vin. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
indispensible) wrote2014-05-12 11:11 pm
indispensible) wrote2014-05-12 11:11 pm
Entry tags:
- [ arya ],
- [ dean ],
- [ helena ],
- [ marsh ],
- [ stark ],
- destroying things is how you therapy,
- lost & alone,
- mistborn are mysterious,
- mistborn need not make sense,
- nathan wuornos has two left feet,
- no fucks given,
- p much zero fucks,
- president of the avoiding vin club,
- vinmower,
- what she would have been
nine. audio & spam. i've walked around broken.
spam } barge, day 1
[Vin wonders if Alpha is gone as a judgment on her. Maybe. She deserves to be judged. She knows this, because she feels as though a part of her heart has been carved out and left on the other side of the door.]
[Nathan is gone. She goes through her days avoiding the people she has harmed, her eyes glued to some imaginary horizon. There are no horizons here. No sun. Hardly any air to speak of.]
[Everything is dying. It reminds her of home. Except for the stars, which she stares at for too long on the deck, until they leave bright spots on her vision.]
public } voice, day 1
[She sounds contemplative, if a little flat. She isn't sure what she wants out of this; then again, she isn't sure what she wants out of anything, right now.
Wouldn't it be easier if we let the ship die?
It would be better. None of you would have to fight anymore. You can't possibly want to anymore.
private } marsh
Is it . . . very bad? Today?
[By it, she means everything. The weight of existence in this place, at this time.]
spam } port, remainder
[It's tempting to trail after people like Ned. But she doesn't. Breathing free air - free-ish, free enough - inspires her in a way she didn't think she could be inspired anymore, and she strikes off on her own into the settlement. Does not think she's pursued; doesn't listen too carefully. There's a large part of her that still doesn't care.]
[But she listens to the people around her talk of invasion, of medicines she doesn't understand, of technology she can't comprehend - and of weapons.]
[On the second day, she trades several hours of menial labor for a weapon, a small, short-bladed knife. Metal - not what she wanted, but the best she can get. And after she puts it in her back pocket, she walks around differently. With a touch of purpose, instantly noticeable, along with the unsteady and distant half-smile flitting across her lips.]
[Maybe she wants revenge, for the people she's hurt and for Nathan, too. Maybe she is simply pleased to finally be moving.]
( ooc; vin is affected for the desperate to deliver plot! )
[Vin wonders if Alpha is gone as a judgment on her. Maybe. She deserves to be judged. She knows this, because she feels as though a part of her heart has been carved out and left on the other side of the door.]
[Nathan is gone. She goes through her days avoiding the people she has harmed, her eyes glued to some imaginary horizon. There are no horizons here. No sun. Hardly any air to speak of.]
[Everything is dying. It reminds her of home. Except for the stars, which she stares at for too long on the deck, until they leave bright spots on her vision.]
public } voice, day 1
[She sounds contemplative, if a little flat. She isn't sure what she wants out of this; then again, she isn't sure what she wants out of anything, right now.
Wouldn't it be easier if we let the ship die?
It would be better. None of you would have to fight anymore. You can't possibly want to anymore.
private } marsh
Is it . . . very bad? Today?
[By it, she means everything. The weight of existence in this place, at this time.]
spam } port, remainder
[It's tempting to trail after people like Ned. But she doesn't. Breathing free air - free-ish, free enough - inspires her in a way she didn't think she could be inspired anymore, and she strikes off on her own into the settlement. Does not think she's pursued; doesn't listen too carefully. There's a large part of her that still doesn't care.]
[But she listens to the people around her talk of invasion, of medicines she doesn't understand, of technology she can't comprehend - and of weapons.]
[On the second day, she trades several hours of menial labor for a weapon, a small, short-bladed knife. Metal - not what she wanted, but the best she can get. And after she puts it in her back pocket, she walks around differently. With a touch of purpose, instantly noticeable, along with the unsteady and distant half-smile flitting across her lips.]
[Maybe she wants revenge, for the people she's hurt and for Nathan, too. Maybe she is simply pleased to finally be moving.]
( ooc; vin is affected for the desperate to deliver plot! )
[private]
No. Not today.
[It is not very bad, today. His warden is - very strange, and certainly callous. But not to him. They understand each other, almost. And Marsh is simply telling himself, very firmly, that Nathan is free, somewhere else, that this is as it should be, that this is what he fought for.
His voice is not gentle, but neither it is it cold.]
[private]
I think that must be good.
[If anything means anything. Her heart is still and silent and gives no indication either way. It doesn't lead her anymore.]
[private]
And...for you? Today.
[private] sorry this is so late aaaa
I don't know.
