The world from the smallest of windows.
Feb. 3rd, 2007 01:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
longwing"So I'll stay up all night, with these bloodshot eyes, while these walls surround me, with the story of our life."
It's midnight, and I just finished building a table. On that table, I've set my tiny Fujitsu ultraportable. My landlord runs a hybrid 802.11B/G network. I'm busy and it's not secure, but it's nice to touch the net for a bit before moving more furniture.
The apartment is slowly taking shape. I've set up most of my shelving, which is looking shockingly nice. I've also established a table, and my computer desk. My desktop is running, but I can't get open DD-WRT to actually connect to the wireless, so I'm stuck with the laptop. It creates a lovely symbolism though, leaning back at the corner of a new-built table, literally surrounded by boxes as I tap away at my impossibly small computer. Displacement is a seductive theme.
I don't really feel all that displaced though. A little isolated perhaps. I work rather well with tiny spaces. What's the opposite of a Claustrophobic? Not Agoraphobic, that's just fear of something else. Claustrophilic? Is that even a word? This space is looking really nice, and I've hardly started to work on it. It will be a lot better than my old apartment. Smaller, but more welcoming.It's brimming with useful space, which my old place was a little short on. I'm loathe to use trite words like "Cozy", but the shoe fits.
My brainspace is a little muddy right now. I've been listening to a lot of Three Days Grace while unpacking. Good angry music, the kind which keeps you motivated. They're like a Linkin Park which you don't have to feel guilty for liking. There's an edge to the album I've got (One X), which is eerily apt to my current situation. There's a lot of introspection and change in the lyrics. An edge of bitterness, a little hope, and a lot of direction. It's an odd mix, and it mirrors me nicely.
There's no avoiding that the strongest theme of the album is a breakup from a difficult relationship. I find that a lot of my emotions about this move are inexorably twisted up with my situation with Lorne. I feel like I should feel more about that. The relationship was six years long. I should be more broken up, or pissed off. I should be calling Lorne names, at least when I'm alone. I should be calling people at three A.M. and ranting about how it wasn't my fault.
I think I'd need to be drunk to do that.
The fact that I don't consume Alcohol denies me a lot by way of traditional breakup rituals. I've no drinking buddies, and little desire to get completely blitzed. I feel like I should get thoroughly drunk, just once, so that I know what the heck it's like.
I'm always hopped up on caffeine because I prize alertness and speed of thought. You should see what happens inside my head when I pause to find the right words, fun stuff. That's a large part of why alcohol has held so little attraction to me, I don't particularly see the fun in slowing down.
I've given a little thought to Absinthe as a result. Interesting stuff that. No, it doesn't make you hallucinate, and it doesn't cause brain damage. The minuscule amounts of Wormwood cause a "Clearheaded drunkenness" which aficionados of the drink prefer to normal drunkenness. I find a drunkenness preference to be endlessly amusing. Of course, it helps that there's a huge gothic rumor-mill around the stuff. There's a mystique to it which I find rather interesting. If I'm ever going to get drunk, it should be on something I have to import. Something incredibly obscure and weird.
Who knows. Not today though. Too poor, to busy, and too much unpacking left to do. You'll just have to put up with my completely sober ramblings.
I need to figure out bus routs before Monday. I need to find the nearest supermarket, and figure out how I'm carting food back here without the constant support of my family (They're no longer 10 minutes away, so I can't abuse access to their cars and kindness). Oh, and real Internet. Real Internet would be lovely. I don't even need FiOS right now, I'm too busy to push that kind of bandwidth anyways. Just something secure. Something I can rely on. Something as dull and constant as me.
That's another rant. Time to move more furniture.
It's midnight, and I just finished building a table. On that table, I've set my tiny Fujitsu ultraportable. My landlord runs a hybrid 802.11B/G network. I'm busy and it's not secure, but it's nice to touch the net for a bit before moving more furniture.
The apartment is slowly taking shape. I've set up most of my shelving, which is looking shockingly nice. I've also established a table, and my computer desk. My desktop is running, but I can't get open DD-WRT to actually connect to the wireless, so I'm stuck with the laptop. It creates a lovely symbolism though, leaning back at the corner of a new-built table, literally surrounded by boxes as I tap away at my impossibly small computer. Displacement is a seductive theme.
