leilo

Even though I orphaned my last fic, I have been monitoring feedback, and likely will continue to do so for a few more days, simply because it helps me gauge reader reaction. So far, the fic has received two comments, both of which came from readers who apparently enjoyed it, and this has led me to a realization: my opinion on my own work is not an accurate reflection of its general quality. I have always held myself and my work to a higher standard than I demand of others, and I think part of that has to do with my own ego. While I know I'll never create a Masterpiece, I can't accept creating anything that falls short of that -- if you guessed that this mindset means I'm dissatisfied with a lot of my output, you'd be correct. But readers, myself included, are not looking for masterpieces; we just want coherent, enjoyable stories to read, and I can deliver that, at least.

So no, I don't regret orphaning this particular fic, but I am encouraged by the reaction to it. I don't have to always bring my A-game, so to speak, to make something other people can enjoy. Knowing this, perhaps I have been putting way too much pressure on myself, especially in regard to original fic. Maybe it's time to dust those little story ideas off and give them a fair chance.

Candy Hearts reveals tomorrow, and I fought for that story so hard! It was like pulling teeth. I started over twice, and have been editing up until now. And I'm still not happy with it. It really needed about 10k more words to develop the themes I introduced and to make the progression of the relationship more realistic, but with time and energy constraints, I did what I could. I ended up with a little over 4k words, and you can bet I'm going to be counting the 3.5k words of the other attempts, as well!

I'll give it one more editing pass tomorrow after work, but at this point, it is what it is.

I know my brain doesn't work the same as it did a few years ago, but this was ridiculous.

Hopefully, it at least makes narrative sense, even if it isn't satisfying. I know I can do better, and that's what's really killing me right now! (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