But somehow or another they always come back to each other. Mick means a lot to Len and I truly believe a lot of his actions in LoT hinged on the fact that he couldn't let Mick go. It's one thing to go away mad and eventually call him up later and things go back to normal. He couldn't just leave him in the future because he'd never see him again. He couldn't kill him and leaving him behind in that forrest had been one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. Other than perhaps leaving Lisa to go off on her own and live her life. He hated how the mission had drove he and Mick apart and the scene with him finding out he was chronos? It's no wonder we see so much emotion from Len over it. How despite everything he still saves him. And again, won't allow Mick to sacrifice himself for the team. Even despite opening up and telling Sara that he's interested in her, he gives everything up to save Mick as well as the team and set them all free. Because that's all either of them ever wanted, freedom to live the life they want as they choose. He took that from Mick when he stopped him from staying in that apocalyptic future that may not even come to pass if they change the timeline. He wanted to give Mick a chance, more of a chance, a better chance at something greater.

Barry is a pretty recent influence on his life but not one I want to completely pass over. Mick, Lisa and his father shaped his childhood and most of his adult life, but Barry Allen is what started a sort of chain reaction in him I think. Because the hero saw things in him that no one else but those who cared for him, have seen. Everyone just assumes things about him and he carries on playing to that, wanting to be a cold hearted bastard. Again probably attributing to Good being Weak in some fashion and Weak isn't something he can be, or ever got to be while growing up. Weak wasn't something he could be if he wanted to survive. But Barry could see the good man that he was, that part of him he kept hidden away, or that sort of hope for something better, that belief that he could make something better of himself. I think when Sara brings it up in LoT that's when his tone changes. When he realizes he has a chance to change things and not let his life and past control him. How he could be free to be the man he wants to be. Not just who he thinks he HAS to be. Barry started that train of thought, lit that spark in him to be better. Because he tells him he doesn't have to kill to prove he's good at what he does and that gets his cogs turning. Or when he helps him and his sister out, when he realizes people do care and want to help him, that he isn't alone. He goes right back to trying to deny it of course, but Barry is stubborn enough to keep getting through to him. The fact he manages to break through to him so easily is what catches Len's attention and why Barry can influence him like he does even if it seems subtle at first.

"I don't want anyone to understand me completely. I want to go through life unknown. The blindness of others is my safety and my freedom." Pascal Mercier, Night Train to Lisbon