(no subject)
Nov. 21st, 2002 09:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
microbieMy therapist called last Friday while I was in New York. She wanted to ask me if I want to resume our sessions when she comes back after the new year. My hope was that this break would show that I could do without therapy; at $100 a week, I could really use the money for paying off debts. But I'm feeling much more ambivalent now. I'm sure I would do okay without therapy; I don't feel I'm in danger of suffering from major depression, but I also miss it. It was a good mental check, a chance to slow down and think about myself honestly. As ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
1001nuits pointed out, I don't write much about my inner thoughts here as often as I should. It's hard, and I think therapy was good in that it forced me to do it. I have another six weeks or so before my therapist comes back to work, so I don't have to decide right now.
There's a guy at work who I've been flirting with all week. On Monday he sent me an email saying that he noticed that I live in his neighborhood and did I want a local friend. Sure, I wrote back, and we've been instant messaging at work ever since. He has also spent time at my apartment, which is so weird, because no one ever spends time here. He's admitted that he finds me attractive, but I'm still forming an opinion of him. He works for the same publication I do, but we've never worked together on anything. I had spoken to him only once before, and it was during a really stressful day so I didn't pay any attention to him. I was surprised that he said he noticed me the first time he saw me. I draw some comfort in thinking that no one notices me, ever, so this was a bit disturbing. Anyway, I certainly like him as a friend, but I wish I knew whether I would be interested in a romantic relationship.
To complicate things, Michael and I are still talking. We are not dating, but I still have a soft spot for him (which many of my friends are urging me to harden). He was a difficult person to get along with and often selfish, but we usually have a good time together and I still find him very attractive physically. It wouldn't take much for us to start dating again.
Somebody please come along and make up my mind for me!
1001nuits pointed out, I don't write much about my inner thoughts here as often as I should. It's hard, and I think therapy was good in that it forced me to do it. I have another six weeks or so before my therapist comes back to work, so I don't have to decide right now. There's a guy at work who I've been flirting with all week. On Monday he sent me an email saying that he noticed that I live in his neighborhood and did I want a local friend. Sure, I wrote back, and we've been instant messaging at work ever since. He has also spent time at my apartment, which is so weird, because no one ever spends time here. He's admitted that he finds me attractive, but I'm still forming an opinion of him. He works for the same publication I do, but we've never worked together on anything. I had spoken to him only once before, and it was during a really stressful day so I didn't pay any attention to him. I was surprised that he said he noticed me the first time he saw me. I draw some comfort in thinking that no one notices me, ever, so this was a bit disturbing. Anyway, I certainly like him as a friend, but I wish I knew whether I would be interested in a romantic relationship.
To complicate things, Michael and I are still talking. We are not dating, but I still have a soft spot for him (which many of my friends are urging me to harden). He was a difficult person to get along with and often selfish, but we usually have a good time together and I still find him very attractive physically. It wouldn't take much for us to start dating again.
Somebody please come along and make up my mind for me!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-11-21 11:51 pm (UTC)You know, you can browse the web and browse the men. We are all adults and we know that someone can be very attractive sexually even if it would be difficult to imagine a whole life with this somebody. In that case, keeping on searching for the perfect guy is something quite natural. So, feel free to do what you feel you want to do. The rest does not really matter.
no subject
Date: 2002-11-22 06:34 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-11-22 06:59 am (UTC)Kisses,
1001
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Date: 2002-11-22 12:28 am (UTC)Are you sure that stopping to think about yourself is a good thing? Maybe you don't need it weekly anyway. How about cutting it to once every three weeks or something?
no subject
Date: 2002-11-22 06:39 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-11-22 02:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-11-23 10:40 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-11-23 04:15 pm (UTC)I wonder about a person who says it doesn't work unless it's weekly and then abandons you for 2 whole months!
no subject
Date: 2002-11-23 04:23 pm (UTC)I hadn't thought about the contradiction with her absence. She left it up to me whether I wanted to see her backup while she's been away, but I suppose if she really thought I had a problem she might have pushed more strongly.
Re:
Date: 2002-11-23 05:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-11-22 05:50 am (UTC)i think that maybe the therapist is a good idea if only say once a month or so. i think that weekly is really intense, perhaps necessary at the beginning, but once your therapist knows you and you've come to know you a little more, weekly may be superfluous.
isn't it sort of unnerving to realize that people remember you, or the first time that they saw you, or little nuances that maybe you yourself have forgotten or thought unnoticable... creepy sometimes, i agree, especially when you don't really know the person or remember them...
this is merely my observation of the things that i remember that you wrote in your lj concerning situations with michael and that means that i really have no base for comparison and only have an extremely limited view and since i read your journal i've probably only heard the worst of scenarios exaggerated by emotions, etc... but i think that maybe it wasn't a healthy relationship... maybe... and that you seemed to use his actions/reactions/perceived opinions as extra ammunition with which to beat yourself up... and that certainly isn't good... that's all i have to say about that. now, carry on. ^_^
no subject
Date: 2002-11-22 05:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-11-22 06:42 am (UTC)You are uncannily perspective about my relationship with Michael- my friends who have heard more about him would say you are right on. Beth also wrote: "Try to let your feelings toward Samson [the dog] affect your feelings about Michael!"
oof. Second grade crush indeed. It kinda feels that way.
no subject
Date: 2002-11-22 07:14 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2002-11-23 10:37 am (UTC)tee hee.