I don't really feel all that displaced though. A little isolated perhaps. I work rather well with tiny spaces. What's the opposite of a Claustrophobic? Not Agoraphobic, that's just fear of something else. Claustrophilic? Is that even a word? This space is looking really nice, and I've hardly started to work on it. It will be a lot better than my old apartment. Smaller, but more welcoming.It's brimming with useful space, which my old place was a little short on. I'm loathe to use trite words like "Cozy", but the shoe fits.
My brainspace is a little muddy right now. I've been listening to a lot of Three Days Grace while unpacking. Good angry music, the kind which keeps you motivated. They're like a Linkin Park which you don't have to feel guilty for liking. There's an edge to the album I've got (One X), which is eerily apt to my current situation. There's a lot of introspection and change in the lyrics. An edge of bitterness, a little hope, and a lot of direction. It's an odd mix, and it mirrors me nicely.
There's no avoiding that the strongest theme of the album is a breakup from a difficult relationship. I find that a lot of my emotions about this move are inexorably twisted up with my situation with Lorne. I feel like I should feel more about that. The relationship was six years long. I should be more broken up, or pissed off. I should be calling Lorne names, at least when I'm alone. I should be calling people at three A.M. and ranting about how it wasn't my fault.
I think I'd need to be drunk to do that.
The fact that I don't consume Alcohol denies me a lot by way of traditional breakup rituals. I've no drinking buddies, and little desire to get completely blitzed. I feel like I should get thoroughly drunk, just once, so that I know what the heck it's like.
I'm always hopped up on caffeine because I prize alertness and speed of thought. You should see what happens inside my head when I pause to find the right words, fun stuff. That's a large part of why alcohol has held so little attraction to me, I don't particularly see the fun in slowing down.
I've given a little thought to Absinthe as a result. Interesting stuff that. No, it doesn't make you hallucinate, and it doesn't cause brain damage. The minuscule amounts of Wormwood cause a "Clearheaded drunkenness" which aficionados of the drink prefer to normal drunkenness. I find a drunkenness preference to be endlessly amusing. Of course, it helps that there's a huge gothic rumor-mill around the stuff. There's a mystique to it which I find rather interesting. If I'm ever going to get drunk, it should be on something I have to import. Something incredibly obscure and weird.
Who knows. Not today though. Too poor, to busy, and too much unpacking left to do. You'll just have to put up with my completely sober ramblings.
I need to figure out bus routs before Monday. I need to find the nearest supermarket, and figure out how I'm carting food back here without the constant support of my family (They're no longer 10 minutes away, so I can't abuse access to their cars and kindness). Oh, and real Internet. Real Internet would be lovely. I don't even need FiOS right now, I'm too busy to push that kind of bandwidth anyways. Just something secure. Something I can rely on. Something as dull and constant as me.
That's another rant. Time to move more furniture.
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no subject
Date: 2007-02-03 03:12 pm (UTC)I'm looking forward to seeing your place when I get home.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-03 07:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-03 09:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-05 09:39 pm (UTC)So neagh. :-P
Ikea can be many things. Wasteful is one of those things. But they do small spaces well. Cultural thing? Corporate branding? Whatever. If you've 10x20 room and a couple of shelves, they've got more than a few ideas on where to put stuff.
All I had to buy from them was another wall shelf and a $35 futon frame. Raw pine is my friend. Screw their designers.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-05 10:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-06 05:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-03 04:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-03 07:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-03 06:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-03 07:31 pm (UTC)When I go on a research tangent, I go on a research tangent.
I'll definitely be inviting folks over for an apartment warming, but that will be after everything is settled. Probably sometime in March. I saw Steve at IKEA yesterday, while picking up supplies. We both only had a moment so we said hi before running in opposite directions. I was so busy with the move that I forgot to e-mail him about the move. Ah well.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-04 06:14 am (UTC)Yay apartment warming! Maybe it'll actually be at a time when I can come. I'm still in NYC, probably through the summer (assuming I get accepted to the M.Ed. program), but I still come home every month or so to see Steve and my friends and family. Steve did volunteer to help if you need it, since he is actually in the area. Good luck with the apartment decorating :)