Cold. But there have been worse days. And this one is almost over.
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[This is, by dint of will, not bitter. But he truly does not understand.]
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private
Hey, you do not get to lay down like this. Don't you fucking dare do this to me right now, Vin.
private
[Truthfully, all she dares at the moment is exhaustion. But he can easily tell that from her tone of voice.]
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That's the deal.
[Typically unspoken, but it's still their deal and he'll be damned if she gets to back out of it now.]
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[She does hesitate, though.]
You don't swear oaths. Not you.
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But I don't think they will. People cling to life.
I would kill it if I could.
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It should be cast down.
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[Spam : Day One]
He prefers it this way even though it's more dangerous, in some ways. In more ways, though, he was in danger no matter what he did. He's human, and an inmate, and now he's displaced. But he's also armed. So now, he spends his time locating his people, and deciding whether or not they're still his people.
She's different than he remembers her, from before. She'd never been overtly cruel, of course, and maybe that's what this is, but he's been watching her and she's different. Which is why, eventually, he moves up beside her to stare at the stars and, after a long few seconds worth of silence, offers:]
Hello, sweetheart.
[Spam : Day One]
[And then.]
[Hello, he says. Sweetheart, he says. Just words. They are words that other people might have used once, but those people are gone now. She is all alone, and her heart is bitter as bile.]
[Tears tremble in the corners of her eyes. Where did those come from? She hasn't cried all this week. Not since she saw Nathan gone. And now some man speaks to her in gentle tones and she would weep.]
[Her tears don't fall, but they threaten. Her lips go tight, and she bows her head, as if in prayer. But Vin, who has no last name here, who has never had family, doesn't pray.]
[Spam : Day One]
All there is, he'd once told his brother, fiercely, firmly, so he would stop his foolish hoping for some higher, benevolent power, is chaos and violence. It comes out of nowhere, and rips you to shreds. That is true, of course, and even moreso now than ever, but the irony is that Dean still has faith. He has unshakable, unbreakable faith, but nothing good to say to God.
She bows her head and he looks at her, but he already knows what he's going to do. This is not the Vin he knows, and he might pay for his stupidity before he even registers it as happening, but he already knows. She doesn't cry, but he eases closer and reaches to circle her shoulders with one arm, to offer what reassurance he can.
It's breakable and thin, but it's his. It's what he has, and he'll give it to her if she'll take it.]
[Spam : Day One]
[This is more than she can bear, she thinks. This is unfair. But then when has anything been fair? She is unfair, given the gift of power, the life of a bastard skaa, and the inability to keep people at her side for long. She is cruel and vindictive and childish and vile, she is the reason the Lord Ruler sought to keep them down and broken, she is a disappointment to Kelsier, the only father she ever knew.]
[But it's true, too, that this is more than she can bear. And her tears are falling, and she is crying silently, because she's afraid to cry any louder, and she always has been.]
[In the dark alleys of the city, cry loud and die. Her brother beat her for crying loud. And then other people beat her, later, when her brother went away.]
[She wonders faintly if Dean will beat her, but she's too breathless from hiding her tears to ask. So she beats him instead, hard enough to bruise, and wonders when this will stop hurting.]
[Spam : Day One]
So she hits him, and she cries into his neck, into his torn and dirty jacket, and later he'll bruise, but he's had worse. He's had much, much worse, and he won't begrudge her what comfort she can find in the safe circle of his arms or what anger she takes out on whatever she can reach. He doesn't blame her.
He won't beat her. He does his best to hang on, and in between the blows, he tells her the only true thing that he can.]
I gotcha.
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spam }
On the deck, she stays in the shadows, sliding down from Nymeria's back. She approaches from the side, looking around for anyone who might be watching.]
Vin.
[That is all. She doesn't say it as a question, she doesn't yell it. Come back. This is all a show, and when it's over, it will be just them.]
spam }
[She looks at Arya and she is so tired. She remembers what they did together, hurting Beatrix and other people, too, simply because they could and because doing nothing made them feel small.]
What do you want?
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Another look around to make sure they're alone, and she reaches out to take Vin's hand. She has never needed someone to hold her hand, at least not in a long time - but she thinks maybe Vin could use it.]
Nothing.
spam }
[She is suddenly afraid as well as tired, that she's being tricked, that soon she'll be hurt. But she doesn't pull away. It feels too safe to leave behind.]
Nothing?
spam }
Nothing.
[She repeats the quiet word, tipping her head up to look at the older woman. It bares her throat, though not in any way that could be construed as submissive. This isn't the wicked little girl who delighted in watching Vin work. She pauses before she goes on.]
That's not true. I want to know what's wrong.
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