longwing

I said goodbye to Marian on Saturday. The experience was a little surreal. I've only been to a handful of memorials and funerals in my time, but I've noticed a pattern to them, or to how I react to them. It seems I have little concept of mortality. I have always been surprised by death. I never expect it, even amongst the very ill. When the moment finally arrives, I find myself detached and curiously untouched by it.

Is this how I will react when someone truly dear to me dies? A sense of academic curiosity as I note that I never expected the death? Marian hid her illness quite well, disguising her decline as the rigors of chemotherapy. Her family knew, but the rest of us honestly thought she was getting better.

It's odd. The whole situation is odd. Death is odd. We tend, for our entire lives, towards a greater degree of complexity. We are anti-entopic. This is why Chaos is considered evil. Chaos is fundamental to entropy, and we are fundamentally opposed to entropy. But in the end Chaos always wins.

Welcome to the universe.