microbie

I've been on the Internet for an hour or so, now, procrastinating this entry. I don't like to write entries when I'm depressed, in part because it seems I'm frequently depressed these days. Some people are more susceptible to depression in the winter, when there's not as much sunlight. Me, I seem to get depressed in the summers. My entries from last July are about as cheerless as I feel now.
Fought with Michael most of the weekend, despite all my efforts to be in a good mood and enjoy my time with him. Somehow, this, too, is my fault. I seem to do the bulk of the emotional work in my romantic relationships; I set myself up for it, it seems. In other words, it's my fault. I play the victim, and then I get angry at being taken for granted.
Needless to say, I got nothing accomplished today. I stared at the fabric for Ponoma's baby's play mat a dozen times today, wishing I could get up the energy to sew it. I don't want to sew something for a baby when I'm depressed, though. That just seems wrong somehow.
Putting on some music did help. I think I love They Might Be Giants because they've gotten me out of so many depressions, really ever since I was in high school. I should just go out and buy their new CD and not even think about the cost. It would be a productive act, something I really need.
I think it would be best to just stay single. Really, if asking for support is being demanding, I shouldn't be twisting myself in knots to please anyone.