[ hewwo. next time ayabe peers into the drawing room, he'll see brilith sitting inside, covered in different colored strands of yarn. she's got knitting needles in her hands, but they're still as she frowns at one of the guidebooks. ]
[ He takes the book to look it over, but knitting a scarf shouldn't be that difficult since it's the same thing over and over and over and over again. ]
If you're not used to knitting yet, it would be easier to make a scarf with solid stripes. Once you have the first row, it's repetition after that. Here- throw that away and start over. I'll spot you and help you count.
It won't be wasted. We can take it apart later to reuse the yarn.
[ If they can get that mess untangled... otherwise, it might end up being a dog toy for Missile. Either way! Won't be wasted. ]
I know how to knit, but I don't know if I can say I'm good at it. [ He's good at it. ] I'm more used to sewing— patching things up- than creating anything new.
Really? I wouldn't have expected it from you. But... Thank you for your help, Ayabe.
[ there is probably no untangling the yarn, but she'll try to help gather the old strands of yarn to set them aside, but the proximity means a memory plays out between them before she finishes. and brilith... she's so tired of it already. so her only response is simply to sigh, and peer at ayabe to see how he handles it. ]
I'm sorry... Just... ignore it, if it bothers you.
[ How is he handling it? Badly. Collapsed onto his side on the couch while clutching his left arm, face scrunched up with the pain that isn't there anymore but it was, burning so hot that half his body felt numb while the other was on fire.
He comes out of it with a gasp, barely able to make sense of Brilith's words. Which he would have dismissed anyways, because how does she expect him to just pretend none of this happened? ]
[ He knows it's a memory- he can separate himself that much. But even without the physical injury, it's still there in his mind, memory of the pain and the knowledge that it's Brilith's. ]
It should've still affected you— Brilith, you could have died...
[ It doesn't matter right now but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter- it does and everybody here, all the memories that weren't his own that had passed through his mind and his soul, they make up a person and so they matter so so much. ]
Why... why does nobody here care...? They get hurt, they almost die, but they shrug it off like it's nothing. Like I'm not allowed to care.
[ she's about to protest, to insist that it's fine now, so there's nothing to worry about - but something about what ayabe says next stops her in her tracks. brilith stares at him in stunned silence, before hesitantly replying. ]
If they're anything like me, it's because they don't want anyone else to worry. To be honest with you, Ayabe...
[ and boy, she hopes she doesn't regret this... ]
...I almost did die. But it was years ago, and I'm still here. There's no need to worry about something so far past, is there?
[ If they're anything like her, they're all stupid. How are people not going to worry? It's clear on his face even though he scowls and ducks his head and clearly disagrees. ]
...Years later, when you get out of this place, [ and she will, he says it without a doubt ] when you tell somebody about everything that happened here, will you be able to say it doesn't matter anymore? Everything that you went through here, everything that you experienced. Just because you're fine, does it not matter anymore?
Maybe, but it's how I see it. Painful memories are painful... Maybe you're already made peace with that one, and that's good. But I haven't. So I can't so easily ignore it or forget it.
[ The circumstances are different, but it's all just the same. A painful and frightening experience that touches a person and changes them. ]
I'm sorry, Ayabe. You shouldn't have had to... to experience that.
[ should she have just locked herself away when this first started? this week would have been so much easier without all of this, without having to explain things or have her. worst memories dredged up for near-strangers to see and hear and feel. it isn't right. no one here should have to live her life, not even a small portion of it. ]
...You're right. It took me a long time to come to terms with what happened that night. I can't fault you for being upset.
[ Nobody should have to experience that, he wants to say, but he also doesn't know Brilith's life and what she's done, if anything, to make somebody want to kill her. ]
I'm upset for you more than for myself, but that's nobody's fault. We can forget about this...
[ HE IS NEVER GOING TO FORGET ABOUT IT. BUT. He can stand not talking about it, since it doesn't seem like Brilith is keen— who would be? a private memory like that.
So he gestures to the knitting project for her to keep going. ]
Huh? Well, yeah... Time has little to do with it, and neither does familiarity. When somebody is suffering, no matter how long ago, no matter if you're strangers... Even if it's fake, a fictional character from a book or a movie. You feel hurt too. That's empathy.
You're welcome. In any case, it's private, and I don't know your circumstances, so it's not like I have anything to say to anybody else.
[ Just the condolences to Brilith, but that's pretty much it. Ayabe has little to no interest in digging into other people's lives, meanwhile there's me going ): at lore ]
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week 3, wednesday
This is a lot harder than it looks...
Re: week 3, wednesday
[ He comes over, though, to see if she needs help detangling anything. What is she working on? ]
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[ oh no, now she's embarrassed... ]
I saw that some of the projects in the book used a few different colors, so I wanted to try it. But I'm afraid I'm not that good at it.
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[ He sits on the couch across from her and holds his hand out for the book. ]
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[ it definitely does not look like a scarf, but sure. she'll hand the book over without protest. ]
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If you're not used to knitting yet, it would be easier to make a scarf with solid stripes. Once you have the first row, it's repetition after that. Here- throw that away and start over. I'll spot you and help you count.
[ We're trashing that one, sorry ]
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[ welp, there it goes. she looks a little disheartened at that, but she's trying not to let it show too much. she was making progress! sort of! ]
You're good with knitting, then, Ayabe?
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[ If they can get that mess untangled... otherwise, it might end up being a dog toy for Missile. Either way! Won't be wasted. ]
I know how to knit, but I don't know if I can say I'm good at it. [ He's good at it. ] I'm more used to sewing— patching things up- than creating anything new.
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[ there is probably no untangling the yarn, but she'll try to help gather the old strands of yarn to set them aside, but the proximity means a memory plays out between them before she finishes. and brilith... she's so tired of it already. so her only response is simply to sigh, and peer at ayabe to see how he handles it. ]
I'm sorry... Just... ignore it, if it bothers you.
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He comes out of it with a gasp, barely able to make sense of Brilith's words. Which he would have dismissed anyways, because how does she expect him to just pretend none of this happened? ]
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A-Ayabe. It's just - it isn't real. You're alright.
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[ He knows it's a memory- he can separate himself that much. But even without the physical injury, it's still there in his mind, memory of the pain and the knowledge that it's Brilith's. ]
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[ It doesn't matter right now but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter- it does and everybody here, all the memories that weren't his own that had passed through his mind and his soul, they make up a person and so they matter so so much. ]
Why... why does nobody here care...? They get hurt, they almost die, but they shrug it off like it's nothing. Like I'm not allowed to care.
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If they're anything like me, it's because they don't want anyone else to worry. To be honest with you, Ayabe...
[ and boy, she hopes she doesn't regret this... ]
...I almost did die. But it was years ago, and I'm still here. There's no need to worry about something so far past, is there?
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...Years later, when you get out of this place, [ and she will, he says it without a doubt ] when you tell somebody about everything that happened here, will you be able to say it doesn't matter anymore? Everything that you went through here, everything that you experienced. Just because you're fine, does it not matter anymore?
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That - That isn't what I meant.
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[ The circumstances are different, but it's all just the same. A painful and frightening experience that touches a person and changes them. ]
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I'm sorry, Ayabe. You shouldn't have had to... to experience that.
[ should she have just locked herself away when this first started? this week would have been so much easier without all of this, without having to explain things or have her. worst memories dredged up for near-strangers to see and hear and feel. it isn't right. no one here should have to live her life, not even a small portion of it. ]
...You're right. It took me a long time to come to terms with what happened that night. I can't fault you for being upset.
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I'm upset for you more than for myself, but that's nobody's fault. We can forget about this...
[ HE IS NEVER GOING TO FORGET ABOUT IT. BUT. He can stand not talking about it, since it doesn't seem like Brilith is keen— who would be? a private memory like that.
So he gestures to the knitting project for her to keep going. ]
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Why?
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[ What part is he explaining, that he doesn't feel like needs explanations ]
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[ It's human empathy Brilith ]
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...Even when it was so long ago, though?
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[ she looks away. ]
I guess I'm just not used to people knowing about things like that. But... thank you. For the concern.
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[ Just the condolences to Brilith, but that's pretty much it. Ayabe has little to no interest in digging into other people's lives, meanwhile there's me going ): at lore ]
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I appreciate that, Ayabe. I wouldn't want to worry anyone, especially over something from so long ago.
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[ Brilith's fine? Yeah. She has everything under control. ]